In the Forests of the Night
by Murinae
Summary: Nearly a thousand years ago, Fujiwara no Sai died for the love of a game. But pasts don't always stay in the past, and even ghosts can be haunted too ... as Hikaru is about to find out.
1. Hikaru, Hikaru, Shining Bright

Disclaimers: (sing it with me now) _I can't stand to lie ... I'm not that naive ... I don't own the rights ... to anything you might see... I'm not more than a bard, not more than a pain, not more than a fanfic writer without a brain, and nothing you read here ... be-loongs to me._

-to the tune of "Superman" by Five for Fighting  
  
Warnings: Hikaru sometimes has a dirty mouth. He should be ashamed of himself. Also, this is a pathetic attempt to write a HNG story with a supernatural twist, so you'll probably hurt yourself laughing as I try to be scary. Really. HNG may have a ghost in it, but I've discovered the hard way that it was never meant to be written as a _ghost_ story, much less one with an Asian slant. Therefore, expect a _little_ OOCing and plenty of OOSing (Out of Setting). However, unlike most horror fests a la "The Ring," there is no gore within this piece.  
  
Continuity: Takes place between volumes 12 and 13 of the Tankubon or Episodes 50 and 51 of the anime. Hikaru has just finished taking his Pro Finals, but he has not gotten his pro certificate yet nor has he been scheduled to play Touya Akira. He and Sai, however, have played their first game against Touya Koyo.  
  
A big THANK YOU to those who reviewed my first HNG story. **Eowyn, Amadis, Lauren-sama, Prismatic, Akaiblush, Summercloud, yume, Xelan, always together**, and **Ju**, I dedicate this monster to you. Err ... sorry about that.  
  
And to Jennifer, who hasn't gotten around to reading this story yet, but who will bop me on the head for posting it before she's had a chance to attack it with the red editing pen. (In my defense, you've had it for a month, and I was scared someone would use the same idea! WAAH! Don't "little Bunny Foo-foo" me!)

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**In the Forests of the Night  
a Hikaru No Go Ghost story**

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Part 1: Hikaru, Hikaru, shining bright ...  
  
"Don't be such a wimp! You're already a ghost. How could _you_ be scared by _The Sixth Sense?_ It's not even really creepy, for a movie."  
  
Hikaru rolled his eyes as he walked along the street, heading for the train station. "Wait til' you see _The Ring._ Now THAT'S a scary movie!"  
  
"Waaaah! Please don't, Hikaru. I don't _like_ ghost stories." Sai folded his arms together, managing to look rather dejected in the process. " Besides, you could've played more games against Waya-kun instead. Or you could have let _me_ play."  
  
"How many times do I have to tell you? You can't play until I figure out how to disguise your identity better. And you 'specially can't play Waya. He's played you on the 'net remember? I don't want him to think I'm you." Hikaru said.  
  
"Again," he added.  
  
"I never get to play anymore," Sai said. "It's not fair..."  
  
"Oh, quit whining already. I said I would play you when we get home."  
  
"But Hikaruuuuu ...."  
  
Hikaru tried to ignore the wide eyed look of sorrow that the ghost was giving him. Despite Sai's opinion on the matter, it had been a good day. Waya had originally invited Hikaru over to his house to play a few games. Since it was also the third of February, and thus Setsubon, Waya's father had rented _The Sixth Sense_. Hikaru ended up staying for dinner and watching the movie, though he found it to be a little boring. Especially given that he practically lived in his own, rather twisted version of the movie, complete with a persistent ghost.  
  
His persistent ghost, however, had not enjoyed the movie at all. The Go genius had ducked behind the couch from the first moment the spirits started appearing and had refused come out until the credits scrolled down the screen. After that, Sai had spent the time pestering him non-stop about playing.  
  
_I really do have to think of something soon. It can't go on like this._ he thought wryly. The recent memory of that disastrous game against Touya Koyo still lingered, fresh and raw, in his mind ...  
  
Hikaru winced. He had yelled that he didn't want to carry Sai's shadow anymore, and that the ghost should go find another host. Sai had replied that he wasn't sure if he could -- and that he had been worrying about the time he had left in the mortal realm. "Hikaru, I think I may be ... fading," he had said.  
  
_As if. I know he's just trying to guilt me into letting him play more. He's going to be with me til' I die. Then he'll just replace me. Maybe he'll get someone like Torajiro again.  
  
_As usual, the very thought of Sai's former host made Hikaru ball his fists. _Ugh. I've gotta stop thinking like this. It's not helping either of us._  
_  
__Sometimes, I wonder who decided that we'd be stuck together. We just seem to fight all the time now. I can't be any good to him when I don't let him play. And I can't go forward if he plays. Not to mention he sometimes can get a little annoying when I want to do something he doesn't enjoy ... like today, with the movie._  
  
"Ooooh, I see dead people ..." Hikaru hissed dramatically, wiggling his fingers at his frazzled friend.  
  
"Waaah! That's not funny!"  
  
"Well, I see you, don't I? I still can't believe you're scared of ghosts. If I were you, I'd be more scared of the Ghostbusters."  
  
Hikaru didn't bother to hide his widening grin at Sai's horrified expression. For three nights after _that_ movie, the ghost had refused to let Hikaru turn the lights off to sleep.  
  
"Hikaru ... I'm scared because I AM a ghost. If I can exist, then anything is possible," Sai kept looking backwards every few steps and casting a wary eye on the shadows around them. "I just don't think it's a good idea to watch ghost stories, especially on Setsubon. We're supposed to be driving the demons _out_ today."  
  
"Well,_ you _didn't move when the Wayas did the bean throw after the movie. You just let the soybeans pass right through you."  
  
"The bean throw didn't work on me cause I'm NOT a demon!" Sai said indignantly.  
  
Hikaru snickered. "Well, I never understood how throwing beans is supposed to scare the demons anyway. They must be wimps if a few little soy nuts sends 'em packing."  
  
"Demons and ghosts aren't something to joke about. I think the _real_ ones are even _more_ frightening than the ones you see in the electric box."  
  
"Real ones?" Hikaru snorted. The quintessential jaded Tokyo youth, he merely crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. All things considered, even when Sai had first appeared, he had adjusted fairly quickly. He certainly was not going to start fearing every dark street in Tokyo just because of his one encounter, especially since that encounter had produced one spectacularly_ un_terrifying spirit. "It figures. The only ghost I know is scared of other ghosts. Sheesh. Look, you can't even hold a Go stone. I'm sure there are others out there, but they're probably as helpless as you are."  
  
"I'm not helpless, Hikaru!" Sai pouted. "I just think that you should take the supernatural world more seriously ..."  
  
"Yeah, right. The next ghost I meet might want to teach me strip poker or something. To reach the full house of God or whatever." Hikaru stretched an arm over his head, sighing as the muscles loosened. Go may have been a less strenuous than a sport such as tennis or basketball, but it still taxed the arm muscles at times. He ignored the indignant huff from his disembodied mentor. "Boy, I wish Waya lived closer to the station. We've been walking forever."  
  
He glanced around, peering intently at the different streets. Night had fallen a little over two hours ago, but the street lamps provided enough light to see fairly clearly into the distance. Not that there was much to see. Waya lived in a rather quiet, residential area of Tokyo, where both pedestrian and vehicular traffic was relatively light. Only an occasional car whirred past. Taxis were practically nonexistent. Hikaru shivered in his jacket, feeling slightly chilled from the cold winter wind. Suddenly, he wished he had taken Waya's father's offer to drive him to the station.  
  
Sai, it seemed, was wishing the same thing. "Ne, Hikaru, can't you walk faster? You said you were going to play me when you got home, and you're never going to get home if you just dawdle like that. You got to play three games today. I want to play. Move faster!"  
  
"That's easy for you to say. I'm getting cold AND tired!"  
  
"Then you should have taken Waya-san's offer to drive you home," A frown crossed the ghost's face as he suspiciously surveyed their surroundings. "Hikaru, I don't remember coming this way. We're not lost, are we? Maybe you should ask someone for directions."  
  
"I'm NOT lost!" Hikaru swatted at Sai, not caring that his hand passed straight through the ghost's midsection. "You sound just like Waya. I better get dad to drive you home, Shindo. You need a map just to get to the insei classes. I bet you're gonna need a GPS to find your way to your pro games. You don't want them all to be forfeits now, do you?'" Hikaru mimicked, using his highest, most nasal whine. "Ugh. Waya's always saying how bad I am about knowing Go stuff, but I'll show him. I'll WIN all my pro games. We've been training so hard ..."  
  
"Yes, yes!" Sai grinned. "We have! We should train some more tonight. Eh, Hikaru ... what's a GeePeeEus?"  
  
"It's an electric box thingie that tells you where you are," Hikaru explained as he tugged his coat higher against the pervasive wind.  
  
"Oooh, maybe you should get one, Hikaru. Are you're SURE you know where ..."  
  
"I DON'T NEED A GPS! Of course I know where the train station is ...it's ... errr ... that way. But if you keep asking me if I know where I'm going, then there'll be NO game tonight."  
  
"Hikaru is so mean!" Sai wailed. "And selfish!"  
  
"So says the namby pamby ghost whose thoughts are only about Go, bugging me about Go, and yes, for even more variation - bugging me AND Go!" Hikaru groused. Sai's wail swelled upwards at that remark, reaching decibels known only when cats and blenders sang in a duet. Instinctively, Hikaru clapped his hands over his ears (although it did nothing to silence the mostly mental sensation of listening to metal being sheared in half).  
  
"SAI! Look. Feet. Not. Moving," he pointed to the footwear in question. "Your screeching ISN'T helping the walking situation. And if I don't walk, then I can't go home. And if I can't go home ..."  
  
"Hikaru can't play Go with meeee!" Sai's voice rose even higher, much to Hikaru's distress.  
  
"Yes! SO CUT IT OUT!"  
  
"Promise? You'll play me if I'm quiet?"  
  
"Yes, fine, whatever. You're soooo immature," Hikaru emphasized this point by sticking his tongue out. "It's like having a puppy. When I play important games, you whine. When I'm not playing important games, you whine. I can't even watch a movie with my friend without you whining and ruining it. Is Go all that you're good for?"  
  
Sai immediately hid his face behind his sleeves, and although his wailing had stopped, Hikaru didn't feel any better. Small sniffles occasionally burst into the air, followed by pitiful little sighs.  
  
"I know you're trying to make me feel sorry for you. It won't work."  
  
Sai merely sniffled louder.  
  
_Damn. He did behave himself today, if you don't count squealing through the entire movie. Arrrrgh, I guess I'm being a jerk._ Hikaru sighed. He studied his surroundings again, trying to figure out just where the station was in relation to their current position. "Hey! I think I found a shortcut. I bet I can get us to the train station five TIMES as fast if I go through there. Then we can play TWO games of Go, all right?"  
  
Sai peeked over the edge of his sleeve. "Really? Two games?!"  
  
"I guess ..." Hikaru grumbled, though he could not quite hide a small grin as the ghost immediately bounced up like a jack-in-the-box upon hearing the final catch releasing note. Sai flung his arms around Hikaru's shoulders and started making small cheering noises.  
  
When the Sai was truly happy, Hikaru could almost feel his presence physically, as if the ghost had a corporal body. Perhaps that was why he gave into Sai's demands so much; it made the ghost seem more real, somehow. Whenever Sai was sad, he seemed to fade a bit, and become more ... fuzzy ... around the edges.  
  
Hikaru scratched the back of his neck uncomfortably as Sai finally stopped his dance of joy. _Yeah, it's good to see him happy,_ he grinned. The thought of Sai fading -- Hikaru shook his head fiercely. _No. Not that again. I'm just being ridiculous. He's going be around to annoy me forever,_ he decided. _Yeah ... forever._  
  
"C'mon," He headed toward his proposed "short cut." A few seconds later, however, he felt an odd tug in the link between him and Sai. He turned to find the ghost staring apprehensively at him. Sai had not moved.  
  
"Hikaru, exactly where are we headed?"  
  
"Just shut up and follow me, all right?"  
  
"Are you sure, Hikaru? The last time we took one of your shortcuts ...."  
  
"Look, that was just one time. And the chickens all got rounded up in the end." Hikaru gritted his teeth. "You're sounding just like Waya again. For the last time, I know _exactly_ where we are. I'm NOT lost!"  
  
"You know, Waya-kun was just teasing you. He meant no harm. Letting other's remarks control your actions isn't really good, Hikaru, especially if you let that leak into how you play Go," Sai said, stabbing his fan through the air for emphasis. "We need to work on that. Say, I bet if we turn around, we could still find our way back to --"  
  
"Sai! We're going through there, and that's that." Hikaru crossed his arms together defiantly. "I'm the one with the body, so I get to say where we go!"  
  
Sai still didn't move, however. "But that's ... that's a cemetery. We can't go through there! It's night time. And it's Setsubon." The ghost shook his head. His sleeves swayed pendulum-like, emphasizing his protest even more.  
  
"That's just a bunch of old superstitions. Don't tell me you're scared of cemeteries too. I can't believe you! It's just an ordinary place with some dead people in it, and it's not like_ you're_ going to get even ... more deader. If we walk around it, it'll add at least another fifteen to twenty minutes. This path here probably goes straight through to the other side. The train station should be right next to it."  
  
"Hikaru, I don't want to go through there. It looks old - maybe even from my time or before."  
  
"So what? Most of this city is built on and around graves." Hikaru started striding purposefully towards the open cemetery gates.  
  
"Hi-ka-ruuuuuu," Sai whined, waving his hands up and down and shifting from foot to foot.  
  
Hikaru kept walking.  
  
"Hikaruuuu!" The sounds of protest behind him grew more frantic.  
  
Hikaru kept walking.  
  
Finally, as Hikaru crossed the threshold of the graveyard, Sai rejoined him. The ghost said nothing, but his creased eyebrows and downturned lips on spoke volumes. Sai was clearly not happy about being in the cemetery. As he studied his surroundings more closely, Hikaru had to admit he was quickly becoming disenchanted with the idea as well.  
  
Within the graveyard, the air seemed heavier, somehow, with the scent of autumn leaves gone to dust. The sky had become overcast. Not a single star glimmered, nor did the moon show its pale face.He swallowed, but refused to turn back. _I won't give him the satisfaction._  
  
"Hikaru ..." the sudden mental nudge made Hikaru trip over his own feet. Trying to catch himself, the boy's arms pinwheeled around, knocking over the offerings of tea on a small shrine nearby. Hikaru landed with a dust jarring thump, followed milliseconds later by the sounds of shattering ceramic.  
  
"Oh crap! Now look what you made me do!" He scowled at Sai, who had completely hidden himself behind his sleeves.  
  
"Gomen ne! Gomen ne!" he pleaded.  
  
Maneuvering jerkily to his feet, Hikaru carefully picked up the broken pieces, trying unsuccessfully to fit them back together. The small, almost catlike statue that served as the guardian kami of the shrine seemed to glare reproachfully at him. Hikaru rubbed the back of his neck, trying to avoid the empty stone eyes. _  
  
Talk about creepy,_ he thought. _It looks like it's about to bite me or something._ "Oh man, it's totally ruined," he said aloud. "I guess I'll have find someone and explain."  
  
"Ne, Hikaru," Sai crept close again, until the ghost was nearly treading on the back of Hikaru's sneakers. He batted at the Go genius, but Sai refused to back away. "Let's just go. We can come back in the morning and apologize then."  
  
"But I don't want to come all the way back here tomorrow. And we can't just leave it like that." Hikaru gestured to the ruined shrine. "You're the one going on about ghosts and bad luck. I bet we can find the groundskeeper somewhere around here."  
  
"I've got a bad feeling about this, Hikaru. Something's not right. We should leave."  
  
"Stop being a thousand year old baby. And quit sneaking up on me. I thought you were going to be quiet."  
  
Hikaru increased his pace, ignoring Sai's crossed arms and annoyed expression. The outside world of Tokyo slowly became more and more muffled the deeper he ventured into the graveyard. He suddenly found himself missing the familiar white noise of the traffic and people on the street. He also wished he hadn't told the ghost to be quiet; Sai merely trailed him, his eyes downcast and his shoulders slumped.  
  
Hikaru didn't see any sign of the main temple, nor anything resembling a temple between the graves. He scratched his head, puzzled; usually the temple of a cemetery was its largest and most easily recognizable feature. At the very least, there should have been some maintenance shed where he could leave a note. An uncomfortable niggling started in the pit of his stomach.  
  
The state of the path had begun to mirror the general decay of the area, furthering Hikaru's unease. Graveyards were usually very well tended, but here, the stones were becoming increasingly uneven; they seemed to tip up and catch the edges of his shoes, making him stumble with each alternating step. Occasionally, an ancient looking grave marker would loom suddenly out of the darkness. Their occupants' names were always indecipherable, however, as if time had finally managed to reach out and steal the very last vestige of their humanity, stone by crumbling stone. As he passed, the graves seemed to huddle back down into their dark anonymity. It suddenly occurred to him that he was quite possibly the only one still alive in the silent expanse dedicated to the dead.  
  
_Got to stop thinking creepy thoughts_, Hikaru told himself firmly, though his stomach felt as if he had been swallowing ice. _Maybe Sai's right ... Maybe I should go back ... _  
  
A sudden crackling sound underneath his right foot made him freeze. _Ugh-oh, what did I break NOW?!_ He gingerly lifted his sneaker, but to his relief, he found only the dried blossom of a chrysanthemum. It must have been blown off a nearby grave. In the darkness, the stark white petals almost glowed faintly, like a crushed star outspread.  
  
Hikaru's stomach tightened, and he felt a shiver run through him. Somehow, seeing the fragile fragments of someone's grief disturbed him more than any headstone or scary movie. He -- still young and yet untouched by real sadness or loss -- had no right intrude so arrogantly into this place of lost memories, accompanied by one who was nothing but a lost memory himself. Hikaru backed away from the broken flower, and his rapid breaths left a delicate white trail in the icy air.  
  
_It's not that I'm not scared,_ he declared to himself, _cause I'm NOT, but I'm **definitely** feeling like I shouldn't be here ..._  
  
"Maybe we should go, Sai," he said out loud, mostly to hear his own voice and to elicit a reply from his companion. He desperately wanted to break this shrouded silence around him. "Sai? Sai!" He whirled around and felt the true beginnings of fear curl cold and hard his mind. "Sai!! SAI!!"  
  
The ghost was gone.  
  
_to be continued . . . _

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Confused about something? Check the notes at the end of the story. It probably won't help, but it does give me an excuse to babble on more . . . 


	2. Into the Forests of the Night

  
In the Forests of the Night  
A Hikaru no Go Ghost Story  
  
Part 2: Into the Forests of the Night  
  
Of all the places Hikaru did not want to be, a cemetery at night, alone, and bereft of his normally ever present (if somewhat deceased) mentor currently topped the list. It even ranked above taking all his finals at once or having a blindfolded, heavily komi-handicapped Touya Akira beat him in a full out tournament. Hikaru rubbed his arms as the air became even colder. A harsh wind had sprung up, and it whipped and snapped his hair painfully into his face. As if to emphasize the seriousness of his situation, all the cemetery lights abruptly shut off with a sharp crack, leaving Hikaru completely blind. He had seen enough horror movies to know that his current predicament was not a good one.  
  
_Let's see, I've been separated from my companion, all the lights just went out, and it's gotten reeeeally quiet. Crap. I might as well drench myself in soy sauce and wasabi; I'm human sushi to the next monster that pops up.  
  
_"Sai!" he yelled again, sending out the cry both mentally and with as much of his voice as he could muster. "Saiiiiiii!!"  
  
He wanted to run back towards the cemetery gates, but that meant leaving Sai behind. Torn, Hikaru crouched down on the path and clasped his hands together to stop them from shaking. "Sai, this isn't funny! Okay, so I was wrong about going through here as a shortcut. Do you hear me? You're right, I'm wrong, I'm sorry, so come back so we can get outta here!"  
  
Only the scraping sound of wind driven leaves replied him.  
  
"Sai ..." Hikaru whispered. He buried his head within his arms. "Please ... don't leave...m-"  
  
"Never," a warm voice washed over his thoughts. Hikaru's head popped up as he twisted around. Unfortunately, he also completely lost his balance and toppled over, landing with an ungainly thump on his rear.  
  
"Waaaaah!" He yelped, rubbing the offended body part gingerly. It was definitely Sai behind him, although the spirit looked decidedly ... different. _When did Sai start glowing in the dark?!_ Hikaru wondered offhandedly. A flickering green phosphorescence surrounded the ghost. Bright, multi-hued sparkles danced within the light, like fireflies gone to flame.  
  
"What do you think you were doing? Why did you leave me? HOW could you leave me?!" Hikaru's face flushed red with fury. "And why are you glowing like that?!"  
  
"Gomen nasai, Hikaru." Sai dipped his head submissively. "I didn't leave you, I just went to look around the bend up there," he pointed at where the path curved away slightly, "and I didn't know you had lost sight of me, not until I heard you yell."  
  
"I yelled for a long time, though, and you didn't reply!"  
  
The ghost blinked, a perplexed look stealing across his features. "Eh? I only just heard you now. I responded as soon as you finished."  
  
"But I called and called ..."  
  
"Gomen, gomen ... I really didn't hear you.You know I don't always tune into ALL your thoughts. I don't even tune into most of them ... just the ones you direct _at_ me. I try to give you privacy ..." Sai narrowed his eyes and his voice lowered, sure signs that the ghost was extremely offended.  
  
"But I did direct those to you." Hikaru ran his hands down his arms again._ Has it gotten even colder?_ he wondered. "I think we should leave. Now."  
  
Sai abruptly dropped the argument as well. "Yes. I feel ... odd."  
  
"I'll say.You look like a giant bug zapper!" Hikaru blurted as he scrambled to his feet.  
  
"I don't know why I'm glowing." Sai glanced at his sleeves in bewilderment. "But I don't think that's the only thing that's changing ... Hikaru, look!"  
  
Hikaru, who had begun to pick his way back towards the cemetery gates, swayed in place as he glanced downward. The ground looked like it was ... _rippling_ ... underneath his feet, threatening to send him back on his behind again.  
  
"The path! What's happening to the path?!" he choked. The jagged stones were melting away, leaving a narrow dirt trail in its wake. The gravestones themselves were disappearing as well. Trees materialized in their place, slowly at first, but growing with increasing rapidity, branches shooting through the ground, arching upward, until they seem to reach the sky. Their naked branches snapped and hissed as the wind rattled them.  
  
"What's going on?! _Why_ is everything turning into the set of_ Monoke-hime_?!" Hikaru huddled down on the dirt trail. He could no longer see where it led as it twisted away through the trunks.  
  
"Hikaru, be quiet. Or at least talk with your mind and not your mouth." Sai ordered.  
  
Too scared to even begin getting angry at Sai's tone, Hikaru inched closer to his friend. He stopped, however, when he noticed the full change in Sai's state. If it was possible for light to thicken, then the green flames had achieved this around the ghost, so much so that Hikaru instinctively shielded his face as if trying to avoid the nonexistent heat. Hikaru winced even more when he noticed Sai's expression. His mentor's face had taken on the intensity only seen when he was deepest into a game. His eyes sparked with a fire that burned even brighter than that which surrounded him, and his hands twitched at his sides, as if reaching for a sword. Every last trace of the normally cheerful, slightly scatterbrained, and annoyingly Go-minded Sai had disappeared. Something else had taken his friend's place, something very old, wary, and just the slightest bit dangerous.  
  
_Can a ghost be possessed?! _Hikaru felt a spate of hysterical hiccups churning up from his stomach; things had moved beyond the realm of insanity into a new level of mind warping weirdness.  
  
Seeming to notice Hikaru's increasingly frightened state of mind, Sai made a visible effort to calm himself. His movements became slower, and his stance straightened.  
  
"Gomen ne, I didn't mean to snap at you," his voice softened. "But don't panic or talk loudly. We don't know what's out there, and we don't want to attract any attention."  
  
Hikaru nodded feverishly. "I'm a little s-scared. B-but only just a l-l-little." To his mortification, however, the hiccups chose that moment to grow worse. Hikaru wrapped his arms around his sides, trying to control the involuntary shaking.  
  
"Well, I'm very scared. But being scared can't help us now. We'll get through this together, ne?" Sai's mental tone remained neutral, as if he was simply instructing Hikaru on the best placement of a Go stone. "So take a deep breath, calm down, and let's do our best to get out of here, forest or not."  
  
As it had in countless Go matches before, Sai's gentle coaching helped Hikaru regain some semblance of control. The hiccups gradually subsided as his breathing slowed and evened.  
  
"Where _did_ the forest come from?" Hikaru finally managed to ask, though this time he sent the query through his thoughts instead of opening his mouth. He could almost _sense_ that something out there was watching them, perhaps listening ... the thought made him as itchy as if a sea of fleas had crawled onto him.  
  
"It looks like -- well, like it's forest from old Edo," Sai replied. "As it was in my time, as it was before ..."  
  
"What?! We went back in time?!"  
  
"No ... I don't think so. Something's not quite real," the ghost gestured at the trees "See how the outlines are rather vague, as if someone can't remember exactly how the branches should go, or how the light should fall into shadows. It's like everything's an illusion, frozen in a place outside time. Almost like a memory. I can't explain it except ..."  
  
"Except?!"  
  
"That's what my instincts are telling me." Sai stepped in front of Hikaru. "Stay close. The ancient forests of Edo are no place to be unprotected at night."  
  
Glancing around, Hikaru was inclined to agree. He never noticed how quite _dark_ night was before. A city child at heart, he had never been too far away from the electric hum of the next neon sign or the translucent halo of a street lamp. Even during its most quietest hours, the sky never dimmed over Tokyo; the city carried a glow that penetrated the cloudiest of moonless evenings.  
  
The ancient forests of Edo, on the other hand, were a place where the essence of darkness itself seem to spawn and spread. Overhead, the overcast sky muffled both the stars and the moon. If Sai hadn't been glowing, Hikaru knew he probably wouldn't see his own hand even if he smacked himself in the face with it.  
  
_Without Sai,_ he gulped, _I'd be totally blind_. _Of course, walking around with a giant, glowing bug lantern kinda makes me stand out._ _Oh crap, I am gonna get eaten, and it'll all be stupid Waya's fault, and I'll never get to beat Touya, and all they're gonna find is my mangled body.  
  
Wonder if they'll write about it in Weekly Go.  
  
_As things stood, new noises filled the spaces between the tree trunks -- branches crackled and leaves rustled. Unearthly hoots and howls drifted through the darkness accompanied by the occasional snapping sound of something moving through the undergrowth. Real or not, the place came with rather convincing sound effects.  
  
Feeling completely vulnerable, he shifted uneasily behind Sai. _But what can Sai do, if something DOES come out of the shadows?_ he thought with a shudder. After all, Sai wasn't exactly corporeal.  
  
Taking a deep breath, Hikaru reached out a hand to steady himself. He gasped in amazement as it passed completely through a nearby tree trunk.  
  
"What the --- hey!" Hikaru said. Hope bubbled bright and hot inside him. "Maybe it really is just an illusion. If I keep walking back toward the entrance, maybe it'll disappear totally."  
  
"Maybe," Sai said. But he did not sound altogether certain. Instead, he reached out a slender hand ... and both of them heard the soft, fleshy smack as it hit the wood. "But I seem to have a different problem."  
  
The ghost ran his hand down the trunk again and again, not pausing even when the bark tore at his delicate skin.  
  
"I can feel it," he said in awe. "It's rough, against my fingers. And the air, it's so cold ... it tingles when I ... Look Hikaru!" He pointed at himself in excitement. "I can breathe! But ... not really. I don't feel the need to do so, and it doesn't produce a mist." Sorrow clouded the ghost's voice. "I guess some things can't change. Still, to _feel_ the world again, instead of drifting through it ..."  
  
Hikaru hesitantly reached out his own hand towards Sai. Perhaps, if the ghost could now touch things ... perhaps he could ... he yelped as an electric tingle shot through him.  
  
"Hikaru!"  
  
"Oooow! Okay, NOT doing that again," he said as he cradled his still numb hand to his chest. "It looks like ... I'm the one who's the ghost here ..."  
  
His words seemed to snap Sai out of his fascination with the tree trunk.  
  
"We should probably leave," he said, although he cast a wondering look back at the tree.  
  
Hikaru's eyes widened another howl sounded through the trees. "Errr... Let's leave fast."  
  
Sai merely stared at him, as if waiting.  
  
"Umm, Sai? You're the only one who knows the way," Hikaru tried to summon a smile, but it felt more like a grimace instead. "Now _you're_ the one with the body."  
  
"But ... I _don't_ know the way. I lived in ancient Heiankyo, not in Edo. And I've never been in such a situation like this before. It's neither your time nor mine," Sai folded and unfolded his fan. His nimble fingers seemed unusually awkward and tense as they fumbled at the slats. Hikaru licked his lips. Sai was definitely worried.  
  
"Just try, okay?" Hikaru glanced around, trying his best not to shudder. "Besides, I need you to be a human torch for me. I can't see anything out there."  
  
"Yes. Unfortunately, the night is just as dark as it ever was in my time, and the surroundings just as wild. I bet the night creatures out here are still the same too." As if to emphasize this point, a sharp, snapping noise began in the distance, as if something big and heavy had lurched to life. Both ghost and boy immediately started moving faster, and both blew twin sighs of relief when the noise appeared to be moving away from them.  
  
"You just _had_ to say that, didn't you?" Hikaru muttered as, for once, he found himself in the odd position of trailing after Sai. "I swear, if you say something like It can't get any worse now' or let's go into that abandoned building over there,' I'm going to smack you, no matter how much it gonna hurt me."  
  
"Why would I say that?" Sai sounded truly perplexed.  
  
"People always do, in situations like this," Hikaru rubbed the back of his neck, casting a furtive glance behind him. Was it his imagination, or did something flicker there, a shadow that had nothing to do with the trees ... "Saaaiii, d-do you think if we keep following the path, we'll get to the gates?"  
  
Sai shrugged. "Maybe. But I don't know how far this forest stretches into the distance, or if it even ends ..."  
  
"Okay, that's another thing you shouldn't say in situations like this. It's enough that we're lost, in a wood that shouldn't really be here, and we've switched roles ..." Hikaru rubbed the bridge of his nose. He was seeing things, he had to be. The shadows were NOT following them.  
  
"I don't even want to think about a forest that never --ACK!" He hadn't be watching where he was going and had promptly walked through a tree. "Did I mention how weird it is to be a ghost?"  
  
Sai raised an eyebrow before answering. "No, but I think I may have an idea. Actually, I think it's this place which is the ghost. Perhaps people are not the only things that can pass an image or a memory through the centuries. Perhaps the very ground itself can remember what it used to be."  
  
The spirit's progress was much slower than Hikaru's; his long robes and equally long hair became snagged and snarled by each passing branch. Yet, Sai took in all the minor obstacles with something approaching awe in his eyes. Occasionally, he would reach out to touch a tree trunk or bend down and pick up a small stone. He would roll it in his fingers, before letting it drop again. However, the ghost did not seem to notice the strange, shifting darkness around them, or if he did, he said nothing about it to his friend  
  
Hikaru could not totally begrudge Sai his first sensory input in a millennium but he, himself, could barely keep his panic and fear at bay. The shadows danced and swayed as Sai's ghostlight flickered by them. Sometimes, they even seemed to scurry out of the way when Hikaru tried to look directly into their depths.  
  
_That's stupid. Shadows don't scurry, _he thought. But if shadows didn't scurry ... _then what does?And why -- when I'm not listening carefully -- why does it almost seem like the forest is calling my name ...  
  
_Unnerved to a point almost beyond fear, Hikaru wrapped his arms around himself, shuddering. He didn't like the way he could pass through normally solid objects, or the fact that only Sai's footsteps held any sound or weight. He didn't like how the air seemed stale without scent and was neither hot nor cold against his skin. He could not feel the wind on his face, no matter how fast he moved. It was as if the world no longer existed for him ... or perhaps, it was the other way around.  
  
Hikaru gulped as he glanced quickly at his hands. He twiddled his fingers, slightly fascinated, but mostly relieved beyond words at the simple motion. His body, or whatever it was currently, still worked somewhat right ... but for how much longer? How did a ghost keep together what wasn't there? What if he wisped away to nothing?  
  
"If you feel like you're coming apart at the seams," Sai said softly. "Don't worry. You're still there. Like I said, I don't think you're a ghost. Even if you were, you're far too stubborn to let yourself drift apart, trust me on this."  
  
Hikaru stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets, feeling slightly embarrassed. "I know I'm not a ghost! But I'm telling you one thing, if I get out of this, I'm NEVER _EVER_ watching the_ Blair Witch Project _again. I won't even watch _Tonari no Totoro._" He swore vehemently. "Nope, nothing with enchanted woods, trees, ghosts, or things that go rum-pum-pum in the night."  
  
He jerked to a complete stop as his mind finally caught up with his mental "voice". _Rum, pum, pum?!  
  
_Sai halted as well. "You hear that too, Hikaru?"  
  
"Yeah," Hikaru's eyes widened. "It's kinda hard not to."  
  
The forest had gone completely silent, save for the thudding beat of a distant drum. The sound was a sharp, hollow one, as if it had been forced to rebound through a long, wooden pipe. It struck steadily, like a heartbeat devoid of blood.  
  
A heartbeat which was definitely getting closer . . .  
  
"What IS that?! Don't tell me someone's having a concert in here." Hikaru turned in a wary circle. The sound seemed to come from all around them, as if someone had spread out and had ringed them in.  
  
"Shh, Hikaru," Sai's expression grew distant as he gazed into the woods. "I don't think this is good. Something's coming."  
  
"No really, Detective Conan?" Hikaru waved a hand before Sai could ask. "Nevermind about the Detective Conan thing! Now what?!"  
  
"Maybe you should hide somewhere ..."  
  
"Don't you mean we should BOTH hide? You're the one that can touch things here ... what if they can touch you back? And you're not exactly invisible with the entire flashy glowing blinking thing you have going on there!"  
  
"That's my point. Whatever's out there is going to find me without too much difficulty. I don't think you should be around then."  
  
The pounding drum drew ever closer and closer. **Rum, pum, rum, pum, rum- pum- pum**, it vibrated through the night.  
  
"We should just run. The entrance can't be too far off ..."  
  
"Didn't you pay attention to any of those ghosts in the electric box? You can't run from supernatural beings. They don't even move in the same way that you do. Running will just draw their attention."  
  
"But..."  
  
"Hikaru. Listen to me." Hikaru blinked as Sai's mental voice dropped to its lowest register, one which resonated through his thoughts and silenced any protest. It was a voice he had never heard the ghost use before, a voice that he imagined Sai must have used in the days of the Heian court ... a voice of nobility, used to giving orders and being obeyed. "I'm not leaving you, but if the drums mean what I think they mean, we could be in for a rough time. "  
  
"What?! What DO the drums mean?"  
  
"Your time has forgotten how to believe in ghosts and other wanderers of the night. You think they exist only in books, or in those electric boxes, or on the giant screens. But back when I was in the Heian period," Sai sighed.  
  
"What you think of as only ghost_ stories_, we knew as reality. Imagine every night being like this one, filled with a darkness beyond darkness, to the point where a candle's flame would shed more shadows than light. You could hear things moving out there, things with human-like bodies but not human souls, which could wear the faces of your friends, enemies, lovers, which could steal your very identity -- and the only thing between you and them were thin paper screens and whatever prayers you could produce. And in the darkness of the night, you hoped ...you hoped that whatever was out there had no interest in mortal flesh or worse yet ... mortal souls."  
  
Sai gripped his fan with both hands, his expression grim. "We told ghost "stories" to warn each other, so we wouldn't forget those who move in the darkness and the respect that must be given to each of them. I was a Go tutor, and my position ... well ... what you see now as a "_game_" of Go ... in the past, we believed it had a connection to the spirit world, and that the patterns that were played echoed the designs of fate and destiny. A player could even part the gates of time and see into the very universe itself, if he or she was talented enough. Remember, Hikaru, at its heart, Go is a game of soul against soul. Great power can be released, once one is put against the other."  
  
"Don't tell me _this_ has something to do with Go .. that would almost be like the plot of some B-grade horror movie! Revenge of the Ghostly Go masters!" Hikaru smacked his forehead. "I can't believe I just said that! This can't be happening ..."  
  
"Maybe it doesn't have anything to do with Go. But the other things I told you still hold true. We don't know whether the things out there have an interest in mortal flesh or mortal souls. I don't think you want to find out."  
  
"But not you ... you could get ...well not KILLED, but ...!" Hikaru smacked his forehead again. "NO! We're not splitting up! In those movies, that's the first thing that goes wrong; everyone splits up!"  
  
"Hikaru, I don't have time to explain now. Maybe they won't notice you if I can distract them ..."  
  
"And just how are you going to do that?!"  
  
"By giving myself up."  
  
"Wait! Sai! That's the most STUPIDEST plan I've EVER heard! SAI! Are you listening to me?! SAI!" Hikaru waved his arms like a maniac, but Sai merely reached out and pushed him down. Or more accurately, pushed _through_ him. The resulting shock wave brought Hikaru to his knees.  
  
"One more thing, Hikaru. If they do find you, try not to look them in the eye. All right? Don't look them in the eye. They don't like that."  
  
"What kind of crappy advice is THAT?! What do you mean don't look them in the eyes'?! Just _what_ is out there?" But before he could recover enough to get to his feet, Sai had left, taking all the light with him. Unable to do anything else, Hikaru closed his eyes. He could hear the ghost pushing through the underbrush, and from far away, he could hear something crashing forward to meet them.  
  
"_Sai! Don't leave me here. It's dark, and there's something weird about the shadows! Sai? Can you hear me? Don't ... don't leave me ...please..."  
_**  
Rum, pum, rum, pum, rum-pum-pum ... **  
  
_Oh God, please ... I don't want to be here. Please. _He didn't usually call upon a higher power for help, but then again, he usually wasn't lost in an ancient forest, and he usually didn't have his life and the life (or more accurately, the afterlife) of his best friend at stake. _Please just get him and me out of here. Please. I don't want to be here ....  
  
I don't want to be here ...  
  
_He tried to force his mind away from the sound. Maybe if he believed he was somewhere else ... Yes. He was somewhere else. He was dreaming, that was it ... he had fallen asleep watching _The Sixth Sense_ with the Waya family. If he concentrated enough, he could shape his dream into something better. He tried to envision himself finally marching up to the stage and receiving his Pro certificate. Or better yet ... he was in the Touyas' Go Salon, and he was playing Touya Akira ... and winning. He could see the goban in front of him, visualize the probable moves and countermoves, hear the click of the Go stones against the wood ...  
  
**Rum, pum, rum, pum, rum-pum-pum, rum, pum, rum, pum, rum-pum-pum**  
  
The image of Touya and the Go Salon melted away, to be replaced by a night of infinite darkness, and the ever thudding of the approaching drum. Hikaru scrunched into a tighter ball, holding his hands over his ears, but just has he hadn't be able to block out Sai's earlier wailing, he could not stop the empty pulse from reverberating through him.  
  
**Rum, pum, rum, pum, rum-pum-pum, rum, pum, rum, pum, rum-pum-pum**  
  
Louder, and louder, beyond where he could even hear himself think ....  
  
**RUM-PUM!**  
  
And just as abruptly as it had begun, the beat stopped, though Hikaru could still hear its phantom echo in the racing of his heart. _"What's happening? Sai!" _He called mentally. He waited, but nothing echoed back to him. "_SAI! Answer me!"  
  
_Nothing. Not even the wind replied him this time.  
  
_God? God? Please ... please just get me and him out of this okay. Please.  
  
I don't want to be here anymore ...  
  
Please ...  
  
_But the voice that answered certainly had no intention of granting him that wish.  
  
"Kiyii! And what have we here?" a voice purred out, curling lithely in the air. "Why, I believe it is a little child ... a little mortal child. How perfect, how wonderful, how utterly ... deliciously ... delightful."  
  
_"Sai! They found me!" Oh great, this is just great, I wonder what it wants to eat first, my flesh or my soul?! _Hikaru's thoughts wailed miserably. "_Saaaaaai!"  
  
_He had a horrible feeling, however, that the answer would be both at the same time.  
  
_to be continued ..._  



	3. Immortal Hands

In the Forests of the Night  
a Hikaru no Go Ghost story  
  
Part 3: Immortal Hands  
  
Few things in this round world known as earth are quite as excruciating as the moment when the intricate balance between ignorance and full enlightenment begins to tilt. Hikaru, with his eyes firmly shut despite the coaxing voice that swirled around him, was becoming keenly aware of this. The speaker could clearly see him; however, his mentor had explicitly told him NOT to look. The itch to _do_ something besides sit and cower burned through him, and he had to clap his hands over his eyes in a desperate bid to keep them closed.  
  
"Kiyiii, no matter how you cover them up, it won't help. I still seeeeee you!" the voice drawled. "So it does you no good to imitate the Monkey God. I must say, however, that you do look quite deliciously precious like that, all balled up like an little onigiri. I could just eat you up."   
  
Hikaru heard a swish of silk as the creature (he had a disconcerting feeling that the speaker wasn't quite human) stepped closer.   
  
"Still won't uncurl, my little shrimp?" the voice made disapproving smacking sounds. Hikaru definitely did not appreciate the way culinary terms kept slipping into the dialogue. "Ah, I think your master would've taught you better than this. Fujiwara-sensei usually doesn't pick cowards for disciples, after all."  
  
At that, Hikaru's hands fell away, and his eyes shot open. He might be lost, scared, and insubstantial, but his basic stubborn streak and his brash pride had not disappeared. Both were as much a part of him as his bleached bangs, and it would take a lot more than losing a corporeal presence to smother his basic nature.  
  
"I'm NOT a coward!" he yelled. Luckily, his sitting position limited his line of sight to the waist level of the speaker. A brilliant red swath of silk met his gaze. Belatedly remembering Sai's advice, he ducked down, staring at where the person's robes met the ground. A lantern dipped closer, making the shadows scatter around the fabric.   
  
"So the monkey has fangs, after all. Ah little one, you should not hide your face so much, for you have such lovely eyes," the voice chuckled, and the robes swayed merrily. The lantern lowered even more. "So beautiful ... if only your mouth didn't get in the way ...."  
  
"What did you do to my friend?!" Hikaru spat, eyes never leaving the hem of the red ... kimono? It looked like a kimono, but it was in a style Hikaru had never seen before. From what he could see, it looked rather like an altered version of Sai's outfit. Silver and gold threads spanned around the edge of the scarlet silk, forming the fanciful shapes of leaping rabbits and swirling feathers. The tip of a gold slipper protruded out from under the kimono, but there was something ... strange ... about the foot it enclosed, something _off_ about the shape ... His mouth immediately dried out. _No, definitely not human._  
  
"And your manners!" the figure clucked a disapproving tongue. "Tsk, tsk, tsk. I must chide Fujiwara-sensei about his choices in company. Really, such open rudeness in one so young."  
  
"WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?!" Hikaru bolted to his feet, his posture stiff and each muscle clenched in fury. Human or not, if the thing had hurt Sai . . .  
  
"Do? To Fujiwara-sensei? Nothing, my dear," the shadows danced again as the speaker laughed and swayed the lamp. "He is not for us, not tonight, much to my distress." The statement was followed by a twittering sigh.   
  
Hikaru tried not to flinch away. "Then where is he?"  
  
"Follow me and see for yourself," The figure abruptly turned away, giving Hikaru a view of the intricately tied _mo_ at the back of the kimono-like outfit. Long, ebony hair cascaded elegantly over the back of the cloth, only to be caught and held neatly at the very end of its length by another intricately tied bow. Finally, a large, apron-like garment, decorated with the moon and stars, had been tied across the back, below the obi, and it flowed after the figure, dragging on the ground as it went. Hikaru was wondering at this odd addition to the kimono, when he noticed that there was something ... moving ... underneath the piece ... something suspiciously like ... a ....  
  
Hikaru gulped. _No, I'm not seeing a tail ... or several tails under the cloth, I'm NOT seeing that,_ he tried to convince himself.   
  
"You do know it's rude to stare at someone's backside, do you not?" the voice scolded him. Hikaru gulped and hastily transferred his gaze onto his own shoes.  
  
"Kiyiiiii, little mortal -- just so you know -- you are not for us, either," the voice said smoothly. "At least, not for tonight. So won't you look up? You might enjoy the view."  
  
"I won't," Hikaru said sullenly.  
  
"Pity. But we're here," the figure stopped so abruptly that Hikaru nearly passed straight through the back of the kimono. "Fujiwara-sensei, I believe I've found that which you have misplaced. One might think, however, that you were trying to hide him from us."  
  
"Shindo-kun ..." Hikaru nearly broke eye contact with his shoes when he actually _heard_ Sai's voice, not in his head, but through his ears ....  
  
And Sai had called him ....  
  
"Shindo-kun, you can look up. They have their masks on, and they have given their word that they will not harm you," Sai said. Hikaru reluctantly shifted his gaze upwards and abruptly wished he hadn't. A ring of kimono-clad figures surrounded them. All of the garments were exquisitely wrought, but save for the one that had come to fetch him, all of them were made of the whitest silk. Several of the figures carried taiko drums, even more carried lanterns and a few carried objects that Hikaru could not even begin to identify.  
  
What really shook him though, what really made his bladder nearly lose its last grasp, were the masks. Like the kimonos, each mask held a slightly different pattern upon them, but all of them had the same features: a long, tapered snout, two delicately pointed ears, and where the eyes should be .... Hikaru gasped. Empty holes gaped back at him, fathomless and darker than night. The world seem to swirl away when Hikaru looked the creatures eye to eye.  
  
Fox masks with empty eyes, human like bodies with tails ...  
  
"Ki-kitsune," Hikaru stuttered as the pieces clicked into place. Suddenly, a certain broken shrine loomed large in his memory ...  
  
"I'm impressed. It actually can recognize us for who we are. And here I thought its generation would be too stupid to notice something beyond the latest noisemaking machine," remarked one of the kitsune, whose kimono was marked with the tiny red petals of cherry blossoms. At least, Hikaru thought they might be petals. They could have easily been blood, as well.   
  
_Don't let them see how scared you are,_ something within him, deeper than instinct and perhaps twice as true, whispered. _They'd use it against you, and you can't give them any advantage ... _Yes, Hikaru decided. The kitsune were merely like an opponent at another Go match, that was it, and they were trying to psyche him out. _Don't let them see ..._  
  
"Who are you calling dumb, brush butt?!" Hikaru jabbed a finger towards the offending kitsune. While he had to admit that most of his knowledge of kitsune came from watching _Inu-yasha_, he still felt quite proud of himself for recognizing them. "And I'm a _him_ not an it!"  
  
"Shindo-kun! Mind you manners," Sai snapped. "I humbly apologize ..."  
  
"Well, it's not totally your disciple's fault," the kitsune with the scarlet kimono said. "Kinyuki shouldn't have provoked him. I will talk to him later about his manners, if you will do the same to your disciple."  
  
Much to Sai's evident dismay, instead of looking contrite, Hikaru blew at his bangs and feigned being bored. He noticed that this seemed to piss off the kitsune in the sakura blossom kimono even more. Something inside him, perhaps the same part that had given him the earlier advice, gave a despairing groan. Not five minutes into the meeting and he had already made a new enemy. Of course, five minutes was hardly a record for Shindo Hikaru; there were times when he had managed to offend strangers within seconds of meeting them.   
  
"Still, I most humbly apologize for my disciple's offensive and idiotic presence," Sai said, causing Hikaru glare angrily at him. The ghost stared impassively back for a few heartbeats, before waving him over imperiously. He had to repeat the gesture twice before Hikaru reluctantly obeyed. _  
  
"What's with this disciple thing, Sai? And we're going to have a long talk about this idiot thing later, and it WON'T be over a goban ..._" he warned darkly. If Sai heard his thoughts, he gave no indication. Hikaru suddenly found himself hoping that there _ would_ be a "later."  
  
"As you see, he is sadly untrained, and I despair of ever instilling even the slightest iota of proper manners into him. I am to blame for his actions, for I am but a poor teacher. Both he and I are unfit company for such illustrious beings as you are, my lord," the ghost continued.  
  
"My lord? He's a GUY?!" Hikaru blurted out. "With the long hair?! The high pitched voice? And the rabbity kimono? Though he does kinda look like you, S--"  
  
"SHINDO-KUN!" Sai immediately bowed to the kitsune. "Osusuki-sama, please forgive him. He's not really bright ...."  
  
"But he certainly is interesting, this follower of yours," Osusuki remarked. "Very entertaining, too. But you mustn't blame yourself for his rude behavior; he himself is not as much to blame as is the time that produced him. You, however, make me long for the days when I was but a cub. Your manners and poise, as ever, are flawless. It's that precision and that touch of ineffability which marks you as a haiku in mortal form, Fujiwara no Sai."   
  
"My lord," Sai bowed, "You flatter me far too much."  
  
"Kiyiii, I think not. You know very well that there is a quality about you that sets you high above the drab buzzing that makes up most of normal mortal existence," the kitsune flicked his fingers contemptuously. Hikaru couldn't help but notice how the lamplight gleamed upon the long, daggerlike claws at the end of each digit. "Otherwise you would not have managed to return as a wanderer through these ensuing centuries."  
  
"I am but a lost soul, no more, no less than that. All I have is my pitiful skills at Go, and these ..."  
  
"Do not contradict me. You know that there is much more to you than your skills at a simple mortal game. Even after centuries, we who wander the night still remember your name, though your own kind has long forgotten."  
  
"You flatter ..."  
  
"Enough groveling. As much as it brings back memories of the old days, I almost prefer the direct nature of your disciple to the incessant bellyscraping that made up Heian court politics. Your adherence to the court ideals of face and honor is what killed you in the first place, Fujiwara no Sai, and what makes your worse flaw," Osusuki dismissed Sai with a wave. "Mortals and their false honor. Kiyii! Your love of Go is pure and awe-inspiring, but it wasn't even enough to save you in life and barely enough to reclaim you after death."  
  
Something flickered across Sai's face, passing so fast that only Hikaru noticed it. But in that suspended second, what he saw cut him deeply.  
  
_That couldn't have been ... _his thoughts stuttered _ this can't be Sai ... not him. He's always so cheerful, only worrying about Go . It can't be ...  
  
_Butthat look ... a cross between heartache, anger, and shame ... Hikaru balled his hands into fists. He didn't quite understand what this Osusuki kitsune was talking about, but he knew he wasn't about to let the fox spirit get away with his words.   
  
"Hey, rabbit breath, you leave him alone! He could wipe your furry ass all over the goban!"  
  
"SHINDO-KUN!"  
  
"No need, Fujiwara-sensei. I would hardly expect less out of a student who's teacher is being attacked," Osusuki turned his attention back to Hikaru. "Yes, indeed, an odd one you've chosen to saddle yourself with, sensei. Such ... a very interesting choice. This definitely changes things tonight."  
  
Hikaru felt his stomach drop as the kitsune bent closer, until his mask nearly brushed his cheek. Beside him, he could feel Sai tensing. He concentrated on the long, porcelain nose, trying hard to avoid the empty eye holes.  
  
"Pardon my most ignoble ignorance, but I do not understand, your lordship. We did not mean to intrude upon your kitsune rituals. If you could bestow upon us your boundless generosity and lift this spell, we will be away, thus troubling you no further."  
  
"Ah, but what would be the fun of that?" the fox spirit shook his head. "Besides, this isn't a simple kitsune ritual that you've so hopelessly blundered into. If it was, the penalty would _merely_ be death. However, tonight's a very_ special _night and we're preparing for a very _special _guest ; all of old Japan will be coming. Of course, as a wanderer yourself, you are free to leave or stay, but the mortal is a different story."  
  
"Look, I didn't know .. and I'm sorry about the shrine." Hikaru said. "I'm really really sorry. But you can't punish me for not knowing you were having a ghost party ..."  
  
"It's Setsubon, is it not? Where do you think we demons and night haunts go when you humans drive us out your doors?" Osusuki sighed when Hikaru shrugged.  
  
"And if I remember correctly, you were also the one arrogant enough to stride through a graveyard on this most dubious of days AND break a kitsune shrine on top of it all," the fox spirit shook a claw mockingly. "The graveyard actually was built on the top of a very sacred spot, don't you know? Your ancestors could feel this was a place apart from mundane reality, that to bury the dead here would give death itself a special meaning, a special power. Surely you knew that?"  
  
Bewildered, Hikaru just stared silently back at the fox spirit. Sweat beaded and trickled down his back, but Hikaru stayed absolutely still. Instinct told him that sharp, sudden movements probably wouldn't be wise. Predators tended to pounce at those moments.  
  
"Eh, that's humans for you. They remember the cause and sometimes they remember the purpose, but they can never quite grasp effects. That is why your kind still has wars, still cause misery for each other, and still have yet to rise to your full potential. Still, my guest will have a interest in you, little mortal, despite all your kind's flaws. Or perhaps, because of them."   
  
Sai had edged closer to Hikaru while Osusuki had been ranting. He was now mere centimeters from Hikaru's elbow and was continuing to push forward, trying to passively force to kitsune to back away.   
  
"Again, pardon this lowly servant for asking, but who? Who is the special guest tonight? Why would he or she have an interest in such a poor acquisition as my student? He has no skills to speak of. And you can see how rude he is in his behavior," Sai insisted. Osusuki leaned even closer to Hikaru, as if trying to examine the goods in question, causing the boy to scramble back a few steps to avoid a snout-through-the-head mixup. Sai immediately stepped in front of him.  
  
"Kiyii! Your monkey is easily startled, is he not? All I can say is that many will walk abroad tonight, and among them is something that you, Fujiwara-sensei, would be especially wise to avoid. You have survived hundreds of years ... it would be a shame if you were forced to give up this mortal sphere and stop your wanderings for such a insignificant little giblet. By the looks of him and his atrocious manners, I think you'd welcome the opportunity to replace him."  
  
"Though I would give much to be able to obey your most sage advice, I cannot," Sai said.   
  
Hikaru glared at Sai. _"Hey, what do you mean by that?!_ _You can't seriously be thinking about replacing ..._"  
  
"Honor, as well as other ties, binds me to my disciple," the ghost continued, though Hikaru could not determine whether Sai had chosen to ignore the mental chiding or if he had heard the words at all.  
  
"I'm sure something can be arranged." Osusuki's purring voice made Hikaru back away a few more steps. He suddenly had a very clear idea how a rabbit felt when it was on its last, desperate leap toward a burrow that was too far away. The only way to separate him from Sai was to . . .  
  
"I am not leaving without Shindo-kun," Sai's eyes narrowed and his voice dropped to its lowest register. "He is my disciple, and therefore his honor is my honor as well. If he has shamed himself by profaning your sacred grounds, let the punishment fall on me. I should have prevented him from acting in this manner."  
  
"Be that as it may, you know my kind do not give warnings lightly ..." Osusuki's head suddenly snapped up. Around him, the other kitsune started muttering. Immediately, the ones with the drums started pounding them again. "Last chance, it's almost time. Don't let your pride and foolish notions get in the way. Remember what happened to you before."  
  
"If I must humble myself again, so be it. Let Shindo-kun go, I beg of you," the ghost bowed deeply and remained in that position. "Inari-sama is a kind god. He would not want an innocent to be caught in this."  
  
"I cannot. It is beyond my control." Osusuki shrugged. "Leave while you can, Sai. I am telling this to you as one who knew you from the old days and watched you grow, one whom you might even call a friend. You can always get another student, but no one in the world, wandering or not, has the skills you do."  
  
"No,_" _Sai looked up from his folded position. "I will not. I know what you see in Shindo Hikaru. I will not let you nor any of the wandering world claim him."   
  
He straightened up, and his stance was like a sword newly forged. "One more time, Osusuki ... sama. Please. As my ... friend. Let him leave. I will stay in his place, but let him go."  
  
Feeling increasingly unbalanced, Hikaru's gaze ping-ponged back and forth from the kitsune to the ghost. _"Sai, what's going on?! Why do they want me? What do they see?"  
  
_For a long, breathless moment, Osusuki and Sai engaged in a long staring contest. Hikaru did not know how Sai could bear to look so deeply into those empty black sockets, but in the end, it was the kitsune who turned away.  
  
"Still stubborn as always, I see. But like I said before, it is beyond my control. The mortal stays. You, however, can do whatever you want. If you're not going to leave, please stay out of the way while we set up. I'll tell the management that we'll need an extra place at the table for you and your disciple," He waved a hand, and immediately, a clearing appeared among the trees. "Stand over there, if you will."  
  
For a moment, Sai merely stood there, his expression blank. Then he executed another stiff bow, and beckoned Hikaru to follow him away from the activities of the kitsune. The foxes had begun to set up a flaming multitude of lamps and other decorations. Various tables had been laid out to form a gigantic "C" shape, and strange and exotic dishes were being constantly heaped upon them.  
  
"Just what is going on? Sai, you're acting really weird ..."  
  
"No, don't call me Sai. You must call me Fujiwara-sensei or just sensei. I've claimed you as my _deshi_, and as my disciple, so you must show respect. I think Osusuki may suspect that you aren't exactly my student, but I'm hoping he'll keep silent. He may very well _not_ but he does owe ... we just have to chance it," Sai leaned against a nearby tree and let his arms fall wearily to his side, which definitely spooked Hikaru. Sai was _never _tired, not for as long as he had known the ghost.   
  
"Why? Why did you claim me as a student? And how do you know that fox guy? What happened before?"  
  
"Hikaru, we've gotten into something really bad. For Osusuki, the Lord of the Kitsune, to personally arrange _and_ oversee a mere banquet ... it means something beyond a simple Setsubon festival will occur tonight. The kitsune are messengers and servants of Inari-sama, kami of the golden rice and the plentiful fields. Perhaps he is doing this on his lord's behalf. Inari-sama is a benevolent god by himself, but some of his relations ...they find mortals to be nothing more than playthings. I suspect Osusuki is going to use you to entertain whatever is coming here. He might even try giving you away as a gift."  
  
"What?! If I could get my hands on Mr. Fleatail, I'm going to ... I'm not something you can give away! I'm a rotten gift!" Hikaru paused. _Wait, did I just insult myself?!_ "Why do they want me anyway?"  
  
"I won't let him give you away, Hikaru. I claimed you as a student; technically you're mine. But Osusuki still might try, regardless. It won't be the first time," Sai said, his mouth tightening into a frown.  
  
"What do you mean,`it won't be the first time'?!" Hikaru shifted his feet nervously, a little nonplused at the growing anger he could feel in his mentor. _Why is Sai so mad? _But the swirl of emotions he felt from the ghost wasn't entirely composed of anger. Confused, Hikaru snuck another quick look at the kitsune. "You still haven't explained how you know all these escapees out of a Miyazaki film!"  
  
Sai glanced away. "Don't worry about that. I'm just concerned with getting you out of here. That's our top priority."  
  
Hikaru could hardly argue with that statement. "Look, it's not like I'm really here. They can't give something that's not really here away, can they?"  
  
"A kitsune is a trickster by nature; they delight in giving away that which is not theirs, whether or not that which is not theirs is there or not." Sai closed one eye. "Well, I think I got that right."  
  
"Maybe we should try to sneak away."  
  
"It won't be that easy," Sai took a deep breath, then straightened up. "I don't know if we can even leave this forest, or what Osusuki might do to us if we try. The kitsune created this, and they're the only ones who can free us from it. Our only chance is to wait out the celebration, and pray that Osusuki or Inari-sama finally lets us go unharmed. I'm just hoping that all they really need us for is entertainment."  
  
Hikaru, however, had a feeling that the kitsune idea of "entertainment" really wouldn't be much fun for him or the ghost. "Sai ... just tell me. How do you know all this?"  
  
"When I was young ... like I said, people of my time knew that kitsune, Inari-sama ... all of the old wanderers existed. But when I was young..." something in Sai's voice made Hikaru cringe. "Just trust me. We'll get out of this, somehow. Remember, you still owe me a Go game, right? And someone needs to show Touya-kun that he's not the best young Go player around."  
  
At the mention of Go and Touya, an uncomfortable feeling began to nibble at the back of Hikaru's eyes. He rubbed them, refusing to even consider they might be tears. He was not going to cry, not in front of these fox creatures.  
  
Still, tears or not, the feeling lasted a long time. Would he ever see his parents or grandparents again? Touya Akira? The thought of never getting a chance to play the other boy ... Hikaru swiped his eyes with a coat sleeve. He was so _close, _ he was a pro now ...And what about Waya, Isumi, Akari and the others?   
  
"Hikaru ... don't cry. We'll get out of this, I promise."  
  
"I'm NOT crying. I can't believe this is happening to me ... I want a one way ticket back to sanity now, please? I'll even settle for insanity at this point ...."  
  
"It'll be rough, but we will make it through. I won't let them take you without a fight." Sai's stance had firmed until it was ramrod straight, and he held his fan folded and close to his side, like a sword ready to be drawn. "And I plan to fight with everything I have."  
  
Though Hikaru had always privately thought the ghost looked (not to mention behaved) rather girl like, he had to admit that on occasion, Sai managed to look quite formidable and perhaps even _scary_ as well.  
  
"You know, for a thousand year old crybaby, Go-addicted ghost, you can be pretty cool sometimes," Hikaru gave his eyes one last, fierce wipe with a sleeve, banishing the last of the tearing sensation. "So how _are_ we going to deal with the legions of the undead?"  
  
"Not all of them are "undead" ... most of them _can't_ die. Don't worry, Hikaru. Dealing with those of the wandering world really isn't that much different than working with the politics back in the Heian court, and _that_ I have plenty of experience in. Actually, the demons might be more kinder, at times. But you can't let your emotions show so easily. No matter what any one says, even if it's insulting to you or me, don't react. Actually, if you can, don't even _think_ to me; some beings here can read thoughts and emotions. Most of all, keep your gaze to the ground, act submissive, and don't make rash statements. It would be better if you don't speak at all."  
  
"In other words, I can't be me," Hikaru groaned. Sai hid a chuckle underneath a sleeve.  
  
"Think of this as a ... what did you call it? A _crash course_ in court politics. Actually, learning how to hide your true emotions will serve you well when we get back to the real world, and you have to play a Go tournament."  
  
"You really think we'll make it back, Sai?" Hikaru shivered, though he was not cold.  
  
"Yes. We will, Hikaru. You'll get your chance to play Touya and the others again. But don't call me Sai."  
  
"Okay, sensei. And that's Shindo-kun, to you." Giving Sai the cockiest smile he could manage under the circumstances, Hikaru squared his shoulders. "Bring it on then!"  
  
However, even as the words left his mouth, Hikaru could hear, intermixed with the pounding of the taiko drums, the first sounds of approaching footsteps.  
  
_to be continued_   
  



	4. Fearful Symmetry

In the Forests of the Night  
A Hikaru no Go Ghost Story  
  
Part 4: Fearful Symmetry  
  
The unique thing about working with magic, Hikaru noticed, was that even the most mundane chores seemed marked with hidden meanings. In a matter of moments, the kitsune had cleared a large space in the forest, set up innumerable tables heaped high with lavish rice-based foods, and had built a stage. Currently, a great number of them could be seen tuning up various instruments upon the stage. Wine barrels as large around as Hikaru was tall were rolled in, followed by even larger caskets of beer, and what looked like veritable sea of sake. Finally, the kitsune erected two outhouse like buildings at the very edge of the clearing.   
  
"Do gods and demons have to pee?" the utterly innocuous question left Hikaru's mouth before he could stop it.  
  
Sai's lips twitched as he shrugged. "Perhaps. Especially if they drink all that ..."   
  
Throughout the preparations, the drummer kitsune had not let up their beat; it was beginning to give Hikaru a splitting headache. "Ugh, why do they keep banging on like that?"   
  
"My guess is that this clan of kitsune are Ikazuchi kitsune, of the storm and sky. Their drum play recreates the rolling sound of thunder." Sai explained.   
  
Hikaru's eyes widened even further as several popping sounds rang through the clearing. Several furry, rotund beings waddled out, their striped tails dragging along behind them. Each of them had a leaf on their head, and many of them carried sake bottles. All of them made a beeline to where the kitsune had unloaded the kegs of liquor. "Sa--sensei! Are those tanuki? Wow, look at the size of their ..."   
  
"Those are tanuki," Sai cut off the rest of Hikaru's statement. "I think they are here to serve the food, while the rest of the kitsune entertain the other gods and guests."  
  
"I've seen their statues at restaurants before, but I never knew that they had such huge --"  
  
"Shindo-kun, don't point! It's rude!  
  
Hikaru's jaw dropped again as he caught sight of a troupe of creatures with bright red faces, long noses, and twig like limbs. They held elaborate feathery fans in their knobbed fingers, and one of them pointed his at Hikaru. "Whooooa ...."  
  
"Tengu. Watch out for them, they like to play tricks on people, especially woodsmen. They also like to steal children, so be careful," Sai straightened his robes, smoothing out the wrinkles. He twirled his fingers, and his fan appeared.  
  
"I never could figure out how you did that," Hikaru said.   
  
"Never mind. I think the more important guests are beginning to arrive. Stand up straight, don't slouch, and follow me. Don't look anyone in the eye. That's considered rude among the wanderers."  
  
Immediately, Hikaru's gaze snapped down, though his jaw felt like it was going to be permanently unhitched from his head as more and more creatures sauntered out from between the tree trunks. Despite Sai's warning, he couldn't help but glance up every now and then. Women with skeletal fingers and long stretching necks, men with impossibly large mouths but tiny, shrunken bodies, things that had both human and animal parts mixed haphazardly --- these were but the tamer nightmares that paraded past his horrified eyes. Somehow, seeing the creatures within the glow of the foxfire lamps made the experience even worse. Some things should not never be allowed to enter any kind of light.  
  
And yet, still more creatures came, seeming to slither out from the bowels of the worst kind of nightmare, the kind which left dreamers clutching at their chests bereft of the capacity to scream, the kind that drove the sane towards insanity, the kind that one could die from having. Most of them Hikaru did not even want to begin to describe, for he feared that doing so might etch the images into his memory forever. Sai would occasionally stop and mutter some warning about this or that creature, but he was unable to absorb a single word. His brain threatened to shut down completely from the visual overload alone_  
  
I guess this is how Sai must've felt when he first appeared in **my**__world,_ he thought as a demon made entirely of ice and old bones slid by. All of the new arrivals would stop and stare at Sai, before lifting their sleeves (or a flap of skin, or a fan, or whatever qualified as a sleeve) and whispering excitedly. More than a few of them pointed at Hikaru and made smacking sounds with their lips and fangs. Seeing this, he pressed so close to Sai that he was treading _through_ his friend's robes with every step.   
  
Yet, the ghost merely nodded and bowed politely back at their onlookers, seemingly unfazed by the never-ending stream of heart stopping strangeness. The only time he showed any reaction at all was when the frog demons marched past. Sai made a slight choking sound and whipped his fan up to his face, but he still managed to nod in respect to them. What jarred Hikaru the most, however, was that just as Sai seemed as comfortable in the night world as he would have been in Hikaru's room, the other wanderers seemed to be quite familiar with him as well.  
  
One woman even sidled up to them, a syrupy sweet look plastered on her too wide face. Her kimono was ebony black in color, with belladonna plants embroidered in scarlet throughout. Something about it made Hikaru dizzy, something in the too perfect weave of the cloth. He concentrated on the reassuring blandness of Sai's white robes instead.   
  
"Fujiwara-sensei ... do my eyes deceive me? Here's a face I would never have guessed to see again. And ooooh, you've brought a little friend," the woman (at least Hikaru thought it was a woman) spoke with in a strange series of little clicks, as if someone was tapping two wooden chopsticks together. "Perhaps you and your disciple would like to give _me_ a little lesson tonight ..."  
  
"The Lady Manjushage surely must jest. An unrefined mortal as I could have nothing to show such an illustrious being."  
  
"Sometimes, a little ignorance can be refreshing," she glanced at Hikaru, "or, in his case maybe a whole lot of ignorance. But even a fool can teach an emperor, at times," she lifted her sleeve, sending a high pitched giggle into it. The sound made the hairs on Hikaru's neck rise. "Ahh, that one is foolish enough to teach a whole dynasty worth of emperors, if I haven't missed my guess."  
  
Hikaru bit his lip hard, but kept his eyes on the back of Sai's robes. When Sai bowed, he did so as well.   
  
"I must ask leave of your most honorable lady. I must discuss our seating arrangements with Osusuki-sama."   
  
"Very well then. But you and I will most certainly talk later. More privately, I hope," the woman drifted away, and Hikaru noticed sleeves of her kimono rippled strangely. _Is it just me, or does she have more than one set of arms?!_  
  
"Stay away for her at all times. She is a jorokumo, and her kind has quite the taste for mortal souls." Sai warned once they had left Lady Manjushage's presence. Hikaru nodded vehemently; he did not have to be told twice. "You're doing very well, Shindo-kun. I'm proud of you. I think you'll be fine."  
  
Hikaru wished he could feel the same confidence. His insides seemed to be made of rice pudding at the moment, and he was sure some part of his fear must have seeped out. All those eyes watching him, those mouths shimmering with fangs ...  
  
"So, I see you're enjoying our little gathering tonight. It really has been a while since we all got together," Osusuki appeared at Sai's side, waving his fan at the gathering spirits. "And it must also be quite the night of experiences for you too, my little giblet. I imagine the images from the noisemaking boxes will never look quite the same to you ever again, after this."   
  
Osusuki extended a clawed hand toward Hikaru, who merely bowed. "My, my, what's this? Your gave your little apprentice a little lesson, did you not, Fujiwara-sensei? I hope you didn't hurt him too much. I rather liked his fire. At any rate, I've decided to seat you next to the higher ranked tanuki and a few of my brethren. I apologize for putting you at a lower table, but really, you are quite the unexpected guest. I take it that you won't mind? Good. I will be sitting up at the high table with my lord and his guests, but if you need me, just send one of my brethren's servants to fetch me."   
  
"That is most benevolent of you, Osusuki-sama, but we are most unworthy of your gracious attention. I am sure we will not trouble you any more this evening ..."  
  
"Somehow, I doubt it. But at least you are entertaining trouble. I have a present for you, by the way ..." the kitsune leaned close to Hikaru, who continued to stare at his sneakers. Osusuki brought his hands together in a clap, making Hikaru glance up involuntarily. A small onigiri ball appeared in the air, floating in front of his face. "Eat this."  
  
Hikaru snuck a furtive look at Sai. He had seen too many films about the netherworld to accept food blindly. Sai pursed his lips. "Osusuki-sama, I am not sure my disciple is worthy enough to ..."  
  
Osusuki shrugged. "Still refusing to take my advice, Fujiwara-sensei? You shouldn't dismiss my gift so easily. I'm sure your pupil would like to be incorporated further into tonight's festivities. He is very weak in the form he's in right now."  
  
"Please accept my most abject apologies, my lord, but he will refuse," Sai straightened, and his hands clenched his fan so tightly that Hikaru could see his knuckles turning white. "I fear that such a gift is too great for him. He does not belong to the wandering night, and I won't have him carrying any of it away within him."  
  
"It may be a little too late for that, sensei. _You_ are in him, are you not? In what ways have you bent his life? Was it always for the better? And not just his life ... how about the one before him?" Osusuki bowed slightly, and Hikaru caught a glimpse of fake teeth set deep within the fox mask. He had no doubt, though, that the real ones would be just as sharp. "Don't talk to me about giving him something from the wandering world, Fujiwara no Sai. He carries something within him already -- both your gift and your scars."  
  
Hikaru froze, uncertain as to what he should do or how he should react. Sai turned away from Osusuki. He did not look at Hikaru either.  
  
"No matter. Here you go, my little gyoza," Osusuki snapped his fingers, causing the rice to drop out of the air. "You decide."  
  
On reflex, Hikaru caught the rice ball and was surprised to feel its warm, sticky weight in his hand. He nearly dropped it, but something in Osusuki's posture made him stuff the gooey mess into his pocket instead. "Your disciple is smarter than you in this, Fujiwara-sensei. Very well, if you won't eat it immediately, let me at least do one favor for you now. You can call me a player, you can call me a tease, but don't ever call me stingy ..."   
  
The kitsune clapped his hands again, and Hikaru felt a wave of energy sweep through him, leaving a strange aftertaste of mint in his mouth and an odd tingling sensation in his fingers and toes. A scent of autumn leaves lingered in the air, before wisping away to nothing again.  
  
"Hika--Shindo-kun!" Sai exclaimed in alarm.  
  
"No need for hysterics, Fujiwara-sensei. I just thought your student looked slightly moth-eaten. He was hardly a tribute to you in the clothes he was wearing!" Osusuki said. "The youth of today have NO fashion sense whatsoever. And that hair ... so hideous."  
  
Hikaru glanced down to find that he had been dressed in a miniature version of what Sai normally wore, complete down to a small fan that had appeared in his hand in place of the onigiri. His head felt strange too, somewhat heavier than he was used to ... reaching up, he encountered an interesting abundance of ribbons and a quite startling lack of blond bangs.  
  
"HEY! What's with my hair? It feels all girly ..." Hikaru forgot to be frightened OR submissive as a blinding wave of anger shot through him. Was nothing sacred tonight?   
  
"Arrgh!" He charged at the kitsune, skidded straight through the fox spirit's body, tripped on his robes, and landed flat on his face in front of a puzzled tanuki server. None of it deterred his angry diatribe, however. "Nobody messes with my hair! Do you hear me? I hope fleas infest _your _most hairiest of places!"  
  
"Shindo-kun!" Sai called frantically.   
  
Osusuki bent nearly double with laughter, not even bothering to try to hide the emotion behind his sleeves. His multitude of tails swept vigorously against the ground. "Kiyiii! Perhaps it's best that he didn't eat the onigiri after all. He looks ready to pluck my hide bald, strand by strand."  
  
"I apologize most humbly for ..."  
  
"No need... I have not been so amused in centuries. Just take your seat, Fujiwara-sensei. I believe our guest of honor is due to arrive shortly."  
  
When Hikaru finally regained his feet, Sai ushered him towards a back table where three tanuki and a kitsune sat. Although none of the world around him seemed real, the clothes he now wore felt all too frustratingly so. The fabric was unbelievably heavy on top of being stiff, itchy, and tied too tightly in the most uncomfortable of places. The top robe also seemed two sizes too big, while the slightly elevated sandals pinched his toes mercilessly. In order to move even the slightest step forward, Hikaru was forced to do an odd little shuffle, swaying slightly as he had to readjust his weight every time. He also had to make sure to keep his arms slightly raised and to the side, in order to keep his sleeves out of the way of his legs. The overall effect was a rather awkward sashay._  
  
How does Sai ever manage to jump up and down in this?_ Hikaru wondered, recalling the never-ending energy that normally surrounded his ghostly friend. A wave of melancholy swept through him. _I hope I have a chance to see him do that again_. He couldn't imagine the current Sai even placing one strand of hair out of place, much less leap up and down. _He's so proper. I've never seen him like this before ... so serious and grown up ... I thought he was only this way about Go.   
  
_Fingering his own fan nervously, Hikaru suddenly realized that he really didn't know much about Sai, beyond the ghost's obsession with the game. _  
  
Maybe his incredible Go talent isn't all there is to him. He certainly never said anything about this wandering world thing. Geez, I don't even know what his favorite color is, or what his mother's name was. In a way, I know more about Touya Akira than this person who's been living within me for two years ...  
  
_"Shindo-kun, are you all right?" Sai's voice made Hikaru drop the fan in embarrassment. It disappeared the instant it left his fingers.  
  
"Crap! Err ... I'm fine," he said. "I so-- ...uuugh!"  
  
A giant, beetle like monster had bumbled past, and its wings were like iridescent mirrors. Hikaru swore violently when he finally caught sight of his reflection. His hair was indeed much longer than he had ever seen it. Worse yet, all the strands had been pulled up into concentric loops about his ears. As a final insult, all the loops had ribbons intertwining up and down their rounded length.   
  
"I look like Princess Leia on a BAD HAIR DAY! Why couldn't he have just given me a goofy hat like yours?!" He tugged vigorously at the ribbons, but they wouldn't unravel, despite his best efforts.  
  
"Shh, Shindo-kun. Not so loud. I believe Osusuki was actually doing us a favor this time." Sai said. "You were attracting a bit of attention just based on the outfit you were wearing. You look the part of my disciple now."  
  
"Fashion, I'll show Mr. "I wear Rabbits on my Buttocks" fashion!" Hikaru gave one last vicious yank on the offending hair ribbons, before throwing his hands up in defeat. "Why did he have to make them pink anyway? I might as well give up any chance at manhood I ever had."  
  
"I think you look rather ...ehh... cute." Sai hid the rest of his expression behind his fan. "And it's clear by the style of your robes that you're a boy."  
  
"The only other person I've ever seen wear this stuff is you, and YOU wear ten different shades of purple lipstick! You don't count!" Hikaru tore at his sleeves, which also stubbornly stayed intact.   
  
Giving up entirely, he resigned himself to looking like a misfit from some designer school gone mad. It was then he noticed that they had come to a stop at a short legged table. There was only one empty seat cushion, placed at its very end. Hikaru stared at settings, wondering where he would sit. Beside Sai, the kitsune with the cherry blossom robe glanced inquiringly at Hikaru.  
  
"Surely your disciple knows better than to want to sit with us," he said.  
  
"Of course not. He is just waiting for me to sit, Kinyuki-san, before he takes his seat behind me." Sai said cooly. _  
  
Actually, I'm not sure I CAN sit,_ Hikaru thought as he tried to squat down behind Sai. _Would my butt just pass through the cushion? How IS the ground holding me up, anyway?   
  
_Such questions only caused the nagging ache in his head to grow, and Hikaru decided that he rather not know. The act of settling himself was proving enough of a challenge without philosophy getting in the way. His sleeves and other bits of cloth gave him endless amounts of trouble by rumpling and bagging mercilessly. The stiff, obi-like belt that was currently strangling his back muscles did not help matters either.   
  
With a lot of muffled curses and general bendings of this and that, Hikaru finally manipulated himself down into a sitting position similar to that of his mentor. A giggling noise next to him nearly made him loose his balance again. Behind Kinyuki sat a smaller kitsune. She.... or he ... had a mask and kimono decorated with cherry blossoms as well, although the blossoms were pink instead of scarlet. Without warning, the figure swiped a claw at where his legs met his body, only to give a whine of disappointment when her hand passed right through him.  
  
"Kinyuki-san, I believe your maid is trying to disembowel my disciple," Sai spoke offhandedly, as if commenting about the weather. Hikaru, on the other hand, was now sprawled flat on his back. He felt infinitely grateful that he hadn't eaten the onigiri.  
  
"Oh, Kojoro-chan was only being a little naughty. Weren't you?" Kinyuki tapped the side of her mask. "If she was trying to disembowel him, she would have aimed a little higher, would you not?  
  
"Just wanted to see what a ghost boy felt like," she agreed with a high, rather whinny like voice. "He feels like wind. Nothing much there."  
  
"Keep your paws to yourself!" Hikaru felt like wringing something into little pieces, preferably something that currently had a tail and a bad sense of humor. Would the humiliation never end? He maneuvered back into a sitting position with a wince, feeling his back muscles ache in response.   
  
_I'm not going to like being me tomorrow morning ... if there even is a tomorrow morning. _He glared at Kojoro. The kitsune merely stared at him with her empty eye sockets, laughing as Hikaru turned away.  
  
"Scaredy-ghost-boy," she chanted. Hikaru stuck his tongue out at her, which caused her to give him a middle-fingered salute.  
  
"Where did you learn that?!" He blinked, surprised. He was pretty sure that such gestures weren't a part of the normal kitsune repertoire; it was not even a Japanese custom. In response, Kojoro stuck up the other hand as well.   
  
"Shindo-kun, if you're done playing with Kinyuki-san's maid, perhaps you can turn your attention to what's happening," Sai reprimanded him.   
  
"Yes, sensei," he turned away from Kojoro, but not before repeating her gesture behind his back. He heard a chuffling giggle.   
  
Most of the other spirits, demons, and gods were beginning to sit down as well. The most important guests were finally arriving. Hikaru's jaw hung open once again. The evening's previous horrors were erased as the clearing suddenly became awash in beauty. The kitsune had begun playing music, and the air shivered with the haunting calls from the shakuhachi flutes, the strumming of the koto strings, and the background thrum of the taiko drums.   
  
Ethereal vixen dancers twirled and curtsied gaily around the tables, talking coyly to all the guests. Hikaru felt his cheeks burn as one came near their table; she was definitely female in all the right places. Sai never batted as much as an eyelash, although Kinyuki's tails swished so excitedly that they generated their own wind.   
  
Some of the dancers carried streamers, others threw confetti in the air, still others blew out clouds of colored smoke which hung in sheetlike in the air, cloaking anything that moved a shimmering rainbow aura. Firefly like creatures swirled within the glittering curtains, leaving bright bursts of miniature fireworks in their wake. Even Sai's glow had become indistinguishable in all the hustle and bustle of the nocturnal world at play.   
  
Hikaru bunched himself low within his costume, feeling totally out of his element. Nothing in the mortal world could ever equal the single night of festivities put on by the immortal one. He suddenly wished his friends could see it. Even Touya Akira, he wagered, would lose his legendary calm if he could see but a fraction of horrors and the wonders that had been on display tonight.   
  
Hikaru nearly snapped his own neck giving a double take as he suddenly made eye contact with the face of the very person he had been thinking of. "TOUYA!" he yelped. While he had been distracted by the kitsune dancers, a large dragon like creature flew in, causing a great gust of wind. And right behind the dragon, a familiar face stood out in the crowd, almost starlike in its presence ...  
  
"Touya!" He tried to get up, but became entangled in his robes instead. "Sai! That's Touya Akira! What's he doing here?!"  
  
"Shindo-kun, that's not Touya!" Sai barked at him. "SIT BACK DOWN!"  
  
Kinyuki frowned. "Your student is quite undisciplined, Fujiwara-san. I would never let a follower of mine to call me by my name. Punishment is necessary ... whips perhaps? Might I suggest you brand your title into his pelt? I could do it for you, if you're too squeamish."  
  
Hikaru winced. _Oops_. _Man, he's rather sadistic for a little woodland creature._  
  
"Kinyuki-san's wisdom _must_ be great, for I would never dream of telling him how to govern his own followers. Such advice would seem rude, coming from someone like me. As it is, unfortunately, I am far too incompetent to decide a punishment so easily. I must meditate and deal with him later." Sai unfolded his fan, waving it delicately in front of his face. Although Kinyuki's mask effectively hid his every emotion, Hikaru had a feeling that the kitsune was growling behind it. He turned his attention back to where the dragon god was sitting. There, right next to him ... that was the _spitting _image of ...  
  
"Baka!" Kojoro snickered next to him when Hikaru settled down. "I don't know who Touya Akira is, but that's Kohaku-sama. He came with Kawa-sama -- that's the big dragon you see up there," she sighed wistfully. "Kohaku's beautiful, don't you think? But I hear his heart has been given to some stupid mortal girl. If I ever find her, I will tear her face off with my claws ...."  
  
"Kojoro!" Kinyuki's voice roared, and he slapped her, hard enough for Hikaru to here a loud CRACK as his claws met her mask. "Enough of your mindless chattering."  
  
Hikaru did not like Kojoro much, but he felt sorry for her as the kitsune reeled backwards from the blow.   
  
"Kinyuki-san," Sai's voice could shear apart Mt. Fuji in its hardness. "Pardon my lowly opinion, but replying her impertinence with violence only puts you below even her station. Only brute animals communicate through blows; we, as sentient creatures, are given the ability to speak in order to avoid this. I am sure, Kinyuki-san, that someone with as great a stature as yours would never have need to even touch, must less strike anyone."  
  
"You're opinion is lowly indeed, seeing as how your disciple barely knows which way to stand. I bet he couldn't even take off his own robes to piss without help," Kinyuki buffed his claws against his kimono.  
  
Hikaru felt his face flame red. (Well, perhaps he wasn't quite sure just how to take off the robes, but Kinyuki was still being quite a bastard, in Hikaru's honest opinion.)  
  
"Are you okay?" Hikaru asked as Kojoro straightened out her mask, which had been knocked sideways. He caught a glimpse of a long nose, something that suspiciously looked like whiskers, but not much else.   
  
"Tch. I'm fine," she snarled in a quiet voice, so as not to incur Kinyuki's wrath again. "I'm not weak, like you are. I certainly don't need a soft master who doesn't even know how to punish someone correctly. Kinyuki-sama has marked me many times," she purred, wiping a tiny streak of blood away from the edge of her mask. She flicked the droplet at Hikaru, who blanched and backed away.   
  
"One day, I will create my own scars upon his body. One day, I will be a master too, and I will punish my students even more so than Kinyuki does me. Then we will see who is greater." Kojoro stabbed the ground viciously with her claws, raking up huge chunks of earth.  
  
Hikaru could not help but edge a little further away from the plotting kitsune cub. He found his gaze wandering towards the Touya-lookalike again. Between fox people and dragon gods, life had certainly become very strange. He wanted boring familiarity of his old world back ... he would even sit through History willingly again. There was much to be said against seeing too many miracles, after all.  
  
Sai suddenly straightened up in front of him. All the other guests, too, had stopped talking, and the kitsune dancers had cleared from the floor. The musicians ceased both the flute and the string playing, but kept pounding a low, percussive beat on the drums. A low fog rolled in from the forest.   
  
"Ahh, I see his grace has finally decided to arrive," said Kinyuki. "You should be honored, Fujiwara-san. It's not often that mortals like you and he get to see one of the first gods, one of the last of the truly great ones: Amatsu Mikaboshi-sama."  
  
Sai's hands fumbled at his fan, nearly dropping it. Hikaru swallowed as the slightest of tremors shook through the ghost. He wasn't exactly thrilled with the revelation either. Memories flooded his mind of the stories his grandfather used to tell to try to scare him. Many of had been centered around "Amatsu ..."  
  
"No! Don't say it," Sai turned around, his expression frantic. The fog had grown even thicker, and Sai's own ghostly glow was dimming. "Don't call his name. You mustn't attract his attention ..."  
  
"Too late," Kinyuki said, his tone highly amused. A figure was stepping out of the fog, a figure which seemed to made entirely of light-starved shadows and which emanated a icy chill so profound that even the fire demons shivered.  
  
"He's going to notice the little mortal whether or not he says his name ..." Kinyuki turned his eyeless mask to Hikaru. "I'm going to enjoy your sweet agony, little boy. Yours and your sensei's."  
  
And indeed, the figure had turned to look at them. Hikaru had thought that the kitsune, with their masks of empty eyes, had been frightening. And any one of the evening's other guests were certainly enough to send someone into cardiac arrest from terror, but this ....  
  
"May I introduce to you, oh great lord," Kinyuki stood up. "This is his majesty, the August Star of Heaven, Amatsu Mikaboshi, Demon lord of Hell and Darkness, Great Ruler of ..."  
  
"Shut up," the figure rasped at Kinyuki. The kitsune immediately dropped to his knees, screaming in pain. Amatsu Mikaboshi ignored the writhing kitsune, choosing instead to loom over Hikaru and Sai. Something which might have passed as a smile passed over its mouth.  
  
"So ... what do we have here? Mortal souls ... both past AND present ... how very interesting. How very interesting indeed ..."  
  
_to be continued_.  
  
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Partial notes: (Check out the full ones in the appendix)  
  
Yes, there is a tribute to Miyazaki's "Spirited Away" in there. More than one, really. I couldn't help myself. The moment I saw Touya Akira, I thought that he and Haku must've been separated at birth. Either that, or someone's got a night job when he's not playing Go .   
  
The celebration scenes also draw their inspiration from Miyasaki-sensei's films, as does the onigiri scene.   
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 


	5. Distant Deeps and Skies

In the Forests of the Night  
A Hikaru no Go Ghost Story  


Part 5: Distant Deeps and Skies  


Sometimes, when faced with the greatest evil the world has ever known, bodily reactions become rather hard to control. When Shindo Hikaru was faced with Amatsu Mikaboshi, Japanese Lord of Hell, Darkness, and pure undiluted Evil, he could have easily lost his sanity, his wits, or even bladder control ...  
  
Instead, he took one look into the face of utmost sin, swallowed twice, then dissolved into a fit of giggling hiccups. He shook so badly that his loops of hair swayed and jiggled, like a pair of puppy ears.

It was probably the only thing that saved him.  
  
Amatsu Mikaboshi, it seemed, was not quite used to being laughed at. As the Lord of the Autumn Star stared, as an entire pantheon of the Japanese deities stared, Shindo Hikaru slowly wheezed to a halt, rubbed his eyes, then straightened up again.  
  
"I'm sorry," he apologized sincerely. "But you looked taller in the movies...."  
  
The Lord of Darkness merely blinked his eyes of depthless night. "I will deal with you later," he said, as he sauntered toward the head of the table. "After dinner."  
  
"You're lucky he didn't have you FOR dinner!" Sai hissed at him as Hikaru gathered his robes up again.   
  
"I'm sorry! But I never expected the Lord of Darkness to be so ... not tall," Hikaru snorted into his sleeves. "Wow, now I know why you guys like these robes so much! Instant giant napkins!"  
  
"I'm glad you find it funny ..." Sai tapped his fan against his face. His eyes were distant and unfocused. "You do realize that was the God of Evil you just laughed at, right? The same God of Evil that Osusuki wants to give you to?"  


"Yeah I ...oh. OH. OH ...SHIT!" Hikaru sobered as the full reality of the situation hit him like a goban upside the head. "Oh crap, I didn't ... I did ... I just laughed at ..." He slapped his face with his right hand, dragging it down slowly to his chin. "I'm toast. I'm BEYOND toast. I'm beyond battered, fried, and nuked ..."

"Actually, I think you may have amused him. Evil has a strange sense of humor. That's a good and a bad thing. At least he didn't swallow you or me on the spot."

"Ooooh, holy shi --- no, no make that UNHOLY ---"  
  
"Calm down. He would've wanted you anyway, probably as an appetizer. At least now he's not only interested in devouring your soul bit by bit." Sai nodded. "If he wants to possess your soul instead of eating you, there are certain rules he has to follow. We might have a chance ..."  
  
Hikaru sneaked a glance at where Amatsu Mikaboshi was sitting and felt his insides quiver.   
  
"Eh ... h-he's looking at us ..."  
  
"He can't do anything until we finish the meal. It'd be too rude, you know." Sai shut his fan with an audible snap. "I'll try to think of something by then."  
  
Hikaru could feel the Demon King's gaze burning into him. "Ummm ... sensei?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Think faster ...."  
  
Course after course seemed to fly by in Hikaru's estimation. He almost wished he could have an appetite though (or for that matter, a solid stomach to store the food in), for many of the dishes he knew he would never find again in the worlds of daylight and reason. Fruits from every color of the rainbow and some from beyond were offered on solid gold trays; meat from every animal that ever set warm paw to earth or swam the ocean with icy fin were carved up and sent forth to be devoured. However, Hikaru immediately lost any chance at an appetite when he saw something that suspiciously looked like a human with an apple in its mouth go by.   


"I think I'm gonna stick to veggie ramen for the next three months," he vowed.  


Luckily, none of the human platters made it to their table, although Hikaru noticed that Amatsu Mikaboshi's had at least three of them. Sai had not taken a single bite of the food, opting instead to arrange the morsels delicately (yet politely) with his chopsticks so that it looked like he had eaten. He would occasionally take a sip from his tea cup, holding the mouthful with his eyes slightly closed. Otherwise, he did not touch anything else.  


"Food not to your exquisite standards, Fujiwara-san? You're being highly rude, you know." Kinyuki had managed to overcome his pain, though his hands still shook around his sake cup. He seemed determined to drown his sorrows in liquor. Empty bottles littered the table and ground next to him, and Kojoro had yet to sit down for a full five minutes before being sent to gather another round of drinks.   


"This feast is too excellent for my poor tongue," Sai replied demurely. "The food of the gods is not for a mortal soul like me. I fear that a single bite would overwhelm my senses completely, leaving me poor company for illustrious beings such as you and the others here."  


"Your delicate tongue? Feh, it wasn't like that in the old days," Kinyuki let lose with a large belch. "Your tongue certainly got a lot of use back then. Though I question what you licked the most, feet or otherwise. Ah well, let's not talk of the past now. Why bring up the old unpleasantness when you have so much of that to look forward to tonight? At least have some of this sake. Loosen up a bit, for this is likely the last night you will be able to enjoy for a _long _while."  


"Yes, Fujiwara-sensei, drink with us!" one of the tanuki from down the table called. "Kinyuki-san's right! The sake is excellent, the best we've had in ages."  


Shaking his head slightly, Sai gently turned the teacup in his hand. "I thank you for the offer, but I will have to decline. Sometimes, I find the simplest of flavors to prove the most profound," he said, seeming to direct the comment into his lap. "Whether it be for feet ...or otherwise. Though I'm sure someone such as you, Kinyuki-san, should have no idea of what I mean. You must possess much more complex tastes."  


"More of your pretty phrasing? I wondered when you'd start." Kinyuki slurred. "You were quite the darling of the Heian Court, if I remember correctly. Too popular, I think. Heh. The ladies sure did love you, though only Kami-sama knows why ..."  


Sai merely drew his right sleeve away with his left hand, and took another sip. Hikaru glanced at Sai curiously. _What does he mean, too popular? And what's with all this tongue stuff? I don't understand. Am I missing something? Hm. Must get him to talk about that one day ...  
_

"Still, you weren't a little darling forever, now, were you? Did you know he erased your name out of the family registry, after you drowned yourself? Oops! There I go again, bringing up the unpleasant past." Obviously frustrated by Sai's lack of reaction, Kinyuki burped again. "At first, they didn't forget, though. But after a few decades, you know how mortal minds go ... hah. All your angst, all your brilliance, for what? They forgot you and your shining Go." 

Sai smiled serenely into his teacup. "But it's still here," he placed his hand to his heart, "every game I ever played. It doesn't matter if no one else remembers. I do."  


"But that still doesn't amount to much now, does it? You are tied to a goban, forgotten by humanity; you can't even play for yourself! It's a rather poor end for such a _noble_ soul like yours. How does it feel, knowing you have to rely on disciples to place even a single stone? You're are nothing, Fujiwara no Sai, and you will be worse than that once this night ends."  


"I remember too," Hikaru spoke up, unable to hold his temper anymore. "Every game he ever taught me. I remember. Even if it IS through me, he still _does_ something in the world, Go still is important ... while you ... I've never heard of a Kinyuki Kitsune before. Your kind is stuck in my manga books and the occasional made-for-tv movie!"  


Kinyuki snarled fiercely, and he raised his claws in the air. "I will wear your skin as a belt, boy!"   


"Big words for someone who has to go to the groomers every week!"   


"Fujiwara no Sai, your disciple is as rude and ungainly as you ever were. Dying was the best thing you could have done for your family, after you disgraced your name." Kinyuki turned viciously to Hikaru.   


"You don't know much about your master, boy, do you? Did he ever tell you about his family? How they had fallen from grace, how his whole clan had cast their branch out? He was their chosen one, the golden child who could erase the shame that had been heaped upon their name. And he ended up disgracing them even more. Do you remember that, Fujiwara no Sai? Along with your pompous memories of Go, do you remember how your mother's tears flowed, how your father was forced to move the family out of the capital, how your ancestral home was raided and emptied out? Oh, I forgot, you were sealed in a goban by then."  


Hikaru clenched his fingers into a fist. "Shut up! Sai's not a disgrace!"   


"Perhaps you like the word `failure' better, then ." Kinyuki tipped back another bottle of sake.   


"You take that back!" Hikaru growled. "You take that back right now or I'll ..."  


"You'll what? Pass through me? Be glad you're body isn't here. I would have flayed it bloody by now."_  
_

_"Hikaru, it's okay. Calm down," _Sai's mental voice caused Hikaru to freeze in the act of bolting up and trying to slug the kitsune one, incorporeal body or not. It was the first time the ghost had spoken through their mind link since Osusuki had found Hikaru.   
  
"_Sai? I thought we weren't going to talk this way ...." _  


"_Right now, he and the tanuki are too drunk to overhear us mentally. Now, I need you to bow to Kinyuki, say you're sorry, and sit down behind me again."  
_

"_How could you let him say stuff like that about you?"  
_

"_Hikaru, it doesn't matter ... what he said, in a way ..." _Sai trailed off. _"You need to apologize."_  


"_I am NOT bowing OR apologizing to him! No way!" _

"_Hikaru, please?"_

Gritting his teeth, Hikaru rose to his feet, turned to the fox, executed a stiff bow, and muttered an apology.  


Kinyuki gave a barking laugh. "You're so easily cowed, like your master ..." He took another swig of sake, then promptly passed out.  


"_He's SUCH a pig bastard! I hope you get a whoop-ass of a hangover, you excuse for a furry toilet cover! __And what he said about you, Sai ..." _Hikaru thought furiously as he resettled himself.  


"_Don't worry about that. We need to concentrate on what we're going to do about Amatsu Mikaboshi_. _Kinyuki will seem like an angel compared to how the demon lord will treat us. _" 

_"Have you got a plan yet?"_

"_The beginnings of one, at least. But I need you to sit behind me quietly, and not attract any more attention. And ... I must ask you something, Hikaru. Something very difficult."_

_"Ehh ... okay ...." _

_"I need you to accept me fully as your sensei." _

_"You are kinda like that already, aren't you? You practically started this whole Go thing for me --"  
_

_"Hikaru, the way they see the sensei-deishi bond here ... it's not simply student and teacher. If you agree to it, you're committing totally to me and my guidance. My actions and my decisions will overrule yours." _

Hikaru paused, scratching his neck uneasily.   


_"Is it permanent? Like, once we get back to the normal state of things, then I'll be in control again?"  
_

"_I promise I won't use it to interfere with you once we get out of here. Even thinking such a thing is ... anathema to me."  
_

A queasy feeling stirred in his stomach, as Sai's mental voice became very very upset. "_Eeegh! Don't get all sad, okay? I don't want to spend the rest of my short life barfing, all right? I'm not saying you would take advantage ..."_  


_"Hikaru, this is not something you should decide lightly.__ You are essentially trusting me with your soul..."_  


Hikaru hesitated as Kinyuki's words echoed in his mind. After all, he didn't really know much about Sai. This night alone proved that.

_"Hikaru?" _Sai's back stiffened. "_I understand if you can't. I really understand ... I'll work around it, don't wo--"_  


"_I do."_  


"_What?!"_  


"_I do. I trust you and take you as my sensei."_ Hikaru thought firmly, banishing the last of the Kinyuki inspired doubts. _"I'm sorry, Sai. I didn't mean to cause you trouble with Kinyuki."_

_"No, Hikaru. Thank you,"_ Sai gave the boy a gentle smile. "_No one's ever defended me before. I appreciate it. We need to stop talking like this now, since others may try to listen, but ... domo arigato gozaimasu. I will try to live up to the honor you have bestowed upon me."_  


Sai's mental voice disappeared from Hikaru's mind, leaving him feeling a little empty at the loss.

Hikaru tugged at his sleeves distractedly, wondering just what he had done by declaring Sai as his sensei. He had a feeling that it wasn't as simple as going to classes and sleeping through his homework.   


What _did _Sai mean by no one ever defending him? And more importantly, what did Kinyuki mean by Sai being a disgrace? He knew that Sai had been exiled from Kyoto for supposedly cheating, but did it also mean his entire family was evicted as well? Honor was very important back then ...as it still was in modern day Japan. Plenty of people committed suicide on a daily basis for things even more trivial than an obsession with playing Go.  


Hikaru rubbed his head, suddenly feeling as if Sai's centuries had reached out and draped their long length across his young shoulders.   


"He isn't really your master, is he? You call him Sai." Kojoro's voice broke into his thoughts. Hikaru stifled a yelp. He had forgotten she was there. "I heard what you said, in your head."  


"You heard ... you can read ..." Hikaru spluttered.  


"Not him, no," she said, pointing to Sai. "His mind is tight, like a trap. But you ... you broadcast your thoughts really loudly."  


"What are you going to do?" Hikaru asked dully, to tired too even half-heartedly fight with her.  


"Nothing, for now," the kitsune clicked her claws together. "It is enough that you know I know, and that you feel I'm watching your thoughts ...." she leaned forward, until her nose nearly touched Hikaru's. Hikaru swallowed, trying hard not to flinch away.   


Giving a small grunt of disappointment at his lack of reaction, Kojoro stretched languidly, and her long, amber tail flared out like a furry banner. The tip twitched mischievously. "I bet Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi would like to know that you two are plotting against him. I wonder how he'd reward me ...."  


_Oh shit!_ thought Hikaru. _Shit, shit, shit, shit ... they can all read my thoughts, wait -- they're reading them right now ... it was bad enough when it was just Sai ... shit, can't call him that ... shit! WE ARE SO DEAD! _

"_Hikaru, it's all right."_ a reassuring warmth stole through his panicky thoughts again. "_She can only read your thoughts when you broadcast them to me. Your mind is more open, then._ _Otherwise, you're safe from her at least."_  


He glanced at Kojoro, who scowled and crossed her arms.   


"_Not many in the wandering world possess the ability to read a mortal soul to its deepest depth," _Sai continued, and Hikaru had a feeling he wasn't talking to him anymore. "_Few_ _beings ever want to, because it brings them that much closer to understanding mortals ... and to touching mortality themselves."_  


Kojoro huffed angrily, raking at the dirt with her claws. "I still don't see what's so great about being mortal. You and your little closed minds."  


"_Hikaru, kitsune can only read some, not all, of your thoughts and they can read your strong emotions, but your heart and what you do with it remains known only to you."_  


"I think I'm going to be sick." Kojoro made a gagging noise. "Kinyuki-sama was right. You might as well expose your soft bellies and let us tear them out for you. It will save you pain later."

"_Keep your emotions in check, and just think and act like you normally do ... like when you don't want me to know how much you like A--"_

"_Hey! What do you mean by that?! I DON'T LIKE ANYONE!" _Hikaru howled mentally. Sai merely hid his face with his fan. "_You're supposed to keep OUT of those thoughts!"_  


"_Err ...umm, that was just an accident. You know I don't prod where you don't want me to. And most of the others here cannot even go as far as I can, no matter what they might say. As long as you keep your mind calm and your thoughts to yourself, you'll be fine."_ Sai's voice faded.   


Unfortunately, so did the dinner music. Hikaru came to the gut wrenching conclusion that dinner was indeed over as the server tanuki appeared and began to take away the plates.   


"Ohh, someone's getting in trooo-uble!" Kojoro sang. "I hope you like Hell, monkey boy, cause that's where you're going to be spending the rest of your afterlife. I hear it's painful there!"  


"Sensei, You do have a plan, don't you?" Hikaru asked nervously as a murmur began to build through the crowd, swelling from quickly from a hush to a buzzing to a veritable wave of rumbling sound.   


Sai snapped his fan shut. It disappeared from his hands a moment later.  


"Sensei?" Hikaru swallowed.   


"Fujiwara-sensei," Osusuki called as he strolled towards their table. Around them, everyone had fallen silent. "I hope you have found your meal to be acceptable. Now that the dinner courses have been concluded, one of my guests requests you and your disciple's presence."   


"We would be most honored if you could bring us into such distinguished company," Sai rose elegantly to his feet, followed by a rather reluctant and wobbling Hikaru.  


Hikaru's stomach threatened to rebel, his legs threatened to collapse, and his entire body in general seemed on the verge of a neurotic meltdown. He couldn't quite blame himself. Each and every step took them closer and closer to the head table and to what very might well be his oblivion.  


Amatsu Mikaboshi-sama was seated at the very center of the raised table. Beside him was a kindly looking old man, with a pattern of golden rice grains upon his green robes. Osusuki bowed deeply to this figure.   
  
"Inari-sama," he said, "and Amatsu Mikaboshi-sama, may I present to you Fujiwara no Sai and his disciple. They showed up when we were about to begin our festivities, and I invited them to join us. I thought it might be amusing for you to meet them."  
  
Sai lowered his knees to the ground, then bowed until his forehead touched the ground. Hikaru thought it prudent to mimic him exactly.  
  
"Fujiwara no Sai. Ahh." The old man grinned widely, as if seeing a favorite grandnephew again. "It's been centuries since I've heard your name. I remember your games though. Any closer to the Kami no Itte? You were nearly there. I wish you did get it. You would have been a worthy opponent to even us gods, if you had attained that."  
  
"Inari-sama truly pays me too much respect," Sai said, his head still bent.  
  
"Oh, please rise. It makes my back hurt to see you like that." Inari waved a hand at them, and Sai resumed a sitting position, with his legs folded under him. "So, what do you think, Mikaboshi?"  
  
"I am interested in your disciple, Fujiwara." Amatsu Mikaboshi rumbled, cutting straight to the heart of the matter. "Say, boy, what do you think of my appearance now? I would've come formally attired, if I knew there was business to be conducted."  
  
Hikaru peeked up from the mass of black curls that had cascaded over his face when he had bowed. The demon lord was still not very tall, but he was no longer short by human standards. The rolling clouds of darkness he had carried around him had also faded, though a lingering miasma still flickered around his figure.   
  
For his appearance, the god had shaped his shadowy figure into a human form, and to Hikaru's utter surprise, he was a breathtakingly beautiful. Long, silver white hair trailed unrestrainedly down the man's back. The god had forgone the traditional Japanese festival robes; instead he wore a samurai's armor over a tunic of the finest white silk. A sword dangled from a gold belt around his waist, and a gold cape finished the look.  
  
Amatsu Mikaboshi, Lord of all Hell, looked exactly like a noble warrior out of a feudal tale.  
  
"Would you like to join my retinue? I could use a young face amongst the crowd," Amatsu Mikaboshi said, his voice rich and hearty. "You have a spirit and a spark I have not seen equaled in many many years. In fact, the last time I saw such a thing ... well, both of you are before me now."  
  
"Eeeeh," squeaked Hikaru.  
  
"If you join me voluntarily, I promise that it won't be too horrible for you. You might even enjoy it ... I can give you power beyond your wildest dreams."   
  
"Eeeeeeeeee," Hikaru wished he could make another, non-dying-mouse noise, but his throat seemed to be stuck on "whine" mode. He couldn't look away from those eyes ...  
  
"Pardon my most rude interruption, your excellency," Sai spoke, and his words lifted the heavy weight in Hikaru's head. "But he, as a disciple, cannot give himself away. He already belongs to me."  
  
"Is that so?" Amatsu Mikaboshi interlaced his fingers together. "Hmm. My world is such a cold and barren one, and a soul such as his could fill the darkness, if only for a little while. Of course, flames do burn out, and he will too, after a few centuries ... but for a little while, yes. I haven't seen such a bright soul in such a long time. Usually, only the most putrid and sullied of specimens come to me."   
  
The Lord of All Darkness shook his silver head regretfully. "The moaning, groaning, and general backstabbing does get so tedious, after awhile. Tell me then, what will you have for him, Fujiwara no Sai? I can give you anything you wish, your dreams, your most secret, damning, desires."  
  
"My disciple is far too worthless a being to trade for such rich things, your excellency. I cannot agree to any bargain, knowing this."   
  
"But trade you must, Fujiwara no Sai. And we both know he's not that worthless of a being. No, not at all, in fact he's quite the opposite. Now, if it was as simple as merely taking his body, I would've already done so and used his bones to pick my teeth. But for his soul, a deal must be made, as you well know." Amatsu Mikaboshi leaned forward, and Hikaru caught a glimpse of his eyes again. No matter how perfect and flawless his face seemed, no matter how beautiful his body was, his eyes -- somewhere beyond the color of black, colder than winter's first breath, and hungry, oh so hungry --- gave him away. "A deal **will** be made."  
  
"Come, come, Mikaboshi, not this again!" Inari patted his ample stomach. "Take a break from work, now and then. Enjoy yourself."  
  
"What is more fun than wagering upon a mortal soul? And I believe one such soul is owed to me tonight," the Lord of the Demons clicked his shapely hands together. "A deal, Fujiwara no Sai. Otherwise, I'll just destroy his mortal body and force his spirit to wander the earth in torment. It won't be Hell, per se, but it will be close. It is within my rights to do so, for he entered this sacred ground of his own free will, disrupting _my_ celebration."  
  
"Mikaboshi! Really," Inari tried again. "Year after year, it's the same thing ..."  
  
"Now, now, Inari, are you saying that evil is becoming mundane?" Amatsu Mikaboshi shook his head, a regretful expression crossing his exquisitely beautiful features. "Though you do have a point, I do give you that. These mortals of late ... it's simply long distance killing, maiming, and murdering. There's none of the old art or flair."  
  
He took a dainty sip out of his tea cup. "I miss the days when man and demon would strive against one another, horns to hand. But the old ways are dying, and evil is being replaced by something infinitely more bland ... wanton destruction. Everyone just presses a button, pulls a trigger, or brings down the knife. No one sells their souls anymore, or begs for an impossible prophecy, or wagers their firstborn child for unlimited power. Evil has lost its mystical edge. Nowadays, it's not `Hell made me do it' but `I'm doing it for the Hell of it.'"   
  
Amatsu Mikaboshi dropped a hand to rest lightly his rapier. "But I digress. Fujiwara no Sai, what is your answer? Either condemn him to an eternal afterlife of wandering, just like you ... or release him to me now. I will not treat him too unkindly ... these days, pure mortal souls are hard to come by, and I wouldn't want to waste him. And when your turn comes to enter Hell, as you must, then you can be together again."  
  
Sai paused. "Your excellency came here tonight to relax, did he not? And enjoy some amusement. I remember you used to love games ... especially the oldest kind, when the wagers are the highest. I propose a game between us, then ...a game of stars and heavens."  
  
Hikaru blinked, feeling the now familiar sensation of his jaw dropping again. _Sai wants to ... He's not going to ... oh what am I thinking? This is SAI ... of course he is.  
  
_"Ahh, as always, we return to your obsession, Fujiwara no Sai." Amatsu Mikaboshi inclined his head to the side. "May I remind you that while you are brilliant in the mortal arena, you still have not attained the Hand of God. And you will be playing a god tonight. Are you certain this is the course you want to take?"  
  
"It is the only deal I am willing to make, your most supreme honor. At the very least, I will have the chance to say I've challenged a god ..."  
  
"Few mortals ever dare to, in any arena. Why should I take this deal of yours? It would be easier just to offer you something."  
  
"Because of what I am willing to wager. If I lose, I will relinquish my claim on Shindo Hikaru's soul, and it will be free for you to take. In addition, I will forsake my own chance for redemption. As you know, my last disciple became a Go Saint. I am on that path myself; Hell cannot hold me if I attain the Hand of God. If I surrender now, willingly, then you will have the two bright souls to light up Hell. However, if I win, my student goes free, unharmed, and you will never have any claim on him ever again."   
  
Hikaru folded his hands into his sleeves, trying desperately not to react. _My soul? Redemption? Sai?  
  
_"I have never lost before, Fujiwara no Sai. May I remind you that you have done so many times -- moreover ... you have lost against _mortals_. But if you insist, let's make it official. May it be heard by all those present, that before this night is over, I will play a game of Igo with Fujiwara no Sai, and I will win both his soul and that of Shindo Hikaru's. However, if I lose, then Shindo Hikaru will go free, and none of my kind nor that of any night wanderer will ever plague him again."  
  
The Lord of Hell paused, and Hikaru felt all the hairs on the back of his neck rise as a slight smile curled the ever perfect lips. "There is one more thing, however. This time, it is_ you_ who are challenging _me_ to a game. We gods don't normally take mortal challengers, you know. Thus, if you do win, then you also must submit to a thousand years in Hell, in order to teach me Go. For I will indeed need a tutor, if I were to lose to a mortal like you. That is the price of asking for a game with a god. So is this little mortal worth it to you, Fujiwara no Sai? It means one thousand years of Hell, even if you do win."   
  
"That's not fair!" Hikaru protested. "Sensei, don't --"  
  
"Shindo-kun! Hold your tongue! I accept your most gracious offer, Amatsu Mikaboshi-sama." Sai bowed low again.   
  
"Osusuki!" Amatsu Mikaboshi clapped his hands. "Bring a goban, and set up an area for us." He turned to Sai. "I will give you a few moments to talk to your student and tell him how foolishly you have signed away his eternity and your own. I wish all innocent souls were so easy to gain. But ... it does feel good again to go back to the old ways. For that, I thank you, Fujiwara no Sai ... even though your disciple may not."   
  
Sai merely bowed as he gained his feet.   
  
"Shindo-kun, come." he said quietly.  
  
As soon as he was sure he was out of normal earshot (although he wasn't quite sure just quite how to judge the hearing range of most of the creatures around them) Hikaru let all the anger and confusion within him explode outward in a flurry of flapping arms and swaying cloth. "I can't believe you agreed to that! If you win, you still have to stay with him for a thousand years, and if you lose, we're both stuck with him for eternity!"  
  
"It was the best I could do, Hikaru. I couldn't let him force you to wander the earth for eternity either. Like he said, it's not Hell, but it's as close to it as you can get, sometimes." Sai stared into the night sky, perhaps recalling his own long years of wandering. "My Go is the only gift I have. It was the only thing I could use to fight. I couldn't let him take you away like that."  
  
"Tell me the truth. Do you stand a chance?" Hikaru asked. Insight pinpricked through his thoughts, as his mind ran through Sai's earlier conversation with the Demon Lord. "This isn't the first time you've met him, is it?"   
  
"No."  
  
"What?! Did you play him before?! Did you win?!"  
  
"No. As for whether I stand a chance, well, Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi is not only a god, he is a demon .... he is the god of all demons. He can read my foremost thoughts and emotions, and he can judge my state of heart. And he has had more than a few millenniums to play; I have had only one." Sai tilted his head back further, as searching for some other divine intervention.   
  
"Guess what, that's another one of the `things you shouldn't say in situations like this,'" Hikaru threw his hands up in frustration. "I should've known it would come down to Go. It always does, for some reason. Am I cursed or something? Mou, and it figures you'd be stupid enough to challenge a god to a game, not once, but TWICE. Is there anything or anyone you won't force to play Go?!"  
  
"Gomen nasai, Hikaru ... I am really, really sorry. I couldn't think of anything else." Sai folded his hands together, his eyes closed. "Kami-sama, again it all comes down to a game. Once again ..."  
  
Hikaru stared at his toe-pinching sandals, feeling rather horrible. _He is trying is best to save me, and what do I do? I yell horrible things at him again. Ugh. _"Sai? I didn't mean to say that. I know you're only doing this to help me. Eh, well ... maybe you won't get cheated this time huh? Waiiiiiit. He _is_ the Lord of Evil ... oh crap, he IS going to cheat, isn't he?"  
  
Sai bowed his head, his shoulders slumping even further. Swallowing uneasily, Hikaru ran a hand through his hair. He groaned as he encountered the hated coils and ribbons.  
  
"Oogh, and on top of it all, I think I have split ends." He began to rearrange his loops of hair.   
  
"Hikaru?" Sai did not look up, but his tone was questioning, in a rather confused sort of way.  
  
"Look, it may not be _my_ Igo match, but I'm not going to look all manky for it. I haven't gotten my certificate yet, but I'm a pro now, right? I need to look and act like one, especially at an important game. I really don't want Waya or Touya getting wind that I'm not taking Go seriously enough or something. They already think bad enough of me, and I'll never get any respect from them if I don't do this right. And I want to look my best when you kick some demon ass!"   
  
He smoothed out the wrinkles in his robes. Beside him, Sai started fussing with his own clothes, fingers twitching at the ribbons which held his sleeves together.   
  
"Sai?" Hikaru said quietly, waiting until the hands stilled and the ghost turned around to face him. "I trust you. Whatever happens. You're not going to let me down."  
  
He paused, waiting again until Sai's startled gaze could meet his own. "And ... thanks for volunteering to go to Hell, just to try to save me. One thousand years ... t-that's a _very_ long time."  
  
"Hikaru..." Sai seemed to be at loss for words.  
  
"Ecck, just don't get all weepy or nothing. It makes me barf! And I bet these robes are a pain to clean." Hikaru made a fake gagging noise. He let out a breath of relief when Sai smiled faintly. "At least I don't have to hold the stones for you, huh? That'll be a nice change. I know it annoys you when you can't play on your own."  
  
"Hikaru, I never wanted--"  
  
"Sai ... I know. But I also want you to know that even if you're the one playing ... we'll get through this together, right? Right? Like we always do. And we'll find a way to get you out of Hell early. I'm really good at skipping and playing hooky. A-and I'll teach you all my tricks. And I --"  
  
"Excuse me," Osusuki's voice broke in. "I hate to interrupt what looks to be a very interesting conversation, but Mikaboshi-sama is waiting," he bowed to them. "If you are ready ..."  
  
"Yes," said Sai. His face became expressionless as he turned away from Hikaru. "Come, Shindo-kun. Let's go."  
  
Yet, instead of guiding them immediately towards the game dais, the kitsune paused.  
  
"You know, it's still not too ..."  
  
"I am ready, Lord of the Foxes. Lead on."  
  
For once, Osusuki said nothing brash, bold, or even remotely witty in response. That and the fact Hikaru now had to walk past table after table of silent monsters, demons, and gods, caused his fingers weave together into a nervous knot. Hikaru wished someone would break the silence, but the staring sea of bizarre faces around him did not oblige. Some expressions held contempt. Others held a primal sort of joy. And still others ... pity. Hikaru did not know which one of those reactions truly scared him the most.   
  
Actually, no. He knew. The fact that Sai kept folding and unfolding his fan, twisting it again and again in his hands, caused a cold tremor to shiver throughout his body. Because the consequences of the night's game ... Hikaru shut his mind tightly. He could not think about that now. He _would _not think about that, about los-- no.  
  
Taking a deep breath, he followed Sai as his mentor headed towards the platform upon which both their destinies rested.  
  
_To be continued ... _


	6. 6a: Burnt in the Fire of Thine Eyes

In the Forests of the Night  
A Hikaru no Go Ghost Story  
  
Part 6a: Burnt in the Fire of Thine Eyes  
  
Hikaru was no stranger to the charged atmosphere that proceeded many a Go match. He had watched (as well as played) quite a few tense matches himself, and he had come to relish the electric spark that proceeded such games, had learned to listen to the way everyone held their breath, and had never ceased to be awed at the way the world would narrow down to the stars and crosslines of the goban.   
  
However, he could not remember when a Go crowd had made him quite as nervous as the one that surrounded the raised dais. The fact that most of the audience wanted to and could very well tear him limb from limb probably contributed to this feeling. The creatures parted quite politely though, when he and Sai approached the platform. Amatsu Mikaboshi sat at the far end, and a highly polished goban waited in the center, along with two gleaming bowls of Go stones.   
  
Hikaru had to stuff his hands into his robes to hide the fact that they were shaking. He watched as Sai drew his sleeves out of the way with an elegant sweep of his arms. A light flapping noise accompanied the ghost as he settled across the goban from the Lord of Demons. Hikaru seated himself near the edge of the dais, a little distance away from the two, but in a position which gave him an excellent view of the proceedings.   
  
"If you would, my lord?" Sai offered one of the bowls to the god. Amatsu Mikaboshi accepted it and opened the lid.   
  
"Before we nigiri, I must declare the terms. We will play old style Igo -- no komi rules. However, since this is an ... _equal_ ... game, I will refrain from reading your mind, Fujiwara no Sai," Amatsu Mikaboshi smiled. It was not a pretty sight. "Do you accept?"  
  
Sai bowed his head and dipped his hand into his stones. The Lord of the Autumn Star did the same. Hikaru bit his tongue when he saw the results. Sai had ended up with white, which meant he was now playing with nearly a six stone handicap by modern standards.  
  
"Onigaishimasu," Sai said. The Lord of Hell merely smiled again and placed the first stone on the lower left corner, komoku.   
  
_If all he knows is "old school" Go,_ Hikaru's thoughts brightened, recognizing the move as the one with which Sai had started that first game with Touya Akira, _then with all that Sai's learned in the centuries since the Heian Era, we might have a chance ..._  
  
"Your disciple seems hopeful," Amatsu Mikaboshi remarked mildly. "Surely he doesn't think that even with your supposedly modern skills, you stand a chance."  
  
Hikaru gaped at the god. The Demon Lord twiddled a few fingers at him in reply. Hikaru swallowed hard; he did not know what jarred him more - the sight of Ultimate Evil making such a casual gesture, or the fact that Ultimate Evil was now giving him a rather disarming, innocent grin.   
  
Meanwhile, Sai had closed his eyes. He had one hand in his Go bowl. Slight clicking noises stirred the air as he chose a stone. He spent a long moment just cradling it between his thumb and index finger, then he performed the familiar "flick" that brought it into playing position. Opening his eyes, Sai spent another few heartbeats studying the goban before bringing the piece down. The sound of stone meeting wood echoed through the clearing. The game had begun.   
  
Amatsu Mikaboshi countered quickly, slapping his stone down even before Sai's had stopped shaking.  
  
The ghost paused again, unfolding his fan and bringing it up to his mouth. Long minutes trickled by. Hikaru's hands twitched within his robes; had the kitsune started playing their drums again, or was that loud pounding sound his heart?   
  
Finally, after what felt like an hour, Sai placed another stone. The God of Evil countered within seconds. This time, the lag between his and Sai's next move took even longer. Hikaru nearly bit through his bottom lip as he waited. Even though the two had yet to move out of fuseki, he knew that Amatsu Mikaboshi would not be easily defeated. Indeed, once Sai put down his stone, the Lord of Demons countered again, almost instantly.  
  
"Shindo! Shindo Hikaru!" a sharp shaking sensation abruptly broke Hikaru's concentration. He turned, ready to snarl at whatever had interrupted him, only to find himself face to snout with Osusuki's kitsune mask. "Kiyiii, you are a hard little gyouza to attract the attention of! I've been calling your name for quite a while now."  
  
"You can touch me!"  
  
"Of course I can. I'm the one that made you untouchable in the first place," Osusuki rose, pulling Hikaru with him. "Or rather, I made these surroundings, which are untouchable to you. Still, I need you to come with me."  
  
"But," Hikaru protested as Sai put down another stone and Lord Mikaboshi countered. "I want to watch the game! I HAVE to watch the game. It's MY soul at stake."  
  
"Being that as it is, I think you would rather not," Osusuki remarked. "Come, oh nibblicious one."  
  
The kitsune clamped his handful of claws into Hikaru's robes, and the boy found himself being dragged from the platform, force marched through the gathered crowd of demons, ghosts, and gods, and driven into the darkness of the wood itself. Oddly enough, no one seemed to notice or care that Hikaru had left, so intent were they all on the game.  
  
"There now. That's better," Osusuki released him, then took a few steps back. "Ohh, you look sooooo fetching in those ribbons!"  
  
"Just leave me alone! Haven't you made my life miserable enough already?" Hikaru stamped the ground, the only thing that was solid to him. "I don't care if you are the head of all kitsune, I STILL think you're scum ..."   
  
He gave the dirt one last vicious kick. Unfortunately, the motion unbalanced him and sent him stumbling forward a few steps, arms windmilling frantically as his sleeves nearly toppled him over. "Waaaagh!"  
  
"Kiyiiiiiiii!" Osusuki laughed as Hikaru finally stopped reeling around like a kite in a hurricane. "Ah, there's the fire that Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi wants so much."  
  
"I'm going back. I don't have time for this," Hikaru turned away from the kitsune, intent on wading back through the crowd again.  
  
"I wouldn't, if I were you," Osusuki said. "Notice how fast Amatsu Mikaboshi-sama is replying Fujiwara-sensei's moves? He matches them perfectly, without hesitation."  
  
"That's what I'm worried about!"  
  
"As if he could read Fujiwara-sensei's mind ..." the kitsune continued, "or, perhaps, the mind of someone who knows all his moves as well as he knows his own."  
  
Hikaru froze, leaving his robes to swirl around him in a whirl of white cloth.   
  
"As a point of honor ... oh yes, Evil _does_ have a code it must follow, my little onigiri, otherwise, how can it tell itself from good? Anyway, he will not read Fujiwara-sensei's thoughts, but he never said anything about anyone else's."   
  
"You mean I can't even watch the game where my soul is at stake?" Hikaru stared back through the crowd. "That's not FAIR! Sai - er, sensei said that you guys can't read our thoughts!"  
  
"Yes, most of the beings here can't read too deeply, but we _are_ talking about the GOD of Evil. Do you really want to risk it? I can take care of that detail for you, though. Otherwise, it would not be much of a battle, and I DO want it to be entertaining." Osusuki shrugged. "Come, walk with me for a little while."  
  
"Why should I? I don't trust you. And I can't leave Sa-ensei behind. I don't know how far we move from each other."  
  
"I will take care of that little detail as well. Besides, coming with me is better than being bored now, is it not? Judging by the current rate of Fujiwara-sensei's moves, it will be a long while yet before the game is over. You are still my guest and it is my duty, as host, to make sure you enjoy some of your time tonight."  
  
"Enjoy tonight?! If I survive it, it's gonna give me nightmares for life!" Still, Hikaru followed the kitsune, despite the general misgivings that twisted his stomach. The constant murmuring and gasping from the crowd nipped on his nerves. He also couldn't take the chance that a stray comment would lead to a game-losing thought from him. "There's just one thing I don't understand. What's in it for you?"  
  
"Every Setsubon, we kitsune hold a celebration in honor of Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi, to keep him appeased and to keep him out of our fur for the coming year. However, lately it's been harder to keep him ... entertained. Humans have gotten rather boring in their modernity, and tempting you all is hardly a challenge anymore," Osusuki led Hikaru deeper into the woods, away from the partygoers. " So I thought to myself, what better way to please the Demon Lord than by presenting him with a temptation _he_ couldn't resist?"  
  
"Couldn't you have just hired strippers or something?"  
  
"We did that last year. He ate them all. Before the third course."  
  
"Oooh-kay," Hikaru swallowed heavily. For some reason, he did not think that Osusuki was joking. "It's still not fair, though. I didn't mean to come here or break your shrine, but that doesn't give you a right to use me OR Sai to entertain the Lord of All Things Bad and Gooey. Aren't there rules against this?"   
  
"It is not as simple as that, my young cutlet. Rules or no, things move in ways you cannot even begin to understand, but there is a pattern, just be sure of that. Who knows, Fujiwara-sensei might even win."   
  
Resigned to the fact that he wouldn't get to watch the game, Hikaru turned his full attention to the other problem at hand. "But even if he does, he still loses. He's going to have to spend the next thousand years in Hell."  
  
"Well, look at it this way, at least you will be free of him."   
  
It took every last bit of restraint in Hikaru's admittedly small arsenal not to throw another temper tantrum. _Sai doesn't need you to make any more trouble, so don't react ... keep calm, don't react ..._ At best, he managed to keep his voice down to a shout. "I DON'T want to be free of him! I like him just where he is!"  
  
"Ahh, but how much longer will that last? Tell me, what _does_ Fujiwara sensei mean to you, Shindo Hikaru? Do you really get along with him so perfectly?"  
  
Hikaru clenched his teeth, counting from one to ten, then back down to one again. _Keep calm, don't react_, he chanted mentally. Still, an image of Touya Koyo flashed again in his mind, as did the argument that the disastrous game had caused.  
  
Osusuki tilted his head. "And what if you wanted your own life someday, sans ghost? Sai's not exactly easy to have around all the time, is he? He can be absolutely annoying, I suspect. And what IS he good for, besides Go?"  
  
"Shut up! Just shut up!" the last thing Hikaru wanted to hear was his own, hurtful words thrown back at him.  
  
"Remember, you won't ever have a single moment alone for the rest of your life. Not even for more ... intimate ... relationships. How _has_ your love life been going, anyway? You humans can get so kinky sometimes. Maybe you_ like_ having a watcher?"  
  
Hikaru felt his face flame, and he barely stopped himself from ducking behind his sleeves. He now understood why Sai used his fan so much. Interacting with kitsune tended to be rough on one's composure. "We'd work it out, somehow. Me an' Sai have been fine for two years!"   
  
"Or what happens if you want to do something different than Go? Wouldn't Sai be just so much baggage then? Over the two years you've had together, I'm sure you've given this SOME passing thought."  
  
"I like Go for myself, not for Sai, and I'm not quitting anytime soon!" Hikaru's fingernails dug small, bloody crescents into his palm. The fact that the kitsune was somewhat correct -- he _had _wondered many times about those very same questions -- did not help matters. _Don't react, don't react, Sai said not to react._  
  
"Isn't it enough that you've nearly sent both of us to Hell? Do you have to turn me against Sai too? If you ask me, you serve Amatsu Mikaboshi more than Inari-sama."  
  
"Tch. You mortals are worse than dogs with your black and white vision. No wonder the Lord of Hell despairs about the evil of this age; your kind has lost the ability to understand what true evil means. I am a kitsune. I am no more evil than a tree is, or a river is, or a mountain. Kitsune can kill humans, yes -- we can play with you, most definitely-- but we are not evil."  
  
"I don't buy that," Hikaru clenched his teeth. "You've been against Sai and me ever since we got here!"  
  
"And how, pray tell, does that make me evil?" Osusuki tapped a claw against his mask, then waved it warningly at Hikaru. "Be careful with your accusations, Shindo Hikaru. You are in a precarious position already, and your emotional responses have not been altogether helpful."  
  
The kitsune had stopped walking, and Hikaru found that the fox spirit had brought them into a small clearing. Osusuki clapped his hands together, and a burst of sparkling light erupted from his palms. Four additional lanterns, two chairs, and a round table made from a gigantic tree stump appeared. A full tea set also materialized upon the table's surface, along with two teacups.  
  
"Please sit."  
  
Hikaru ignored the proffered seat, choosing instead to stand and fume.  
  
"Suit yourself. By the way, you can touch anything here, but if you wish to stand, that's perfectly fine with me. And for the record, I have never been against Fujiwara no Sai."  
  
"Well, I think that sending his soul to Hell is "being against" Sai," Hikaru dropped all pretense of calling Sai "sensei." Osusuki didn't seem to care, one way or another.   
  
"Really, Shindo Hikaru, has the greatest Kami-sama above replaced your brains with an omeboshi?" Osusuki shook his head. "Yet again, you are making declarations without thinking them through.You need to find another, clearer definition of evil and what it means. Otherwise, you have little chance of surviving the night of all wandering."  
  
From behind his mask, the kitsune snapped his teeth together, causing Hikaru to flinch involuntarily. "More importantly, it is not wise to contradict someone like me who could easily squash someone like you. Remember who I am, Shindo Hikaru, and remember you must respect me. Therefore, I ask you again ... what does Fujiwara no Sai mean to you? Answer me, _convince_ me of his worth to you, and perhaps you will get an answer to your own questions."  
  
"Sai ...." Hikaru took a deep breath, then let it out. He hated to admit it, but Osusuki was right; yelling and stomping around wasn't helping matters much. Instead, it made things even more uncomfortable as his costume pulled tighter against his muscles. He glanced around, feeling suddenly exposed. It was the first time since he had met the ghost that Sai had been out of his visual range for an extended amount of time.   
  
"Okay. Fine, we'll play it your way. Sai ... well ... he's my best friend, I guess. He's annoying to have around at times, he bugs me, and he can make a LOT of trouble. But ... he's also helped me. Before, I flunked all my classes, I didn't do much, I didn't even have a lot of friends ... and I didn't care. Then he came, with his crazy obsession, and he sucked me in, and suddenly bang! I made friends, I even made _rivals,_ I had something to do, and I ... care about stuff."   
  
Hikaru rubbed the bridge of his nose. "But more than that .... he was the first person to ever believe in me, to _make_ me do something instead of letting me do whatever I wanted. Maybe he doesn't have a choice, but still, for some reason, he never gives up on me. And this is even though he knows EVERYTHING about me ... every flaw, every bad thought, every rude thing I say ... "  
  
"He's also the one who tells me that I could learn anything if I put my mind to it and he nags the crap out of me until I actually try harder, just to make him shut up. He's there when things get tough, or he gets tough when I'm slacking." Hikaru snorted. "And he can be tough, believe it or not. My parents aren't bad or anything, but they never gave me that. Mom barely knows that Go is a game with stones; she thinks that I'm going through a "stage." And Dad .... I'd be surprised if he even knows I play Go. Without Sai, I don't know what I ..."  
  
Hikaru wiped his nose roughly with his sleeve, than ran his arm across his eyes. "I don't WANT to know."  
  
"Because that would mean that you'd have to believe in yourself." Osusuki slanted his head to the side. "Shindo Hikaru, if you survive to learn anything from tonight, you must realize that to depend on someone else's belief and drive leads to a tenuous existence, at best. You don't need Sai, no matter what you may think. He might as well be some Go stone you used to gain more territory ... if he could have it the other way, he would have used you."  
  
"That's not true!"  
  
"Tch! I think some part of you knows this is true, no matter what the rest of your heart or mind may say."  
  
"I don't care about all that," Hikaru thumped his fist on the table, feeling oddly satisfied at the hard smacking noise it made. He had to rub the feeling back into his hand afterward, but it was worth it. "You're lying. I won't let you turn me against him! I won't!"  
  
"Sai's the one who bargained your soul away for a Go game, did he not? Don't you think he likes playing again, on his own? What if Lord Mikaboshi offers him the chance for his to have a body again? To play without you? What if he trades you for a mortal form of his own?"  
  
"He's playing to save me, and he would NEVER accept!"   
  
"Did you see his face when he held the stones again, with his own hands?" Osusuki leaned forward slightly. The lamplight caught and threw strange shadows across his mask, making the snout appear longer and sharper than usual.  
  
"Your blind loyalty is going to prove to be your downfall. Don't you understand? You and he are doomed to fail in this. No one can win in a mortal game against the Lord of Evil. If you accept it now, it will be easier later. Like you said, you are going to lose your friend, either way. Cut your losses! What do you owe Sai? He's not even really your sensei, is he?" Osusuki waved off Hikaru's protest. "Don't even try. I know he isn't. So he doesn't have the right to bargain with your soul. You could leave ... I could let you leave ... my purpose for entertaining Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi has been fulfilled ..."  
  
"No ... NO! Even if I could leave, I won't! I'm the one that got us into the mess! I'm the one who walked into this stupid forest." Hikaru took a shuddering breath, willing his heart to calm down from its anger induced beat.   
  
"It's NOT about Go, or who plays, or who owes who what! Look, I know I'm kinda stupid, and I'm bad at school... heck, if it wasn't for Sai, I'd still fail ALL of my academics. But it's not about what he's done for me ... It's not about having debts to each other ..."  
  
"So **you**_are_ the one who is using him. You're angry because you're losing your tool ..."  
  
"NO!" Hikaru closed his eyes, his teeth clenched. Frustration sheared through him; how could he make the kitsune understand?   
  
"You aren't listening! It's not about that! He's my FRIEND ... more than that, he's a part of me now. You guys might live long time, but I don't think you've learned much about humans. You don't know anything about true friendship OR loyalty OR anything like that! I'm NOT letting him go to the Demon Lord of Hell! He's giving up his soul for me, and I'd give up my --"  
  
Something stopped him mid-sentence, an inner prickling that sometimes came when he was playing a intense game. Osusuki's body position had changed; both of his hands had appeared on the table edge, as if he was gathering his strength to pounce. An image hovered in Hikaru's mind, of Go stones, moves, and countermoves ... it was the same sensation when he suddenly realized an opponent's ...  
  
"Trap... you're **trying **to get me worked up," Hikaru backed away from the kitsune, appalled. What had he almost said? _I'd give up my ... _  
  
"You're _trying_ to make me "blindly loyal", aren't you? I mean, I would give it up for Sai, yeah .... but I'm not going to be tricked into it by you. The reverse psycho-babbly thingie won't work." _  
  
__And there's also something more I'm not seeing here. It's like playing a game with half the board shadowed ... _his thoughts murmured.  
  
Osusuki dismissed Hikaru's words with a casual flick of his claws. "Spare me your dramatics. If Fujiwara no Sai really meant all that to you, why are you letting him go to Hell? _He_ can leave, you know. _You_ are the one who Amatsu Mikaboshi is truly after. Sai only placed himself in harm's way to protect you."  
  
"But he's already started the challenge!" Hikaru felt as if he was shaking all over. His fingers seemed to have a mind of their own as they clenched and unclenched. _What am I not seeing? What do I not know?_  
  
"Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi's claim on you would be greater if you surrendered of your own free will. Consent is the key. If you declare your allegiance to Lord of the Autumn Star now, I'm sure he would let Sai go free in exchange," Osusuki's claws clicked against the wood of the tabletop as he dragged a hand across the splintered surface. "You said it yourself. You owe him. Sai's going to be trapped by Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi , one way or another. However, if you, of your own free will, decide to save your friend, you'd cut the potential losses down to one soul. If Sai loses, though, the Demon Lord will have the both of you. Then he'd be unstoppable. Besides, does Sai really have the right to gamble your soul like this? Do _you _have the right to _let_ **him** gamble his own soul like this?"  
  
"He is my sensei, so yeah!" Hikaru planted his feet firmly against the ground, his hands loose and ready at his sides. "I declared Sai my sensei right before the challenge."  
  
Osusuki rose and circled the table, stopping only when he was completely behind Hikaru. "You did? Tell me, was it a formal declaration, before qualified witnesses? For I rather remember you two having a small mixup ..."  
  
"Ehhhh ..." Hikaru hedged as he craned his head around to track the kitsune. He had a feeling that keeping Osusuki within his line of vision was probably a good idea.   
  
"Well, we didn't have tea ceremony or nothing, but Kojoro was there, and SHE heard, I think, though I don't know if that counts. But that doesn't matter. Sai's helped me do so much since I've met him. He's changed the way I see the world ... he's guided me through a lot. If that's not a true sensei, then I don't know what is. I still trust him with my soul."  
  
"But there IS still a chance, if you have not declared it formally. He's not really your _sensei_ now, but if you give up, you can definitely save your _friend_."  
  
Hikaru felt his mouth go dry. The worst part was that he could not quite dismiss all of what Osusuki had said. Actually, most of what the kitsune had said made sense ... a lot of sense. Especially the uncomfortable parts regarding having to believe in himself. However, he did not have time to even begin to sort_ that_ mess out._  
  
Can't lose focus, not now, not midgame! Concentrate! _he chided himself. He wanted to free Sai, but somehow, giving into the Lord of Darkness felt incredibly wrong. All his instincts told him to fight until he had no other recourse._ Okay, first thing -- Stop making wild moves. And no more defense__; it's time for something different, time to play MY way ..._  
  
"We let the game play to the end."  
  
"Then you really would let him sacrifice himself for you?" Osusuki asked. His tone remained seemingly nonchalant. However, though Hikaru was not sure, he thought he could hear the slightest trace of bitterness in the kitsune's words.   
  
He bit his lip and tried to use that spark of pain to divert his emotions away from the guilt that threatened to shut down his thoughts. _Sai, I'm playing my own game now. And for both our sakes, I hope I'm making the right moves ..._   
  
"I meant it when I said I won't let him go to Hell. But I'm not going either. And I'm not going to let you tell me it's all my fault. You're the one that held us until Mr. Ultimate Evil showed up. "   
  
Hikaru turned around, meeting the kitsune's enigmatic, eyeless mask directly. "There's a lot more to this than just making sure the Lord of Hell is happy, isn't there?"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
The boy shrugged. "I can't make you talk, but I can go back to Lord of Darkness, Demons, and Really Bad Hangovers and tell him that the deal's off, that I rather walk the earth for a eternity than join him. That way, he still won't get what he wants .... either Sai or me. But I think he's gonna be reeaaaal pissed off at you."  
  
Hikaru squared his shoulders and thrust his jaw out defiantly. "So talk. You're awfully concerned about Sai ... and about making me give up my soul for him. Why should YOU care how many souls Lord Mikaboshi gets, as long as you managed to keep him off your back? I think the real question isn't what Sai means to _me_, but what Sai means to _you._"   
  
Hikaru held his breath. _There. It's set. Now, please, please go for the "stone," I've put down. C'mon, go for it ....  
  
_"I could just rip you apart, you know," Osusuki remarked casually. The lamplight glittered against his gleaming claws, which he waved idly.  
  
"Yes, but then that'd REALLY cheese off Mr. Unhappy back there, right? He looks like the kind that likes to do his own, hands on ... err ... _off_ .... dismemberment."  
  
_C'mon Osusuki, go for the bait ... see, I've laid it all out for you, take the stone, c'mon, show me where the rest of your plan lies ..._  
  
Without warning, the kitsune lunged at Hikaru, but the boy closed his eyes and stood his ground. Something like a breeze pushed his hair back, and he could feel the very tip of a claw touch his nose. Osusuki's panting breath felt hot against his cheeks. After a few tense moments, while Hikaru's life passed before his eyes (it consisted mostly of eating ramen, for some reason), he sensed the kitsune backing away. He cautiously opened an eye, only to find that Osusuki was still nearly snout to nose with him.  
  
"Very well ...you asked me what Sai meant to me ..." the kitsune's mask dipped down, bringing his empty eyes even closer to Hikaru's own. The dark depths seemed to seethe with secrets, and Hikaru felt their weight pushing against his senses. "And what he means to the wandering world and my people in particular. Well, it's not something I can tell you."   
  
"HEY, LORD AMA---"  
  
The kitsune clapped one harsh hand against Hikaru's mouth, while the other wrapped around Hikaru's throat, cutting off his words mid-syllable. Hikaru gagged, but Osusuki was careful not to even bruise him. After a moment, the fox spirit released Hikaru, leaving the boy to gasp weakly as he leaned against the table.  
  
"Sit," Osusuki ordered him. This time, Hikaru complied, rubbing his neck gingerly. He reached for his cup of tea and recklessly swigged it down. The taste of chrysanthemums filled his mouth. He fixed the kitsune with his most steeliest look, one which he learned from both Sai and Touya Akira. It must have worked, because Osusuki tensed and his claws dug into the soft wood of the table.  
  
"I mean it, Foxy-loxy. Talk!"  
  
"Do you really want to go this far?" the kitsune reached for his mask. Hikaru's eyes widened, but Osusuki merely slipped one finger under it before pausing. "Do you know why my kind wore masks tonight, Shindo Hikaru?"  
  
"Because you're butt ugly underneath?" Hikaru hazarded a guess.  
  
Osusuki snorted. "I swear you go out of your way to become filleted. But no. A kitsune is a spirit of illusions, of images not quite grounded in reality, of desires not quite spoken. Tonight, however, in front of all the gods, we kitsune cannot hold our illusions together. The masks we have tonight are not for our guests, though. Try again, and guess. It is something, the only thing, we kitsune share with many of you mortals."  
  
Hikaru scratched an ear. "Well, do you wear masks because you don't like ... looking in mirrors?"   
  
He wasn't quite sure what made him say that, but to his amazement, Osusuki nodded begrudgingly.  
  
"Bra_vo_, Shindo-kun, I wouldn't have expected you to be so insightful. Well, that's _almost_ correct, anyway. The gods are like truest of all mirrors, ones that can strip away all pretentions and illusions, leaving us bare. But it is not the mirrors themselves we fear. It is what we find reflected back at us in them. That is why we must wear our masks, not for the gods, but for each other and for ourselves. However, the first time Sai ever saw me .... he saw as a god would, straight through all my spells ... he saw me like this."   
  
With an elegant sweep of his hand, Osusuki tore the mask away. Hikaru had his hands ready to shield his eyes, but to his surprise, a perfectly normal human face stared back at him. Osusuki's black hair had been unbound, and it cascaded around his heart shaped face. Two amber-green eyes flashed above a long, delicate nose. Only the presence of small, almost tiger like stripes at the very edge of his face belied the fact that Osusuki was not truly human. The kitsune was nowhere in the same league as Amatsu Mikaboshi when it came to beauty, but he had an earthly, wild aura that the Lord of Evil could not match with all his elegant darkness.  
  
Hikaru suddenly felt rather plain looking. He plucked at his robes.  
  
"Even if I had my glamour on, or my mask, or anything else, this is what Sai would see." Osusuki continued. "It is his greatest power, his ability to see things to their source."  
  
"I don't think you look _that _bad," Hikaru shrugged. "Your attitude and tactics stink, but it's not like you have to go around wearing paper bags on your heads ..."  
  
"You really aren't that bright, are you? I'm not talking about physical beauty. Why would we want to hide that? Look beyond my face, little mortal. Do you see?"   
  
Hikaru's previous headache intensified. Something flickered in the fox spirit's evergreen eyes, something that reminded him of the rushing crash of the wild stream untamed, the hot blood pulse of the predator on the hunt, the sharp metallic taste that proceeded the first snap of lightening ... and something even beyond that, something old beyond the reckoning of time, beyond the concepts of mortality, something that moved in the deep, dark earth, where sunlight and shadows might as well have been one and the same.  
  
"Yes. Just as he can see deep into a Go game, to the point he can predict his opponent's every move, Sai can read past our surface, until he touches our true nature. It's something usually only the youngest mortal children have, before they learn to deceive themselves. Didn't you ever wonder why there are so many stories about monsters who eat children? It's not only so that parents can scare their brats into obeying. You would think we'd go for something that had a bit more meat and a bit less snot. But no ... we go after them because they can see that we_ are_ monsters."   
  
Osusuki traced a finger over his discarded mask. "The first time I met Sai, I thought I was going to have to kill him. We wanderers are not meant to be seen without our illusions."  
  
The air suddenly sparked with bright pinwheels of frozen light, and the world began to take on a glassy look, as if it had been sealed underneath a sheet of plastic. Hikaru tried to get up, but his muscles refused to work. "W...What are you doing?"  
  
"Like I said, I can't tell you what Sai means to us. But I can show you ...." Osusuki had come around to his side of the table again, and Hikaru felt himself being drawn into those impossibly emerald eyes ...  
  
And then the world melted away ...  
  
_to be continued in part 6b_   



	7. 6b: Burnt in the Fire of Thine Eyes

In the Forests of the Night  
A Hikaru no Go Ghost Story  
  
Part 6b: Burnt in the Fire of Thine Eyes (_continued from 6a_)  
  
*** _  
_ _The first thing that Hikaru notices is that the ground seems a lot closer to his face, and that he now stands on four legs instead of two. Yet, neither that fact nor the fact that he seems to be covered in fur bothers him overly much. What does bother him, though, are the fleas. It feels rather satisfying to give himself an all over scratch with a hind leg. He then rolls in the grass to get rid of the last annoying twinges. The insects don't like being coated in the pungent scent, and they leave quite hastily._  
  
_ Oooh, now this is HEAVEN! His fur free of irritations, Hikaru concentrates his attention on other matters. He turns his nose to the wind, straining from it the information of the world. He has to be quick though; __the duties of the court weigh upon him even now. It is not often he has an opportunity to break away from the monotony that comes with his title. He knows h__is mate is probably already telling his advisors to find him. If he's fast, however, he might just be able to hunt down a rabbit or two before they can catch up. _  
  
_ Unfortunately, the wind does not hold the quick-leaping-forest scent of a rabbit-on-the-run. A cat has passed by recently, leaving a fish-in-the-night smell, and the dusky scent of wood-well-chewed confirms the existence of various small life forms which squeak their lives away in the grass. But wait! Curling in the wind, at this moment ... the scent of human! His ears prick up and catch the sounds of quiet giggling and clumsy footsteps of a human child._  
  
_ As a rule, his kind avoids humans (they tend to shout, pick up torches, and start waving sharp sticks about when they suspect a night wanderer is around) but something makes him stretch all four legs out and follow this teasing current. As the scent becomes stronger and stronger, he decides to change form. Humans are not very bright; they are easily fooled by the right kind of body. _  
  
_ He could have also become invisible as well; with the night shadows at his command, he can hide from the sharpest of human eyes. But there is little entertainment in stalking prey that does not know it is being hunted. It is the chase, after all, that he relishes the most._  
  
_ A sharp shivering flash envelopes him, followed by a sensation much like an all body "hiccup." He stands on two legs now. The world appears differently at this angle. The smells are __flat, and the colors not so vivid. Silk kimonos, however, have the distinct advantage of not attracting fleas. _  
  
_ Looking up, he notices that the moon is now rising over the horizon, polishing the world in a silver glow. He does not need the light to find the human, though. Huddled in a small ball against the cold earth, its presence confuses him slightly.  
  
Hikaru traces the wind again, wary of a trap. He cannot judge mortal time accurately, but he senses that the child is very very young. Humans usually do not allow their cublings go wandering off in the night, especially when they know that there are other, less innocent wanderers about. Yet, his nose cannot find any trace of treachery. Perhaps the little one is lost?   
  
If that is the case, well -- the second law of the hunt states that the weak should fall first. He moves forward._  
  
_ The child turns. Trusting violet eyes, impossibly large in the small face, look up._  
  
_ "Foxy!" the child giggles. Hikaru pauses mid-stride. The cubling recognizes his true form. But then again, that is nothing __too special. Young children often see more clearly than their older counterparts.   
  
Still, something about this mortal intrigues him. Something ... not quite right. He reaches down into himself and brings forth his own truesight. And what he sees ..._  
  
_Shock nearly takes him to his knees. Truesight enables his kind to delve into the energy that flows in and around the world they live. In his truesight, the earth pulses with a slight indigo shade and the rocks emit a deep azure hue. Grass, trees, and other plant life blaze periwinkle. Purple pinpricks are the tiny insects at play, and even the smallest mouse burns with a intense violet light.   
  
Nothing stays one color for long though; shades constantly shift as energy is exchanged from one form to another. To one with the right kind of eyes, the world is a glowing kaleidoscope with life as its tilting pieces, tumbling in ever changing patterns from one moment to another. Once the sun rises, the spectrum will swirl again.  
  
But until then, he is careful to keep his gaze to the ground. The sky at night is dangerous; the stars, with their aching, unchanging radiance, can blind a fox spirit if he looks with full truesight. No fox out of its first tail would dare to even glance up without properly shielding himself. It is the first rule a young kitsune learns when they open their second set of eyes, the set that looks beyond.  
  
And normally, to the right kind of eyes, human auras contain a paled luminescence, washed out like the sky amidst rain. But this child .... this human child ... is a child of a star colored aura ... too bright! He is like a kit again, starblinded, mewling for help . . ._  
  
_The small, chubby hand patting his head finally brings the world back into focus. __He blinks, trying to erase the halo that surrounds his gaze.__ His truesight subsides, contracting and adjusting like a real eye's pupil._  
  
_ "Sai like foxy! Play stars?" the child asks. Cupped hands hold a small collection of rounded rocks. The normal auras around the stones have changed slightly though; they now flicker with a pure, cobalt intensity, seen only in the hottest form of fire. _  
  
_ "Foxy?"_  
  
_ No, not a normal human child. What would happen if it were to join the ranks of the ever proselytizing monks? In the hands of those beings, this child and its truesight would be a deadly weapon. Without their protective illusions to hide them, not a single kitsune or night wanderer would be safe from exorcism. If allowed to grow, would this child seek to destroy his people?_  
  
_ "Play stars!" the human insists. In its hands, the rocks glitter, flashing silver and blue._  
  
_ His claws arch back, ready to tear at the soft throat. Yet, something stirs in him. To tenuous to be called compassion, at best it might be named curiosity. He has never seen a star-aura before ..._  
  
_ "Stars," the child repeats as it carefully places the rocks back on the ground. _  
  
_ "Unca show Sai stars. Sai show foxy!" tiny hands pick up a stick and etch a few unsteady lines on the ground. The chubby fingers clumsily gather up the rocks then throws them haphazardly against the lines drawn into the dust. The scattered bits of falling light: heaven's tears made solid.   
  
"Put here. Ta-da!" _  
  
_ And flashing bright against his mind eye, he can see it ... an universe begins to shape and spread outward. He has to shield his gaze as if he had looked up to the real sky.   
  
Something prickles through him. Wonder? Is this feeling wonder? He has seen many things on this restless earth, but this ... this is something new.   
_  
_ He turns away from the child and the dust covered stars and ponders this strange feeling inside him. His claws clutch at the air. Such power in mortal form scares him slightly. One quick slash would take care of it all, just one quick ...  
  
"Foxy?"  
  
He surges back into four feet form. Powerful jaws open, teeth flash ...  
  
"Foxy!"  
  
And grasp the back of the small kimono.  
  
With the child dangling from his jaws (still breathing and giggling, much to his self disgust), he lopes away. His journey does not take long, but in that short time, he notices that the weight of the child is not unlike that of his own kits.  
  
No matter. At the very edge of the human village, he can see lines of lanterns weaving their way across the wide fields. Voices echo in the wind, calling and searching. He opens his mouth and drops the wiggling bundle roughly against the dirt.  
  
There. It to its world, his to his. That is as much as he can do, for now.   
  
His thoughts return to the rabbits-on-the-run and the taste of blood-in-the-night.  
  
Hikaru leaves._  
  
_ Time passes, as it usually does. Not that he takes notice. Time is a mortal invention; for an immortal kitsune, there is only the here and the now. The seasons sluice from him like water through his fur._  
  
_ Yet, the scent in the wind today - a familiar one - Hikaru follows it willingly, changing once again to two feet form. This time, though, he uses the night as a shield from the child's mortal eyes; he will be able to watch without being seen, no matter how keen the child's eyes may be. Caution is doubly necessary this time; the monks, of late, have been congregating around this particular village. He wonders if this might have anything to do with the child._  
  
_ When he reaches the cubling, he notices that the youngster looks different; the child's limbs are longer and his hair, once gathered into a small bow at the back of his head, has been bunched into circles around the ears.   
  
So, this is what mortal time means, he suddenly thinks ... seconds marked into a length of flesh, before that final fall into dust and bones. The cubling's aura, however, remains unchanged. He, for the child was definitely a male cub, looks up. The violet eyes are still the same, as well._  
  
_ The small mouth opens wide in a gasp. Something too fragile to be called recognition, but half a memory, nonetheless, crosses the child's thoughts. "Oh! Kitsune!"   
_  
_ Hikaru's claws twitch as he gapes in amazement. The cubling still sees him, even when he is cloaked by the shadows. This should be impossible! Anger rips through him, raw like like lightening. He should rip those eyes out, crush their daring intensity. Nothing should look upon him so! Yet ...what **does **the child see, when he looks into his face?_  
  
_ "You're pretty," the young one murmurs. "I sneaked out to find you. The monks say that you and the other night thingies are trouble, and they want to make you be good. I told them not to be mean to kitsune though ... cause you guys are with In...Ina..."_  
  
_ "Inari-sama?" the name of his lord triggers a sense of unease in him; he should be back at court now, fulfilling his duties to his master and his people. Strange mortal children had no place in the world of the wandering night.  
  
__Though he knows that other night travelers **must** have noticed the child by now__. __He is surprised no one has managed to finish off the perplexing little mortal yet, even given the increased activities of the monks. Some would have taken the monks for a challenge._  
  
_ "Yeah! But they didn't listen. They're scared."_  
  
_ "__You should be scared too!" Hikaru lets the growl rumble low in his throat and shows all of his teeth. The violet gaze never leaves his face, does not flinch, does not yield. Why is this impudent mortal not cowering?!  
  
"Kitsune may be servants of Inari, but that doesn't mean we can't eat you." _  
  
_ "Do you know how to play Go?" the wide smile that bursts across the small face is as unexpected as is the question. The child still shows no sign of proper fear or respect. Hikaru bares his fangs even further._  
  
_ "What does that have anything to do with me not eating you?"_  
  
_ "Play a game of Go with me!" the child demands. "Play now!"_  
  
_ "Did you hear me? I can eat you up," Hikaru lets his claws gleam in the moonlight. The child merely laughs, however. The sound tinkles in the air, making Hikaru's ears twitch._  
  
_ "Well, play a game first! Nobody'll play me anymore ... I dunno why. Mother says I'm a good player! I'm six-and-a-half," the child lifts up six fingers, with the seventh one bent over, "but I beat grandmother AND uncle. I beat the really old fogies in next village too. They smelled funny and they didn't have any teeth! Wow, you have LOTS of teeth! But now nobody'll play me." _  
  
_ The child sighs and tugs at his messy robes. Hikaru can smell the everyday scents of house and home on him, as well as the grownup scent of his family, but there is no scent of other children. It's not exactly surprising, however; judging by the quality of his clothes, the youngster's family must be one of, if not THE richest clan in the territory. But even without that, the cubling's skills alone would . . .  
  
No, Hikaru is not surprised.  
  
"Nobody. Not even when I don't play Go. But Grandmother said that kitsune had imp ... impee ... court thing."_  
  
_ "Imperial?" Confusion swirls inside him. Just where is this conversation heading? Does the child know of his position?_  
  
_ "Yes! Like in Heiankyo. I wanna go to Heiankyo, cause they play a lot of Go there. But mother says that we can't. Somebody did something mean to Grandfather and he lost his face or something, but not really, cause it's still on his head, but now we have to live here. It makes everybody really sad at home, 'specially father. But I'm gonna go to Heiankyo, and they can come too. They play the best kind of Go there, and I'll **make** them take me. I want to play the Emperor."_  
  
_ Hikaru's mind reels in bewilderment. The topic of conversation bounces more than a rabbit caught in a snare; he has lost the original point long ago. Perhaps the child is simple minded? Maybe he needs yet another reminder of just who was in charge and who had the fangs. He shows both accordingly._  
  
_ "What does Heiankyo have anything to do with the Kitsune Court, and what does all that have to do with me not eating you?"_  
  
_ "Silly! **All** courts play Go. I can't go to Heiankyo now, but nobody said nothing about the kitsune court," the child waves him off, as if this conclusion is the most logical in world. "Look! I drawed a Go square."   
  
This time, the lines are straighter than the ones that the child drew years before, but the same power is still there, nonetheless. "I don't gots the goban, 'cause it's too heavy, but I gots the Go stones."  
  
Indeed, the child's sleeves and pockets bulged misshapenly.  
  
"Play with me! Please? If I win, you gotta take me to the kitsune court to play Go with the Emperor of the Foxes. Okay?"_  
  
_ "Kiyiiiii! Child, don't tell me that this nocturnal venture of yours was simply to get an opponent for a Go game! You can't be desperate enough to seek opponents in the night ..." the thought intrigues Hikaru.   
  
Most humans tended to go out of their way to avoid wanderers and for a good reason. He hasn't been joking about eating the child, after all. In fact, he is slightly angry at himself for not ending this back when they had first met. Did the young one remember his one moment of weakness, so long ago? Did that passing pause of kindness fool the cubling into believing he was safe in the night? Or ... was kindness something so rare in his world that the child has to look for it elsewhere? Hikaru snorts.   
  
Perhaps the easiest answer is the best -- the youngster is feeble brained, for all his aura's brilliance.   
  
"So, you came all the way out here, looking for monsters, just to play a game of Go?"_  
  
_ "Yup," the child nods. "I just want someone to play with me. Cause nobody ever does. Grandmother says that kitsune are very smart. I want to play smart people cause dumb people are boring. I bet you can play real good!" _  
  
_ "Did someone drop you on your head as a babe?" He circles the child, but no such damage is readily apparent. "I am not a simple mortal opponent. I will not be easily beaten. I should just eat you now and end the misery."_  
  
_ "My name is Fujiwara no Sai. If you get bored, you can always eat me later. Just play!" _  
  
_ To his great surprise, Hikaru conjures up a real goban (much to the child's squealing delight) and sits down for a game. Even more surprisingly, he doesn't get bored. It isn't hard to beat the child, but there's a strength in his moves that foretells of a magnificent future.  
  
And now **everything** within him is screaming that he should rip out the child's throat and leave it at that. It would be a mercy to the young one at this point. Talent like his would draw attention, and not all of it would be kind.   
  
He should end it for once and for all, as he should have back then..._  
  
_ But oh, how he relishes a challenge! His kind is famous for their love of games, and the child is very amusing diversion in a world gone stale to his senses. Immortality has become rather tedious after the first millennium. Besides, what harm can it bring?   
  
It is only a mere child, he tells himself. Afterwards, there is still always time to do what he must, once he tires of the puling brat. Or perhaps ... others can do it for him._  
  
_ The next night, he brings along a cunning tengu demon, who loves to play the game as much as he loves stealing little children. The tengu leaves without taking the child, but not without extracting a promise that Sai would show up in a week's time to play him again._  
  
_ And so the word spreads, about a human child with a star's soul, who is willing to challenge the wanderers of the night as equals, without fear, and in defiance of the codes that should separate the two worlds. To play him is to have a hand in the creation of universes and to have the ability to break through the very boundaries of what it means to be mortal and immortal ... and such a lure is hard to resist, even for the night wanderers who have seen nearly everything on both the mortal and immortal planes.  
  
And so the night games continue . . ._  
***  
  
  
However, at this point, the vision faded, and Hikaru found himself sitting in front of a roughly hewn table, with a cup of chrysanthemum tea steaming its soft fragrance into the air.  
  
_What happened?! _was the first coherent thought to bubble up in Hikaru's mind, once his mind was his own again. He blinked as Osusuki backed away.   
  
"I was ...you!" as usual, his mouth was the first thing that moved. He put out a hand to steady himself against the table top, then patted his body all over, just to make sure he had the right amount of legs and arms again. "Uggh. I had fleas! I mean, you had fleas!"   
  
He itched his neck vigorously, still feeling the phantom memory crawling upon his own skin. "That's SO creepy! Ugh!"  
  
"You're the one who wanted to know. It was the only way I could show you what my kind see when we look at Sai ... and at you."  
  
"Me?" Hikaru shook his head wildly. "No way. Not me. I mean, I share the Go obsession, and that's TOTALLY his fault, by the way, but that's about it. I don't have this shiny soul thingie. I'd be better at Go if I did."  
  
Osusuki put up a delicate hand and snickered behind it. "I swear, you are quite the puzzle. You possess so much bravado and arrogance and so little common sense that it's a wonder that you make it through a day without someone trying to kill you, gag you, or string you up by your heels."  
  
The fox spirit tilted his head. "And yet, in spite of all your overweening pride, you have this odd insecurity around you, as well as a desperate need to prove yourself. Though perhaps not very _deep, _your currents certainly run crosswise, Shindo Hikaru."  
  
"I don't understand all you said, but I'm NOT!" Hikaru declared. "So there!"  
  
"As you mortals say, I rest my case," Osusuki nodded as he sat back down on his side of the table. "Tell me this, then. How do you think you can see Sai in the first place, if you weren't gifted with some of the same truesight he holds? Sai's aura ... and the way he saw us truly ... the way he _believed_ in his games, with all the power in his soul, is what marked him in in the eyes of the night wanderers. He played us many times, mostly losing, but occasionally ... occasionally winning."  
  
"Think about that for a moment. He was not even seven of your human years yet, but he could play immortals millenniums old and hold their attention."   
  
The fox spirit's hands picked up his tea cup and held it in front of his face for a few seconds, staring at the liquid inside.  
  
"He made us all see the world a little differently, after a game with him. His brilliance at Go was just a physical manifestation of the power in his spirit ... think of it as a vehicle or outlet. It's not the game, you see, but the character and the person behind it that drives its power. Given time, he could have played the gods themselves, but he foolishly cut his own life short."   
  
Osusuki drank the last of his tea, then placed the cup back onto the table with an almost too careful delicacy, as if the slightest touch could shatter the porcelain.  
  
"The ability to see the world beyond what's in front of your eyes ... it's a rare gift. But even more rare is the ability to change how other people see the world _through_ your gift. Like I said, you have it as well, Shindo Hikaru. To my truesight, you shine brighter than even your name might suggest.You are a star-souled child, with the ability to give creation to other stars and to inspire others to seek worlds they would never venture into otherwise. Perhaps three or four others are like you, in your world. But no more than that. Yours, therefore, is a very special soul indeed. So you can see why the Demon Lord would want you so very badly."  
  
"Touya Akira is like me, too," the name slipped out before Hikaru had a chance to stop it. He clapped a hand over his mouth, but it was too late. _Oh crap, now they're going to be after Touya!_  
  
"Kojoro mentioned that name to me," Osusuki said, bemused. "She seems to think that a guest here tonight looks exactly like this person you mentioned. She wanted to go and hunt for him."   
"Hey! Leave Touya OUT of this." Hikaru felt panic begin to twist his insides. _I can't handle a battle on two fronts ... oh crap ... not Touya too ..._  
  
"Easy, Shindo Hikaru. Even Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi, as powerful as he is, has to be summoned before he can manifest. Words and pacts are _very_ important to the wandering world; sometimes, it's all we have. I doubt this Touya Akira of yours shows any inclination to go wandering into graveyards on certain sacred nights. He is safe from us at least. I give you my word on the honor of all kitsune, on the ten oaths we swore to Inari-sama, on my nine tails themselves."  
  
Relieved, Hikaru let the fabric he had clenched in his hands fall. Though he had every reason not to, he believed that Osusuki would keep that oath. "Wait, you have NINE tails?! No wonder you're such an ass."  
  
"And you have none, so what's your excuse? The point is that I swear by the lovely length of each of them that your eternal rival is safe. You are lucky that you found yours, even if you lose your chance to play him after tonight. That was what Sai truly lacked to refine his soul ... what none of us night wanderers could give him. A mortal must play another mortal; Go is a game of souls, and he could hardly gain any experience playing those who were soulless. He was so excited about going to the mortal Court, to play real humans."  
  
Osusuki's claws dug slightly into the table again. "Or at least his family was eager for him to go there. We had one whole year with him, before they took him away. It was the first time I ever noticed time, you know? Being with a mortal does that. It was the first time I saw the vibrant colors of a true spring, or felt the blazing, heavy heat of a summer, or laughed in the golden brilliance of an autumn, and or brooded on the quiet, still despair of winter ..."  
  
"Oh man," Hikaru snickered. "You guys really DO use a lot of dramatic, flowery phrases. Quiet, still despair of winter ...."   
  
"Are you trying to get your head bitten off?" the kitsune asked. Hikaru caught a glimpse of some sharp, white teeth. "I am the Lord of the Kitsune. Mock me at your own risk."  
  
"So what? I'm about to lose my soul to the Lord of the Demons! Can you beat that?" Hikaru put one arm behind his head and stretched nonchalantly. Osusuki froze, his expression a rather strange cross between anger and bewilderment.  
  
"Shindo Hikaru," he finally managed to say. "Never let it be said by anyone that you do not ... how do you humans put it? Have BIG ones. Now, shall we call a truce to this? For the good of our mutual acquaintance?"  
  
Hikaru stretched the other arm instead of answering immediately, but he could not help glancing back through the woods which they came. "I wonder how Sai's doing."  
  
"It's better if you don't know; that way you won't give away his next moves," Osusuki said. "Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi is a difficult enough of an opponent already."  
  
"Hey, about that -- I've been wondering about something. It's not the first time Sai's played him before, right?" Hikaru asked. "Did he come to one of those night games?"  
  
"No. It wasn't like that ..." Osusuki's voice trailed off, and for the first time that evening, he displayed a trace of uncertainty. His hands fluttered between his cup and his fan, never settling on one or the other for longer than a breath. "Our one rule, during the night games, was that no one was allowed to hurt Sai nor any of his family. No one ever did. In that clearing, on the mortal plane, he didn't summon us; we came to him. It was a neutral meeting."  
  
"So ..."  
  
"But that one time, I ... the rules were broken. Sai nearly lost his soul."  
  
"What?!" Hikaru spilled his tea all over his robes. "OWWW!"  
  
Osusuki sighed in exasperation. He waved a hand. The tea stains lifted themselves back into golden brown droplets, which then dissolved midair.   
  
"Sorry," Hikaru mumbled, although Osusuki could probably tell he did not mean a word of it. He looked back through the trees, toward a game he couldn't see, and sighed. "Look, I still don't have the full picture. Maybe if you showed me that, then we can talk. I can't play a game where I can't see all the pieces."  
  
"It doesn't matter. You'll lose anyway, if the Lord of Darkness is your opponent."  
  
"My sensei once said that a great player always has a backup plan, to counter whatever happens on the goban. I'm not the best player, but I am going to be, one day. I need your help though, cause you're not telling me everything."  
  
"Are you sure you want to journey in the mind of a kitsune again? I'm warning you, it won't be pleasant this time."  
  
"It wasn't pleasant the last time either! I don't like the fleas, no, but ... I have to know. I need to understand about Sai, and why all this crap is happening. You don't want Sai to go to Hell. I know you don't."  
  
"You humans were always a bit voyeuristic," Osusuki remarked. He reached over and poured Hikaru a new cup of tea. After a moment's hesitation, Hikaru picked up the teapot.   
  
"Show me already!" he demanded, thrusting the kettle out like a weapon, "Or are you chicken or something? The Lord of the Foxes is a chicken! Bawwwwk! Bawwwwwk!"   
  
In retrospect, Hikaru had a feeling that clucking like an overgrown banty rooster to the Lord of the Kitsune was probably not a good idea. Especially when he misjudged the shifting weight of the pot, and nearly poured a jet of boiling tea onto the kitsune. He caught himself just in time.   
  
Osusuki narrowed his eyes. "Again with the mockery. You, little mortal, are lucky your soul is already marked for damnation. Otherwise, I'd seriously consider introducing you to MY concept of Hell."  
  
"BAWWWWWWWWWK!"  
  
"Stop that! Fine, if you insist on mucking about in my mind," the kitsune rubbed his head wearily. "I don't have to tell you that it's not a enjoyable place to be. I have seen many things, little human, most of which should not be even half glimpsed by mortal eyes."  
  
Osusuki's voice sounded neither cocky nor arrogant nor even angry, which made Hikaru pause. This, in turn, nearly caused another mess as the kettle tipped again, threatening to send tea down the front of Hikaru's own robes. At the last moment, Osusuki snapped his fingers, and the teapot safely righted itself. "Are you absolutely certain, Shindo Hikaru, that you want to see?"  
  
If Hikaru didn't know better, he would have thought he saw a trace of sadness ... or guilt ... in the kitsune's eyes.   
  
_But .... can a kitsune even feel guilt? _Hikaru wondered. Having been in Osusuki's mind, he knew that kitsune in general did not see the world in quite the same way humans did. _No, not guilt ... this is something even more complex than guilt. Perhaps ... regret._  
  
Feeling a little flustered and wary, Hikaru finally settled on pouring the fox spirit a cup of tea, this time managing to complete the task without inadvertently scalding himself or the Kitsune Lord. Osusuki nodded politely, accepting his unspoken gesture of truce. The fox spirit took a sip, then another, before setting the cup down.   
  
"Very well then. It was spring when I saw Sai for the last time before he left for the capital, near the middle of the month you know as April...."  
  
_to be continued_   



	8. 7a: Aspiring Wings

In the Forests of the Night   
A Hikaru No Go ghost story  
  
To my new beta-reader, Imbrium -- sea of rains or not, you're definitely a life preserver.  
  
part 7a: Aspiring Wings  
  
_The moon hangs bright in the sky, as the last sakura blossoms of the season drop their pink bunches like tears. Hikaru notices them with a slight smile. They have come year after year, century after century, but until he met the boy, such things had been below his awareness.   
  
He knows now, however, that each day, even in its endless repetition, holds its own unique fragility. A flower only blooms once, after all, no matter how many there are in a field. It is late in the season, and the tender pink blossoms are giving away to the burnt gold of summer. Time grows short for other things, as well.  
  
"Do not do this, my love, do not go tonight," his mate had pleaded as he finished his preparations, "What you have planned is wrong; it is like inviting death in, to bring a mortal to our immortal realm. And it is not fair to him, either. Do not do this, do not go tonight."  
  
He had taken her soft fur in his mouth, gently, oh so gently, but he did not explain nor did he listen. He does wish, though, that he could have told her about the sakura blossoms and the importance of unique fragility, but he is not sure that he understands himself. All he knows is that the late spring night calls him onward, and he cannot hesitate. Faintly, though, he can still smell her scent upon his own.  
  
The boy sits on the window ledge right outside of his family's sleeping room. He is idly swinging his legs and bumping the back of his heels against the wooden frame. Hikaru gives a small bark, just loud enough to alert him, but not loud enough to wake the family's guard dogs.   
  
"Come out, come out, wherever you are," he teases, as he always does whenever he comes for the child. And as always, he is rewarded by wide smile that spreads to cover the young face, which is bright even without the moonlight. "Come out, come out, little one."  
  
"Osusuki! You're here!" the child leaps exuberantly from the windowsill, his long sleeves flapping wildly behind him. Once his feet touch ground, the cubling circles and whirls in the space around Hikaru. He dances in a pattern known only to himself, needing only his shadow as his partner, while the cherry trees weep beneath the silver moon. It is something Hikaru knows he will never forget, as long as he can hold memory within him.  
  
Sai finally stops his cavorting, landing in a gasping heap against Hikaru's side. One small hand is thrown carelessly across Hikaru's back, while the other itches that certain special place behind his left ear. After a year, the youngster's boldness and lack of all pretense has stopped shocking Hikaru, Instead, he finds he rather enjoys the seemingly eternal energy that springs from the small human. He has yet to see another creature, kitsune, human, or otherwise, who can match this cub's joy in simply _being_.  
  
"Did you see my room? It's all packed up! I'm going to Heiankyo tomorrow! Some big bald guy came last week and Father made me play him. Baldy-san was from our clan and he says that everybody can go back to Heiankyo if I play Go good! I might even see the Emperor! But I was scared we'd leave before I got to tell you where I was going. Now you can come to Heiankyo to get me for the night games, right? Mother and Father and the others can't go with me yet, cause I gotta play Go good first. I don't like going that, but I'll play good so they came come too. Did you put a sleeping spell on all the others again? Don't forget. I think Mother fainted when she woke up and I wasn't in the room and it made everyone mad at me when I got back. They all yelled! So make sure it's a good spell. Who are we gonna play tonight? I don't wanna to play Lady Spiderlegs again. She got so mad when I won."  
  
"Kiyiii, little one, not so fast, or your mouth will run away from your words! No, Lady Manjushage is not to be your opponent tonight," Hikaru replies only the last question. He has learned how to screen the child's rapid speech to find out what the youngster really wanted to know.   
  
And of course, the news of the child's pending entry into the human court has already spread amongst all the night wanderers. Sai may not be aware of it, but he is watched carefully, both day and night, though his watchers are unusually benign beyond their normal natures. For many days now, the wandering world has churned with the gossip about the cubling's departure; all wonder if this marks the end of the night games. The palace has many safeguards. Village monks are one thing; the monastery at Heiankyo is another.   
  
If he is truthful, which he is sometimes, the Lord of the Kitsune has to admit that some part of him still remains puzzled that the games have lasted so long. Why? What is it about this human child that makes them all - particularly him - act so strangely? Hikaru cannot explain it any more than he can explain the sudden intrusion of the seasons into his thoughts. Why did he make these plans for tonight? The fresh spring breeze holds no answers, but it does heighten the urgency within him.  
  
"Who's going to play me?" the child tilts his head. "Someone new? Will he have more than two arms or heads or tails or maybe he has legs for hands and tails for legs and fingers all over!"   
  
The cubling bursts into an even wilder flurry of activity, jumping up and down with such force that Hikaru grabs a flying sleeve in his mouth in an effort to quiet him. His spell can only hold so long, and he does not want the child's family to wake.  
  
"Oh, I'm being too loud again, aren't I?" the youngster subsides instantly.  
  
"Father says I should shut up and not talk so much. He's says if I make a big mess at the court that he will be ashamed of me. I don't want that, cause Father already gets really mad at me when I'm here. He's going to get super mad if I'm bad at the Heiankyo, cause the court doesn't like kids who are rude like me. So I can't be a big crybaby or a disgrace cause ... c-cause if I am Mother and him will never ever come to Heiankyo , and um, I'm not gonna see them for a very very long time."   
  
As his words slide to a standstill, Sai's hands fidget at the edges of his sleeves, his mouth twisting nervously. The child takes a deep breath, and his voice drops down to a whisper, as if he is now going to impart the world's most deadliest secret. "B-but that's not the worstest thing. If I don't change and behave, he says the court will throw me into the river for the toads to eat, cause that's what they do to bad kids like me. Right into the river, all alone."   
  
Sai shudders, his expressive eyes wide with dismay. "I don't wanna be thrown into the river and eaten by toads, so I'm not gonna be loud, or jump so high, or play ball in the house, or mess up my robes, or cry, or stuff like that anymore..."   
  
The cubling sighs. "There's lots to 'member, but I don't care, cause I still get to play Go, an' if I play good and be good, everyone can come and be happy. Hey, let's play now!"   
  
"Climb on my back, then." Hikaru instructs the child, and the boy does so. His hands are warm, and they hold his fur gently.   
  
"Where are we going?"  
  
"To the kitsune court."  
  
"Really?! You've never taken me there before!"  
  
"Shh, not so loud! Or maybe I **should** go and get Gama-senin and his little followers."  
  
"No! No toads!" Hikaru winces as Sai yanks on his fur. "I'll be good and I'll play good, okay? I don't like toads, and the big river scares me. It's dark and deep. Don't throw me away there, please?"   
  
"Sai ..." Hikaru hides his smirk by ducking his head. Humans have such amusing little fears. Sai has faced the worst denizens of the night without a single flinch. Yet, a few fly swallowers and one insignificant river (which isn't even big enough to be inhabited by a god) could make the child shiver and shake.   
  
Still ... a slight suspicion snarls its way through Hikaru; perhaps it's neither the water nor the toads that threatens terror as much as the idea of being thrown away.   
  
"You silly little kit. I would never throw you away, no matter how loud or bad you might be. I'd eat you instead - why should the worthless tummy of a little frog be full when mine is so empty?"   
  
"Osusuki, you always say you're gonna eat me, but you never do," the child hugs him tight around the neck. "I can't wait to go the the kitsune court! Why didn't we go sooner?"  
  
"Well, you still haven't beaten me, now, have you? That was our deal, right? But as a special treat, I thought you might like to meet the `Emperor of the Foxes' and play a game with him. Though now that I hear you're going to be playing a real human emperor, perhaps we could go somewhere else. I bet the boring old kitsune aren't anything compared to the real court of the humans ..."   
  
Hikaru tries not to let the bitterness seep into his voice. As his mate has warned him, he really shouldn't be taking this mortal child into the realm of mists and illusions, but it is the only way ... for the Lord of the Foxes has a plan tonight, come what may, and loosing the child to the mortal courts is not amongst this plan.  
  
"Please, Osusuki! I wanna play Go with the Emperor of the Foxes!" the child bounces excitedly on Hikaru's back, making him wince again. "Oops. Sorry."  
  
"Just hold on tight!" Once he feels that Sai is secure, Hikaru bunches his muscles and leaps for the sky.   
  
"Where is the court?!" The child asks, leaning forward slightly. "Is it far? Will we be gone for a long time? I need to get back before the sun rises, so I can go to Heiankyo. I don't wanna miss that!"  
  
"Slow down and stop fretting, little kit. It's not a matter of where," already the landscape is melting around them. "__Where, when, how, and why are human things. The kitsune court is beyond all that, beyond the whens of your clock, the wheres of your maps, beyond anything mortal in your realm."  
  
They landed in the courtyard with a small thump. The child does not dismount immediately. Instead he clings tighter.  
  
"Sai? It's safe, I promise." Hikaru asks. Has he made a mistake in bringing the youngling here so soon? He has never brought a mortal to his realm before; how would a human mind react to the realm of mist and shadows, especially one as gifted as Sai's? __  
  
"Wow, this is GREAT! All big and swirly and sparkly and stuff. I wonder if Heiankyo looks like this!" The youngster gives what feels suspiciously like a kiss in the spot between Hikaru's ears and laughs when he shakes his head in annoyance. The child's breath brushes his whiskers, a benediction. "Domo arigato gozaimasu, Osusuki. It's beautiful."  
  
Hikaru blinks as a sudden hesitancy seizes his steps. Perhaps ...  
  
"Osusuki-sama! You've returned! Welcome back!"  
  
Shaking off his lethargy, Hikaru turns as his courtiers, in two leg form, approach him and bow low, with their heads to the ground. The child obediently slides from his back, leaving him free to change. "You may rise."  
  
"And ... you've brought back a ..." his followers draw away slightly, whether in fear or in awe, Hikaru cannot tell.  
  
"Yes, this is the human child," He nods to the youngster, who makes a quick bow. "The one I've been talking about."  
  
"Hi! My name is Fujiwara no Sai! I came to play the Emperor of Foxes!" the child capers around, drinking in his surroundings with a wide eyed expression. "Where is he? I wanna play now!"  
  
"Where is Lady Akomachi? Why is she not here to greet our guest?" Hikaru scans the crowd for the familiar form his mate but finds only closed expressions and glances that shy away.  
  
"She has locked herself away for the evening, milord, and asks not to be disturbed," one of his must trusted advisors finally answers. All of them back away from the snarl that rumbles out of Hikaru's throat.  
  
His mate should have been here. She should have been supporting him, and she should have been calming the anxiety of their people. He had counted on her help on this matter. She has supported him in the past, even when she has disagreed privately with him. Couldn't she see how important this is to him?  
  
"Eh ... Osusuki-sama ... the child ..." His second in command glances dubiously at the youngster, who is proceeding to open every sliding door and looking around wildly for the "Emperor of Foxes." Sai's boisterous presence is a sharp contrast to the calm fluidity and elegance of the Kitsune court. No wonder the child's father is worried.   
  
"Sai, come back here," dampening down his anger, Hikaru forces a smile to his face. Tonight, there are more important things he must oversee, though Akomachi's disloyalty lingers in the air, like a hunt gone sour. "We kitsune don't have an emperor, per se ..."  
  
"Oh," The child's face falls.   
  
"But there is a Lord of the Foxes. Since we kitsune are all servants of Inari-sama, the kitsune lord dares not take the higher title," Hikaru explains, trying to erase the disappointed look that is plastering itself across the young face.  
  
"Can I play him then? The Lord of the Foxes? Please?" the child asks politely.  
  
"Well, I think you have played him before. You have lost many times, actually ... but lately you have begun to almost win ..." Hikaru's grin widens as the child's face twists in confusion. Sai is by no means a unintelligent child, and it takes only a few moments before ...  
  
"Hey! Osusuki, you never said you --"  
  
"Insolent wretch! You should call him Osusuki-sama," the nearest kitsune snarls, drawing back a clawed hand.  
  
Quicker than thought, Hikaru grabs the flying fist, twisting hard enough to feel the tendons twitch underneath his grip. He would have gladly struck his own blow across the now frightened face of his follower, if a certain pair of large violet eyes had not been watching them both so closely. He growls at a level just below human hearing, promising future punishment.  
  
"Kinyuki! Leave him be. He will call me by my title now, right Sai?"  
  
"Okay. Osusuki .... sama. I wanted to play a new opponent, but I do like playing you. Let's go!" Sai bounces up cheerfully, all radiant joy and restless energy.   
  
They finish two games. Sai loses both, though he has come within a whole moku of winning. Meanwhile, all night Hikaru has plied the child with sweets and gifts, until Sai is surrounded by a mountain of candy and toys, more than a hundred children can ever wish for. But the child pays the objects no mind; his eyes concentrate solely upon the goban in front of him. As they start on the third game, Hikaru cannot help but notice that the morning is drawing closer in the mortal world. Just a little longer, then.   
  
"Osusuki, I'm gettin' tired. Can we go home after this game? I have to go to Heiankyo today," the child places his stone with a yawn. "It's your turn. Boy, it'll be weird playing in the day ... but I can't wait," Sai yawns again. "You will come and visit a lot, right? So I can play day AND night."   
  
It is hard to hide the discomfort the child's words cause. "You know, if you win this game, I will be forced to call you sensei."   
  
The child perks up immediately, his face aglow with a light that rivals the coming dawn. Again, Hikaru feels a pang deep in his chest. "Really, Osusuki? Cause I really really want to be a Go sensei when I growed up."  
  
"Is that so, little kit? A Go sensei?" he places his next move and carefully watches the child's reaction.  
  
"Yup!" Sai flips his next stone, catching it neatly between his index and middle finger. "Hee! Lookit what I learned, Osusuki!"  
  
"That's very nice."  
  
"See? I'm gonna be the best Go sensei ever, and I'm gonna teach my students to play good too!" Sai nods excitedly. "I think making other people see how fun Go is the bestest thing in the whole wide world! Better than even mochi!"  
  
"Better than mochi?"  
  
"Hai. Cause you see ... you can only eat a mochi once. Then it's gone. But if you teach somebody, you have more people to play, again and again. And they can teach other people, so everybody can be happy."   
  
Sai concludes his reasoning by bringing down his stone. Hikaru licks his lips in surprise; this move is unexpected. Where is Sai going, by placing the stone there?  
  
"I see. I hope you do get your dream one day, little kitling. I think you would make a very great teacher, a sensei of the stars," As soon as he speaks those words, all the hairs on his nine tails prickle. Destiny stirs the air electric, sparkling in his truesight. He has spoken like a prophecy; the child would be beyond an excellent teacher and his students . . .  
  
No. He has plans for tonight, destiny be damned.  
  
"Okay, if I win, you'll call me Fujiwara-sensei?"  
  
"Yes, if you win. But you must call me Osusuki-sama in return."  
  
"Deal!" the child places his next stone with such enthusiasm that the resulting starflash could only be equaled by a birth of a sun.   
  
At the sight, Hikaru again feels something twist within him,a wound slowly widening. What if the child prefers the company of his own kind to that of the kitsune? He could not stomach the idea of losing the power in that star-soul ... or the child's belief in him.  
  
Or the feeling that comes, deep within him, when the child gazes at him with those violet eyes, smiling as if he sees all the magic of the world in Hikaru. Mortals belong to the mortal realm, and they would easily forget that of the wandering, once faced with the reality of their own. What if Sai changes to a point that . . .  
  
A hot, clawing sensation sinks its firelike fangs within his mind, and his claws tighten in reaction. He is a kitsune, no one would blame him for keeping the child. It is his nature, after all, to take that which is not rightfully his.   
  
But ... it is not even that which has driven him to this point tonight. Again, Hikaru cannot put a name to it, but perhaps it has something to do with the falling cherry blossoms, and how he feels when he watches the child among the background of the seasons. It is the feeling of something, the only thing, forbidden to his kind -- the feeling of the one thing no wanderer can ever fully understand.  
  
"Sai, how would you like to stay in my court? We could play Go every day ..." Hikaru pleads mentally for the child to say yes.   
  
"But I want to go to Heiankyo. I can play all the time there too. And I gotta play good, for Father," the child places another stone with a resounding click. "  
  
Unbidden, spells began to swirl in his head, ones that could shape and bend a human mind. Before he really can contemplate the implications of his actions, the first words of power have left his lips.  
  
"Osusuki, are you gonna move or not?"  
  
He places another stone and watches the bright starflash as Sai counters. The child's genius makes the goban glimmer like the heavens, but cubling would never grow to his full potential if he stays in the kitsune court. Sai needs other mortals to compete against, others to draw his strength from. Immortals, when they have them, expend their souls slowly; they do not have the sheer driving power that comes when time is not infinite. In the mortal world, with souls like his own to feed his fire. . .  
  
Another bright starflash leaves its ghostly afterimage in Hikaru's eyes. The universe they have formed swirls gently. The incantation was nearing completion ...  
  
"Osusuki-sama!! Osusuki-saaaaaama!" Kinyuki tumbles into the throne room and sprawls prostrate before them.  
  
Hikaru feels the interruption like a slap. Sai or no Sai, he nearly rakes his claws against the offender's face, but something in Kinyuki's expression makes him stop cold.  
  
"Milord, at the front gates ..." Kinyuki pants, his eyes wide with fear. "We don't know what to do. Lady Akomachi has gone to plead to Inari-sama, but ...."  
  
"Spit it out, Kinyuki..."  
  
"It's Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi. He's here. And he's demanding the mortal child. If you don't give it to him, he's threatening to destroy all of the kitsune court!"  
  
An icy wave sweeps over Hikaru. The child is staring at him, waiting for him to finish the game. He does not know to be frightened, not yet ...  
  
"Inari-sama," Hikaru prays. "Help us. He is trespassing on our lands ..."  
  
"**I know, Osusuki,**" comes the reply in his heart of hearts, "**but you shouldn't have taken the mortal child outside of his own realm, and you shouldn't have tried to keep him. You have broken your sacred code by the last act, and by doing so ...**"  
  
"I opened the doors to the challenge ..."  
  
"**Yes. I cannot protect the boy. And since no one has truly claimed him before Mikaboshi showed up, no one can intercede.**"  
  
Hikaru swears violently. If he had been just a little faster ...  
  
"**You should NOT have tried to ensnare him the first place. Nothing in the wandering night can ever own or keep a mortal by taking him as you did, Osusuki. The mortal world is by nature impermanent, and thus its very existence means loss. It is also why your worlds should never meet but in passing. But I think you've learned this a little too late, Lord of the Kitsune, if you've learned anything at all," **His god's disappointment cuts Hikaru deeply, but not as much as the thought of losing Sai to ...  
  
"**There is little difference between the Hell Amatsu Mikaboshi offers and the one you would have created for him," **His lord's voice is neither accusing nor fully forgiving. Instead, Inari-sama sounds resigned.__** "**__**You saw his destiny and yet you still defied it. **__**Even a kitsune must abide by some rules and you have broken so many.**__** You have set these events in motion, you must let them play out as they will."**  
  
"Osusuki-sama, it'll be okay," the young voice is like a whip to his back. "I wanted to play a new opponent tonight!"  
  
Hikaru does not have the heart to try to explain who that opponent would really be. The entire court falls silent as they walk towards the gates. His mate is there, among the downcast faces, but she does not look at him -- she looks at the child, and her eyes . . .  
  
Suddenly, Hikaru realizes that his mate understands many things much better than he.  
  
With each step toward the gate, Sai becomes more and more silent as well, and his eyes grow wider. His movements slow, then stop completely. Hikaru knows that with his truesight, the young child can probably see the full nature of what waited for him outside.  
  
"Sai?" Hikaru asks. Though he should have expected it, he is still taken aback at the fear in the child's face.   
  
"Osusuki, I don't wanna go there. Something bad's out there. Eats the light ...."  
  
"That's your ... opponent."  
  
"I don't wanna play him." Sai crosses his little arms. "Take me home, Osusuki, please? I don't wanna play him."  
  
"**OSUSUKI!**" The voice booms loud, causing Sai to wince and bring his little hands over his ears. Hikaru wishes that he could do the same, but propriety forbids him to act in such a manner. "**Bring me the boy! We shall have a game tonight .... a game for souls ..."  
**  
"Osusuki, I don't wanna." Sai whimpers, and something inside Hikaru crumples when he sees the shimmering trace of tears upon the small face. In all the time the child has played the wanderers of the night, he has yet to refuse a single game. However, his small form shakes so violently now that he looks like a pale, white leaf caught in a violent rainstorm.**  
  
"Osusuki, I am losing my patience. You have brought this upon yourself. Bring me star souled child or let your court be dragged to HELL!"  
  
**"Sai, I ...I'm ..." Hikaru whispers, the words little more than a rasp of syllables in his throat. Tiny hands cling to him as he forces the child forward. "My people ..."  
  
It is a little too late to think of them now, Hikaru realizes, for he should have been thinking about them all along. The image of cherry blossoms drift through his mind. For the first time, he realizes that everything, mortal or not, shows its true beauty when it is about to be lost. He is so surrounded by beauty at the moment that he almost wishes to be blind. The faces of his people, the face of the child... they shine so brightly ... it is too much ...  
  
"You must play, Sai. He only wants a game of Go ... remember how much you like Go?"  
  
"Osusuki, you're my best friend! You said you wouldn't let me be eaten by toads ... don't throw me to him!"  
  
"You're not going to be eaten, Sai. It's just a little game, I swear..." he knows that they both know it's a lie. "Please, for my people ..."  
  
"No! Not him! Not in a game of Go! It's about stars, Osusuki, and he ... he's not. Please, don't make me!"  
  
Hikaru closes his ears to the increasingly frightened wails. In his desperate bid to keep what was not his, he has opened the doorway for others to come forth and do so as well. He has indeed invited death in with the mortal, and the only way to expel it is the relinquish all claim to the child's mortality.   
  
But the little hands ... oh, they are hard to pry from his own. And those violet eyes ...  
  
To his everlasting shame, he must slap that face to make those eyes look away. The gates open, he leads the child through them. To the waiting claws of ...  
__  
_   
"Noooo!" this time, the transition between his own mind and Osusuki's came as a razor sharp _SNAP_. Hikaru spent a full five minutes hanging on the table, panting heavily and clutching his head. Osusuki was not in much better shape.  
  
"You foolish mortal ... don't ever try to cut off a mindlink like that!" The kitsune gasped. "Do how much that _hurts?!_"  
  
"Well, it can't be enough!" Hikaru spat, although the fresh stab of agony made him wish it didn't hurt quite so much. "How could you ... he was a KID! You betrayed him."   
  
He scrubbed at his face with his hands, trying to convince himself that it really wasn't him that had forced the child Sai out to face the Demon King alone, that it wasn't him that had hit Sai, that it wasn't him that had betrayed his friend. _It wasn't me, it wasn't my memory, it was Osusuki's .... oh Sai ...  
  
_"All of my people ... Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi ... he would have ..." Osusuki had bent forward, and his ebony hair hid his face. "I had to save my people. It was only one small life, in exchange for so many, ..."  
  
"Bullshit!" Rage gave Hikaru all the strength he needed to rise to his feet and stamp toward the Lord of the Foxes. Faster than rational thought, his hand bunched into a fist, and he jabbed it at Osusuki. The resounding smack of fist meeting flesh echoed in the small clearing.   
  
"Acccccccccccccck!" Hikaru howled, dancing around as the pain flared up and down his right arm. His hand felt as if he had rammed it repeatedly into a brick wall, and the joints looked rather misaligned. He didn't even try to move his fingers. "Itaiaiaiaiaaaaaaaa, that ..."  
  
"Hurts." Osusuki's growled. The area below his left eye was beginning to swell even more than Hikaru's knuckles. Hikaru felt a grim sort of satisfaction; he had managed to give the Lord of the Kitsune a pretty good shiner. The satisfaction, though, was quickly muted as Osusuki rose to his feet and the rumbling growl became a full fledged, fang baring, claw slashing snarl.   
  
The small, hereditary part of Hikaru's mind which still retained the instincts from when his ancestors had a tail, screamed at him to go find a tree and jump up it. Human form or not, the Lord of the Kitsune was first and foremost a predator, one which was now stalking him as Hikaru hurriedly backed away, aching hand cradled to his chest.  
  
With howl that seem to shake the very earth, Osusuki lunged forward. Hikaru ducked, throwing his hands up to protect his neck. A fresh surge of pain burned through him as the kitsune clamped his hands around Hikaru's already injured right arm. Hikaru yelped as the agony increased until he was certain that nothing was left of his former arm but ashes.   
  
Finally, Osusuki let him go. The pain abruptly vanished. Hikaru opened one eye in surprise. His knuckles weren't even swollen anymore.   
  
"I am the Lord of the Kitsune. Remember that.You're lucky I didn't bite your entire arm off, " the kitsune's tone still held the last, harsh crackle of a growl.   
  
"Well, seeing what you did to Sai, _you're_ just lucky I didn't aim lower," Hikaru retorted. Unfortunately, the fact that his knees chose that moment to wobble probably ruined the impact of the statement. _Those teeth are shaaaarp, _his mind noted as his knees shook some more.   
  
Osusuki glared, though the effect was also rather dampened by his rapidly blackening eye. Hikaru wondered why he just didn't twiddle a claw and fix it. Instead, the kitsune sighed deeply, staring at his hands. He turned his back to Hikaru. The silence stretched between them, with only the wind stirred leaves providing any sound.  
  
Unnerved, Hikaru opened his mouth, but for once, he could not come up with any smart remark to break the tension. He was tired beyond anything he had ever felt before. In his mind, he could still see a pair of violet eyes watching him, hoping for deliverance. It did not matter whose memory it was. "What happened? After you abandoned him, what did Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi do to Sai? Did they play a game?"  
  
"No. Sai ... refused to play. No matter how Amatsu Mikaboshi-sama threatened him or his family, he just stood there, refusing to play. The Demon Lord could not just take Sai's soul without a bargain however. I thought he was going to destroy the boy and make his soul wander the earth right then and there. But I was wrong. He did something far worse."  
  
If his eyes could go wider, Hikaru knew they would soon pop out of his head. That was fine, he thought offhandedly, they could join his jaw on the ground. "What!? What could be any worse than that?"  
  
"He cursed him." Osusuki headed back toward the table, his movements stiff and angry. Hikaru's scuffling had disrupted the tea setting again. The kitsune began to restore the items to their proper places, using his hands instead of magic. "Simply stranding Sai's soul was not enough, not to the Lord of Evil. He vowed to make Sai suffer. That night, he foretold that Sai, in the end, would be the one to bring about the destruction of himself and his family, and he would do so through the very thing he loved the most. Moreover, his death would not bring him rest."  
  
Osusuki made a sound much like the rattling of old bones."You can see the splendid irony of it all, can't you? For refusing to play one game of Go, the only game he's ever refused, he must spend his afterlife being refused by the world in general. He must wander this plane forever, watching games, but never being able to fully join in them himself. You can't say that the Lord of Evil isn't well versed in his classical curses. "  
  
Hikaru's mind felt as if someone had squeezed it hard, leaving only the hard, dry bits of reality behind. "But Sai never said it was a curse .... he said ... he went home afterwards, didn't he? And from there ..."  
  
"The Heian court, with all its ensnaring politics. You may think us kitsune to be cruel, crafty, and amoral. But we are no more so than your own kind, Shindo Hikaru. Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi may have cursed Fujiwara no Sai, but in the end, it was you mortals who destroyed him," Osusuki finished setting up the tea set, and he sat down again. Although he still moved with enough grace to shame the most fluid of felines, there was also a new heaviness to his motions now. One hand rested lightly on his discarded mask.  
  
"After that night, I saw him only two more times in mortal form," His head tilted up, in a clear invitation.  
  
Hikaru swallowed hard. _It's time for the final, territory deciding moves. Time to see on which side of the boundaries the victory will fall ... white or black, _he thought. _Okay then ..._  
  
"Show me."  
  
****  
_  
To be continued_   
  
  
  



	9. 7b: Aspiring Wings

In the Forests of the Night  
A Hikaru no Go Ghost story  
  
"I get by with a little help from my friends..."- The Beatles.   
Me, I get by with BIG help from my beta-reader -- Imbrium. This, again, is dedicated to her and all her hard work.   
  
Part 7b: Aspiring Wings  
  
_Autumn swirls its sienna leaves down, but he cannot spare the time to watch them fall. Urgency beats in each of his panting strides, and the fact that sunlight glints through the leaves further marks his desperation. His kind normally avoids coming out when the day burns so brightly, but he dares not wait for the shadows to arrive. Onward, onward, his four legs churn, and the harvest ripe fields flash by in a golden streak as he searches for the right scent within the cooling winds.  
  
How long? He cannot tell, for time lost its meaning after that one night in spring. When the child left, he had taken the seasons with him. But now that Hikaru searches again, time renews its flow, dragging at his fur with the weight of each fleeting second. Faster now, and faster .... there! In the midst of an amber field, amongst the flowing grass, the child stands alone ...  
  
But he is a child no longer. Hair, once bound in careful circles, falls free to his waist. Limbs have lengthened elegantly, as has the small round face. __Grace flows in every movement, from the delicate swish of silk cloth to the careful weaving of the willowy body__ as delicate fingers trace up and down a thin bamboo flute. A mournful tune wavers in the air, a subtle counterpoint to the last crickets of the season.   
  
His task is urgent, but Hikaru still steals just a moment to watch and wonder. Has it really been so long? He tries his truesight, and is taken aback. The child ... man ...has ...  
  
His startled reaction is his undoing. The music stops; the mortal turns. The violet eyes, the ones that still flicker ghostlike through Hikaru's dreams, are the same.  
  
"You came back," a quiet voice states, distinctly masculine, but not too deeply so. Hikaru can easily imagine this voice emerging out of the childish trill he had heard so long ago. "I thought it may have been a dream ... but you're back."  
  
"Yes," there is not much else he can say, so he chooses to shift forms instead. Only the slight slanting of Sai's head indicates the mortal has noticed any change.   
  
"Then the rest of what happened that night must be true."  
  
"Yes," Hikaru repeats, wishing he could say something else. Perhaps he should have left this human to shelter of his illusions. It would have certainly saved Hikaru the discomfort he feels as the violet eyes narrow slightly. He braces himself for angry outburst that is sure to come.  
  
Instead, Sai lifts the flute back up to his lips. The haunting call of the lone pipe circles in the air, courting the swaying grain as its partner. The young human shapes the song skillfully; whoever taught him has taught him well. Even the wind seems to hold its breath until the last spiraling note.  
  
"Sai ..." he tries again when the song fades to a close. "There's something I need to tell you."  
  
"Then tell me," Sai's gaze never leaves his flute. This serenity and poise is not something Hikaru had expected. A raging storm of tears, yes ... or perhaps a temper tantrum ... or a screaming outburst of rage ... just some **reaction. **The child he remembers would have jumped up and down, stamping his feet and waving his fists in fury.   
  
The young man before him waits patiently. Only his robes, ruffled by the wind, move. He may as well be a rock against the whispering tide of amber grass.  
  
"It's dangerous for you here," Hikaru says as calmly as possible. It is hard to judge this young mortal now; Sai's mind, once so open to him, remains tightly shut. The mortal's aura hasn't lost its any of its power, but the starfire has been tempered, like a blade hammered thin. The light glitters crystalline sharp as ever, but it has lost its raw magnitude and its blinding brilliance. "That night ..."  
  
"Amatsu Mikaboshi told me what you tried to do. And what it would have cost me."   
  
"Sai," Hikaru reaches out, but the child ... no ... man ... turns his head. It is not quite a flinch, but it forces Hikaru to withdraw anyway. "My people, I had to .."   
  
He stops, aware that any further words would tumble uselessly against the stillness in the body before him. "I have no excuses; I will allow myself none. I can't imagine how you must have felt that night..."  
  
"No. You can't." Sai voice remains steady, though Hikaru can see the faintest twitch in the fingers holding the flute. "I told myself it was but a childish dream. Or a nightmare."   
  
Hikaru can only stand silent. Sai speaks as if he was addressing the sky or the clouds or something equally unimportant. __ "It took a long while, but I finally convinced myself, since I didn't see any of you again._"  
_  
"Nobody dared to come, not with Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi's curse," Hikaru tries to move toward Sai again, but the young man keeps the distance between them. One step forward leads to another step back. If the scent and the eyes had not been the same, Hikaru might have deceived himself into believing this was not the same child who used to play so trustingly with him.  
  
Hikaru lets his hands fall to his sides. He cannot deceive himself, and he has promised no more excuses. "What happened to you, afterwards?"  
  
"Not much," Sai finally lowers the flute, but his long fingers keep running up and down its polished length. "I was sent to the court that morning. __And in Heiankyo, there was much to learn. Many lessons beyond Go that I had to face.__"  
  
Hikaru looks up at that. There is almost a note of ... sadness ... in the young man's voice. "What **did** they do to you?"   
  
Anger makes him bare his fangs, and he is as surprised by his reaction as he is by its intensity.  
  
"Nothing more than what had to be done. I had to learn, for __there is little use in Heiankyo for children who misbehave or who have been touched by the night wanderers,__" Sai's voice remains neutral. "But though the guards and priests were very skilled at catching young boys who were out of bed and bounds, I did look for you. For a long time, I looked."  
  
"I did not know," Hikaru closes his eyes. The leaves fall between them, and he wishes he could drift away as well and forget this mortal. "After all that happened ... I honestly thought it was for the best."  
  
"Perhaps," Sai shrugs. "But back then, I didn't understand that. I even stopped playing for awhile, waiting for you. I think I would have given up playing mortal opponents forever. But you never came back."  
  
"Sai ..." Hikaru cannot try to explain, for he truly cannot even begin to comprehend. __Sai had waited for him. Had looked for him, even given the threat of punishment or worse. Why?__ Mortals are supposed to be accustomed to losing and loss. He had thought the child would have given up after a few nights. __He had expected anger at his reappearance. But this? __"You stopped playing? But you loved the game ..."  
  
There. Hikaru blinks at the flicker of emotion that finally breaks through Sai's exterior. For a moment as brief as a breath, Hikaru sees the young child he had left behind, lost and lonely in a new world, with neither family nor friends to help him. Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi may have cursed Sai, but Hell is not the only one to blame for his suffering.  
  
Sai bows his head slightly. Waves of ebony hair sweep forward, hiding his face. This strange, half-somber placidity disturbs Hikaru. Is there any joy in life left in this child who now is a man?   
  
"Only for a little while, then? You started playing again, didn't you? You must have had to, in order to stay in the court. You must still play. Don't you?" Somehow, this question overshadows even the deep need which has sent him forth in the daylight hours.  
  
"Yes. I play. In fact, it is_ _my life now," for the first time, a spark enters the young voice, a flare of the old childish enthusiasm, lost in the otherwise all too mature body.   
  
The fire has not disappeared then -- it has just dampened itself from Hikaru's view. He bristles. Perhaps he deserves this coldness, but he does not have to like it.  
  
"It ...pleases me to hear that. Your play was impressive, even when you were a kit. I wager that your current games are exquisite," Hikaru does not know whether it is relief or jealousy that sieves through him. Whatever the emotion, it doesn't matter. He cannot afford either at the moment. "It is ... good you still play."  
  
"It was what I was sent to Heiankyo to do, wasn't it? To play Go and to redeem the family honor. I am a Go sensei, just like I always wished. I am the tutor to the Emperor himself."  
  
"Then, you're ... happy?"  
  
"I am growing in Go. I never would have had the chance in your court."  
  
"No, you wouldn't have. You had to play mortal souls in order to grow, both in Go and in other things." Hikaru meets Sai's gaze steadily, for he is the Lord of the Kitsune, and he will not flinch, not even from his own mistakes. However, acceptance of this isn't easy. Admitting it is even harder.  
  
"It was difficult at first. But now ... now every day is filled with Go, and it makes it worth what I went through in the beginning. Even if it was a thousand times harder, it would be worth it," again, a flash of his past fire kindles in Sai's voice, growing brighter and brighter as he mentions the game. The nameless sensation twists in Hikaru once more, that something which exists beyond the boundaries of wonder, which only this mortal could inspire within him.  
  
For even under a curse from the Demon Lord, the star souled child has not bent nor bowed.   
  
And today he must crush this child's peace again. His legs falter under him, and he almost changes back to his four footed form. Things are simpler, closer to the earth. Here, standing face to face with one he has truly failed, for the first time in his immortality, the Lord of the Foxes knows the feeling of the rabbit-on-the-run.  
  
So this is regret, Hikaru thinks, this reluctant facing of yourself without a mask, without illusions, when all you have done and have failed to do must be stared eye to eye.  
  
"Osusuki -- leave. Don't drag me back to a place I don't belong, and to a time I rather not remember." Sai folds his arms together, and his face smoothes itself into a carefully neutral expression.  
  
"Wait. I will go, but not before you listen to me. There have been rumors of late regarding Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi and what he plans to do with you." Hikaru grabs the young man's arm, forcing Sai to face him.   
  
"He has not forgotten how you defied him and I hear ... I hear you have enemies in this court. You have grown too popular and too bright, and others resent this. They are moving against you even now, and the Lord of Darkness will use them to serve his own means. For your own sake, you must leave Heiankyo."  
  
"And go where? To the kitsune court?" Finally, Hikaru hears it, that mocking note that belies a deep anger. He latches onto it; anger he can deal with.  
  
"If you want. I can take you anywhere in this mortal plane and beyond -- places where they've never heard of the Heian court, where they don't even know what Go is. Just think -- you can introduce a whole new people to your love of the game, teach them about the flow of each move, or show them how to create stars. It'll be just like you always dreamed. Or you could try something else. You are still young, and you have many talents ..."  
  
Sai pulls away, turning his back to Hikaru again. " I am the Emperor's tutor, and until he dismisses me, I cannot leave.To step down would mean disgracing myself and my family. I will not lose my ranking just because you dangle a few promises in front of me. It is a matter of honor."  
  
"No, it is not!" Hikaru swirls around to face the young mortal. "It is a matter of your soul!"  
  
"You can't separate one from the other. Unlike your kind, we humans don't work that way," the words sting, and the pain is worse because he knows that Sai has meant them to hurt. "__Enough. I will not fall for your temptations or your games. __My soul is my own. Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi's curse means nothing to me. I have sworn to stay and teach the Emperor. More than that, staying here is vital to where I am heading with my skills. There is nowhere else I can achieve my goal."  
  
"Your ... goal?" __Hikaru almost wishes that Sai was a kitsune. He knows how to deal with his kind. Battles with words or battles with fang and claw he can handle. But this ... a battle of half-silences, where the barbs fly unseen and unexpectedly... he has to be careful here, if he is to remain the hunter and not the hunted.  
__  
"To become the greatest player ever -- to reach the Hand of God. I can attain this in the Emperor's court. After all, isn't the Emperor a god himself? I move closer to the divine moves just by being in his presence. And the players who are here are the best in all the land. The patterns that form ... they do not appear anywhere else. I can only reach my goal here."  
  
"But what about other matters, beyond Go?__ You can still play the game elsewhere. __Once, you were even happy playing on a board made of dirt scratches, with stones you picked up off the ground. __ You loved the game for itself, not for its moves, and definitely not for its power.__"  
  
"I am not a child anymore, and I will not play as one. I need opponents who can challenge me. Beyond that, I am truly happy here.__ I play as much as I wish, day in and day out.__ My family is happy here. My mother and grandmother receive the respect they have so long craved, and my father ... is proud of me. Because of my high position, we have been given back our old quarters in the capital, and we have regained the honor we once lost."  
  
"__If such pomp and circumstance are what you desire, then you might as well have stayed in my court. You could have had challenging opponents there too. __The mortal court may have helped you grow in Go, but in other things ... no matter what they taught you, you have not learned enough. __Heiankyo has not been kind to you, Fujiwara no Sai.__"  
  
Human and kitsune stare at each other, neither backing down. Hunt or be hunted. That is the first law. Hikaru refuses to be the one to fall first.  
  
"Even I -- whose very nature lies in conjunction with games and trickery and shallow illusions -- can see this. Why can't you? It is not the game that matters. __Yes, you have talent in Go. Even a blind and deaf mortal left only with a sense of smell could tell you that. But what really marks you is not that one talent, but the inner fire and passion which fuels your brilliance. It is that which draws us to you, Fujiwara no Sai -- that which shows itself in _how_ you play the game, not _in_ the game itself."  
  
"Then I must apologize for my most rude remarks, but I will have to agree to disagree with you, oh Lord of the Kitsune. I have played for a long time now, and I have learned that only one thing remains constant. And it is not who I used to play," Sai turns his head away, though it is not a gesture of defeat. "Please... just leave. Heiankyo is my home. I cannot ... I **will not** follow you into the wandering night anymore."  
  
"Sai ..."  
  
"That's Fujiwara-sensei to you, Osusuki-sama. Now, please ... I humbly beg for you to leave my lowly presence, milord."  
  
The words might as well have been a slap to Hikaru's face. The mortal has won; he is truly the rabbit-on-the-run, with its neck caught helplessly in a snare. The flawless delivery of the bow, the perfect cold sweep of the arm as Sai treats him as any of his courtiers would -- he would rather take a sword to the stomach.   
  
"Sai .... Sai!" Hikaru tries one last time. The rage that has been missing from Sai seems to have seeped into him. "Ignore me now at your own peril. I am the Lord of the Foxes, and I do not give warnings lightly. If you persist in this, then I will leave you to your fate!"  
  
Sai merely bows yet again before backing away. Hikaru dares not follow as the mortal wades back through the wind blown grass. The Heian Court has many safeguards against the wanderers and among these are legions of sword wielding monks. If it was only them, however, he might have tried further.  
  
But night, too, threatens him with its inexorable approach. With it comes the things that travel within the darkness, things he cannot let see him in conjunction with Sai. The irony makes Hikaru twitch his ears; he, a lord of the night wanderers, afraid of the deepening shadows like some unweaned human cub? He wishes he could laugh, but there is little humor left within him now. It seems the child has taken that, as well.  
  
He must return to his court. However, for as long as he can, Hikaru keeps his eyes on the ever receding back of the brightest soul he has ever seen. Something in him, as true as the first instinct, murmurs that it is probably one of the last times he will see that soul within the confines of its mortality.  
  
The seasons shift, and the deep gold of autumn slides into the grey mundanity of winter. With the silent season comes a new kind of darkness, a kind of darkness that a fox spirit knows well to avoid, a kind of darkness that not even truesight can pierce. It is the night unending.  
  
All kitsune cubs are taught two things, after they first open their trueyes. One is to never look straight at the stars. The other is that though they are creatures of the wandering night, there are places in the absolute darkness even they cannot go. __Shadows need a source to cast them, and illusions in the dark are not illusions at all. _  
_   
Winter stirs itself into spring. __The new season is indeed a spectacular one. Those gifted only with mortal sight can find no fault with the azure blue of the sky, the sweet scent of the newly budding blossoms, and the gentle caress of sunshine reborn. Hikaru, though gifted with something beyond mortal sight, can see nothing beyond the twin watchtowers of duty and debt which burn within him.__   
  
He must get back to the boy, but he cannot -- nor does he dare -- cross the night unending. Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi' punishments, by nature, are legendary. And the Lord of Evil is beginning to suspect something about the Lord of the Kitsune. Wherever Hikaru goes now, he senses the shadows watching.   
  
Sai or his people. A decision has to be made. Though born timeless, Hikaru is running out of time. __Already, plans began to converge and mix, and the darkness in Heiankyo is like a mountain blocking out the moon. Soon, very soon ... the basest part of him, the part consigned to the pact of hunter and hunted recognizes the last, still seconds before the throat tearing leap.   
__  
Hikaru has seen the span of many years, from century to century, until he has almost three millennia under his fur. However, he is not so old that he can remember the birth of the stars, and he has never seen one die before. Not until this night, that is.   
  
The night unending has finally receded from the waking world, leaving Hikaru free to roam wherever he wishes with his own shaded power.Yet, his illusions are difficult to hold, for he knows of only one reason for the shadows' departure. He runs, until the breath is tight against his throat, runs until the wind strips his fur bare, runs until he seems to race time itself ...  
  
__But even as his paws hit the mortal earth, he knows.   
  
__And he can only watch as the young form stumbles out of the house. The sliding doors shut firmly. A__ flickering candle from within the room causes the objects inside to project large against the paper screens. It is like seeing a bizarre mockery of a children's shadow play; the dark shapes of Sai's parents shake and bow together, forming the classical posture of grief.__ The silence of the scene speaks its own language. _  
_   
Finally, the figures turn away, taking the light with them, and the audience of two watches them go. Sai totters upright, his motions stilted and uncertain. His first step nearly sends him tumbling towards the ground again. His next step is just as bad. Still, he continues, slowly, painfully. It occurs to Hikaru that Sai looks like a newborn trying to learn the basic motions of life ... and failing badly at it.   
  
Hikaru has never seen a birth of a star before. He wishes that he hasn't seen this death.  
  
"Sai ..." he calls, his own four feet awkward and unsteady as he paces alongside the drooping human. "Sai! Listen to me ..."  
  
The young human trips. He does not put out his hands to catch himself. Instead, he crumples earthward, in a puddle of white cloth and lays there unmoving. A murmur, too faint even for a kitsune's sensitive ears, brushes the air. Perhaps Sai calls for his mother or his father. Perhaps he cries against fate or for absolution. Or perhaps he whispers the name of what he has lost.  
  
Even as the Lord of the Kitsune, Hikaru does not know.  
  
"Sai?"  
  
There is no response beyond the light whir of the young man's breath. The sound is so soft. So fragile.   
  
"Sai ..."  
  
Nothing. Not even the slightest hint of a response from the fallen figure. With a sickening jolt, Hikaru realizes that the human does not see nor hear him ... in fact, **cannot **see nor hear ...   
  
"Sai!" He circles the prone form. "Have you lost your truesight? You used to see me, even shadowed as I am now. You can't have lost ..."   
  
No, the human has lost even more than that.  
  
"Kitling..." he sits by the body, almost close enough to touch. "I am here. You just have to look."  
  
But Sai does not.  
  
Two days pass in quick succession. The mortal has stopped trying to take care of himself; he does not eat nor does he sleep. Sai walks as if the ground is giving way beneath his feet. His clothing, so well tended before, drag behind him like a fallen banner. His hands, so skillful at so many things, hang like wounded birds at his side. But it is his once vibrant eyes that have changed the most -- __ eyes that see neither the wandering world nor the waking one, eyes have turned inward and become flat with grief.  
  
__Is this what mortal despair encompasses, then, this lessening of the senses until nothing but sadness remains?__  
__  
The thought leaves a taste like ash in Hikaru's mouth. __He remembers the weight of the child dangling from his jaws that first night, heavy and warm. Almost like his own kits.  
  
It is not as simple as taking Sai home again, for no such place exists now. __Nor can he go for the throat, as he should have back then. He could forcibly manifest and and shake the human until he comes to his senses, but that -- or anything else he might try -- would undoubtedly bring Amatsu Mikaboshi's wrath upon his people.   
  
However, if Sai were to look for him or to ask for help, then Hikaru would be within his rights to act. Consent is the key. He cannot move without it; he has already made that mistake once. But this one hope keeps him by the human's side, waiting. If only ...  
  
But Sai does not.  
  
A soft sound comes from the human ... not a whimper, not a whine, but a whispering stir of air -- a breath that is different from the others. Almost like relief. Almost like resignation. Almost like . . .  
  
Hikaru feels every hair in his body shiver on end, and suddenly, he knows his decision. Whether Sai wills it or not, Hikaru cannot ... he will not ... his illusions swirl around him, and he takes hold, ready to rip through to ...  
  
He never has a chance.  
  
"**Osusuki ..." **the summons strikes a deep chord him, and the world shakes as the Demon Lord strips away at reality.  
**  
**No__**! **Hikaru twists frantically. He cannot leave Sai, not now, not in this state ...  
**  
"Come! I summon you, and you must obey."  
  
**His paws cannot hold onto the mortal sphere, and his fur chills as he enters Hell ...  
  
**"Osusuki, I am disappointed at you."**  
  
"M-my most gracious lord! I do not know what you mean ... is this not what you wanted? Your plan has worked brilliantly, as only your plans could. I just wanted to see the end result of your artistry, for I have much to learn as a lowly wanderer.**"**  
  
"**Are you trying to lie to **_me**, _O Lord of the Foxes? Remember who I am. I know your deepest heart. I know what you tried to do. And though your little star souled mortal may be suffering, he has still somehow managed to escape my domain and my grasp. This vexes me greatly."_**  
_  
Pain ... pain beyond Hikaru's understanding lashes through him, pain that chokes off any thought ...  
  
"**What a pity you did not learn from the first time you tried to interfere. You gained nothing then, and you will gain nothing now. The mortal still suffers, whether or not I have him. But this time -- you will suffer as well. But not only you."  
  
**"My lord, please, I beg of you ..."_  
_**  
"For your trespass, I will punish all of your kind. Next year and every year after that, for nine hundred and ninety nine years, I will come on the Night of the All Wandering. If, at the end of this time, you have not brought me either Sai's star soul or one just as bright, then I will take your people to Hell and they will be mine forever."**  
  
Then pain is all he knows, burning and freezing at once .... pain ...._   
_   
Perhaps an eternity passes. Perhaps not. The first thing Hikaru feels beyond lashing agony is the gentle caress of his mate's tongue against his fur. She cleans him as if he is a newborn kit, and her eyes are compassionate. He knows, however, that some things can never wash away.   
  
"My love ... you have suffered so much."  
  
"Not enough. Never enough. I've destroyed our people."   
  
She washes him gently behind his ears. "Or perhaps you've given us a chance to change." She pauses and in that one, breaking moment, Hikaru realizes there remains much to learn, least of all in the shape of his mate and in the way she still curls against him, despite all he has done. Still so much left to wonder at, now that time is no longer infinite for him or his people.  
  
"Change," he repeats. "Yes. For the first time ... I must look ... forward ..." he blinks.  
  
"But before that, you must first look ... Osusuki ..." __Her golden eyes seem to hold the sorrow of the world._  
_   
He knows. Even before she says a word, he knows.  
  
"Go to him," she whispers, and he totters forth on broken paws. Each step hurts, though he does not whimper or cry. Some things are painful beyond that which one can give voice to, so he does not try.  
  
But it is the last sight that cuts the most, that threatens to mute his voice forever with its terrible_ _ephemerality__.  
  
Unique fragility. He understands now.  
  
The river is calm, and its currents run so deep and slow that they do not disturb the image of the full moon that rests upon its glassy face. The river reeds dip and sway in the gentle night breeze, and a few white petals of some late blooming flower slip serenely downstream. Somewhere in the distance, an owl shakes off the day's slumber and spreads its white wings. And below the surface ... just below ...  
  
The last, fading echoes of a fallen star glimmer out._   
  
  
"**No!**" Hikaru's voice sounded strange in his throat. The world spun around him, and confusion littered his thoughts. Which memories were his own ... which memories were Osusuki's ... the pain from the vision of Hell and the vision of ... "S-SAI! NO!"  
  
"Relax, Shindo Hikaru. Breathe deeply. You are yourself again," a light touch to his wrist took away most of his memories of that brief, terrifying visit to Hell. It was like learning to breathe fresh air again, after a life of smoke and fog. "You're fine now ..."  
  
Hikaru wasn't too sure of that, however. Images still cascaded in his mind, of Sai sprawled across the earth... of that last glimpse of him in the water. It was only when he tasted salt in his mouth that he realized he was crying.   
  
"I know he .... but I didn't know it was like ..." Hikaru swiped his eyes with a sleeve. The tears kept coming, though, no matter how roughly he scrubbed them away. "They threw him away ... over just one, stupid, lousy game?"  
  
"Mortals get hung up on the most silly things ... like face and status. I don't think anyone realized, not even Sai, that honor has nothing to do with either of those. However, it wasn't only `one, stupid, lousy game.'"  
  
Osusuki turned away, and Hikaru caught a streak of silver as the kitsune's claws flashed briefly in the air. He did not know what Osusuki was fighting, for there was no one else in the clearing, but he could understand the feeling. If he had claws, he would be slashing them too.  
  
"As a child of a dispossessed nobility, but with a talent to rise quickly in the ranks, you can probably guess how popular he was in the court -- as well as know how much of that popularity was based on loyalty. Sai's world may have been completely composed of Go, but that's **not** what all of the Heian court is about. I don't think he ever truly understood that. Despite what Sai tried to project, in the end, he still was such a trusting soul at heart."   
  
Osusuki's voice vibrated at a point just under a growl. It made Hikaru's skin prickle, and he instinctively shifted backwards. "If I had known, I would have ended it the first night I met him. It would have been quicker and a lot less painful."  
  
"But it is not just you mortals alone. I failed him as well. After we wanderers abandoned him, all he had left to believe in was the game. He loved it as a child ... yes ... but afterwards, it was literally his life. Thus, when his opponent cheated that last time, when even the game failed him ... If I've learned one thing about you mortals, it that you need hope and faith more than even air to live. When all you believe in life rejects you, where do you go?"  
  
Hikaru felt his mouth opening and closing, very much like a giant baby bird. Finally, an ungainly squawk emerged, further enhancing that image. "Whaaaaaa?! No!"  
  
"I'm not saying that suicide was the correct path, but he was tired. And it was the easiet way out. Though, it wasn't as simple as losing a game and being banished. He lost himself. Perhaps, even more than that. You must also remember _who_ and _what_ depended on his games as well."  
  
Hikaru twisted his damp sleeves in his hands. "Man, that sucks. It's not _great_ that my parents are clueless about me. I wouldn't _mind_ if they came to a game or two. But at least they let me play without bugging me about winning. No one _needs_ me to win but me. If it was like that ..." Hikaru swallowed.  
  
Osusuki nodded at the growing look of horror on the boy's face. "It would be like what Sai faced every day back then. He was free to play as much as he wanted, but he wasn't ever really _free_. Not like you are. Not with his family depending on him like that. And yet, he still truly loved the game, despite the pressure. That's how the curse ran as it did."   
  
Hikaru shivered, and his gaze drifted out beyond the trees. "No wonder he never talks about the Heian court or the curse or why he ... died. It's so sad."  
  
"Perhaps so, if you look at his death purely as an end. But the fact that you are here proves that it is not. Besides, you also told me that Sai didn't consider his fate as a curse. I wonder if he sees his afterlife as a punishment from Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi...or as grace given from Kami-sama to carry on his quest after his first failure." A half smile flitted across Osusuki's face.   
  
"It WOULD be like him to turn a curse into a blessing. He always had a _different_ view of the world than most of us ... immortal or mortal. So stop your snot laden sniffling. Sai didn't let Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi win. Somehow, he still managed to find happiness ..."  
  
"What!?"   
  
"He found Torajiro."   
  
Stricken, Hikaru stood silent for several moments. As usual, the mere mention of his predecessor's name made his throat close, and his breath felt tight and rather painful in his chest. He shoved his hands into his sleeves, creating a barrier of cloth between him and the kitsune. "Great. _Him _again."  
  
"Now, now, watch that jealousy. It is not one of your more finer emotions."  
  
Hikaru glared, stamping a foot for good measure. "I am not jealous! And what do you know about Torajiro anyway?! Have you been spying on Sai all this time?!"  
  
"No. When I gave you permission to have access to my memories, in return, you gave me the same right to enter yours -- as well as that small part of Sai which remains in you at all times."  
  
Hikaru blinked, jarred abruptly out of his brooding by the kitsune's revelation. "All my memories? That means you've been spying on _my_ brain?! Waaaait. _**ALL**_ my memories ... even the ..."  
  
"Yes, all your memories. Stop gawking -- they're not really of interest to me. To tell the truth, they are exceptionally mundane, except for the bits where you keep getting lost." Osusuki gave a small, half smile as Hikaru smacked both hands against his head. "Though there is one part that I didn't quite understand. You carry many more things in your head than _you_ may even know."  
  
"What?!" Hikaru felt dizzy. The kitsune paced slowly around the boy, head tilted slightly as if trying to peer at Hikaru from another angle. "Why are you looking at me like that? What do you mean?! UUGGH! Stop messing with my brain. First Sai, then you ... it's like I have a welcome mat out or something! I don't have anything in my mind!"  
  
"Well, I am not going to argue with that," Osusuki snorted as Hikaru hit his forehead again. "It **is** mostly just porn, manga, and Go in that empty space you call a brain. Rather sad, really."  
  
"I do NOT think about porn!" Hikaru stamped his other foot.   
  
"That, somehow, makes it even more sad. But no need to get so fussy. Hmph. As if _I _cared about the strange mating habits of you humans. What _was_ interesting to me, though, is that bit of Sai in you. You have never been in there, have you? Seriously, I don't think you know the depths of your own mind. That is very dangerous, Shindo Hikaru, not to mention worrisome. Especially with what we face tonight," Osusuki's voice dropped. Hikaru had a feeling the kitsune was not merely sniping at him anymore. "At any rate, through Torajiro, Sai had a chance to show the world his greatness -- a chance that he was denied in his own lifetime."  
  
"Yeah, yeah, Torajiro let Sai play," still hidden by the folds of his gown, Hikaru's hands clenched. Only when he felt his arms twinge did he notice just how tightly he was holding himself in.  
  
"But you were different from him."  
  
"So, you're gonna tell me that I've been an idiot not to let him play? That I deserve to be thrown to He Who Kicks Puppies For Fun? I know that already!" Hikaru brought an arm up to wipe at his nose again. "That's what you've been wanting to say all night, right?"  
  
"Ah, so it's self pity now. You really shouldn't do that. It's not good for you. But ....no. Though I wish to save Sai, I will not say that." Osusuki made a twirling motion with his fingers. A large white handkerchief appeared. "Here, stop... leaking."   
  
Hikaru grabbed the handkerchief. His sleeves were becoming rather untidy, and it was hard to scowl when his face felt stiff from all the tears.  
  
"Not letting Sai play is perhaps the best thing you could've done for him." Osusuki finally said, after Hikaru finished scrubbing.  
  
"Okay, I'm not following you. Let's see ... after being cursed and killing himself, Sai's forced to wander around from goban to goban watching games but not playing. Of course, he then meets Mr. "I'm Too Perfect For My Pants " Torajiro, who dies before he can help Sai reach the hand of God, which probably just makes Sai even more sadder. And THEN, to top it ALL off, he lands in me, who doesn't even let him play ... how is this a good thing?"   
  
The anger boiled hot and thick within him. Only when he heard a dull, tearing sound did he realize the extent of his rage. He had managed to rip the sturdy linen handkerchief in half. _But who am I really angry at? _   
  
"It's like I'm helping Lord ..."   
  
The scraps of the cloth fluttered from his hands as realization dawned. Perhaps it wasn't Osusuki who deserved to be ripped into fraying pieces. "I was ... I was supposed to help Sai, wasn't I? But instead, I'm torturing him. I'm a part of the curse ... I make him watch instead of letting him play, I tell him that he's a pain ...._I'm a part of the curse_ ..."  
  
"Oh please. Don't even _start_ with the 'it's all my fault' type of angsting you humans seem _so_ fond of doing. Your sense of dramatics is overshadowing any iota of reasoning ... not that you had much to begin with," Osusuki glanced at his empty teacup and raised an eyebrow.   
  
Cultural habit made Hikaru reach for the teapot and refill the cup for the kitsune. Osusuki glanced curiously at him, as if waiting for some smart remark or perhaps another crowing, kettle-laden attack. When none came, the kitsune reached over, took the teapot, and refilled Hikaru's cup as well. Wordlessly, the boy curled his fingers around the bone white porcelain, despite the heat.   
  
"Still moping? Before you start moaning and groaning and spouting bad poetry or whatever you modern humans do when you're being hard on yourselves, just listen. Have my memories not helped you at all? When he met Torajiro, the boy had already started on the path of Go. But Torajiro was too kind ..."  
  
Pushing the teacup away from him, Hikaru put his head into the circle of his arms. The liquid in the cup shivered as his fingertips brushed the rounded edge. He heard what sounded like a sigh coming from the kitsune.  
  
"Through Torajiro, like I said, Sai got to unleash all his frustration about never being known for his Go. However, while Sai was allowed to grow in Go, he wasn't able to grow in spirit. Torajiro never challenged him in that aspect. I would even go as far as saying that Sai made a mistake with Torajiro ...that they both made a mistake."  
  
"Mistake?!" Hikaru lifted his head. "Yeah, right. Torajiro was Mr. Perfect. He never made mistakes. You should hear Sai go on about him. Torajiro did this and Torajiro did that ... I'm surprised he didn't make me build a shrine. "  
  
"Ah. Well, far be it from me to change your opinion of your old rival."  
  
"He's not my rival!"  
  
"Perhaps I've used the wrong wording. The old ghost of your ghost, then. It doesn't matter."  
  
Osusuki drained his teacup, smacking his lips slightly. "Torajiro worshipped Sai fanatically. However, worship holds its own inherent responsibility, limits and pitfalls. In his kindness, Torajiro has inadvertently wounded Sai, just as with his selfishness, Sai hurt Torajiro irreparably. The true tragedy is that they never realized what they did to each other."  
  
The kitsune snorted as Hikaru numbly shook his head in disbelief. "Believe what you will. I have not lied to you. I may be a Lord of Illusions, but there has to be a kernel of truth at the base of whatever I weave. At least trust me on this. Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi will take advantage of whatever guilt ... false or otherwise ... you hold. So you better know what you truly are responsible for tonight. Otherwise you might end up taking on burdens you cannot handle. You are hardly an extension of the curse, even given your admittedly boorish and unrefined behavior. Sai needs you and your stubborn attitude, more than worship, more than respect, even more than he needs to play."   
  
"More than he needs to play?" Hikaru felt like laughing, though he only managed a half strangled choking sound instead. "You really didn't look at those memories too good, did you? We fight all the time over who plays. No matter what you say, Sai an' Torajiro never fought, and he sure likes ol' Shuusako better than he likes me. And now it's gotten to the point where only one of us can play and go forward. And ..."   
  
Hikaru felt the rest of his words drain away.   
  
"His Go is better than yours."  
  
"Yeah." Hikaru nodded halfheartedly, feeling as if someone had poked a hole somewhere in his stomach. His world certainly felt as if it was deflating.   
  
"However, it is your life. He threw his away." Osusuki clicked his claws on his teacup, then shook his head. "It seems we've come full circle, Shindo Hikaru. So I ask you again, what does Sai mean to you? And does Go really form the best part of your relationship? Think, this time, instead of merely reacting."  
  
Hikaru pushed his sleeves back, absently scratching his arms. _Is Go the best part? _The thought unnerved him, though for no reason he could quite pinpoint.  
  
"Well, yes and no," he said slowly as he reconsidered how he and Sai spent most of their time together.   
  
"It's ... half of what we share, I guess. A BIG half. We play at least one game every night. But most days, if I don't go to the insei building or to a study session, we just ...do stuff together. Like goof around in the park or hang in the manga store. Sometimes, he plays his flute for me, or I show him something cool and modern, like the arcade. And when we don't go anywhere or I'm too tired to play, we just talk about stupid crap. He's got these really weird ideas, and it's really funny to see what he thinks about the twenty-first century. Y'know ... we ... just do ... stuff. It might change now that I'm a pro, and I know the fighting is gonna get worse, but I think ... I hope we'll still do some other things besides Go."  
  
Hikaru realized he was babbling, but he couldn't seem to stop. "But the best part ... No. It's not the games. Or how's he's helped me. Or that he's my friend. It's all of that together... but that's not** _it_** either. I don't know how to explain it. It's kinda like how you can't explain about what Sai means to you either, specially when you look at the sakura trees. It's not the _same_ feeling between me an' him, but it's the same ... kinda ... not being able to talk about it." Hikaru itched the back of his neck uncomfortably. "Things just ... work."  
  
Osusuki lifted an eyebrow, his eyes narrowing slightly. "I ... see."  
  
Hikaru tugged at the collar to his robes one last time. "Okay, so I don't know what the best _part_ is. But I do know my favorite _time_ with him. It sounds real stupid, but I really like when we're just ... _quiet_ ... together. Like sometimes, after a really good game, we just sit and chill, and we don't need to talk cause we just **know** what the other's thinking -- and I'm not talking 'bout our mindlink -- we just ... _know_. Because we're together. I can just sit with myself and not need anything else."  
  
Hikaru paused, feeling slightly embarrassed. He was not quite sure why he had rambled on so long, especially if Osusuki knew his memories already. The Lord of the Kitsune didn't seem to mind listening, though the fox spirit was not exactly Hikaru's first choice for a confessor. The night was definitely becoming stranger with each passing moment.  
  
"Has it ever occurred to you, then, that while he may have taught you how to sit with yourself, in turn, you have taught him how to _be_ himself again. And ... that there is something more important to him than even his Go."  
  
Osusuki leaned back, his green eyes glittering strangely. "Despite all your prickly arguments and petty rivalries, in your own way, you have given Sai as much joy as you have pain. Through you, since you knew nothing about the game -- as he's forced to take you through each step -- he's rediscovering his own first joy, the one that came before he knew anything about hands of God or playing for power. With you, there are no restrictions on how he must behave. He show his true joy at just _being._"  
  
The bright memory of a certain ghost jumping up and down in pure excitement at just playing him -- all of Sai's odd, immature behaviors ... it made a strange sort of sense, in light of what the kitsune had said. The childish earnestness that Sai usually displayed towards him ... it matched what Hikaru had seen in Osusuki's first memories of the ghost.   
  
Hikaru spent a long moment tracing haphazard patterns across the wood of the table as his mind spun, trying to condense his thoughts into an one comprehensible theory. With the other half of the kitsune's memories, Hikaru could also finally understand where the more serious, adult Sai, the one he had seen since he had blundered blindly into the wandering night, had come from as well. The contrast made his stomach ache, though whether from sadness or anger, he did not know.   
  
"You understand at last, don't you? Your "annoying, whiny, and bratty" Sai, the one you know now, could have never survived in the Heian court back then. In the world of willow and silk, of face and status, where one's true nature had to be disguised by a fan, a sleeve, or pretty words, Sai and his passion ... well ... he had to change. The same goes for what he had with Torajiro, who was a child at the time they met. He could hardly be himself then either."   
  
Osusuki shrugged. "Your relationship with Sai is infinitely more complex than any he has ever had, even with us wanderers, for you don't see Sai simply as a Go genius, a star-souled child, or as someone with which to gain favor with the court. On the most basic level, you're Sai's friend, his very best friend. You're giving him back that one part of his heart he sacrificed to become who he is. Though ... even _you _sacrificed that piece of yourself, once. I remember your memories. Your worlds, though different outwardly, may not be as far apart as you think."  
  
Hikaru thought of Akari, Mitani, and Tsutsui -- the ones he had to leave behind. And of Waya and Isumi, and how they and the other insei rarely mentioned a life outside Go. When they did talk about it, most of the time the stories were unpleasant. In some ways, society had not changed too much from the time of willow and silk. Perhaps the length of their robes had shortened, and fans and sleeves had been exchanged for other cloying distractions, but life could be just as cruel and cutting now as it was then, especially to those who were perceived as "different" or "gifted." This was doubly true, Hikaru realized wryly, if you were "gifted" in a competitive area such as Go. Especially there, actually -- true friendships were rare. The relationships of the insei were always tinged with rivalry.   
  
_Like my relationship with Touya ... actually, he's kinda like Sai was, back then, all alone because he's so smart._ Hikaru blinked at the sudden, unexpected thought. Apparently, hanging with a kitsune did odd things to one's brain -- like give it unexpected insights._ Geez, I guess I **am** lucky to have someone to come with me, especially someone like ..._  
  
"You and Sai ... your paths are combined, and you don't have to walk it alone. With you, Sai has had to temper his goals. With you, he chases both the Hand of God** and** the path of helping _you_ grow, equally. Or perhaps the two ... teaching and the Hand of God ... are connected somehow. Because with you, his starfire burns even more brightly than when I first met him. I know you don't understand now, nor do you believe me. You won't until much later, I wager, given the vast depths of ignorance that goes around masquerading as your brain."  
  
"HEY!"  
  
"But Sai does have a reason to thank you. As do my people."  
  
"Your people?"   
  
"Nine hundred and ninety nine years ends tonight."  
  
"Oh..." Hikaru rubbed his head as the reality of his situation came crashing back down upon him. For a moment, he had been so caught in learning about Sai (and about himself, in retrospect) that he had forgotten about the game. "Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi ... near the end ... when he was torturing us ... I mean, you ... he said he would take all the kitsune to Hell ...."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"That's why you needed MY soul ... " Hikaru stared at Osusuki. "If it wasn't for Sai ...I'd be demon kibble."  
  
"Yes." Osusuki did not even bother to try to deny it.   
  
"How many people have you ..."  
  
"Don't ask. I will not regret acting as I must. But if it helps soothe your little mortal morals, every soul that has ever passed through the wandering night has not been forced here, nor do I trap them here once they have come. I merely open the gateway between our worlds. They are to the ones who step through. And to most of them, this is a wonderful time of magic and dreams, of illusions made real. And at the end of their stay, a princely being would come and offer them whatever the wished for. The choice is always theirs alone."   
  
"How many ..."  
  
"Don't ask," Osusuki repeated. "They had a choice. They _always_ have a choice."  
  
"I didn't get a choice! Sai asked you to let me leave and look! I'm still here!"  
  
"As I've said before, your soul is different. You travel with one of the wandering night, and your star aura ... well ... the rules are different as well. You do have a choice, but that choice is much more complicated than simply staying or leaving. Nonetheless, you are still proving quite hard to sacrifice.You are a lot like your mentor, you know?"  
  
"But even if Sai does win, Amatsu Mikaboshi will get still his soul for a thousand years." Hikaru closed his eyes. "Your people have been saved, Osusuki ... sama."  
  
"I never meant to condemn him to Hell. I thought that I could convince you to give your soul to Lord Mikaboshi willingly. Or, on the chance that you took me up on my offer to let you leave, then the game would have been declared void, for the stakes would have changed. This would also mean that Sai would not be bound to a thousand years in Hell, for he would not be the one who broke the contract. However, it did have one down side in that, upon your death, you'd be condemned to Hell for abandoning your sensei to save your own skin."  
  
"What?! Oh thank you VERY much. I can't believe ... You know, even _if_ I was that dumb, Sai still probably wouldn't just hand me over. We're both not like that."  
  
"I know. I did not say it was the best plan." Osusuki shrugged. "Especially since it didn't work. I realize now that if anything had happened to you, Sai would ... anyway, the best I can do is keep you here, shield your thoughts, and give Sai the best chance to save you at least. I am _helping_, as much as I can."  
  
"But keeping ME safe doesn't help him at ALL with the thousand years in Hell thing!"   
  
The Lord of the Kitsune looked away. "It's the best I can do. Otherwise, both of you will face an _eternity_ in Hell, and that is definitely --"  
  
"Osusuki-sama! Osusuki-saaaaama!!"   
  
The high childish voice made both Hikaru and the Lord of the Kitsune freeze. Hikaru felt an odd sense of almost-deja-vue-but-not-quite as Kojoro skidded into the clearing, tumbling into an earth hugging bow before them.   
  
"Kojoro, what is it?"_  
  
_"M-milord, Kinyuki-sama has been looking everywhere for you! Everyone has! It's Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi ... he ....he's demanding you bring the human back to the game!"  
  
Wordlessly, Hikaru and Osusuki stared at one another. The fox spirit abruptly clenched one hand upon his mask. The other rolled into a fist so tight that Hikaru could see small beads of blood well up between the fingers, in a parallel row below the knuckles. Kitsune, apparently, could bleed.  
  
"I guess I have failed him, even in this."_  
_  
For Hikaru, the world seemed to shake, as if the ground had melted away to jelly. Or perhaps he was the one who was shaking. He couldn't tell. _Sai's going to be cheated in the game. Again. But this time ...  
  
This time ... it'll be MY fault ..._  
_  
To be continued ..._   
______________________________  
  
  



	10. 8a: Twisting Sinews of the Heart

In the Forests of the Night  
A Hikaru no Go Ghost Story  
  
This chapter is again dedicated to her supreme editor-ness, Imbrium. If she did not help, you would not be reading this. (So don't go after her with the pointy sticks, okay?)  
  
Part 8a: Twisting Sinews of the Heart  
  
"Kojoro, go back to the game and tell Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi that I will be there shortly, with Shindo-kun in tow. Express to him my deepest apologies for being absent when he required my presence," Osusuki said.  
  
Kojoro stiffened and canted her head slightly to the side. Hikaru could not read her expression through her mask, but he guessed that he and Osusuki must have made quite a sight -- he with his rumpled robes and red, tear-blurred eyes and the Kitsune Lord with his maskless, bruised face.  
  
"Kojoro, you have your orders. However ... make sure you present yourself properly. None of this _ rushing_ back to the game, tails over head. Do you understand?"  
  
"Yes, milord," apparently, the young kitsune had decided that her continued survival depended on not commenting on what she saw. She bent herself into a quick bow and backed away from them. Unlike her flustered entrance into the grove, her footsteps sounded slow and unhurried as she wound her way back through the woods.  
  
"Now what!?" Hikaru blurted, when he could no longer see Kojoro's lantern bobbing through the trees.  
  
"Either Sai is doing better than we thought, or Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi has grown impatient and wants to end the game quickly. Either way, with your presence...."  
  
"Sai's gonna lose if I go back there!" Hikaru's breathing shortened as panic snarled its way through him. By the way they felt, he imagined his insides looked rather like one of the intricate silk knots that usually dangled from the ends of swords and fans. _ At least'll be decorative when the Lord of Screaming Nightmares disembowels me and uses my guts for a wall tassel. _Hikaru winced. "Crap, crap, craaaaaap! It was bad enough when I had go through your memories! Now Mr. Bringer of Horrible, Unspeakable Pain wants to eat my brain!"   
  
Hikaru gripped the table. His eyes traced the concentric rings of the gigantic stump; they could have numbered anywhere from a thousand to ten thousand. _I'm gonna be in Hell a LOT longer than that though._ His breathing quickened even more. "Are you SURE you can't block my thoughts? Can't you try?"  
  
"Calm down before you pass out. I need you vertical right now."   
  
"What do you mean calm down? I don't WANT to calm down! What are we gonna do?! What are you going to do?! What am I gonna do?! M-maybe I should just LET him curse me. B-but with MY luck, I'd probably get sealed in a checkerboard or something!" Hikaru's breaths were little more than spastic pants, and his vision began to flatten and grey out, taking his balance with it. "Oh shit! I don't want to be cursed or go to Hell! Oh SHIIIIT!"   
  
At the very edge of his fading sight, he saw a flicker of movement as Osusuki lifted a claw and traced a complex symbol midair. The air hummed and sparks of warmth flared briefly against his skin, the touch of snowflakes reversed. Hikaru had only a moment take one last gasping breath before a syrup-like lassitude engulfed him. It smothered his senses and shut off his panicked tirade. His panting evened out into a more regular rhythm. But though his fear had also been suppressed somewhat, its presence still bit down deep within him, coiling tighter and tighter, whip sharp and ready to crack. It was only a matter of time; once the kitsune released the spell, Hikaru had a feeling the effects would not be pleasant.  
  
"That's better. Now listen. If you were actually thinking instead of running around like a pig with a sack on its head, you would remember what I said before -- that the presence of Gods wears even kitsune illusions thin. The gods are like the truest of all mirrors, ones that can strip away all pretensions and all conjurations, ones which reflect back at us our first face. He is the Lord of Evil Everlasting. When he looks into your eyes, none of my powers will be able to hide what you carry inside your mind. Now, giving up _is_ still an option, but I don't encourage it. My people, for one, would be dragged to Hell. And I'm not so sure that you will find your wanderings as easy as Sai does his, nor do I think Sai can escape this time. Amatsu Mikaboshi-sama wants a soul tonight, and I must see that he gets one -- the question is will it be yours or will it be Sai's?"   
  
Osusuki straightened his robes, brushing a hand over his eye. The bruise faded immediately. "I cannot help you any further, Shindo Hikaru. As it is, I have gambled too much already. We've shared memories and I am sure Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi will not look favorably upon that. So I'm going to have to make a little ... adjustment."  
  
"Why? What are you gonna do?" The words drawled sluggishly out of Hikaru's mouth, as if his voice had become mired in mud. Something deep within him wanted to yell until he collapsed, but he couldn't. He could not even curl his hands into fists.   
  
"I need to take those memories back. I had hoped that his pride would have been enough to keep Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi from openly using you against Sai. It is rather shameful for a god to cheat against a mortal. However, the nature of evil is to take the most easiest route, and one can't fight one's nature, be you god, kitsune, or puny mortal turned Go pro."  
  
Hikaru watched, wide eyed and passive as the kitsune strode towards him. "Don't fight it. It will hurt less, if you let me in on your own free will. There is nothing more I can do to save you, so I must save my people. You won't even know those memories are gone, after I'm done."  
  
"You can't ..." Hikaru squeezed out each word slowly. "No."  
  
"You are not losing anything you did not have before tonight."  
  
_No! _ Hikaru couldn't move, could barely think. He had gone through so much just to gain the few shreds of insight into himself and his friend. "No. It gives me an edge. I need to know why this is all happening. If I don't know, I can't help Sai."_  
  
_Osusuki paused. "You won't be able to help Sai, even with my memories.You're just making this harder on yourself."  
  
Unable to respond outwardly, Hikaru concentrated all his anger inward. He hammered at his internal knot of fear, trying to work something loose. He felt something brush across his thoughts, and he increased his attempts to break free. _They might not be mine, but I'm keeping them! I won't forget what Sai suffered, I won't forget what I learned through that ... I won't, because if I forget, then it makes none of this worth anything!   
_  
Yet, even as he struggled, Hikaru could feel the kitsune's memories of Sai begin to fade, images blurring and spreading thin, like falling water flattening into a puddle.  
  
_NO! SAI!_ Hikaru gave one last frantic twist with both his mind and his body, determined not to lose the memories. _NO!   
  
_Without warning, a bright streak arced through his thoughts ... a sword!? ... followed by a starburst of infinite intensity. Hikaru felt something **_snap_** within him. The cotton-like numbness that had been clamped on top of his emotions vanished. Hikaru tumbled backwards, grabbing the table in an attempt to stop his fall.  
  
"You're not gonna get away with covering your own ass!" the words finally burst from Hikaru's lips as he righted himself again. He stood, feet planted, arms outspread, hand clenched tight into fists. Hissing, the fox spirit raised his claws.  
  
Hikaru did not remember striding up to the Kitsune Lord, but he suddenly found himself shouting straight into Osusuki's face. "I am NOT going BACK there and BETRAYING my BEST FRIEND! I am NOT LOSING my MEMORIES! If I have to DRAG your NINE TAILED ASS around and BEAT you bloody to stop you, I WILL! So DON'T tell me to JUST bend over and KISS my BUTT goodbye!"  
  
A low growl rumbled out of Osusuki's throat, and his lips lifted to reveal his sharp fangs. Enraged beyond fear or common sense, Hikaru growled back, showing his own teeth.   
  
"Oh, we're going to do THIS again? So what? You're gonna BITE me?! FINE! Maybe HELL will be EASIER to face if I have RABIES! Come on, BITE ME! BITE ME!" He danced around the kitsune, fists balled and held at ready. It wasn't easy in his unwieldy robes, but anger had given him an odd sort of grace.   
  
"Bite me, fight me, or kill me, but I won't go to Hell just sitting on my hands!"  
  
Osusuki rose to his feet, but he merely pushed past Hikaru, moving slowly and stiffly away. "I will excuse your impudence this once, since it is ... somewhat ... my fault that you have ended up in this predicament."  
  
"`Somewhat'?! What do you mean somewhat?! It's ALL your STINKING fault! If you loved your people so much, you would've given your OWN soul to Hell!"  
  
"SILENCE!" the Lord of the Kitsune swung out, claws heading straight for Hikaru's throat. The young Go pro didn't even have the chance to yelp as rush of air streaked across his neck. His body lifted abruptly off the ground and hung there, suspended. Yet, blood did not spurt, pain did not blossom, and air still whooshed in and out of his lungs. Opening his eyes fully, Hikaru found that he was indeed held aloft but not by Osusuki's claws. Instead, an invisible band of power had formed around his waist and arms, pinning him midair.   
  
The kitsune's expression, with his slitted eyes and fully exposed fangs, told the young Go pro that Osusuki ached to sink his claws into Hikaru and yank out major organs, bit by squiggly bit. As things stood, one clawed hand had halted a hairsbreadth from his neck and the other wavered in the area above his heart. Little tremors shook the clawtips.  
  
Muttering softly under his breath, Osusuki finally waved a hand, dropping Hikaru. The young Go pro landed onto his rear, his arms and legs out flung. For a moment, Hikaru gripped the ground, then he ran a shaking hand across his chest and passed a few fingers under his chin. The slightest trickle of warm liquid met his fingertips. His heartbeat raced in a rapid cadence beneath his palm. It was apparently the only thing still working within him, for the rest of his body felt like it had been dropped into ice water.  
  
Looking up at Osusuki, Hikaru felt his heart stutter again at the strangely desolate expression on the kitsune's face. He hadn't thought it possible for any wanderer, much less the Lord of the Kitsune, to look so ... vulnerable. Seeming to notice Hikaru's stare, Osusuki gave a small, ironic chuckle. It was a dry sound.  
  
"Don't you think I haven't tried to go to Hell, tried to bargain? That way is barred for me. I cannot trade myself for my people, any more than I could have saved Sai, that first night. Only you mortals have souls that are your own. Only you mortals have the power to enter Hell at your own will. We of the wandering night do not. Sometimes, Hell is everywhere we go."  
  
Hikaru tottered to his feet. He flinched as Osusuki turned to face him once more but the fox spirit did not try to invade his mind again.   
  
"We wanderers have power enough to create illusions and dreams, but it is only those who can truly lose, who can fall away, who can die -- it is only you mortals, with your brief, skittering existence, who have the strength to make your dreams permanent. It is the ultimate irony that governs the relationship between all our realms, wandering, waking, mortal, or immortal. If, at any time, you humans grasp this and obtain the wisdom and the power to accept the full responsibility for your actions, then we shadows will have no more use in this realm."  
  
Osusuki shrugged. "That is what Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi fears the most. A world where Hell becomes obsolete. But if you and Sai come under his grasp, with the power in your star souls ..."  
  
"If you know this, then how can you just hand us over?"  
  
"I tried to challenge things, once, and this is my punishment. I must play this game, which is not of my choosing, and I must do so year after year, confined to a time limit, though I myself am timeless. I am kitsune ... to be forced to play another's game .... to be forced into working for a lord that is not my own ..."  
  
"It's NOT just about YOU!"  
  
"No, it is not. It is also about my people, for whom I am responsible. I need no reminder that I am the Lord of the Kitsune. Still, it amounts to nothing. I have no soul and I cannot change. I will always be as I am, until eternity ends or death brings me to oblivion."  
  
The kitsune laughed, bringing again a sound like old bones rubbing together. "Without a soul, I cannot bargain with the Lord of the Unending Night. I must use other souls, I must compound my first mistake, I must trick and bargain and gamble away that which is not mine for purposes beyond my own. I do not deny what I have done in the past. I have used Sai. I have used other souls. I am using you."  
  
"No, I do not deny what I have done. I am only telling you what I cannot do now. I cannot save my court with my own power. I cannot save my people. I cannot even save myself. Do you not understand? That is the crux of Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi's punishment for me. This lessening of what I am-- for as I am now, I can be neither kitsune nor the Lord of the Kitsune."  
  
Osusuki fell silent. Hikaru stared at his hands. They were trembling ... he clenched and unclenched them, but the tremors did not cease. He thought of all the kitsune back in the clearing, of Kojoro and even Kinyuki. He did not remember any particular piece of Hell specifically, but a chill deep beyond his bones told him that some part, buried beyond conscious memory, the part that thrummed instinctually in his blood and flesh, would never truly forget, not until he drew his last breath and found his final destination. Hell had not been pleasant, to say the least. And no one deserved that.  
  
Especially not Sai.   
  
_But what then? I can't let the Lord of Evil have those strategies. I can't. How can I get rid ...get .. rid ..._  
  
"Take them. Take all of them," he said dully. "Every last one."  
  
"What?"  
  
"If you're gonna pack up your toys and leave, you might as well take all my memories of Sai too. I can't leak strategies if I don't know any," Hikaru felt as if someone had drilled into his chest, leaving his emotions to drain out. His chin slowly lowered, and he hunched slightly, his arms folded across his midsection. "A thousand years is better than eternity. And I don't want to go to Hell either." The sensation of coldness beyond the touch of ice shuddered through him. "No. I definitely don't want to go there."  
  
He heard a quick, indrawn breath.   
  
"You certainly are confusing me. After you fought so hard to keep _my_ memories -- I do distinctly remember you saying that you would drag me by my nine tails and beat me bloody of I tried to take them again -- you would so easily give up the ones you earned on your own? And here I was thinking of upgrading your intelligence level from imbecilic dolt to babbling fool. Your memories make who you are. They are what shaped you these last two years. Don't you know that without them ..."  
  
"I go back to being the plain old me. Little nobody Shindo Hikaru, with no goal in life. I'm not THAT big of a moron, okay? And if you're so smart, can you think of something better? All I am asking is that you help give Sai a fair game," Hikaru looked back down at his hands. They had not stopped shaking yet, but he felt as if he had some control over them again. "I won't let you have your memories back if you don't take mine as well."  
  
"You little idiot," Osusuki finally said. "I can't take all your memories. The Lord of Hell would certainly notice a big gaping hole, even in _your_ brain."  
  
"Then why did you bother showing me all those memories in the first place? What's the point of knowing how much Sai really means to me when I'm just gonna lose him tonight? Why tell me all these things about you and him? You might not have pushed Sai into the river the first time, but you still threw him away. And you're doing it again. Why won't you help me save him?" Nervous energy having dissipated, Hikaru slumped slightly, arms hanging at his side. Everything felt heavy. "Why?"  
  
"You're the one who demanded to see."  
  
"But you didn't have to show me everything you did. You didn't have to keep going. Why?"  
  
The kitsune dipped his head slightly, and his green eyes became shadowed. "It doesn't matter."  
  
"Look, if you take them away, you can tell Ol' Doom and Gloom that you did it to make me defenseless. Without Sai or any memories of Go, I can't fight him. I'm practically gift wrapped and ready to go!"  
  
Osusuki turned away. "No. I cannot interfere anymore."  
  
The hole in Hikaru's chest felt so real that he pressed both hands against it, trying to hold himself together. There wasn't much he could do, if the fox spirit refused to help.  
  
"Then ...I have to ... Sai. If you won't take my memories, I have to ... " Hikaru faltered. _An eternity in Hell . . .or a condemned existence confined to a goban...I can't. I can't do it. I gotta think of something. I can't let ...okay, if not my memories, what else? But there IS nothing left! Nothing but ..._ Hikaru twisted his hands together. There was one, last thing. "I think it's time we talked about that first offer you made. You said it was either my soul or Sai's."  
  
"You would ..." Osusuki trailed off as Hikaru nodded, his eyes glued to his sandal clad feet.   
  
"What else can I do? If even you, the Lord of the Kitsune, Master of Tricks and Illusions, can't fight this, then I'm TOTALLY up crap creek, and forget the paddle, I'm without the canoe at this point!"  
  
"Shindo Hikaru ..."  
  
"I can't let Sai go in my place. I just can't. He wouldn't be here if I hadn't dragged him in. It's my fault. I didn't listen to him. I don't think I've been listening, not for a long time."  
  
"You would _really_ give your soul to Amatsu Mikaboshi? Even though that means an eternity in Hell?" Each word was clipped, precise, and very carefully pronounced.  
  
Hikaru felt as if a bolt of lightening had found its mark in him, leaving the aftermath of thunder in the place of his heartbeat. _I can't ... not to Hell ... I can't ...._  
  
"N-no." Hikaru closed his eyes. He might have been trembling, but he was having too much trouble trying to force the words out to concentrate on what his body was doing. He just hoped it would not involve an all out panic attack again.   
  
"No, not to Hell. I can't. I don't remember much, but I do remember _something_, and that's bad enough. I _almost_ understand why you did this to us. Almost. And I w-would give my soul _to_ Sai. I've already trusted him with it tonight. But even to save him, I can't ... not directly to Hell."  
  
"You have a starsoul," the kitsune lord spoke the words as if they explained it all. "It will not go gently into the night unending. It cannot. But ... it is admirable that you, even knowing the full cost, would try to offer it, even if you can't quite go through with the bargain. So what are you saying, Shindo Hikaru? What do you plan to DO with that soul of yours?"  
  
"You. I'm gonna give it to you."  
  
"WHAT?!" Hikaru did not open his eyes, but he felt a faint hint of a smile tug at his mouth, despite the circumstances. He had a feeling that if he did open them, he would see a rather rare sight of the Lord of the Kitsune with his jaw hanging open to the wind.  
  
"Yeah. Gonna give it to you."  
  
"Me, Shindo Hikaru? You want _me_ to take your soul?"   
  
Hikaru nodded, his eyes slowly opening to face a clearly astounded kitsune lord. Osusuki did have his mouth slightly open, and his green eyes were wide and rounded. His hands hovered in the air, as if he did not know quite what to do with them.  
  
"Why involve me?"  
  
"Cause you ARE involved, whether you like it or not!"  
  
"I ...." Osusuki took a deep, rattling breath. "No. Remember what I did to Sai? What I've done to you?"  
  
"That's _why_. I'm _giving_ you my soul willingly this time. I'm not a scared little kid. You don't have to enspell me or trick me. You _could_ hand me over to the Lord of Evil on a silver platter and with a side of edamame. But ... you might not do that, right? 'Cause if you have a soul, you can bargain. You can FIGHT."  
  
Hikaru watched as the kitsune lord stretched, his hands widening, then tightening, like giant cat flaring then sheathing his claws.  
  
"You're putting a lot of faith in that I won't turn around and just give your soul to Amatsu Mikaboshi-sama. I need not remind you that I don't have the same morals as you do. I'd still betray you, if it would help my people," Osusuki said.  
  
"I know that. But betraying me won't help. Otherwise you'd just take my soul and get on with it. But ... you won't even do that, will you?" Hikaru clenched his teeth. "You won't do anything. You won't help, you won't fight ... you've given up! It's not like you don't have something to fight _for! _What's WRONG with you?!"  
  
"I can't."  
  
"That's a SHITTY answer! I thought you just needed ... UGH! What's so hard about this?" Hikaru pushed against Osusuki. "Take my memories or take my soul!"  
  
Osusuki actually stumbled from Hikaru's assault, reacting as if the young Go pro had struck him across the face. The kitsune blinked, his mouth snapping shut with an audible click. He shook his head slightly, and when he spoke, he sounded slightly dazed. "No. You don't understand. _I can't_ take your soul. Even if I wanted to, I don't have the ability ... that's demon's work. I am kitsune! I can kill humans, yes -- I can play with you, most definitely-- but your souls are your own. Taking souls ... it's not what I am, it's not in my nature, it's not in my power. It was my first mistake ..."  
  
"Then why won't you fix it?! Even if he hasn't dragged you to Hell yet, you're acting like you're already Amatsu Mikaboshi's servants. Is that what you mean by Hell is everywhere you go?!" Hikaru threw his hands up. "I'm gonna call the game off and release Sai, even if that curses me to be stuck in an Othello board forever! Who cares if your people are damned like you already are? If you won't work to save them, why should I? What use are you to me or to your people? I'm surprised they haven't chucked you out already and gotten a better lord."  
  
Glancing over at Osusuki, Hikaru stopped mid-rant, suddenly aware of the total lack of reaction in the fox spirit. The kitsune's body remained entirely _too_ still; the claws did not move, the tails laid passive against the dusty ground ... even the sharp fangs stayed hidden from view. It unnerved Hikaru much more than when Osusuki had threatened to rip his throat out, or had pinned him with his magic, or had tried to invade his mind. Hikaru sensed that something was about to give way within the kitsune. He only hoped it wouldn't end with his favorite body parts being strewn around the surrounding forest.  
  
"They don't know."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"My people don't know," Osusuki's voice was quiet, almost whisper soft. "Akomachi, Inari-sama and I decided that it would not help for them to know. I thought that if this millennium indeed proved to be the last for my kind, I wanted my people to live out the remaining time as normally as possible -- kitsune to the very end. And I wanted none of my people to actively participate in luring souls to Hell. That task is mine alone. If I fail tonight, though, my people will know, in that last breaking moment before they are dragged to Hell, just what kind of a leader I have been to them. To be honest, I had resigned myself to this. However ... you showed up. It would be so easy, if I could just take your soul and hand it over. My people ... it would be so easy ..."  
  
"But it shouldn't be easy," Hikaru said. "Isn't the easy way bad or something? Maybe ... maybe that's why you went through all this trouble of inviting me to this tea party and showing me all that stuff about Sai's past.You could've just let me stay in the clearing and let me and Sai go to Hell. You didn't. Look, I'm _giving_ my soul to you. That's the difference, maybe. You can do something now."  
  
"No. It doesn't make a difference. If I try to save _both_ you and Sai, I fail my people. And there is no way to save just one of you. Enough. This is of no use."  
  
Despite the kitsune's words, Hikaru's own anger calmed, though it did not truly disappear. The fox spirit looked as if his body felt every single second of each millennium he had lived through.  
  
Slumping slightly as well, Hikaru let his hands fall to his sides. "Did you know that, before tonight, the hardest thing I did each day was to get up and face the goban, with Sai behind me and Touya Akira ahead? Okay, so it's nothing like facing Hell year after year, or losing all your people, or stuff like that, but I gotta get up _every day_ knowing how much better Sai is at Go and how most people would rather play against him -- including my eternal rival. I have to play knowing how far behind everyone I am ... and knowing how, behind my back, people think that my skills are a fluke -- they don't think I know, but I do. I hear it, every time I lose a game, every time I show that I don't know EVERYTHING there is to know about the stupid other stuff that comes with Go, like kifus, insei tests, and proper behavior and crap. Except for Sai, NO one thinks I can keep my pro rank - sometimes it's like everyone is just waiting for me to screw up."  
  
"It's hard, but it's also the _best_ thing I do each day. No matter how much it hurts, I'm not gonna curl up in some corner and let Sai or Touya or anyone control my moves, even if they're better than me. I'm gonna play, I'm going to play as myself, and I'm going to show them all who I really am. I'm just a puny mortal -- maybe I don't know better. Call me stupid, but I don't think it's about having a soul or not or being able to change or not. You still have a _choice_, you know? Between the Hell that you make, and the Hell that others make for you. Believe me, I _know_ that."  
  
For the first time, Hikaru met Osusuki's eyes ... and really _met_ them, green to green. He had always been less than adept when it came to the art of speech making and subtlety, but Hikaru willed the fox spirit to understand, to grasp what he was trying so hard to say.   
  
The kitsune remained quiet for a long time. When he spoke again, his voice had the same soft, almost whispering tone it had held before.  
  
"Unfortunately, despite that rather cliched and overdramatic speech, I still will not accept your soul, whether you give it to me or not. Kitsune cannot take nor be given souls."  
  
Hikaru closed his eyes. _Back to square one. I'm sorry Sai ..._  
  
"And there is nothing we can do about Sai and his game," Osusuki held up a hand, forestalling Hikaru's tirade. "The game has begun, and by every rule known to that of the wandering, and doubly so by my kind, it must play its way through. But..."  
  
The tips of Osusuki's fangs showed, and Hikaru found, for the first time, that he welcomed the sight. Tension had begun to seep back into the kitsune's posture, and Hikaru felt something stir within him -- not hope, but something akin to it. The kitsune was on the hunt again, instead of resigning himself to being the prey. The fox spirit paced slowly around the clearing, his hands held behind his back. After a few moments, he looked up. A low rumble, almost like a purr, vibrated in the air. "We might be able to use that."  
  
"You're going to help me, aren't you? You changed your mind ..." Hikaru breathed.  
  
"I don't know about that. I doubt I can help _you_. And no. I have not changed. I cannot ...but I can learn from my past mistakes ... and occasionally, I can be taught, no matter how galling the teacher."  
  
"What are you gonna do? What are _we_ gonna do?"  
  
"What else but a trick, little kitling? It is what my kind does best, after all. I cannot take your soul, but ... I do not need a soul to fight. I've been going about this the wrong way. As much as it pains me to admit it, perhaps _you_ weren't the one who lost the true definitions between good, evil, and the wandering shadows in-between. Anyway, your first plan isn't _all _flawed. However, I cannot take all your memories, for the Lord of All Evil will surely notice that. It cannot be an illusion, for those will not hold either. Let's try truth. With enough truth to muddle things, perhaps even the Lord of Evil can be fooled into making a mistake."   
  
The kitsune had his fan out again, and he spread it outward before curling it back so that it half hid his face. "And if he makes a mistake ..."  
  
"Sai might have a chance to win! But what about your people ... wait. You know ..." Hikaru paused, shifting through his share of the kitsune's memories. "He only said you had to _bring_ him a star soul. You actually brought him two."  
  
Osusuki blinked. Hikaru nearly grinned as he realized he had done the impossible yet again ... he had surprised a kitsune twice in one night.   
  
"You may have a point. I doubt, however, that matters will be quite that simple. Still ... perhaps I do see a route to save Sai and my people. The Lord of Evil would like to lay claim to both of your souls, and he does not like to lose. So if the game looks like it's about to be lost entirely, Amatsu Mikaboshi-sama will have to resort to other means to save face .... like temptation. Sai may have a chance to bargain and to change his sentence. And I have to admit, the trick has a nice symmetry to it ... for cheating, the Lord of the Ever Living lie ends up cheating himself."   
  
Osusuki clapped the fan shut with a quick click of his claws. "The Lord of Evil will be using your mind to see your analysis of Sai's past games. However, human memories are notoriously malleable. They change over time, vary from situation to situation, and shift to reflect your emotional state. At any rate, your memory and mind will show him Sai's games. However, no one said you had to show them correctly."   
  
Osusuki sketched a line out in the air. A golden ribbon formed. "Think of this like the thread of your memories. Say that this thread specifically represents your memory of a single game. The beginning is here, the middle, here, and the end, there. Everything is clean and linear. However, if I crumple it like this and tie even more memories together..." three more ribbons appeared, and they twisted together.  
  
"All the points touch haphazardly. It is _still_ a true memory formed from true games. But if done correctly ..." The four ribbons which had been tied together unfurled into a whole streamer as Osusuki opened his hands, palms upward.  
  
"Not one game, not one strategy, but a mix of them, made to seem whole. Perhaps it will be enough to give one or two crucial moves to Sai. At the level that he and Amatsu Mikaboshi-sama are playing, one mistake can make the difference. "  
  
"But that's not gonna work. I mean, one game can't be merged into another." Hikaru scratched his head. "I understand what you're trying to do ... but one Go game is very different from another. He's gonna notice if things are all scrambled up."  
  
"Ah, but the possibilities behind certain sets of moves are the same. It depends on finding which points verge on the same possibilities, and build from those bits and pieces. And it's not like I'm a novice in Go. I have played for several millenniums, and I _am_ actually quite good, if I say so myself. Moreover, I have played Sai before -- I was there when he first started forming his strategies. I can use what I know about his games to merge your memories believably. And it's not like I am going to change all of your games; that would be too obvious. The majority, though, will have at least one or two moves switched. Much like how human games are recorded on paper and kept in libraries for reference, Amatsu Mikaboshi will be flipping through your thoughts to look for patterns; we're just altering how some of the entries are listed."  
  
"But ... there's a "but" ... right?"  
  
"In order to convince Amatsu Mikaboshi he is seeing real games, I will have to go in and really change your mind, to put it mildly."  
  
Osusuki met Hikaru's gaze directly once again. The ribbon in the air fell and Hikaru caught it in reflex, twining its smooth length through his fingers.  
  
"You offered all your memories to me earlier. Do you really know what that entails? I can change your memories, but I might not be able to change them back. You may never be able to recover the true sequence of the games. It might even affect your ability to build new memories ...and it may even extend to affect your ability to concentrate. Essentially, you may have to learn how to play all over again, and you probably will never play as well as you can now. "  
  
Hikaru felt the world suddenly tilt. Of all his talents, his ability to immerse himself deeply in a game was his strongest ability, one that even Sai admired. And his ability to memorize and recreate games, to adapt strategies from those memories ... without that ... Hikaru twisted his sleeves in his hands.   
  
An image of Touya Akira wafted smokelike through his mind's eye. He thought of being as helpless in Go as he was when they had first met -- of having to start the chase all over again --- the Touya Akira in his mind turned and walked away. A familiar, bitter laugh echoed in Hikaru's ears. _"I'll never appear in front of you again."_  
  
"I'd lose my eternal rival. My pro standing. Everything me an' Sai worked for ..." Hikaru whispered, "I'd be left behind, while the others go forward."  
  
"And you won't know why. In order to convince Amatsu Mikaboshi-sama, you must honestly believe, with all your heart and soul, that you are seeing the real games. Thus, I must ensure that you don't know that your memories have changed."  
  
Osusuki leaned forward slightly, and his tone deepened. "To you, everything will seem normal. Your memories of Sai will remain intact, as will those of all your friends and family. Only your Go abilities will be affected. If you indeed win your soul back and return to the waking world, you will soon discover that you cannot trust your instincts anymore. You will have to question every move you make, wondering if your strategy is faulty.You will have to face your friends every day and see their disappointment in your inability to play. Total strangers will call you washed out, burned out, a fraud. And all the doubt you have endured ... the taunts ... if you go through with this, you will soon start to believe what people say, for you will see your failures, but not understand the reasons behind them. Taking your soul, perhaps, would be kinder."   
  
"Y-you said 'might' ... right?" Hikaru winced as his voice quavered, but he could do little to stop it, "As in, there might still be a chance to fix it ..."  
  
"It depends on how the game ends. Sai ... Sai _may_ be able to put things back in order without severe mental damage, once the game is through. After all, he holds the same memories as you do regarding your Go strategies and games. And there is that fact that your mind is not exactly alien territory to him; he can truly heal you from within. But if he loses, or if he cannot bargain with Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi, then he will not return in time from Hell to help you. And ... there is the chance that by altering your mind, I might break the link between you two. Part of Sai lives in your memories of Go. That is another reason why Amatsu Mikaboshi-sama wants to see inside your mind so badly. But if I damage that part ..."  
  
Hikaru staggered, feet suddenly unsteady and unable to bear his weight. He barely noticed when Osusuki hurriedly waved a hand, though he was grateful for the chair that suddenly appeared under him.   
  
"To be honest, I'm actually being overly optimistic here."  
  
"Oh crap. There's _more?!_"  
  
"The worst case scenario is if Amatsu Mikaboshi figures out what I've done and rips your mind apart to find the real games. I don't think you'll like that. I'm not going to like that either, actually, for he'll be rather upset at me as well. If Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi does figure it out, and he goes after you... even if you do win ... Hell does not necessarily have to be a place, Shindo Hikaru. As you have noted, it's a state of mind, at times." Osusuki tapped his claws to his lips. "So consider the implications carefully, little kitling. I have had more than my fill of destroying star souls and sending them to Hell. Once was enough already."  
  
Osusuki bent his head slightly. Watching him, Hikaru could not quite describe the feeling, but he thought he might have briefly grasped both the the pain and the pleasure of mortality, even with its set path towards death.  
  
Immortality, it seemed, held far more terrors than simply having to die with time.   
  
"If you could do this to my mind ... if you could change it ... why didn't you just take your memories from me? If you guys have so much power, why aren't kitsune the supreme rulers of everything?"  
  
"First thing, with taking your memories ...it's dependent on your cooperation. There are rules my kind must follow. You've seen firsthand what happens when I break them. I wager that I could've bent the rules a _little_ regarding taking my memories back from you, since they aren't technically yours, but it is infinitely easier if I have your permission."  
  
"As to your second question, my powers are based on making you believe in things that aren't there... or to simplify the matter further -- to make you _believe_. However, a mortal mind must be open enough _to_ believe. A trick only works if one is willing to be tricked, and magic only dazzles when there is trust in the power behind the magic. It's all cheap smoke and card tricks to the skeptical. Given the right type of mind, there's no limit to what I can do. As things stand, mortals generally refuse to believe in my kind and ignorance can be as much as a shield as it is a hindrance, you know."  
  
Osusuki shook his head mockingly. "Besides, you humans rate your realm too highly. Not every magically enhanced being wants to rule your world, no matter what your fantasies say. I know _I_ don't. Don't look so surprised. What ... do you think that our realms should engage in some sort of ultimate fighting tournament, where the champions of your world power up to battle one on one over the fate of the universe? Please. It's much less hassling and much more amusing to watch you run around destroying yourselves."  
  
"Regardless, the problem isn't getting you to believe what I put in your mind. It's the 'un'-believing part. You won't remember anything that went on in this clearing. You won't trust me anymore, and you will not let me back in ... you will be downright hostile, I imagine. If you're in that state and if you fight me, it will make it nearly impossible to unravel your memories without shredding your mind entirely."  
  
Hikaru glanced at the golden ribbon, crumpling it slightly. "What do you mean I won't trust you anymore? I don't trust you NOW. But I still say we do it."  
  
Osusuki nodded curtly. "As you wish. You won't be able to remember, but don't say I didn't warn you. There is something, though, that I have to test. But it won't be pleasant."  
  
A nervous hiccup started to bubble in Hikaru when he caught the knife-sharp expression that glittered, ice-like, in the fox spirit's eyes.   
  
"What are you --OW!"  
  
The spike of pain nearly knocked him off his seat. Hikaru was only peripherally aware of strong arms supporting him. His thoughts felt like they were on fire, each synapse screaming with its own discordant agony.  
  
"Son of a BITCH!" He swore when the pain abruptly vanished. He felt the tips of the kitsune's claws on the top of his head, and he swiped them away. "What did you do?!"  
  
"I wanted to try something."  
  
"Try WHAT? Shish-kebabing my brain?!"  
  
"I tested your mental barriers, to see how resistant your mind is to being influenced. Not surprisingly, your barriers are extremely low. They have to be, in order to let Sai stay in your mind. Nonetheless, I found something else, something that resists, though it's not a mental barrier. The truly _odd_ thing is that I am not totally sure that it's_ entirely _you who is providing the resistance. Earlier, when I immobilized you, you shouldn't have been able to break free. But you did." Osusuki paused, and his eyes became slightly unfocused. "There is something in you ... a space apart from the rest, a space filled with something that ... something that may not even be you, something I don't understand. Like I said, your soul is not alone."  
  
"Sai ..."  
  
The kitsune said nothing.  
  
"Is this gonna be a problem?" Hikaru rubbed at his head, trying to rid himself of the residual spikes of pain that laced through his mind.   
  
"Well, if it gives _me_ so much trouble, I can only hope it'll do the same to Amatsu Mikaboshi-sama," the words, while not exactly encouraging, made Hikaru straighten.  
  
"Wait! How about you? What if the Lord of Stench tries to read your mind? You said you had no illusions ..."   
  
"It is your mind he's interested in, so it is yourthoughts that will be under direct attack. Moreover, I still have some power within my own thoughts, behind my mask. And evil expects everyone to act out of his or her own best interest. My best interest is to make you give up your soul tonight. Though if the Lord of the Night Unending finds out about our proposed plan, ... no thought of mine will matter anymore. Anyway, all this may prove unnecessary. Sai still could win, even if Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi uses you. You need more than just strategies to carry a game."  
  
"No," Hikaru took a deep breath, wincing as the ache behind his eyeballs peaked again. _Time for the final moves. The last attack._ "This is our best chance. And even if ... sometimes, you gotta sacrifice pieces, you know? To win."  
  
"I _could_ just take my memories, leave you with yours, and you wouldn't know the difference."  
  
"You could. But you won't."  
  
"Never trust a kitsune, Hikaru. Especially not me."  
  
"But I am trusting that you _are_ a kitsune ... and that you're gonna act like one. And what's with the Hikaru now? Should I call you Susu? Man, am I ever gonna hear it from Waya and Touya when I get out of this. It'll be bye bye brain, hello world o' mockery. Why does everything in the universe get together to make me look stupid anyway?!" Hikaru stopped, then swallowed. "Sai will find a way to fix it later. I know he will. 'Cause me an' him .. it's not only about Go. It's not. We have more than that holding us together ... don't we?"  
  
He closed his eyes. In the sudden stillness within his mind, he thought he might have heard himself mumbling goodbye to something. Or someone. Perhaps it wasn't even Sai. "Do it."  
  
He felt Osusuki touch his head with a claw.  
  
Then nothing.  
  
_to be continued_ _in 8b_   
  



	11. 8b: Twisting Sinews of the Heart

In the Forests of the Night  
A Hikaru No Go Ghost Story  
  
As always, this is dedicated to the ever tolerant Imbrium. The girl has to face murderous tomato trucks, bikes with flat tires, and demon nekkos on a daily basis, yet she still finds the time and patience to beta my stories. It's not an easy life, but she pulls it off with style!  
  
** Part 8b**: Twisting Sinews of the Heart  
  
.... And nothing continued to happen.   
  
Hikaru released the breath he held, slightly puzzled as to why he had been holding it in the first place. His eyes opened, and he ran a hand through his hair, tangling his fingers in the ribbons and coils. For a moment, he felt even more bewildered, then the pieces slid into place. Kitsune. The Go game. His soul at stake. Osusuki dragging him into the clearing, trying to trick him into giving up. But after that .... things were a little ... fuzzy.   
  
What was _not_ fuzzy, however, was the face that was inches from his own, staring at him with one eyebrow arched.  
  
"ARRGH!" Hikaru jerked away from the unfamiliar figure. The man seemed to be wearing the same clothes as the Lord of the Kitsune, but .... "Whoa. Who are YOU? What happened to ol' Kibbles n' Bits?"  
  
"So we're back to name calling," the sardonic voice also matched the one he had previously heard from the kitsune. Hikaru spotted the discarded mask upon the table in front of him. _  
  
He IS Osusuki! __Just what happened?_ _ Something's not right. When did he take off that mask? Why did he take it off? _Hikaru rubbed his eyes, feeling horribly disorientated. His brain seemed to have the consistency and the thinking capacity of a smashed tomato. _Didn't Sai say something about them being able to do stuff with their eyes, when they don't have masks on? Fleatail must've taken his mask off so he could steal my soul! That's why I feel so dizzy. UGH!  
  
_"I don't know what you did to me," Hikaru spluttered, trying to avoid the kitsune's soul-taking gaze. "But I'll never let you have my soul! And I won't let Sai go to Hell!"   
  
"Very well. No Hell, no soul taking ...can we just skip over this?" Osusuki yawned delicately. "We have a certain appointment to keep back at a certain game."   
  
Hikaru shook his head fiercely and squinted, as if trying to bring focus to the blurred edge to his thoughts. The feeling that he hadn't quite grasped the situation prickled through him. "If you think I'm going back there with you, then you have pureed dog food for brains! You said that the Lord of Evil will read my mind!"   
  
"Yes, I believe so," The kitsune rose from his seat. "Better get a move on then."  
  
_Maybe I'm the one with a pureed brain. It sure feels like it ... _"NO! I won't let him beat Sai through me!"  
  
Osusuki must have _tried _to do something to him; Hikaru could sense that much, but since he was still here instead of facing the fires of Hell, then the kitsune must have failed. Right? _Except ... Hell isn't hot. It's really cold._ _WHOA. How do I know THAT?!_  
  
Hikaru crossed his arms against his stomach. Goose pimples dotted his skin, making his body feel chilled and loose, almost as if he didn't quite fit inside himself anymore. Almost as if something was ...One hand absently drifted up, moving over his chest.  
  
"Come," Osusuki ordered. "We must return to the game."  
  
"I'm not going anywhere with you!" Pureed brain or not, Hikaru instinctively shied away from the advancing kitsune. "I'm not gonna let you ... If ... if you try anything ... I'll ... I'll ..."  
  
Osusuki rolled his eyes. "Yes, yes, you'll put fleas into my tails, skin my hide for a rug, or something equally barbaric. As much as I want to hear what creative curses will spill out of that inane mouth of yours, I'm not having this conversation with you again. It's getting rather repetitive. Either we do this the easy way, or I use my magic."  
  
Hikaru glanced at the dark forest behind him. _ Perhaps if I make a run for it _... he abandoned the thought immediately. The kitsune would pounce on him before he could take three steps.   
  
He panicked as Osusuki raised a hand, apparently ready to carry out his original threat. Scrabbling backwards, Hikaru's fingers closed upon a teacup, which he lobbed at the fox spirit. Osusuki flicked a claw, and the teacup settled itself sedately on the ground. The kitsune lord took another step forward.   
  
"NO!" In a full fledged state of hysteria now, Hikaru seized the teapot, threw it, then pitched the second cup. He was certain that the kitsune would definitely rip him apart now, and was prepared to run for it anyway. But when his hand clenched on a fourth object, Osusuki froze. Hikaru brought his hands to the front. He had grabbed the kitsune's mask.   
_  
Kitsune need masks, in front of gods ...._ Hikaru bit his lip, banishing the strange mental tendril. The mask must be important -- that much he knew from Osusuki's intent expression.   
  
"What, pray tell, are you going to do with that?"   
  
"Don't come any closer! I'm going to ..." His hands tightened around the edges. The smooth contours felt warm against his fingers, as if the mask had a life away from its owner. _Okay, what AM I going to do with it? Maybe if I smash it, I can hurt him somehow ..._  
  
But instead of coming down in a sharp, decisive motion, he clutched the mask at chest level, as if it were a shield.  
  
"Well?"  
  
Hikaru's arms continued to remain immobile, despite the fact that every nerve in his mind screamed for him to break mask apart. _What's wrong with me?! Why can't I do this?!  
  
_"You're controlling my brain!"  
  
"Am I?"  
_   
_Hikaru swallowed. _Even if he is controlling my body, I ... I still don't **want **to break the mask, _ he realized. _Can he control my feelings or something? What am I going to do?_  
  
Numbly, as if he was watching a puppet of himself, Hikaru saw his hands offer forth the mask.  
  
"Go on! TAKE IT!" The words sounded oddly familiar, like a half forgotten dream. Hikaru shuddered again.   
  
"Change your mind?"  
  
"I ... ugh! I hate ... but I ... I don't." Something twisted within him at those words, and all his former defiance bled away. _I don't hate him?!_ "What's going on? Why can't I hate you!? What did you _do_ to me?!"  
  
For a long, breathless moment, the Lord of the Kitsune stared at the mask in Hikaru's hands. _ Something's important going on here. But it's way over my head. Kinda feels a lot like school, come to think about it._   
  
With a careless looking shrug, Osusuki accepted the mask and slipped it back over his face. Hikaru blinked. With the mask on, the kitsune looked ... different. Beyond the obvious fact that Hikaru could not see the fox spirit's face, there was something else ... something in the way the kitsune now stood, perhaps, or in the way he held himself. Or maybe it was something else entirely.   
  
"The mask mostly symbolic. Even if you could have broken it, that certainly would not have helped your situation. Now, if this bout of theatrics is over, will you cooperate, or do I have to literally drag you in by the scruff of your neck?"  
  
Hikaru managed to back away a half step, but he could not take another, even as the kitsune approached him. _ Sai ..._ he winced. _I gotta do something. I can't let him down, but ... but ... I ..._  
  
"I don't feel like I can fight you anymore," A dull ache began to bang and pound behind his eyes. He _ wanted_ to fight the kitsune, wanted to hit back with all his might until the world faded away from either him or the fox spirit, but he merely ducked his head.  
  
"I'm so confused," his voice, even to his own ears, sounded very very small.   
  
"I know," Osusuki said simply.   
  
A sob swelled up through Hikaru but he clamped his teeth on his bottom lip, trying to trap the sound inside him. He almost managed to pull it off.   
  
"S-so that's it? I just ... go back there and ...."   
  
"Yes," The masked kitsune leaned forward, but the dark depth of his empty eyes did not scare Hikaru as much as they did before. _  
  
I think I have bigger things to worry about, now. _  
  
The clawed hands swept upwards, and a soft glow filled the palms.   
  
"Here," in his hands, the fox spirit held out a fan. "Take it."  
  
"Wh-what?" Hikaru extended his own hand automatically, his fingers closing around the wood before his mind had a chance to question the wisdom of accepting a gift from a fox spirit. "Why?"  
  
"Some of us need masks. Others need ... symbols, reminders that there are things that go deeper than memory, bonds that hold through even the darkest of nights. I stand by what I said before -- you do not know your own worth, nor do you know the depth of your own mind. That is dangerous in your world, and doubly so in mine. And to be strictly honest, that outfit just doesn't look right without a fan. Take it from me, the key to any wardrobe is picking the right accessories. That and style, but it'd take a god to help _you_ in that area. Some things are beyond my power."  
  
"Huh? In the middle of all _this_ you want to talk about _accessorizing?!_ What is WITH you people?!" Hikaru grasped the fan tighter, and inexplicably, the frenetic chaos within him calmed into a small stirring of nerves. The solid reality of the wood against his fingers comforted him, giving him something to hold onto in a world that seemed to shift out from under him with an alarming regularity. It was almost as if the fan connected him somehow ... but just to what, he could not guess. _I shouldn't take it ... Sai said not to take anything of the wandering night ..._   
  
Nonetheless, he couldn't find it within himself to drop the fan.   
  
"Come."  
  
Bewildered but obedient for once, Hikaru started shuffling forward, then stopped, staring at his feet. He turned around in a careful circle, his robes billowing in a slow, swirling wave. He checked the table, and then the chairs.  
  
"What areyou looking for?"  
  
_I wish I knew._ Hikaru tugged at his robes, patting them down absently. "I thought I might have le..."   
  
Hikaru's voice trailed off as he glanced at the fan in his hand, then back at the ground, scanning it again. "Nevermind."  
  
He flushed as Osusuki gave him a long searching look. _What is WRONG with me?!_  
  
The kitsune lord said nothing as he continued out of the clearing. The lights immediately dimmed, and the tables and chairs vanished. As the darkness closed upon him, Hikaru had little choice but to follow Osusuki back through the shadowy woods. He could feel the brush of his coiled hair against his cheek as they swayed in time to his shaking steps. His hands never left the fan.  
  
Unlike his departure, this time the crowd definitely noticed him as he and Osusuki made their way back to the raised dais. Hundreds of silk kimonos swished softly as the waiting wanderers leaned forward at his passing. Countless eyes gleamed in the foxfire light. Hikaru kept his own gaze straight ahead. He also tried to avoid looking at the goban that sat so prominently in the middle of the platform.   
  
_Maybe if I don't look, then the Lord of the Everlasting Wedgie can't use me to cheat._ But how long he could actually pull **that** off, Hikaru had no clue.  
  
At the foot of the dais, the Kitsune Lord bowed to the Demon Lord. After a second's hesitation Hikaru did so as well. His hands felt sweaty, and he wiped them surreptitiously against his robes. It didn't help matters much. He knew that the other creatures could sense his fear; he could see it in the way their eyes sharpened and their mouths opened ever so slightly. He could hear it in the soft clicks and whispers sliding sibilant from ancient tongues, the nearly silent language of those who crept in the chilled spaces of nightmares. Sai's gently glowing form never seemed as welcome to him as it did then. Hikaru had to physically clasp his hands together in order not to reach out, grab his mentor, pull the ghost close, and cry into his kimono like a little kid with a stuffed animal.  
  
_I don't wanna be here anymore!_ he wailed internally, but an inadvertent glance at Amatsu Mikaboshi immediately muted his mental cry. _Ugh! No good. This is no good. Okay, stop panicking. Stop panicking! Stop it! Don't distract Sai!  
  
_Hikaru forced himself to take a few deep breaths, keeping his attention focused on his friend instead. The ghost had yet to turn around or acknowledge his presence. Distracting him, perhaps, would not be a problem.  
  
_"Sai?"_ Had his friend even noticed he had left the clearing? Or had the ghost been too distracted by the game, too engrossed by the ability to place his own stones? Hikaru bit his lip, surprised at the pain the thought dredged up. _It's like he's in his own little world ...without me ...  
  
Stop it. This isn't helping either! You know it's not like that! _ he chided himself, bunching his hands together in his hair.  
  
It was apparently Sai's turn to place a stone, for the ghost held one in his hand. His fan remained half opened, indicating he had been contemplating his next move. Hikaru held his breath -- his friend remained motionless, almost as if he was made of stone himself. It made the spirit seem more solid than ever.  
  
"I see you're back! How strange of you not to want to see the very game upon which your existence rests," Amatsu Mikaboshi commented as Hikaru made his way up the platform, his steps slow and shaking. Blocking both the Demon Lord and the game out of his mind, Hikaru concentrated on Sai's face. Suddenly, the ghost blinked, as if finally sensing Hikaru's presence. Hikaru swallowed nervously as his friend's expression quickly flashed from worried to disbelief to shock to alarm.  
  
At that point, Hikaru dropped his gaze to the platform, unable to hold eye contact any longer. He didn't want the next expression he saw to be disappointment.  
  
He heard a fluttering of cloth as Sai moved to his feet. "Hika--"  
  
"Osusuki, why did you take the boy away?" Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi interrupted. "Fujiwara here certainly missed him. You should have seen how agitated he became when he first noticed his little disciple was missing. I had to drag him back into the game -- it was rather undignified, really -- so I do hope you have a reasonable explanation for this highly irregular behavior. One might think you were hiding the boy from me."   
  
"I assure you that I would never dare to even _think_ about such a thing, my lord. A lowly worm of kitsune such as I holds not even the slightest breath of chance against the your unquestionable greatness. I merely thought that the boy seemed uncomfortable, and I was trying to calm him down. The last thing anyone wants to see is an unruly child disrupting such a magnificent game! I apologize if it seems like I interfered, and I beg your most gracious lord to forgive this most unworthy and base of kitsune for his trespass," Osusuki bowed low once again, the tip of his mask touching the base of the dais. Hikaru followed his motions.  
  
"Forgive? Please remember who you're talking to, Osusuki. I don't _do_ forgiveness. You know what is at stake tonight; I am surprised you would try to interfere with the proceedings. May I remind you that it is in your best interest to let the matters go as they must?"  
  
"My apologies, my lord. I just wanted to show Shindo-kun some other ... options." Osusuki replied.   
  
Hikaru wished the kitsune had not brought up his name again. The Lord of All Evil immediately turned his attention back to him, and Hikaru gasped as something swept through his mind, frigid and alien in its presence. In front of him, Sai stiffened as well. The ghost's eyes grew even wider, and his mouth compressed into such a tight line that his lips turned white.  
  
"You _have_ been a busy little bushy tail, haven't you, Osusuki? I see you tried to trick him into giving up his soul early. Almost succeeded too. I must give you bonus points for that; it's a shame you're not a demon. You know, I should let you have another try -- it'll be good practice, for later." Amatsu Mikaboshi chuckled, slapping his thigh as if he had heard the best joke ever. "Say, doesn't this just bring back memories for _you_, Fujiwara? I bet the Lord of the Kitsune and your little deishi had so much fun together! You do _remember_ how much Osusuki enjoys his little mind games now, don't you?"  
  
A sudden motion at the corner of his eye snapped Hikaru's attention away from the laughing Demon Lord.   
  
It was Sai. The ghost had swept his sleeves back, and his forearms were fully exposed. His right hand clenched his fan so tightly that Hikaru could see the wooden edge biting into the bloodless flesh. The flame like glow had returned, and it burned a pure, cobalt blue, almost obscuring Sai's outline in its intensity. A sharp crackling sound punctuated the air.  
_   
Whoooa ... he's REALLY mad ..._ Hikaru realized. _ If he had blood vessels, he'd be having a stroke by now!  
_  
Sai took one slow step towards Osusuki. "What did you do to him?"   
  
Hikaru had heard Sai's voice when the ghost had been enraged before. He knew how it could lower and harden, how the tempo could change and gain a razor's edge. At the moment, strangely enough, Sai sounded calm and collected -- his tone never changed nor wavered. Yet, beneath the calmly delivered words, Hikaru could hear the anger, which must have been simmering for centuries, rise to boil. At Sai's side, something glittered, long and silver, and Hikaru watched as long, elegant hands flicked towards what looked suspiciously like a hilt.   
  
Osusuki shifted, and his robes parted to reveal his own katana. "You would do this now, Fujiwara-sensei? I would never have guessed that I'd see the day when Fujiwara no Sai would rather fight with swords than on the goban. And over _ me_ ! I'm flattered."  
  
Sai didn't back down, though he did not draw his sword either. Both kitsune and ghost remained still, their gazes locked, their bodies balanced and ready. Glancing back and forth between them, Hikaru felt his mouth go dry. He knew just how stubborn Sai could be, but he had never seen such determination paired with cold fury. He felt a little flattered that the ghost would go to such lengths to defend him, but it chilled him a little as well. Just what _ was_ Sai capable of doing?   
  
_But ... Sai .... _around him, the watching crowd shift restlessly. He heard the sharp click of claw upon claws. The very air seemed to tighten, laying heavy on his skin._ "No, Sai. Not here. Not like this. Not in front of them ... Osusuki's ... not the one I'm worried about."  
_  
Sai gave no indication that he was following Hikaru's thoughts.  
  
The sudden rasp of metal leaving leather made Hikaru jump. Osusuki had drawn his sword. Sai tensed. His hand closed around the sword hilt.   
  
If the ghost drew it ...  
  
"NO!" Hikaru dashed in front of the fox spirit, blocking the kitsune from Sai's gaze. "Sai! Don't be STUPID! He has TEETH and magic and stuff. You ... you don't. I'm okay -- really. I swear. He tried to do something, but it didn't work. And you still have game to play! I can't believe I have to remind you to play!"  
  
He caught the gleam of silver a second before he felt the prick of metal against his cheek.   
  
"Silly little mortal. Didn't anyone ever teach you not to run in front of sharp, pointy objects?" a voice purred into his ear. "And to not turn your back on a kitsune? We're liable to bite, you know."  
  
In front of him, Sai's eyes became narrow slits, but the ghost immediately brought his hands out and away from his side, signaling his temporary surrender.  
  
"However, this little _mortal_ is not the only one being rather silly," Osusuki's voice raised slightly, "even if he is quite rude and forgets his _place_ as your deishi. To tell the truth, I can't blame him for being a _little_ nervous about your sudden interest in blood and guts. It _is _his soul on the line. But if you rather play with me instead of trying to save him, Fujiwara no Sai ..." Osusuki moved his blade, casually slinging it across his shoulder while sweeping his other arm out wide and bowing slightly. "Let the games begin..."  
  
Sai blinked, and his gaze flickered to Hikaru again.  
  
"This is not over between us. You still hurt him," he said.  
  
"Well, perhaps a little. But only just a little. Your onigiri still has most of his rice ball intact. But you can't blame me for sampling him. He's just so delicious. I'm surprised you never took a nibble. Or did you?"  
  
Hikaru stared as something much like a growl rumbled from the ghost.   
  
"Ohh, stop that, or people will talk! Very well. If you manage to survive this battle, then I promise that I will take my turn with you." Osusuki sheathed his blade. Hikaru took the opportunity to edge back towards his friend. Once Hikaru was safely out of sword range, Sai's blade also flickered out of existence.  
  
"Excuse me ... but I gather that there won't be any senseless violence and bowel-loosening gore? Pity. I do so enjoy that sort of thing. What a waste of male posturing ... no release whatsoever. But gentlemen, if you are not about to start hacking at each other, would you kindly return your attention back to the matter at hand? I do believe I am the main - how _ do_ the mortals put it - ah yes ... "bad guy" or "evil villain extraodinaire" if you prefer. I do not like being ignored," Amatsu Mikaboshi stretched out a hand delicately, gesturing towards the goban in an almost demure fashion. "And I do want to finish this game sometime soon. I may have an eternity to play, but I certainly do not want it to take that long. Moreover, I don't think Shindo Hikaru would like the results if I get ... bored. Mortal souls are so fragile."  
  
The flames around Sai blazed up, then flickered back down as he visibly tried to calm himself. Finally, the glow settled back to its normal hue. Sai headed back toward the goban. Hikaru followed the ghost, intent on resuming his position behind his friend again.  
  
"Wait a moment, Shindo Hikaru. Perhaps you would like to sit next to me. You certainly would get a better view of the game from over here than from behind your mentor."  
  
Hikaru twitched nervously."S-sir?" he asked. Calling the Demon Lord insulting names was certainly easier when the aforementioned Demon Lord was not staring at him as if he was the last edamame in the bowl.   
  
"I said, come sit next to me. Let's watch the game together," the Lord of the Night Unending gestured to the space by his side.  
  
"Errr..." Hikaru stared at Sai's back, hoping for some sort of inspiration. "I am err ..." _How do I reply this guy? What do I say? _He had a distinct feeling that he _ really_ did not want to insult the demon god, whether on purpose or by accident.  
  
"I am too umm ... stupid ... to watch such an ... excellent game. I am nothing more than ... a worm ... on the ... errr... delicious apple of Go. Yeah! I am far too ... wormy ... to be in your ... great presence."  
  
The heat crept up from his neck when he heard the titters from the crowd around him. _Worm on the delicious apple of Go... I can't believe I said that. _  
  
Amatsu Mikaboshi merely raised an eyebrow. "Still, I would think an aspiring pupil like you would want to see such a game as this. It's not often you get to watch a god play."  
  
"Um. I ..." little beads of sweat began to trickle down his back, " Errrr ... I am worried that ... I will be .... blinded ....umm ... by the brilliance of your play, oh magnificently magnificent one, so I don't dare look." _  
  
Maybe that was a little too thick ... _ Hikaru gulped. Again, a murmur ran through the crowd like a hissing river, borne on the current of tension and anticipation.  
  
"Nonetheless, come sit next to me. Like I said before, your mentor is being abysmally slow in responding to my moves, and I could use the company while I wait." Lord Mikaboshi crooked a finger at Hikaru, enticing him forward.   
  
"Ehh ..." Hikaru felt an odd tugging near his midsection, and as if an invisible hand had collared him by the stomach, yanking him abruptly upright. "Aaugh!"  
  
"Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi, my disciple is not worthy to sit next to your most gracious presence," Sai spoke up, and Hikaru felt the grip around him loosen, causing him to tumble backwards in a flapping cacophony of misplaced cloth and body parts. At the very edge of his vision, he saw Kojoro clutching her midsection, obviously from laughing too hard.   
  
"Don't want me checking out the goods beforehand, Fujiwara no Sai?" Amatsu Mikaboshi rubbed his palms together. "Though you are doing quite admirably against me, sooner or later you will have to resign yourself that he will be mine before the night is through. Might as well get the boy used to me, eh?"  
  
"Milord, pardon my impudence for saying so, but the game is not over yet," Sai said mildly. "Until that time, Shindo-kun is still my disciple. As my disciple, his correct place is behind me, as your most gracious lord must surely know."  
  
"Still, I insist." Lord Mikaboshi traced a symbol in the air with his hand. Hikaru grunted as he felt the invisible force tighten around him once again. One foot began to move, then the other. "Come, Shindo Hikaru."  
  
Hikaru didn't have much choice. His muscles bent and flexed without the bidding of his mind. His slippered feet padded against the wood of the platform. _Crap! It's like my body's some sort of suit he's put on. Now I know how one of those stupid mecha in an anime feel! _ Hikaru thoughts scattered about in a random panic.  
_  
If I can't stop him from doing this to me ... how am I going to keep ...  
  
** "You can't ..."**_   
  
If Hikaru's mental shriek had been audible, he knew he would have woken the whole of Tokyo. Amatsu Mikaboshi's mental laughter curled rancidly in Hikaru's mind, making all his thoughts and attempts to think curdle.  
  
"_** Come now, it won't be so bad. Sit by me, and tell me what you see ..."  
**_  
Hikaru felt his legs bend awkwardly as he slid into a stiff crouch near the Lord of Hell. He tried to keep his eyes closed, tried to bring his fan up to cover his face, but Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi's power crashed through him, as unstoppable as time and tide.   
  
_ "I'm sorry, Sai ... "_ His neck bent forward, and a sudden thought of chopping blocks and falling feathers crossed his frantic mind. He saw the goban for a split second, then the image before him fractured, as if the goban had split into five gobans, ten gobans, _ countless_ gobans. Hikaru's stomach roiled as a steady stream of half images, translucent and shimmering, flickered before him. Sai's past games ... Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi was _pulling_ them from him ...  
  
He tried to open his mouth to say something, to scream, but he found he couldn't do that either. He could not struggle, could not look away, could only sit mute as his innermost thoughts were violated.   
  
All the games Sai had taught him ... everything the ghost had ever given him ... the night had turned into some twisted parody their former relationship; now Sai was the opponent on the other side of the goban, while he, body-less and inconsequential, supplied the damning strategies to another player. _  
  
_**_"Gotta love being evil, now, don't ya?"_**  
  
Hikaru tamped back his own thoughts, refusing to give the Demon Lord any more assistance. Yet, still the game continued, and the cold presence in his mind grew more and more triumphant. The time Sai took to make a move became more and more pronounced, to the point that the ghost seemed to take almost hours to respond. The only good thing about being controlled by the Lord of Evil was that Hikaru could not look at Sai, even if he wanted to. He wondered if he could ever face his friend again.   
  
"Now, this has gone on long enough. There is no way you can win. Do you admit your defeat, Fujiwara no Sai?"  
  
Hikaru nearly emptied his stomach when he finally felt that icy touch leave his thoughts. He knew that there was only one reason for Amatsu Mikaboshi to withdraw.  
  
Looking up, Hikaru sought Sai's eyes for one last time, wanting to apologize before they both were sent to Hell. He owed his friend that much at least ...  
  
But he did not find defeat in his mentor's eyes. Instead he found ... Hikaru blinked, glancing at the goban again.   
  
Sai placed his stone. A murmur rippled through the crowd again, building into gasps of real surprise.   
**  
"What?! SHINDO!"  
  
**Hikaru had a moment to gape in confusion as Amatsu Mikaboshi loomed over him**. ** Faintly, he could hear someone frantically calling his name, but the sound faded as the outside world crumpled inward and away.   
  
"**SHOW ME THE REAL GAMES!" **  
  
Pain exploded within him. Pain beyond imagining. Pain beyond thought.   
  
**"SHOW ME!"**_  
  
_Images ripped scatteredshatterednothingmadesensewhatwashappenning ....  
  
"_HIKARU!_" A lifeline and a link ...something in white ... someone with him ...sword drawn ... reaching out, sweeping him behind, shielding him. The pain lessened ... he wasn't alone ... wherever he was ... But he couldn't let .... He had to protect ...  
  
"**FUJIWARA! HOW DARE YOU!" **  
  
No ... he couldn't let ...he knew that through him ... Sai ...  
  
The silver sword flickered .... flashed ...   
  
_Sai?!_  
  
And met, blocked, metal shrilling against metal, with something he could not see. He was forgotten, for the moment.  
  
In the brief space when the pressure eased from his thoughts, Hikaru mentally fled, searching for escape with every last bit of flagging energy he could summon. There was another bright starburst, and a flash of light, arcing outward in the swelling sweep of a falling sword ... something severed, broke free ... no time to see what ... he ran ... the blade hit ... _oh god it hurts ..._ and everything faded ... _ fades_  
_  
into light.... Into so **much** light that he cannot see -- it might as well have been darkness. Not that it matters. Whether in darkness or light, he cannot run anymore. As his strength wanes, he feels a strange peace descend. Somewhere, he hears someone call what might have been his name. That doesn't matter either. __ At least it's not cold. That's good, right?   
  
What is even better is the goban that suddenly appears before him. A__ nearly finished game glitters on its surface.   
  
And he is not alone. Another person waits in the light, facing the starcrossed lines. A familiar feeling fills him, overrunning. He is not alone! But familiarity comes without recognition.   
  
"**Who ...?**"  
  
__The game though ... the game ... Awe trembles through him. __ ...for this is not just any game, no. It is Go where ...   
  
".**..are you?**"  
  
..the board shines to the point of burning with moves and countermoves. The complexity makes him ache from trying to encompass it all. The beauty there, the pulse of energy that thrums between the lines and stones ... it banishes everything from thoughts to emotions ... to the point where even his sense of who ...   
  
"**...am I?**"  
  
... he is doesn't matter, his opponent's name doesn't matter .... identity cannot exist in harmony with such a moment ...all that matters is that he is not alone, he is not just one name, his rival is not just one name ....   
  
The only thing that is _**one** _is this game, this perfect game ... he looks up at his many named rival, and infinite power crackles between them, within them, around them, in this place which can give birth to stars ..._  
  
"HIKARU!"   
  
The vision burst, like a bubble brushing ice. He collapsed on the dais, his strength draining from him. He couldn't move, couldn't think, couldn't breathe ...   
  
"HIKARU!_ " _ something pushed at the borders of his collapsing sanity, trying to force entry. The voice ensnared him, dragging him down, away ...  
  
He shoved back. He shut the voice off and out. He didn't want to hear any more. Everything was nothing but sharded edges, broken, cutting. He was alone again ... alone ...  
  
"Hikaru, please ... I can't ... reach ...."  
  
Away. He had to get away. Back to the place with the stars and light unending ...   
  
"NO! Hikaru, don't ~! No!"  
  
And then, there .... a figure in windswept white, silver sword drawn. Pointing at him. Blocking. Arcing the sword backward ... cutting ... cutting ...CUTTING him. Breaking into ...  
  
Pain!  
  
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry ...please ... Hikaru? Hikaru!"  
  
Pain!  
  
"Can you hear me? _Can you hear me?! Hikaru!_ "  
  
Pain ... and humming?  
  
"_Hikaru, I am with you. Shh ... I am with you now..."_   
  
_Not alone?_  
  
The touch in his head was careful, picking up the pieces, sorting and smoothing the edges with a practiced ease and familiarity. Slowly, like a faint radio signal sharpening to sound, the outside word merged again with his inner existence.  
  
He wished it would not do so. It _hurt._  
  
"_Breathe, Hikaru ..."  
  
_And he did. It was not easy. Thoughts were even harder. He might have screamed, if he could.  
  
"_H-hikaru, shh. You'll be fine. I am with you now, so stay with me ..._"   
  
_Alone? No. _Some half-formed thought within him noted that he was being held. He curled into that touch. The humming in his mind increased, pushing the agony even further back and allowing a few more thoughts to form.  
  
_Not alone. Not alone! Who? Holding ...how?_ He opened his eyes a crack and brought up a hand to rub at his face. _Something ...poking... _ It took a moment to realize he was hitting himself in the head with an object in his hand._ ...fan? .... connected ... memories.... hurt ... hurt ... HURT! __ Amat ...no!   
  
_He jerked away from the hands holding him. He didn't want to think anymore, to breathe anymore, to _ be_ anymore.  
  
The humming in his mind, however, held him in place and forced him to focus, no matter how hard he tried to escape. He was vaguely aware of arms circling him again, pulling him close. A hand enclosed over the one he had on the fan, steadying his grip. The thrumming soundwave crested, enveloping him in its warm, comforting current. He allowed himself be carried within its tidal pull, let the embrace absorb him, and when the sound finally receded, he found himself staring into a pair of violet eyes. Angry violet eyes. Furious even.   
  
"Sai," This time the name came easily, as did his own. "Ow."  
  
"Hikaru! That was the most STUPID thing you have EVER done! EVER! You could have, you almost di -- what were you THINKING?! I had to hurt you to ...I had to hurt you ..." the violet eyes dimmed, and the fury faded.  
  
"Ow. Sai. Stop. Not now." Hikaru clutched at his head. Again, he felt the ghost touch his shoulder, and the pain lessened. He was still not certain what had happened to his mind, (or to be exact, what happened to _him_ in general, and where he had gone) but he had the strange image of a golden ribbon being shredded to pieces before being quickly sewn back up. As it was, his mind and memories still felt haphazardly quilted together. All it would take was quick tug and he would unravel. _  
_  
"So. You think you've won, don't you, with your little trick?" Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi remarked casually. "Very clever of you, Osusuki, but you nearly made me destroy the boy's mind with that little annoyance. Or was that your plan all along? Hmm, it would be a little cruel, even for you, if you offered him his escape but not his sanity."  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about, my lord. I have done nothing outside what any kitsune would have done." Hikaru caught a flash of crimson at the edge platform near where he lay, but he had no energy to look closer.  
  
"I will deal with you later. As for this game ...my, my, it is in quite a state, isn't it? I do seem to be on the loosing side of things."  
  
"So you agree that you've lost?" Hikaru felt his breath catch as Sai leaned forward intently.  
  
"Oh ... I wouldn't say _that._"  
  
"The moves, once made, cannot be taken back," Sai said quietly, his head still submissively bent over. His words, though, held a certain challenge to them. "Surely one as great as you, milord, knows this."  
  
"Yes, but do you really want to continue from here? I would have to go back into certain ...places again, places which you probably don't want me to go, places which cannot hold its center anymore. You barely put him back together this time. I only let you fix him because there's something in him ... something very special indeed ... that I don't want damaged. If I was going to lose him anyway, well ... as they say, what the Hell? All the kings horses and all the king's men won't be able to put him back together again."  
  
The pain in Hikaru's head intensified. _ No! I c-can't! I CAN'T! Not again!_  
  
"_Shhh, I swear, I won't let him do it to you again. I swear it, Hikaru,"_ the agony receded slightly as a warm presence filled his thoughts again, blocking out the Demon Lord's touch temporarily.  
  
"But it doesn't _have_ to be so unpleasant. It could be quite the opposite, actually. Tell me, do you ever wonder what it might have been like, if you hadn't taken the rather soggy route you did? Now, I must say that the suicides are amongst my most favorite residents in my realm." Amatsu Mikaboshi brought the tips of his fingers together, clicking his nails ever so softly. The sound, quiet as it was, still made Hikaru flinch.  
  
"Sometimes, when things get boring, I like to show them what their lives could have been. That one, divine moment that comes when they realize their loss ... ah, but I don't need to go into that with you, Fujiwara, do I? You do remember your family, don't you? Your mother. Your father. When they found you afterwards ... were you surprised by their tears? Even now, after a thousand years, those images remain clear, don't they? As well as the memories of that brief, flickering time when you knew what it meant to walk fully in the mortal world, the taste of the first tea harvest, the sound of summer rain on the imperial roof, the swish of silk as you made your way through the chambers ... you do remember all of it, right?"  
  
Sai said nothing.   
  
The Lord of Hell snapped his fingers. "Let me refresh your memories."  
  
Shadows began to merge and darken at his end of the podium. Hikaru swallowed hard. In the center, the darkness gathered like a web drawing inwards. A shrunken figure emerged. Thick, heavy looking chains dangled from his wasted limbs and bloody wounds opened their gaping mouths all over his flesh. Rags of grey-white wisped around like half rent bandages; the dregs of what must have been an elegant kimono in happier times. Hair unbounded into ratted tangles, reaching waist length, twisting and swaying around the gaunt face like dark serpents given life. But what horrified Hikaru the most was the expression on the sunken face ... and the familiarity he saw there. No human or anything that had once been human should wear such a look ... but he seen it before, in the pages of history, during the very worst of what humans could do to each other._  
_  
The bedraggled creature which had once been human gibbered inchoately, leaving a thin trail of sound that built up as it staggered forward. It lurched towards Sai and Hikaru. Even through the thick padding of his kimono, Hikaru could feel the vibrations from Sai's fingers as they clenched his shoulder tightly.   
  
"Sugawara?" Sai whispered. "Sugawara no Akitada ..."  
  
"Yes, though I have to say your rival looking a little worse for wear since you last saw him. He was your first real challenge wasn't he? How excited you must have been, to find an opponent truly worthy of your skills, after so many had abandoned you or disappointed you. You must remember how _that_ felt, right? And how you felt when he betrayed your trust, betrayed his own talent in Go? Did the shame burn a hole in your heart then? How you must have cried, to see such shining talent perverted in such a way. That was the last cut that laid open the bone, the last grain of salt on the already bleeding wounds, wasn't it?" Amatsu Mikaboshi's eyes half closed, and the god let out a delicate sigh.  
  
"He betrayed _ you_, Fujiwara no Sai, in a field where it hurt the most, when you could see what kind of game it _could_ have been, what _he_ could have been. If only he hadn't made that one little, almost minuscule move of his .... just imagine. You would have your family's honor. You would have your position in the court. You would have an eternal rival. With the ability to play on your own power, gain recognition with your own name, and with an eternal rival ... ah, who knows what wonders you may accomplish? What heights you could scale. Perhaps even ... well, dare I say it?" Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi tapped his lips delicately with his fingers.   
  
"You know, if I felt so inclined, I could take you back. I could make it so your father will never have to erase your name from the family registry. I could make it so that your mother and grandmother will never have to know the shame of having you as a son. I could give you back the pleasure of your old life and erase the pain. One moment in time, Fujiwara no Sai. Just one, simple little change."  
  
Sai stared, his hands never leaving Hikaru's shoulders.   
  
"No," he finally said. His voice was nearly inaudible, but Hikaru calmed at the underlying determination in his friend's voice. "No."  
  
"So sure, Fujiwara? This is the chance to redeem yourself, your family, AND fix that little niggling game that must have plagued you for centuries. You need your rival, more than that pesky little deishi of yours, in order to get what you truly want. You _know_ this."  
  
"No." Sai drew himself up fully. "Moves ... moves, once made, cannot be taken back. It is one of the rules of Go, as it is ... in other things."  
  
Amatsu Mikaboshi brought the tips of his fingers back together again, leaning forward slightly. "You surprise me, Fujiwara. I know how much the temptation pulls at you, how the game calls your name, how the yearning to reach the Hand of God consumes almost all your thoughts. Can you really turn away from this path? I know how sometimes - in your deepest, darkest thoughts -- you even resent your deishi for the delay he presents to you."  
  
Hikaru swallowed hard as Sai remained silent.   
  
The Lord of Hell shook his head slightly. "Very well. Perhaps ... I'm not appealing to the right sort of ... sensibilities. "  
  
Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi leaned back, a wide smile crossing his delicate features. A disturbing prickle clawed its way up Hikaru's spine when the Demon Lord's eyes came to rest upon him. Looking away quickly, Hikaru's gaze caught that of Sai's old rival. The ghost flinched. Sugawara no Akitada cowered at the furthest edge of the platform away from both Amatsu Mikaboshi and Sai -- but he also tried to remain as far away from the night wanderers as possible. Hikaru felt a hot burst of satisfaction he felt as he watched the person who had helped kill his best friend curl up into a small, shivering ball. The young Go pro knew he should be ashamed of himself.   
  
"Shindo Hikaru ... do you know? What could I offer your sensei that he would treasure even more than the Hand of God? What could he possibly value even more than _you_?" Amatsu Mikaboshi's voice made Hikaru want to mimic Sugawara's pose. Only Sai's grip on his shoulders kept him upright.   
_  
"D-don't let him trick you, Sai. Whatever you do, you gotta bargain to get out of Hell! Do you hear me?_" Trying to speak through his thoughts made his head feel as if it had been sandblasted then left out to the wind. _Auuuugh!_  
  
"_Shh, Hikaru. It'll get better, just give yourself some time to heal. It will be okay. There's nothing he can do that would make me ...." _ Sai stopped abruptly, his expression changing as he turned to face the sudden snap-hiss of an opening portal.  
  
"You know, I think I might just have the thing ..." Amatsu Mikaboshi mused. One long, elegant hand dipped down into Go bowl and removed a black stone. "It seems I do have some moves still open to me. Just so you know... _atari_."  
  
The placement of the stone echoed the exact moment when a figure began to step forward, breaking free of the darkness and emerging into the foxfire light. He appeared far older than Hikaru or even Sai, but he was still young nonetheless, and he moved with a beauty that encompassed both his body and his face. A firefly glow danced about him, much like that which surrounded Sai. Hikaru knew then, in the same, gut level way he could sometimes predict the one, perfect move in a game littered with traps, that such a being did not belong in Hell. There was something wrong... something terribly wrong ...  
  
He wondered who it could ...  
_  
_ "No. It can't be. It just _can't_ be_ ..._ " Sai murmured, dropping his fan and backing up ...  
  
... and away from Hikaru, who distinctly felt something within him shatter yet again.  
  
"T-torajiro?"  
  
_Oh shit ..._  
_  
  
To be continued . . ._  



	12. 9: Seizing the Fire

In the Forests of the Night  
A Hikaru no Go Ghost story  
  
As ever, to Imbrium. Hang in there ... we're almost through!  
  
Part 9: Seizing the Fire  
  
If he was to be totally honest with himself, Hikaru had to admit he hated Torajiro to some extent. Sai had always praised the Go saint's gentle soul and his intelligence in all things. On the other hand, Hikaru had lost count of how many times Sai had beseeched the heavens for an answer as to why he had been paired with a stubborn lummox like his current host. Sitting half slumped on the hard surface of the dais, where the battle for his soul had reached an uncomfortable stalemate, Hikaru closed his eyes tight as the pain in his head echoed the panic he felt. Torajiro had probably never asked Sai to help him cheat on _ his_ history tests or bugged the Go genius to help him earn money through his games. The Go saint most likely never insulted Sai either by calling him selfish, whiny, and useless for anything besides Go. Hikaru glanced up at his fellow deishi, then quickly looked away again, feeling unaccountably guilty.  
  
_Okay, maybe hate is the wrong word__... but I **don't** have to LIKE the guy, even if Sai thinks he's the best thing in the world since the folding fan. _Hikaru rubbed the bridge of his nose. From Touya Akira, to all the other insei, to even Sai himself ... it was as if some invisible ruler was constantly being held up to him and finding him wanting. His life seemed nothing more than a series of half-failed expectations ... or lack thereof, in the case of his parents.   
_  
And I'm not an idiot! I know it'd be a whole lot easier if I took the easy way out and let Sai play_. The others would have been satisfied. His parents, perhaps, might have noticed, especially if their son suddenly became horrendously famous overnight, even if it was only in the Go world. There would be no more failures, no more running after people and trying to prove himself worthy. People would actually run after _him._  
  
But ... it wouldn't be him. Hikaru gritted his teeth. Taking another furtive look at the other ghost, he was glad he had a fan to hide behind. Even Hell couldn't change or shadow Torajiro's inner or outer beauty. He knew that the look on his own face would not be as pleasant.   
  
_Man, why does he have to look like a pretty boy anyway? Why couldn't he be a hunchback or drool or something?!_ In comparison, Hikaru felt like something found on the bottom of his shoes, after walking through a heavily populated dog park.   
  
"Torajiro ..." Sai rasped again, his body half bowed over the goban. With what seemed to be a weariness past the ability of time to measure, the Go genius struggled to his feet. He turned to face his former student, then flinched back, as if someone had slapped him. "No. He was a good person and he died helping others. If anyone deserves eternal rest, it is him!"  
  
Sai's aura crackled and hissed, causing a slight wind to stir around him, tangling through his long hair. "Take back this false shadow, Lord of the Ever Hidden Lie, for I will not be tricked so easily."  
  
"I didn't say he wasn't _ worthy_ of heaven, did I?" Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi laughed, a rich soulful sound filled with real, genuine humor. Hikaru felt his skin crinkle up with goosebumps. Evil had no place to laugh like that, as if it had some sort of heart to know joy. "He did have such a caring, spotless soul. Rather distinctly unlike _you, _ Fujiwara. Like you already said, he _ died_ to help his students. With you, it seems to be the other way around. You died, and your students must help you. And I must say you trained ol' Shusaku well. Torajiro _ was_ rather like a beaten puppy, wasn't he? Always rolling and showing his belly every time you asked him too. One would think you would want to be rid of your current deishi, who is less than accommodating when it comes to rolling over and being dominated."  
  
Hikaru forced himself to stay still. In front of him, Sai remained quiet. The ghost turned his back to the Demon Lord as well as his former student. If Hikaru looked up, he knew he would find Sai staring at him. He kept his gaze focused on the wooden slats of his fan instead. He didn't want to see the look on Sai's face, now that Torajiro was here. Some things he never wanted nor wished to know.   
  
"Imagine how your poor, honest, kindhearted Torajiro reacted to seeing you trapped in the mortal plane without a chance at rest or peace."   
  
Hikaru didn't need anyone to tell him exactly how Torajiro would have reacted. He scrunched even further into himself.   
  
"You have to admit that Torajiro was dedicated, even if his sacrifice was futile."   
  
Sai took one step sideways, as if he was about to turn around, but then drew away abruptly, his sleeves falling and trailing against the ground.   
  
"I do not understand, most honorable one. Why do you want Hikaru's soul so badly? If you _ really_ have Torajiro, then you already have a star soul. Why would you want to trade him for Hikaru?" he asked. Hikaru bit his tongue, holding back his own commentary. Anger and fear flushed through him, leaving his skin hot and uncomfortable.  
  
_What is he saying? That I'm ...  
_  
The Lord of All Evil flicked his fingers dismissively. "Nevermind that; think about what I'm offering you instead. Surely, as a master of the game, you can appreciate thatthe true form of the game is a gateway between the past, present, and potential future. In that spirit, I am offering the one who betrayed you and the one who redeemed you. I am giving you a chance to take control of your destiny, to make the move that would win you the best outcome, and to seize your own potential future. And surely you want to help you first, _ loyal _ deishi. So ... the real question is not whether I would give up Torajiro for Hikaru, but whether _ you_ would."  
  
"Torajiro," Sai murmured again. The aching resonance in those simple syllables ... Hikaru's anger sputtered out, leaving him feeling vaguely chilled and ashamed of himself. Inexplicably, he thought of the rings of pine trees, and the hard centers they enclosed. Sai's grief seemed akin to that, growing outward from a single source, layer upon layer, year upon year, each ring marking a new stage. Unable to resist, Hikaru peered up through the wooden slats of his fan.   
  
More than a thousand years' worth of pain closed their circuits in the weary drop of Sai's shoulders and the trembling that shook his form. Swallowing hard, Hikaru swung his gaze back toward Torajiro, taking his first long look at Sai's former host. His eyes widened at how pale and washed out the Go saint appeared. Sai had never looked like that; he had always seemed so solid to Hikaru, to the point that the boy would sometimes forget and hold the door for him, or warn him about rough spots that he couldn't possibly trip over. In contrast, Torajiro's image was like a photograph left in the sun. Only the barest hint of the darkest details remained.   
  
"Sai," Torajiro spoke for the first time, though Hikaru had to strain to hear him. The Go saint's slight voice hovered just above the threshold of hearing. "Please ..."  
  
Slowly, each of his movements uncharacteristically jerky and arrhythmic, Sai turned around. For a moment, both he and Torajiro merely stared at one another, then Sai reached out a hand. The air began to crackle and thrum as Torajiro mirrored the motion. At the moment of contact, a flare of star white intensity flashed between the two ghosts, leaving Hikaru's eyes to water as they tried to adjust. He rubbed at them, though neither the afterimages ... nor the tearing sensation ... abated easily.  
  
"It _**is**_ you, isn't it?" Sai's voice was little more than a fraying thread of sound. "It is you."  
  
"I'm sorry." Torajiro finally raised his head, though the rest of his bearing remained stooped and half-bowed. His form, however, seemed more focused and less faded than before."I'm so very sorry."  
  
Sai stiffened. One hand drifted over his chest, on level with his heart, and clenched into a fist. "T-that's ...t-that was one of the last things you said to me, before ..."   
  
His eyes closed, and his face became blank, as if he had been pushed to an emotion beyond expression.  
  
Watching the both them, Hikaru felt something within himself shiver apart, though the sensation was also mixed with a slight bit of confusion as well. It took him a couple of breaths to realize why. The pain was his alone -- there was nothing from the part of him he associated with Sai -- none of the teeth clenching nausea, none of the bone breaking chill. The sadness in the ghost should have been enough to tie his own guts in gordian knots.   
  
Nothing. Nothing but the sharp, tightening coil that defined his own emotions, nothing but his own nails digging half moons into his palms, aching.  
  
_Or maybe with Torajiro here, our link ... no. I'm not gonna think about that. It's not like it's FUN to be puking my guts out. I'm GLAD I don't feel anything! I am!  
_  
_Yeah. Right._ It was odd, though. It was the first time he had ever wanted to be sick, the first time he ever asked for that chaotic curl and sway which was the unique signature of Sai's grief within him. _  
_  
Hikaru twisted the fan in his hands. The hard edges distracted him from what truly hurt.   
  
"Strange isn't it? I'm actually telling the truth," Amatsu Mikaboshi laughed again, with that same, soulful sound he had produced before. "Now that you believe me, what will you do?"  
  
Inch by staggering inch, like a flag raised against a scything wind, Sai gathered himself up once more. Something long and silver flickered at his side. "Let Torajiro _go_ . He is _ not_ yours. Heaven would never allow such a thing to occur ... where the condemned are let to go free, and the innocent left to suffer."  
  
"Heaven may not allow it, but it does nothing to change the fact that it's how things stand. Only you can release him, Fujiwara no Sai. And you know what you must do. He's already given his life over to you once. Will you make him lose his afterlife as well?"  
  
For the longest time, Sai just stood there, not moving, not speaking, not looking at either Hikaru or Torajiro. In those stretched, spinning seconds, Hikaru wondered if Hell hadn't already arrived for him.   
  
"I've ... I've made a mistake," the ghost whispered as he looked downward at his hands. The silver light faded, leaving the shadows to close in once more. "So many mistakes ...Kami-sama, does it ever end?"   
  
"Sai..." Torajiro spoke. Though his steps faltered a little as he approached his former mentor, the Go saint finally showed the first signs of animation since being summoned from Hell. "Sai ... don't. I was the one who ... I thought I was the only one who could ... and when I ...left and you hadn't gained the Hand of God, I thought that you'd be ..."   
  
Torajiro paused, closing his eyes halfway. Something quick and unreadable flashed across his face. Hikaru blinked, but by then, the look was gone. "But you found Shindo-kun. You can still gain the Hand of God, and with that, you'll come for me and my time in Hell will end. I have hope now ... hope in Hell -- it'll be enough."   
  
The ghost turned to Hikaru, and to his surprise, the Go Saint bowed to him. "Kami-sama must have chosen him to complete where I fa ... yes, he must be special. You can finish your path and fate will take its rightful course. I believe it. I truly do."  
  
In contrast to his bravely spoken words, however, Torajiro still seemed rather fragile and vulnerable, reminding Hikaru briefly of just how very, very young the Go saint must have been when Sai had first appeared to him. He found he could not meet the other's eyes again, could not stand to see the faith there. It hurt. Sadness filtered through him. In a night of many disturbing sights, Torajiro's near reverent worship hit him in a place more real than any of the other horrors. To believe in someone or something that much, to the point beyond sacrifice ...   
  
_It's not easier. _The off kilter realization hit him almost physically, leaving him to hunch in reaction. He felt cold, as if the thick folds of his kimono had suddenly worn thin. Some things he never wanted to know. .. but sometimes, he didn't have a choice. _ It wasn't any easier for him. _  
  
Yet, even given the ghost's paled state, Torajiro's trust in Sai literally shone within his ghostlight; his presence became more solid as he spoke of his convictions. Hikaru felt his hands begin to shake, and he stared at them, a little startled at the involuntary motion. _ Why? Why would he let ..._  
  
"Enough drivel already," Amatsu Mikaboshi rapped his hand against the wood of the platform. "Hope? Oh _ please._ There can be no hope for the damned -- it's not called Hell for nothing you know. I promise you this, with words that are as true as prophecy. I may be the Lord of the Ever Living Lie, but I do not lie in this matter: if Fujiwara no Sai continues on the path he has set for himself now, he will never reach the Hand of God, and he will never release Honinbo Shusaku from his torment. Nor will I let Shindo Hikaru go without scars from tonight's adventure ... no one, ghost or otherwise, will be able to play through him ever again. Though, to be honest, I don't really see that as being much different from your current situation with him, Fujiwara."  
  
Hikaru swallowed heavily as Torajiro turned to face him.   
  
"What does he mean?_ "_ the Go Saint blanched, disbelief edging into his tone. "Shindo-kun? You don't let him play?"   
  
"Um ..." Hikaru brought his hands up in a placating gesture. "Erm ...."  
  
Amatsu Mikaboshi snorted. "Let's just say little Shindo-kun is a bit uncooperative. Far from letting Fujiwara play, Shindo doesn't even _ listen_ to him much, unless it's convenient for him. Don't you know how they came into the wandering night in the first place? And from what I gather from the boy's thoughts, he never intends to let Fujiwara play at full strength ever again. In fact, how long _ has_ it been, Fujiwara, since your current deishi allowed you even one simple move? Shindo Hikaru plays for_ himself_ , for his own goals."  
  
The growing shock in Torajiro's face was unnerving. The Go saint actually backed a few steps away from him, as if the very air around Hikaru burned. From somewhere beside Hikaru came a swish of cloth, as if Sai had suddenly startled forward then stopped.  
  
"You don't let him play," Torajiro's expression changed; something beyond rage glittered in his eyes. Streaks of light began to snap and whirl in the ghost's aura, forcing Hikaru to quickly reassess his "Torrie-poo is a wimpy sissy" assumption as the ghost towered over him. "You ... deny him ..."  
  
"Err..."  
  
"Kami-sama sent him to you! You have been given a gift beyond words. And you deny him? What about his sadness? Do you just ignore that?" Torajiro swung his arms in a wide, angry arc, forcing Hikaru to duck out of the way. "What about the Hand of GOD? It is a most sacred and divine goal! It is Sai's only chance at freedom ... for release! You condemn him by not letting him play! You rob him of his chance for peace!"  
  
"I _rob_ HIM for a chance at peace?! Are we talking about the same guy here? It's not like that!" Hikaru declared, finally finding his voice. "It's NOT! You don't understand, I _ can't_ ... "  
  
"Torajiro!" Sai stepped between them, hands outspread and entreating. "Hikaru!"   
  
"You _can't_ ?" Torajiro's voice hardened further. "Then what makes you different from the one who condemned or betrayed him in the first place? And at least Sugawara let him play!"  
  
For a moment, silence descended. Hikaru felt his mouth open and close, but nothing came out. Sai had stilled as well, his eyes almost impossibly wide as his gaze flickered back and forth between the two of them.   
  
"T-torajiro, that's not t-true ... Hikaru ... he doesn't let me play, but ... he ..."  
  
"He does not respect you or the path. He is not worthy of you, sensei. He's not worthy of your talents," Torajiro snapped, turning his back towards Hikaru. "He's not worthy of the game."  
  
"What?!" Hikaru was on his feet before he was aware that he wanted to move. "Hold on! I didn't ask for any of this! I didn't ask for Sai to throw himself in the river, or for you to give up your life for him! So you can take your path and SHOVE it. It's not like it WORKED! Sai got himself stuck in a goban, and you ... well, he's STILL stuck here, isn't he?! You and Sai BOTH failed to live your own lives! I'm not going to be like that! I just won't!"  
  
As the last words left his throat, Hikaru blinked, then clapped a hand over his mouth. _What did I just say?_ From the looks on both Sai and Torajiro's faces, he might as well have taken out a sword and gutted them. He opened his mouth again, but no words would come.   
  
"Decide, Fujiwara no Sai," Amatsu Mikaboshi spoke into the brittle silence. "What will it be? Which one will it be?"  
  
Shaken, Hikaru turned to Sai. The ghost's mouth hung half open as he shook his head slowly. "N-no ..."  
  
Amatsu Mikaboshi shook a warning finger at him. "Enough waffling. Either choose Torajiro or continue the game. Though you're damned either way."  
  
"The game ..." Sai murmured, turning toward at the goban. His eyes narrowed, and his shoulders tensed."The game ..."  
  
"So that's your decision? You want to continue with the game and discard Shusaku?"  
  
"No! No, your lordship, I do not wish to give up Torajiro or Hikaru. Instead, I propose ... four stones. Give and take."   
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
Sai closed his eyes, his hands clenching against the side of his robes. When his eyes opened again, they were calm. "Your most revered majesty ... please consider my most meager proposal. Let me give you four stones to place wherever you wish on the board. Also, if you so wish, you can take any four stones of mine from the board. That should effectively erase my earlier, _ unfair_ advantage. In exchange, I humbly beg your lordship to allow me to play for Kuwahara Torajiro's soul as well as Shindo Hikaru's. If I win, you must let both of their souls go in peace. "  
  
"And I suppose you want your freedom too? What if I won't agree to that?"  
  
"I ... would still honor the second part of my wager and stay with you for a thousand years, provided that you leave both of their minds intact. If I lose, then all of us will go to Hell. Together."   
  
_ Sai! No! _Hikaru's voice still seemed to be on hiatus however; all that came out was a frantic rush of air. His mind froze, incapable of transmitting a single thought. His expression similarly startled, Torajiro turned toward the Go genius, but immediately drew back when Sai held up a hand.  
  
"I know what I'm doing," he said as he met both of their eyes.   
_  
No you don't, you idiot! _the haze around Hikaru's mind finally cleared as a bolt of pure panic shot through him. _ Don't do this! Don't agree! We're stuck back where we started! But this time it's worse! _ Hikaru felt like hitting something, but he didn't dare interrupt, not when the situation was already so precarious. _Please, if anyone is out there, don't let Sai do this . . . _  
_  
_"_Four _to give and take? You really like your puns, don't you Fujiwara? Hmm. You do realize, that at this stage, giving me those stones pretty much seals the end of the game. I am almost tempted to be insulted .... do you really think I need this advantage to recover? Why not just take the deal I've offered you and leave with Torajiro? Save what you can."  
  
"I will not make the same mistakes again. I will not leave either one of my deishi, nor let them be sacrificed for me." Sai took his place beside the goban. With an arcing sweep of his arms, he sat down. "We play."  
  
Hikaru clenched his teeth as Torajiro followed Sai. _ I'm not going to get any help from him. Torajiro will go along with whatever Sai does...._  
  
The Go saint's expression became determined and composed as he took his place behind the his former sensei. The auras around both Sai and Torajiro merged, presenting an united front towards the Lord of Darkness. Hikaru had to squint as he slowly settled himself. From his new position behind the two, even the shadows shed by Sai and Torajiro's ghostlights seemed to have more of a presence than he did. _  
  
But this ... this isn't the answer! It's not!_  
  
"Four stones to give and take ..." repeated Amatsu Mikaboshi. "You condemn both your disciples' souls with this proposal."  
  
"The game has yet to finish. Please take your turn, your excellency."  
  
_Sai ... !_  
  
"Actually, I do believe it is _your_ turn. Not that it makes a huge difference, but no one can say that Evil wasn't being _ fair_ now ..." Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi smacked his leg, laughing uproariously. "Ahh, I just KILL myself with sarcasm sometimes ..."  
  
Sai reached into his Go ke. His hand shot out and slapped the stone down. Hikaru groaned internally. _ Crap! _ There was something wrong about this, something that chewed on his already gnawed nerves. _Too late. Sai's made his move._  
  
"There, your lordship. Now, please, place your four stones and then take the ones you wish."  
  
The Demon Lord selected a stone and held it above the goban. He made a great show of hemming and hawing, letting his hand drift across the available spaces. Hikaru's eyes automatically followed the movement, tracking it to the goban. The image abruptly fractured in front of him, and the resulting nausea made him curl up again.   
  
"Hikaru!"   
  
"That was _ so_ not a good idea," he moaned as he folded his arms across his stomach. _ Why is it still doing this?! I thought we fix-- auuuugh! I wanna barf up my toenails ... Is this what Amatsu Mikaboshi meant when he said I'm not going to make it out without scars? _ Panting, he rode out the spinning wave of vertigo. To his vast relief, the dizziness lessened with each passing moment_ , _ and the world steadied again. _ Great, it's not like the insei don't make fun of me already ... wait til' they get a load of Play n' Puke Shindo Hikaru._  
  
"I see someone's brain is still a little squishy and raw," Amatsu Mikaboshi chuckled. "Still not recovered fully yet, boy? You humans do have such delicate minds."  
  
"Hikaru, hold on ... it'll be okay ..." Sai's comforting voice still surrounded him, but the ghost remained seated beside the goban. He made no move towards Hikaru.   
  
Not that Hikaru needed any help; the nausea had nearly died out. _ Not as bad as last time. Maybe it's getting better? If I just don't look ..._  
  
He weakly pounded the dais with a fist, hating each shaky movement. After all he had been through, he _ still_ couldn't see what was likely to be the most important (not to mention perhaps the last) game of his life.  
  
"You know, I will certainly have to insist that you fix his mind more thoroughly before I take him to Hell, Fujiwara," Amatsu Mikaboshi remarked. "He's somewhat useless like that.""  
  
_It's not fair!_ Hikaru howled internally, bringing his fist up again. A hand abruptly closed around his fingers, gently stopping its descent. He looked up to find Torajiro watching him, head slightly tilted. After a moment, he also registered a warm weight on his shoulder and realized the Torajiro had also placed a hand there as well. _ Whoa ... how did...__ he's totally solid now. But__ when did he move? How long has he been there? Oh crap, I hope he's not still mad about Sai...  
  
_Anger still sparked in the Go saint's expression, but there was an odd trace of compassion, as well as a strange sense of empathy. The ghost used his grip on Hikaru's hand to pull him back into a sitting position. A faint expression of surprise lingered on the Go saint's face as he glanced down at their clasped hands. For a fleeting moment, Hikaru felt as if he was intricately connected to something much much larger and more ancient than him.   
  
Torajiro took his hand back hesitantly. "You looked like you were in pain."  
  
Hikaru realized belatedly that Torajiro was probably the reason that his nausea had faded so quickly. Somehow, the other ghost was shielding him, much as Sai had done. "Th-thanks. You ... didn't have to. But ... thanks."  
  
"It's not because I have to, Shindo-kun." The Go saint said as he settled himself next to Hikaru. "You were hurting. I could help."  
  
Both deishi held each others' gaze for a heartbeat. Feeling as if he had touched upon something important that he didn't quite yet understand, Hikaru was the first to look away. At the edge of his vision, Hikaru could see Sugawara no Akitada watching him as well. Something almost electric crackled through him as he returned the ancient imperial tutor's gaze. The feeling faintly echoed the one he received from Torajiro. Sai's former host and Sai's betrayer --   
  
_Whoa _**...**_._ He drew a sharp breath. _Even Mr. Cheater?! Why am I feeling this with ** them** and not with ... is it just because we're Hostages R' Us for Sai? Or is it something else? _  
  
"Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi, let's finish this." Sai's voice interrupted his thoughts. The ghost waved a hand toward the goban.   
  
"No," To Hikaru's surprise Amatsu Mikaboshi dropped the stone back into his bowl. "When I said no more deals with you, Fujiwara no Sai, I meant it. You must decide which one of your _ deishi_ ... if any ... you try to free."  
  
Sai rocked backwards, a look of bewilderment spreading across his face. "You won't play me?"  
  
"Just returning the favor you paid me, more than a thousand years past," Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi smiled, leaning forward slightly. "The game has failed you yet again. And my curse has come to full fruition; there are no rivers you can throw yourself into this time. Give me your answer; will it be Torajiro, or will you lose them both?"   
_  
Sai ..._ Hikaru glanced around. The lamplight glittered on all the eyes around them; every beast, monster, or god seem to pant with anticipation. A flash of almost-memory overwhelmed him, of rabbits-on-the-run, of leaping for the lifeblood in the throat.   
  
Sai lifted his head, and something in his eyes shimmered like tears. "I cannot ..."  
  
"I'm getting a little ... irked, Fujiwara."  
  
Hikaru screamed as a bolt of white hot agony lanced through him. By his side, something moved. Fingers rapidly traced over the top of his head, trailing feather-like across his face, before settling again on his shoulders. The pain faded to a bearable level, and Hikaru opened his eyes. In front of him, Torajiro's expression was grim, his mouth thinned into a straight line. His aura snapped and flared as he held off the Demon Lord's attack.  
  
"Hold on, Shindo-kun," he whispered. "Sai will make it all right."  
  
"Hikaru! Torajiro!"  
  
"Choose."   
  
The air grew hazy and thick with the building power. Little streaks of lightening snapped around them all. Unable to stop himself, Hikaru whimpered, and Torajiro's aura flared as the Go saint dug his fingers into Hikaru's kimono.   
  
"They can't hold against me for much longer, Fujiwara. And I'm just _ playing_ with them. I could get serious ..."  
  
Sai stood, his hands clenched and his expression trapped and frantic. "I ..."  
  
"I guess I'll have to have some more fun then..." Amatsu Mikaboshi raised his hands. Hikaru winced as Torajiro's grip on his shoulders became painfully tight. The Go saint had shut his eyes tight and his lips were moving, as if he was reciting some desperate, soundless prayer. To Hikaru's horror, the edges to Torajiro's image had begun to blur in and out. At this rate, Sai was going to lose the both of them.   
  
_No, he IS going to lose the both of us, if he makes a decision. _ The realization made Hikaru bite his lip hard enough to draw blood. _ We're all going to lose ..._  
  
"Say goodbye, Fujiwara ..."  
  
"No! Torajiro! Hikaru! ... I ... I choose ..."  
  
"**NO!** "  
  
Everything came to screeching halt. Hikaru nearly toppled sideways as Torajiro's hold on him suddenly disappeared. Everyone - from gods to lowly tanuki- was now staring at him. Both Sai and Torajiro had frozen, their mouths hanging half open, arms akimbo, looking more like comedic statues than ghosts. Even Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi had stopped mid-gesture. Instead of frying Hikaru's mind, the Lord of the Night Unending was now glaring at him with one eyebrow raised. At least the pain had stopped as well, Hikaru noted gratefully, though he wondered why everyone was ...  
  
_Wait ... was that ** my ** squeaky voice saying "no"?  
  
_His fan fell from his suddenly nerveless fingers, though it did not disappear once it left his hands. Instead, it hit the podium with an almost obscenely loud clatter. Hikaru bent down slowly, carefully snatched it up, then folded it closed, highly conscious of the fact that his movements were being followed and scrutinized down to the very last clumsy tremor.   
  
"Now what?" Amatsu Mikaboshi crossed his arms. "If you keep interrupting, your risk having your brain begin to slop out of your ears."  
  
"Uh..." he stared at his lap, hoping for inspiration. _Why ** did** I open my big mouth?!_**_  
  
_"**If you have something to say, either speak, or let me continue to slice and dice your mind like a good little mortal."  
**_  
_**Hikaru gulped. _What do I say? What can I say? What can I do? What can I ... do ... **  
  
**_"Well?"_**  
  
"Giving up is still an option, but I don't encourage it ..."**_ another almost-memory wisped through him. _**"You do not know your own worth, nor do you know the depth of your own mind ..."**  
_  
"Do you have anything of importance to contribute or should I just carry on with the mindless torture?"_  
  
The depth of my own mind ...And ... my own worth ..._  
  
Though he didn't quite know why, Hikaru raised his head and searched the crowd for a familiar-yet-unfamiliar face. Intense steel blue eyes caught his, puzzled but unflinching below a short swath of sea green bangs. The eyes weren't exactly the same, no, -- this gaze spoke of rushing rivers and slashing rain instead of creating stars and bridging crosslines -- but the reminder was enough. _ My own worth ..._  
  
"I'm not Torajiro. I'm not Fujiwara no Sai," he whispered._  
_  
"What?" the god of Hell seemed genuinely taken aback. He slanted his head, causing his silver-white hair to ripple and catch the lamplight. "Is there really so little left of your mind? We all know very well that you are neither a Go Saint nor a Go Genius."  
  
"But you still want my soul more than even Sai's or Torajiro's. Cause you're going through all this trouble," His mouth went dry, and he held tight to his fan, forcing himself to croak out the rest of the words. "This isn't about any of the others here, is it? It's about me. It's about MY soul 'cause S-sai's ..." the words rasped harshly in his throat. "He's already dead and trapped in a goban. And Torajiro's already damned .. as well as everyone else here. Everyone, except ...."   
  
"Yes, yes, we _ get_ that part. It is rather obvious." Amatsu Mikaboshi waved at him impatiently. "But what does this have anything to do with my bargain with Fujiwara? If I'm not mistaken, he IS your sensei, is he not? You are bond by his decision to play me for your soul. Or is there something you're not telling me?"  
  
"Sai ... Sai's taught me everything I know 'bout Go and a whole lot of other stuff. But that doesn't mean he can play for me. He an' me ... it doesn't work that way with us. It_ can't _ work that way." Hikaru thought he saw Torajiro stumble slightly, but he did not look to confirm it. "It's like you said. I play for myself, for my own goals. I live my own life. And because ..." half-remembered words coalesced, spilling from his mouth before he had a chance to stop them. "Because ... between the Hell I make for myself, and the Hell others make for me .... I've always chosen my own."  
  
"You _choose_ Hell? You would bargain with me, on your own terms?"  
  
"Hikaru! NO!" Sai broke out of his immobility, quickly closing the distance between them until he was kneeling in front of the still huddled Hikaru, blocking his view of the Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi. "I will NOT allow you to do this!" He thundered. His fan had reappeared, and he was now jabbing it at Hikaru's face. "I FORBID it!"  
  
"You WHAT?! When have I ever let you boss me around? You said you wouldn't let this sensei thing go to your head!" Hikaru crossed his arms and scowled at Sai, who in turn continued to stare at him as if a goban bearing tree had sprouted from Hikaru's head.  
  
"Shindo-kun, you cannot give evil what it wants! You don't understand ... with your soul, Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi will have enough power to ..." Torajiro flanked Hikaru's other side. Between the two ghosts, Hikaru was surrounded by a veritable wall of seething poltergeist energy.   
  
With a grimace, Hikaru stood up. "You sacrificed_ your _soul for Sai ... you really think I'd just let him sacrifice himself for me? That I don't care about him? It'd destroy him if he lost you to Hell -- don't you know that?! I don't know what else to do!"  
  
"It's ... I know you care, but you don't understand, Shindo-kun. I didn't just ..." Torajiro's eyebrows drew together in confusion. "You think I would just ..."  
  
"NO!" Sai whirled to face Amatsu Mikaboshi. This time, the sword seemed to leap into existence in Sai's hand. Hikaru sprinted forward, placing himself in front of his incensed friend. He reached out, grasping the hand that held the deadly weapon. Hikaru felt the fingers below his own tighten on the handle of the sword.   
  
"Sai ...please don't. This won't work."  
  
"And as much as I would love to handle this with violence, I really do want to know what your disciple has to say," the Demon Lord gestured at Hikaru. "Am I hearing you correctly? You will join me now, of your own free will ... in return for these two souls?"  
  
"HIKARU!" Sai pushed past him, snapping Hikaru's hold and bringing the sword into an attack position. "NO, HE WILL NOT!"  
  
"Oh, be quiet!" With a casual flick of his hand, Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi sent Sai flying off the platform to crash heavily into the crowd.   
  
"SAI!" Torajiro jumped off the platform after the ghost. Though he was equally worried, Hikaru didn't dare take his attention away from the Lord of Hell.  
  
"So, Shindo Hikaru ... I must say it is refreshing to deal with you directly. In exchange for your soul, I will free both Sai and his old student. Do you agree? "  
  
"SHINDO-KUN!"  
  
" HIKARU!"   
  
Hikaru's mind shut out both Torajiro's and Sai's voices. "Well ...um ... Not ... exactly ..."  
  
"** WHAT?**!"   
  
It took a few moments for Hikaru's ears to stop ringing from the combined shout of what seemed to be everyone around him.   
  
"Has it ever occurred to ANYONE that I _don't_ want to sacrifice myself, but that I want to PLAY the Lord High Whatever of Evil? Cause I don't think the sacrificing thingie _ works_ . Forking over your own soul ... or life ... even to save someone else ... it's screwed up! It's a trap. Everyone just ends up feeling crappy ... either I feel crappy that Sai and Torajiro had to go to Hell for me, or they feel crappy about me. It even makes ol' brushbutt feel guilty, and he's got less morals than a porno! Evil still wins all ways round, doesn't it?" Hikaru took a deep breath, gathering his courage, before looking straight at the Lord of Evil. He felt an odd jiggling sensation begin in his stomach, so he hurried his words along, before the hiccups could start. "I'll still give you the same four and four advantage Sai offered, but I'll take his place. It's kinda become a tradition between us, anyways. I always butt into his games."  
  
The silence that surrounded his declaration was so profound that it seemed louder than the outburst that had preceded it. Hikaru did not know whether to laugh or cry at the flabbergasted expression that currently graced not only Sai's face, but Torajiro's .... and Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi.  
_  
_"You? Play me?" The Lord of the Night Unending blinked, one hand snapping his fan closed. Hikaru knew that, for one of the few times in any history of any world, someone had managed to catch Evil totally flatfooted. "You would dare? You, a little weakling who is barely fit for a mortal opponent?"  
  
Hikaru winced as the Lord of Demons rose to tower over him, menace radiating out of him in a wave of darkness. _ Yeeeaaah! Chalk one up for me! I can offend AND confuse people, not to mention demons, with one brilliant Hikaru move!_  
  
"Hikaru ..." Sai limped to the edge of the platform, partially held up by a slacked jawed Torajiro.   
  
"Shindo-kun, you can't play! Only Sai can win this!"  
  
"No one would know better than you, Shusaku, eh?" Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi tilted his fan toward the Go Saint. "He played me, you know. He didn't just give up his soul either. He played me ... and he could not win. What makes you think you will fare any better, Shindo Hikaru? I assure you, playing me in a Go game is nothing like playing a human opponent."   
  
_I ... I was wrong ... _Hikaru glanced at Torajiro. The Go Saint had drawn away from Sai, bowing his head and closing his eyes. _He fought. He fought for Sai too.  
  
And he... lost._  
  
"Maybe I'll lose. But at least Torajiro tried! Right? And if I _ do _ win, you have to let ALL of us go, no strings attached, none of this thousand years in Hell crap. All of us ... from Sai, to Torajiro ... to Mr. Cheater over there." Hikaru pointed at Sai's former rival, who picked his head up in surprise. "As well as the entire Kitsune court. You let everyone go, and you have to swear not to bother any one of us again."  
  
Amatsu Mikaboshi stroked his chin, pacing around Hikaru and inspecting him from all angles. "I don't say this often, but I truly don't understand you, Shindo Hikaru. Why are you trying to save both the Kitsune court AND this pathetic waste of a mortal soul?"   
  
He gestured toward Sugawara no Akitada. "He plotted your mentor's demise. If he hadn't done what he did, Fujiwara no Sai would never have shuffled off the mortal coil in quite so spectacular a manner. And I hardly have to remind you that the Kitsune court is the reason why we're all here tonight; they're the ones who committed the original sin."  
  
"Because ..." Hikaru shrugged. "Why not? You're SO sure you're gonna win! Well, I don't like him or Osusuki much, but I hate you more. They might've made my sensei miserable in the past, but you're the one who's hurting him now. Not to mention me. And I know it'll piss you off if I take all your toys from you."  
  
"Hmm. I _ like_ the hatred part. It's a nice touch, if I do say so myself." Amatsu Mikaboshi nodded as he returned to his side of the platform. "But back to my original point. Why should I agree to this proposal of yours? Like you said, you are trying to take `all my toys', and in return, I get the very dubious pleasure of playing someone who is obviously of a lower level than me. I stand to lose much for nothing. Not to mention that it voids the original bargain we made."  
  
"Yeah, but you're ... you're EVIL, aren't you? The biggest baddest ... er ... bad ... ever. You have the power to change the bargains ...you're the one who offered Sai both Mr. Cheater and Torajiro in exchange for me, and that's kinda breaking the original bargain. I'm just making a counter-offer. But if you don't play me, then I'm not gonna play either -- I quit. You can smush my mind like a bug, or squish my body and send my soul begging for ramen forever, but you still won't have me. Sai did it to you once -- he quit, and he's still free, in his own way. It's like any other game. I know what pieces I can stand to lose. What I have to forfeit to win." Hikaru willed himself to hold that dark gaze just a few moments longer. "I know what I'm worth."  
  
"Are you _seriously_ threatening me?" Amatsu Mikaboshi stiffened. The dark miasma had returned full force, undulating around him in icy, seething waves. Hikaru could hear sudden swishing of kimonos and the thudding beat of feet, as if everyone watching had taken a few gigantic steps away from the platform.   
  
"Ahhhhh, n-no," Hikaru tried not to wilt under the weight of Amatsu Mikaboshi's gaze. He wasn't very successful. "N-not r-really. Um, I-i'm just saying what I'll do."  
  
"You really think you stand a better chance than both your mentor AND the Saint of Go? I've seen arrogance before, but you are truly an unique case. Or perhaps _ I _should take this as an insult ... not that your attitude hasn't given me more than enough reason to smite you until you're nothing but a small smear on the ground."  
  
"Ehhh ... It's not that I disrespect you or Sai ...I know I'm rude and don't talk right but I'm .... it's ..." Hikaru swallowed as he tucked his arms around his body in a futile effort to stop shaking. Actually, he was having a second thought or three about the whole idea.   
  
"So stop wasting my time, boy. You say you know what you're worth? Do you really? Even now I can feel your self doubt, that quavering touch of uncertainty in your thoughts. Your soul may be bright, but it's a light without focus, a genius without the precision of skill or experience. I want your soul, Shindo Hikaru, because of that rawness. Unlike Honinbo Shusaku or Fujiwara no Sai, your soul is yet unbridled by sacrifice or sin. Your light burns unfiltered, and that is a rare commodity indeed -- that means once you come into my power, I will shape you as I want, bend you to my will. But that does not mean _you_ are anything special at the moment. You have the _ potential_ for genius. As you stand now, however, you are mostly a mockery of what you could be, a bundle of false self importance wrapped up in untested talent. You are barely worthy to play the game against decent mortal opponents, much less gods. Perhaps, given enough time and more patience than there are stars in the sky, you could be a middling opponent to some of the immortals here ... but time's not something you have."  
  
"I-i ..."   
  
"Why would anyone want to play you anyway? You cannot even win against that other little mortal of yours. The one you chase so hard. What was his name? What did he say? Something about never appearing in front of you ... about you not being worthy of his attention. In fact, I believe he rather chase your mentor than you ... he sees you only as a vessel for something else. No one wants to play you, Shindo Hikaru. They want to play what's inside you, yes ... they want to play what they glimpse as Sai's genius ... but not you. Never you. Not even your parents take note of you, do they?"  
  
Hikaru felt his throat close up. Hearing each and every last one of his self doubts voiced by that perfect, cultured tone ... Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi didn't actually have to rip apart his mind to do damage.   
  
"Most of all, _ I_ do not want to play you. It would be like a mountain facing a grain of sand. You are not a worthy enough opponent for me."  
  
Hikaru closed his eyes. _ So that's it? Everyone goes to Hell, and I get stuck, like Sai, in a goban forever?_ For some reason, the fact that even the Lord of Evil did not want to play him, even if it probably meant an easy win, hurt almost as much as the fact that he failed.   
  
"Fujiwara, enough. I tire of all this. Decide which disciple you want, and be done with it. What say you?"  
  
"Shindo-kun is my deishi."   
  
Hikaru felt every last bit of air in his body leave him in a frigid exhalation.  
  
"Though much has been made of the fact that I am his sensei, so far no one has noted that I am as proud to call him my deishi as he seems to be to call me sensei. And that _ I _ would and will always want to play him as he is and as he will become."  
  
_Sai?_  
  
"And I cannot conceive of a better person to take my place in a game. Isn't that what a true sensei is for? To train his students to be better than him? Shindo Hikaru's move is not entirely out of bounds, in that respect. Though if your most excellent lordship feels that playing a weaker opponent is a dishonor to him, then I really must withdraw the game and the original bargain as well. For if Shindo-kun is not worthy to play you, than neither am I. Condemn us both again, if you must. But I stand by what he says and I've decided to let him play. As much as I would like to take his place, to take this burden from him, I cannot. His place is not mine to take. It ... never was."  
  
Hikaru blinked. A strange buzzing sounding filled his ears, as if his senses couldn't quite believe what he had just heard. "S-sai?"  
  
"How poetic of you, Fujiwara. Must I remind you, though, that your first deishi didn't do so well. And he had much more time to play that your little Shindo-kun."  
  
Sai approached steps to the dais, his bearing as unyielding as his words. "That was my fault, you grace; I failed Torajiro, as both his friend and as his sensei. I didn't let him play enough, on his own terms. Thus, he was defenseless against you. Yet Hikaru, unlike Torajiro, grasps the true meaning behind the game."  
  
Hikaru thought he felt, rather than heard, Torajiro's gasp, mainly because it matched his own. Turning, he saw the other ghost had his knees slightly bent, as if the Go saint had just barely managed to catch himself from falling. The same unreadable expression again crossed Torajiro's face, though this time it was directed at their shared mentor.  
  
If someone had told him just hours before that he could ever feel sadness for "the ghost of his old ghost", Hikaru would have laughed in their face. He didn't feel much like laughing now.  
  
Sai didn't seem to notice their reactions as he made his way up the steps. "I ... I made a mistake tonight, the same one I made many years ago, in my own time, and the same one I made again with Torajiro. I won't make it again. Hikaru can play you, Lord of Darkness, and it will be a good game."  
  
"You seem rather certain. I ** am** a god. Do you really think you know something that I don't?"   
  
"No. Please pardon me for giving you that impression, your excellency. I just remembered that you said you want his raw talent, his power -- his potential." The ghost paused. An odd sense of unease swept through Hikaru as Sai half turned, pinning him with a sharp, accessing gaze. The Go genius seemed to study him for a moment, before nodding.   
  
"It is true he is young and inexperienced. His games have not yet had a chance to mature. But his potential ..." Sai paused, before smiling faintly. "Yes. The Heart of the Game. Play him there. See for yourself."  
  
Hikaru felt his mouth go dry. From the sudden rise in whispering, he could tell that Sai had surprised most of the crowd too. _The Heart of the Game?!_  
  
"The Heart of the Game?" The Lord of the Night Unending echoed his thoughts aloud. Amatsu Mikaboshi folded his hands together, and the dark aura stilled its oily simmering for a moment. "Interesting. You really would have me play him there? Even knowing ..."  
  
"It's the only way you will ever truly see his potential. Taking him to Hell won't show you that. Like you said, the condemned cannot hold hope. Without hope, there cannot be a true game. Don't you want to see the full measure of what you're taking into your realm? And ... if you win over him in the Heart, everyone will know for certain that you are his true master. Otherwise, there will always be doubts, a questioning of your most high and excellent abilities, whispers that you could not bring him into your fold on your own. We all know, of course, that this is not true, your excellency, but ..." Sai swept his arm around, gesturing toward the waiting, watching crowd. Amatsu Mikaboshi's lips tautened into a thoughtful line.   
  
"Also, as your majesty pointed out, Shindo Hikaru is not one who will roll over easily or be dominated. Trust me on this -- he will never truly accept any master except one who beats him fairly. Surely, even at his fullest potential, you can beat a mere mortal. Even a poor player such as I manages to defeat him quite easily, night after night."  
  
Hikaru laced his fingers together, though that did not stop the rest of him from shaking. He hadn't expected Sai to take up his cause, especially not so strongly. _ Is it because he really believes in me, or is it because this is the only way to save both me and Torajiro? _  
  
In the end, though, it didn't matter.   
  
"Y-yeah, what he said!" Hikaru declared, and was gratified to find that his voice only squeaked just a little. "Play me. Play me at the Heart of the Game! One on one, just you and me."  
  
"Do you know what you ask, little boy? The Heart of the Game is Go in its truest, purest form. It is the game as you have never seen it."  
  
"If it's Go, I can do it," Hikaru said. _ I think. Just what is the Heart of the Game anyway?! And why do I think I just got myself into more trouble?_  
  
For a long time, Amatsu Mikaboshi just stared, eating at him with his dark gaze. Then, suddenly, he sat down. Before Hikaru even had a chance to glance at the original state of the goban, the Demon Lord's hand flashed forward. The resounding clicks fell like thunder in the hushed clearing as the Lord of the Autumn Star placed his four stones. Then came the soft scrape of nail against wood as he removed four. "There now. Your move, Shindo Hikaru. Just try not to retch you guts out over the goban. Unless, of course, you think you can see the game properly now."   
  
_Uh-oh. I kinda forgot ... oh crap. But maybe with Sai anchoring me ...I hope ..._  
  
"Shindo-kun ... Sai ..." Torajiro whispered. "What have you done?"  
  
Hikaru didn't reply, since he was currently wondering the same thing. The air of panicked bravado that had surrounded him was quickly evaporating, leaving only a strange, squirming sensation that made him want to find a small, dark place and hide. _ I ... I just challenged a god ... a G-GOD as in "hi, let me throw a thunderbolt and smite your itty bitty head off" kind of being to a game of ... Go. Which I probably can't see clearly._  
  
Sai said nothing. Hikaru didn't dare look at him. _ He knows my ability ...he SAID he beat me every night ... then why did he ....  
  
_Hikaru felt his knees wobble and threaten to give. But before he landed yet again on his rear, a hand quickly reached out and steadied him. Unable to avoid it, he turned and looked. Sometime between his challenge to Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi and the Demon Lord's acceptance, Sai had closed the space between them, assuming a defensive position. Torajiro stood a few steps behind them both, his expression resolute and his gaze cast downwards. Still, as Hikaru watched, the Go saint raised his head and nodded to him. Even Sugawara no Akitada had crawled closer, and there might have been something like hope scrawled upon his ravaged face. As he watched the three ghosts, Hikaru felt it again, deep within him, a sparkling warmth that startled him as much as it comforted.  
  
_Connected. I'm ... but it's ... it's not through Sai ... it's through . . ._  
  
Blinking, Hikaru met a pair of violet eyes.   
  
_... what's going on? Sai? ...._  
  
The ghost squeezed his arm reassuringly, then backed away.  
  
"It's your turn, Hikaru. I trust you. I trust you with my soul. I trust you with all our souls. No matter what happens."   
_  
_"I ... Sai ..." He didn't know what to say. He didn't know what he could say ...  
  
The ghost merely smiled slightly. "By the way ... good tenuki."  
  
"I ...." Hikaru swallowed, then bowed. "Thank you, sensei."_  
  
"_Can we hurry this up? I have other lives to destroy, other souls to condemn you know."  
_  
_Trying hard not to twitch nervously, Hikaru took a deep breath and shuffled towards the goban. He had a feeling that he was in for a rather unpleasant experience.  
  
He took his first, full look at the game.  
  
He was right.  
  
_To be continued ..._   
  
  



	13. 10a: Stars and Spears

In the Forests of the Night  
A Hikaru no Go Ghost Story  
  
As ever, to Imbrium. Only a little more, then it's cookie time!  
  
Part 10a: Stars and Spears  
  
In his short life span, Shindo Hikaru had never wondered, not even once, what it would feel like to have reality as he knew it (not to mention his stomach) turned inside out, upside down, then inverted once again, before being scooped out and laid hollow like a melon scraped clean. Quite honestly, he could have gone the rest of his mortal life without knowing.  
  
He braced himself against the ground, gulping air desperately. _I am not going to throw up on the Lord of All Evil. I AM NOT going to throw up on the Lord of All Evil. _Sai's hand on his shoulder was like a bobbing buoy in the heaving motion of his mind. He let the solid weight anchor him and the dizziness subsided slightly. But when he risked another look, the effect was still the same; hundreds upon hundreds of gobans shimmered before his eyes, as if seen through a summer haze. The grid itself was an incomprehensible spider's nest of twisting lines, and the stones, an amorphous shifting of black and white.  
  
"Problems, Shindo? Pity. We haven't even started yet, you know. Unless you want to quit and ..." though the Demon Lord left his words to trail off unfinished, the suggestion in them was enough to raise the hair on Hikaru's arms.  
  
He didn't have to respond verbally. The whimper that found its way out probably expressed his opinion about the situation more than adequately. Sai's grip on his shoulder tightened. The nausea steadied, and the cramps in his stomach eased. Hikaru carefully kept his gaze averted and lowered. He watched Amatsu Mikaboshi through a sideways glance and avoided the goban directly in front of him.  
  
Amatsu Mikaboshi stretched, then politely hid a yawn behind his sleeve. He picked up a black stone from his ke, tumbling it in his fingers, then tossed it back in. "It _is_ still your turn you know."  
  
Cold sweat beaded across Hikaru's skin. Amatsu Mikaboshi folded his arms and tilted his head. "Well? Pick up a stone."  
  
"A ... a stone?" in reflex, Hikaru glanced toward the stone bowls. Only Sai's quick grab at the back of his kimono prevented him from losing his balance as he caught sight of the goban again. Cursing softly under his breath, Hikaru leaned forward, placing both hands on his knees as he rode out discomfort.  
  
"Don't tell me you don't know _that_ much. Fujiwara, I know you're a rather lax teacher, but surely your disciple knows that a Go game includes stones." Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi sighed. Hikaru's ears reddened as chuckles erupted from the ring of watchers. "Even if we won't be using the actual stones, per se -- ah, he really doesn't know anything about the Heart of the Game, does he? I don't know whether this speaks more of his ignorance or your incompetence, since you are his sensei."  
  
"We won't be using stones?" Hikaru blushed even further when he realized he had voiced the words aloud. This time, real laughter erupted from the audienceHe had to bite his tongue in order to not retort.  
  
"No. But you need to pick up a stone to begin," Sai's voice betrayed none of the anxiety present in the shaking tension of his grip. "That's how all Go battles start, no matter where they end up."  
  
"End up?" as soon as the words left his mouth, Hikaru wanted to smack himself. For the last few minutes, his brain seemed incapable of any coherent speech beyond echoing whatever was spoken to him.  
  
"This is becoming distinctly tedious; I am getting bored." Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi twirled a few fingers at Hikaru.  
  
Hikaru ducked out of reflex. After a few blessedly agony free moments, he straightened, nervously tugging out his rumpled sleeves. By now, the snickers bubbling up from the crowd barely registered in Hikaru's consciousness.  
  
"Hikaru, it's okay; you have control right now. Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi, being one of the most high and revered of gods, is of course honoring the rules of the game and of engagement. That means until you make your move or break a rule or someone breaks the rules in your stead, he can only use his words to taunt you or tempt you. He also cannot enter your mind, nor hurt you otherwise," Sai soothed. "It'll be all right."  
  
"Oh but I do so look _forward_ to when he finally makes his move." The Lord of Evil slowly licked his lips, his eyes half hooded and predatory. Hikaru wondered how long he could hold off picking up a stone. He figured that if he handled it right, he could wrangle in a few years.  
  
"Sai ..." Hikaru mumbled the words out of the side of his mouth. He would have given almost anything to not be having this conversation in front of the entire pantheon of Japanese gods, monsters, and beings which existed where rational thought ended. "Something's wrong. I ... I still can't see the game and I feel sick. You gotta fix it somehow."  
  
In response, Sai's fingers curled tightly into the cloth of Hikaru's kimono. "With all due respect, your lordship, surely someone as great as the Lord of Autumn Star doesn't need petty mind tricks to win?"  
  
"Fujiwara, I'm a little insulted. If I was behind his current mental state, I'd leave a lot more damage than _that_ you know. He wouldn't be upright, for one thing," the Lord of the Night Unending leaned back and brought his hands together in a impressive, talon flexing arch across his chest.  
  
"Again, pardon my most unforgivable impertinence for asking, but if you're not the one ..." Sai's voice trailed off. His head bent forward slightly, and his hands unfolded his fan halfway. Hikaru recognized the signs; they were the same as the ones Sai expressed when an opponent made a slightly surprising move.  
  
"As far as I can tell, this is the result of the scrambling he and the Lord of the Kitsune attempted earlier," The Demon Lord snickered. "Rather foolish of them, really. Seems to have backfired."  
  
"Hikaru?" Sai turned toward the crowd. His fingers tightened on his fan. "Osusuki." he hissed.  
  
"Yes, it seems that a certain kitsune been very naughty," Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi shook a finger mockingly. "Don't worry, he will be punished. You all will be. Perhaps in a few moments, actually. Pick up a stone, Shindo. It won't take long."  
  
Hikaru twisted uncomfortably as he caught the assenting murmur of the crowd. His hearing wasn't quite as supernaturally keen as most in the gathering, but some of the comments were painfully audible ... and familiar. _Man, I never thought a crowd of beasties and gods could sound so much like the insei gossip circles._  
  
"Ignore them, Hikaru," Sai said. "Look at it this way, once you get through tonight, no crowd will ever bother you again."  
  
Hikaru felt a brief burst of gratitude flicker through him. Sai hadn't said "if".  
  
_But how can he still be so confident? I can't even see the game on the board!  
  
_Hikaru looked to the crowd again, but Osusuki was nowhere to be seen. The audience members who bothered to return his gaze seemed to do so half heartedly; yawns were being hidden behind fans and many of the deities were talking amongst themselves instead of paying attention. A few creatures had even nodded off, their arms, legs, and wings sagging. Directly in front of him, a large catlike creature was grooming itself, its back to the dais in an obvious feline gesture of disgust. Next to it, an elephantine deity was picking its nose with a sinuous purple tongue, apparently finding more enjoyment in doing that than in the events taking place. Other creatures were examining the state of their claws, picking at the space between their fangs, or polishing their assorted carapaces. The difference between the atmosphere that had accompanied Sai's challenge and his -- Hikaru ran a shaking hand through his hair, feeling the familiar pang of helpless anger. _They're not taking me or my game seriously ..._  
  
All those around him, judging him, finding him wanting -- his nightmare squared within a world that was a nightmare itself.  
  
Seeming to read his expression, Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi raised an eyebrow. "What did you expect? The game is just a formality. I know it. Your sensei knows it. Everyone here knows it. But, seeing as to how you are taking an abysmally long time accepting," the Lord of All Evil languidly drew a circle in the air with a finger, and a cup of tea appeared, "I hope you don't mind if I take the opportunity to have some tea before the bloodshed starts. Would you like one?"  
  
Hikaru goggled. _The Ruler of Everlasting Darkness, Mr. I-am-a-Capital-Badass, is having a tea break. In the middle of playing me for my soul, he is actually having a tea break ... and offering me a cup. _His head shook numbly, as something in his mind clicked to a stop.  
  
"Are you certain? The delicate flavor provides a most unique contrast to the, shall we say, _rougher_ aspects of what's ahead." Amatsu Mikaboshi swirled the contents gently, then blew slightly at the rising steam. It was such an ordinary act, one that Hikaru saw in his everyday life back at home. _  
  
Home_ ... Hikaru's hands curled together tightly.  
  
With a seemingly casual smirk, the Lord of All Evil brought the cup to his lips. " I should inform you that I _doubt_ I will feel very patient after I finish my cup. Though the rules of engagement state that I may not do anything to _you_ until you move ..."  
  
The Demon Lord tilted his head toward Sai and Torajiro.  
  
Hikaru gritted his teeth. Anger flared, thick and hot.  
  
"We agreed to play a game," he said. Sai shook his shoulder in warning, but he ignored it. "So I'm gonna play! You don't need to threaten anyone. And it's a VALID game, so treat it like one!"  
  
"Yes, _you're_ one to talk about proper behavior," the Lord of All Evil made a small, clicking noise with his tongue. "I would just like to be done with this farce. Pardon me if I don't think you're a challenge, but shouldn't you be used to this reaction by now?"  
  
Amatsu Mikaboshi took another long sip of his tea. "I'm almost done," he remarked as he lowed his cup.  
  
"Hikaru ..." Sai shook him again.  
  
"Sai, I'm going to need your help to play." Hikaru kept his voice low, his eyes never leaving the Demon Lord. He still trembled, but for once it was from neither cold nor fear. "You're going to have to help me see. Or at least help me place the stones. Maybe -- maybe we can play Blind Go."  
  
"Help ... help you place the stones? In Blind Go?" Sai drew backward, his expression almost comically bewildered. "Me?"  
  
"Yeah. Y'know, just calling moves out like Black 7-11. White 4-3. Like that, remember? Besides, I think you owe me a couple of games." Hikaru was surprised to find he could still grin even if the expression didn't hold much humor. In fact, it hurt just the slightest bit.  
  
"But Hikaru ... the Heart of the Game ..." Sai glanced away. "I would place the stones for you -- please believe me, I would. But Hikaru ..." He stopped, his hands twisting the fan.  
  
"What? Is it that no stones thing?" Hikaru gulped. _Okay, so I have no idea how it's supposed to be a Go game without stones, but ..._ Hikaru watched as his mentor bowed his head. "What is it? What aren't you telling me?"  
  
Sai remained silent, his gaze to the ground. Long, stomach churning seconds passed.  
  
"In the Heart of the Game, you must make your own moves," Torajiro's voice nearly made Hikaru give himself whiplash as he turned in surprise. Trapped in the depths of his own rather angsty problems, he had forgotten the Go saint was there. Torajiro's tone was flat, almost trancelike. He looked at Hikaru, but didn't seemed to see him. "No one can help you there. You must play alone."  
  
There was something in the way Torajiro spoke, something that went past sadness, past grief, past the point of pain. Hikaru had to look away.  
  
"Torajiro?" Sai rose to his feet. He glanced from Hikaru to Torajiro then back again, clearly torn between protecting one deishi and coming to the aid of the other. Hikaru wasn't quite sure what he, himself, wanted. Despite the warning gurgle in his stomach, he caught Sai's gaze and inclined his head toward Torajiro.  
  
"So the little saint squeaks up," Amatsu Mikaboshi said. "Go on, then, tell little Shindo-kun _your _impressions of playing me. Wasn't it fun? And that's without the ridiculous handicap Fujiwara gave me, which is now Shindo's burden."  
  
Torajiro did not make a single sound in reply nor did he move. His silence and his stillness, however, were answers in themselves.  
  
"Or tell him why he can't play Blind Go. He seems to think that it's his _eyes_ that are the problem." Amatsu Mikaboshi sipped delicately from his cup. "I take it that he hasn't checked the state of his mind after the pleasant little encounter he had with me earlier."  
  
Hikaru stiffened. Actually, he_ hadn't_ tried to actively picture any other past games, not with the present one looming so large in his thoughts, but now that he tried to think ...  
  
_No. _Shock made him bite deep into his bottom lip. The pain barely registered in the wake of his terror._ No. _  
  
It was like losing grasp of a language, as if he had suddenly forgotten how to read, as if all the hiragana, katakana, and kanji had become merely a collection of dark brush strokes in his head, without meaning, without sense. Only the faintest hint of what the connections _should_ mean lingered, enough for him to know that the world no longer made sense without the reference. _They're gone ..._  
  
_My games, Sai's games ... oh God. Without them, what am I?  
_  
"Nothing. Sai-- there's nothing at all," with his head down and chin tucked to his chest, Hikaru could barely hear his own voice.  
  
"Hikaru?" Sai startled query hung heavy in the air. He stepped backward, his lips tightening. "What do you mean?"  
  
Hikaru clutched at his sleeves, twisting them. Even when he hadn't been able to see the game, he had held onto the core belief that that he could find away around it, that Sai could place the stones or clear up the visual disturbance, that all the other details would fall into place. He hadn't considered that his very ability to play the game would be warped. "The memories. It's l-like I never played. Your games are gone."  
  
The violet eyes watching him blinked, the pupils growing unfocused for a moment, before sharpening.  
  
"I am _so_ glad you talked me into this, Fujiwara. And here I thought I would have to fight for his soul." Amatsu Mikaboshi remarked.  
  
Hikaru swallowed, wincing at the dryness in his throat.  
  
"I have finished my tea," long, elegant hands set the tea cup in the air, where it floated, suspended.  
  
From around them came a dry, whispering sound of innumerable feet, shuffling. A low susurration stirred the air, as if something large and ponderous had just taken a deep breath. Hikaru tensed as dark eyes narrowed in the too perfect face, and the bow shaped lips tightened, outlining the faintest hint of a fang underneath.  
  
"I ... err... I'm..." He spluttered. "I am ..." _I'm scared to play... _  
  
The world juddered to a sudden stop as he registered the thought. Though he had been scared most of the night, it had been a concrete thing -- an expected reaction to a world which could devour his very soul. But to be scared of the game itself -- he had been nervous countless times before a game, certainly, and he had lost his nerve while in play more than he wanted to admit, but he had never felt a terror that ran so deep that his very bones ached_ . I'm scared. Really knee crossing, wet myself, hand shaking **scared ...**_  
  
"Haven't you always wanted to see how you really play on your own? Now you're truly free of your sensei's shadow. Now you have your chance." Amatsu Mikaboshi leaned forward. "Just pick up a stone."  
  
_Pick up a stone?_ Hikaru's hand opened, but his arm muscles remained frozen, heavy, unable to reach out. _Sai ... what do I do? I don't remember any games! I don't remember how to play! What do I do?_  
  
Sai's expression remained shuttered and unreadable, though the half opened fan seemed to indicate he was thinking furiously.  
  
"Show us the glory of your own Go, unclouded by that of your mentor."  
  
_Sai! Do I pick up a stone? Should I? _Hikaru stared at his hands, feeling slightly betrayed by his body. He was aware that some part of him was screaming to grab a stone, come what may.  
  
He didn't move. Couldn't move. Couldn't pla ---  
  
"Loser!" the word broke over him like a crushing wave. His muscles suddenly unlocked, and he skittered backward, not stopping until his back hit a wall of rough silk. Sai. The ghost was shaking as badly as he was. "Loooseeeeer, looseeeeer!"  
  
"Fujiwara no deishi," Sugawara no Akitada exploded into scrabbling motion from his sprawling position. Just like he had forgotten Torajiro's presence until the Go saint spoke, Hikaru had ignored the former imperial tutor as well. He wished he could still do so now.

The ghost scratched fiercely against the unyielding wood of the dais with his torn nails, pulling himself crablike towards Hikaru. Sai immediately crouched, his eyes narrow and his mouth in a thin line. Hikaru was not at all shocked when he caught a glimmer of a sword at the ghost's side. Sugawara no Akitada stopped abruptly.  
  
"Fujiwara no Sai no deishi," the ancient Go tutor's words held a odd, almost sing-song cadence to them. Hikaru found he could not look long into the wasted eyes. It was like traveling down some strange, tumbling staircase, with madness threatening at every step. "You are a deishi of a loser, a loser of a deishi, you are!"  
  
Sugawara no Akitada laughed. The sound reminded Hikaru of rough water over stones, grating, scraping, and fierce. "You are the deishi of one who loses, one who lost, one who is lost. Fujiwara no Sai, the loser, the quitter, the one of the lame, but he still played me, all the same. He still played, played me, and he could not win. He knew! He still played. And you are the same."  
  
"Oh just be quiet," Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi flicked a finger in Sugawara no Akitada's direction.

The ancient go tutor shrieked shrilly, his body contorting in spine wrenching convulsions. With another quick gesture from the immaculate hand, the ghost was choked into silence; his mouth opened and shut like a freshly gutted fish, and his lips strained wide in a rictus of agony. Yet, no sounds emerged from his tortured throat. The silence made it worse. Unlike his reaction to Torajiro, Hikaru found himself unable to look away.  
  
"Hmm. You may be right after all. This torture thing is getting a little cliché. " Amatsu Mikaboshi brushed off his hands. Sugawara no Akitada collapsed into a broken, mewling heap. "I'll have to come up with something new. And I know JUST the people to try it on."  
  
Hikaru stared at sprawled, whimpering form of Sugawara no Akitada, then brought his gaze back to Sai. The ghost had picked up his fan and folded it. Sai's head was turned toward the goban, and for the first time, there was no joy in how he studied the game. Torajiro was slumped over, his eyes closed, but the haunted expression in his face was all too apparent.  
  
Hikaru could have chuckled at the irony. Haunted. All three ghosts were haunted. So much pain for the sake of a game, more than a thousand years worth ...  
  
And now he, too, was back at the beginning again, without Sai's knowledge, without any defenses -- practically blind to the very thing that condemned them all and as hopelessly trapped as any of the three ghosts. The grid of the goban might as well have been bars to a cage. _No wonder I'm scared ...  
  
We're tied to each other, but how? Why?_  
  
Blood and tears.  
  
_It all started when I saw blood and tears on the goban ..._  
  
"Fujiwara no deishi," Sugawara no Akitada keened in a voice much like the wind through the winter reeds. "Fujiwara no deishi. "  
  
Blood and tears. A curse a thousand years in the making.  
  
"Fujiwara no deishi ..."  
  
_I didn't want to play in the beginning. _  
  
He hadn't like being driven by another's obsession, hated being forced to finish something he did not begin.  
  
"Pick up a stone, Shindo Hikaru."  
  
_I don't want to play now._ He knew this as surely as he knew his name._ I don't **want** to play, not now, not ... alone ...not when I don't know if I **can** play.__  
  
But ... _  
  
He straightened into the proper playing position, shutting his eyes tightly so that the goban was blocked from his view. Though his chest tightened at the exclamations of doubt from the audience, his hand dropped down to his side, fumbling toward the Go ke. The smooth shapes of the stones felt cold against his fingers. Cage or not. Curse or not.  
  
_They still played. _Torajiro. Sai. Blood and tears.  
  
He pulled out a single stone. He held the rounded edge between his thumb and index finger for one moment, then performed the familiar flick.  
  
He opened his eyes._ And my hands still remember how to hold the stones_ .  
  
"So be it." As Amatsu Mikaboshi spoke, the world around Hikaru started to curl away, like a picture being rolled up from both ends. The goban and the dais faded out from beneath him, and a vast expanse of ash-like dust unfurled instead, flattening the lush greenery of the kitsune forest into a bleak monotony of grey, like a snowfall of shadows. A weak, milk-pale light flickered above the newly formed landscape and its ribbonlike frailty resembled a washed out parody of an aurora.  
  
Whatever he had expected, it hadn't been this. Of the crowd, of the ghosts, of even the Lord of Darkness, there was no sign. Grey ash swirled around his knees.  
  
A sudden white hot heat in his hand made him yelp and drop the stone in his hand. It fell into the dust, glowing brighter, and brighter, before it suddenly shattered, emitting a sharp, ringing sound. Hikaru surged to his feet as hundreds upon hundreds of tiny lights winked into existence and began to whirl around him, enveloping him in a shimmering column. It felt as if someone was spraying him with uncomfortably warm water, but before he could protest, the bits of brightness faded.

Looking down, Hikaru found that he was now dressed in a suit of heavy samurai armor. It reminded him of the costume Mitani had worn during the Go Club's school play. A quick touch to his head confirmed that instead of his normal bangs or the annoying loops of hair, he now had a helmet on top of his head. When he dropped his hands to his side, something suspiciously like a sword hilt met his grasp.  
  
"What the He -- where the Hel-- IS THIS HELL?!" He blurted. "Whaaaaaa?"  
  
Hikaru backed away as a dark haze began to gather in front of him. Within moments, the smoky form had condensed into the solid shape of the Lord of All Evil. And to Hikaru's unbounded horror, Amatsu Mikaboshi appeared almost all _too_ real, especially when cast against the phantom like atmosphere of the grey plains. His shadow rippled strangely, almost as if it was alive, and there was a odd glow to his armor, almost as if it was repelling light as much as reflecting it. His eyes, though, remnants of a time when the universe knew nothing of life or light, were the same.  
  
Without a word, the Lord of Evil unsheathed his sword. The half-twilight glow that filled the grey plain drew a dull line of light down the edge of the black blade. Hikaru's eyes widened as the Lord of Hell strode forward a few steps. The very tip of the katana came to rest above his heart. Even given the protection of his armor, an icy chill spread through Hikaru at the point of contact.  
  
Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi leaned forward, just a little. The sword tip dug in ever so lightly, but it was the smile, spread thin like skin over something half starved, that made Hikaru stumble.  
  
"Welcome to the Heart of the Game, Shindo Hikaru."  
  
_continued in Part 10b . . ._


	14. 10b: With their tears

In the Forests of the Night  
A Hikaru no Go Ghost Story  
  
**Part 10b**: With their tears ...  
  
He must have stared at the Lord of the Autumn Star for a long time. At least, it had to have been long enough for his mouth to go dry. Long enough for his muscles to cramp from staying in one position. Long enough that his skin no longer registered the touch of the dark sword against his armor.  
  
For his part, Amatsu Mikaboshi remained silent, his sword point at Hikaru's heart, cold eyes never blinking. Then, as if response to some unknown signal, the Demon Lord's posture shifted, lithe muscles rippling under the golden armor as his entire body tautened. It was a stance Hikaru was all too familiar with, one he saw, night after night, right before Sai cut him in half. He had a feeling that this time, however, the action would not be a symbolic one.  
  
"Draw your sword."  
  
The clipped, precise tone forbade anything but instant, instinctive obedience. However, the blade wouldn't move, no matter how forcefully Hikaru tugged at it. He released the hilt, wiping his sweaty palms against the rough edges of his armor. "H-hang on ... I c-can't s-seem to get it out ..."  
  
"You pass?"  
  
"What?! I'm n-not pas--" No time. No warning. Mid-word, the dark katana arced back, outline blurring in the air as it head straight for his head.  
  
Something shoved him hard. A metallic shriek rent the air even as he crashed face first into the dust. Choking, spluttering, Hikaru scrambled upright scrubbing frantically at his eyes.  
  
_Sai!_ The ghost towered above him, sword unsheathed, arms trembling in a hilt to hilt lock with the Demon Lord.  
  
"Forgive me, your majesty, but he did not pass." Sai threw all of his slight weight forward, managing to gain a small measure of space, enough so that Hikaru could bolt to relative safety. Something familiar stirred Hikaru's memory. Something about light, and stars, and swords.  
  
Within heartbeats, however, Amatsu Mikaboshi regained the lost ground. Hikaru lurched out of the way as Sai crashed to his knees, seeming to keep hold of his own blade by the thinnest of miracles.  
  
_SAI!_ Using both hands, Hikaru yanked at his sword; the metal refused to slide the slightest inch out of the sheath. _  
  
Gottadosomethinggottadosomethinggottasavesai!_  
  
"Your lordship! I am merely fulfilling my duty. I am his sensei. I must guide him. Follow him. This bond, this duty was given to me by Kami-sama himself. Are you saying that wish to go against .... " Sai's words rushed together frantically, then slowed. "If I am wrong, then I willingly take my punishment." The violet eyes lowered submissively.   
  
_SAI!_ Giving up on the sword, Hikaru raked his hands across his armor, searching for something else to help. _ DAMN!__ It FIGURES that I'd have a sword that doesn't work!_ he howled mentally, angry beyond the ability to give his thoughts voice.  
  
To Hikaru's immense surprise and relief, Amatsu Mikaboshi merely narrowed his eyes. Abruptly, the dark sword twisted, sending Sai's katana to slide off to the side and causing the ghost to tumble forward at the sudden release of pressure. The ease with which the god performed the maneuver -- _ he could've done that at any time._ Sai regained his footing relatively quickly, but fortunately for the ghost, the Lord of Darkness didn't resume his attack.  
  
Sai, Hikaru acknowledged, would have lost if he did. Sai slowly backed away, his weapon held point down and to his side. Hikaru nearly bit through his tongue as he fully took in the ghost's appearance. Instead of his usual robes, Sai was now dressed in the same kind of armor that Hikaru found himself in. Hikaru edged closer to his friend, stopping only when his arm brushed the hard edge of Sai's shoulder guard.  
  
Sai did not acknowledge the contact. "I am here to ensure it is a fair game, your majesty."  
  
"And if it's not?" Amatsu Mikaboshi asked. A corner of that perfect mouth quirked upwards.  
  
Hikaru nearly lost his balance as Sai's blade gracefully swung up to rest at the unprotected point just under his chin. His jaw would have dropped open as well, but luckily the helmet's chin strap held it in place.  
  
"Play him fairly, your majesty, or play him not at all."  
  
"I see." If anything, the Demon Lord looked even more amused, almost as much as the time when Hikaru had first encountered him, back at the beginning of the feast. "Sacrifice your own deishi? I wouldn't have thought you to be that ruthless."  
  
"If he will not, then I will," another voice joined them." It will be a fair game."   
  
Hikaru peered around Sai._ Torajiro ..._  
  
Sai took a step forward, although he remained within a blade's distance of Hikaru. "Torajiro! This is not your fight. This place -- it's not for you."  
  
Torajiro bowed politely at his mentor. "I have been to Hell. This place ..." his lips compressed into a thin line, "can hardly be worse."  
  
For his part, Amatsu Mikaboshi didn't even bother to acknowledge or dismiss the Go saint. He merely turned toward Hikaru again. The demon blade tilted upwards, pausing at where the pulse throbbed heavily in his throat. Hikaru heard a stirring of air, and the faint flutter of movement came from somewhere just off to his side, but neither Sai nor Torajiro tried to stop the Demon Lord.  
  
"Draw your sword."  
  
Eyes fixed on the dark blade before him, Hikaru's hand automatically strayed toward his own hilt. Fingers fumbling at the braided surface, he tried yet again to tug the sword from the sheath. It wouldn't move. _It's STUCK! SHIT!_  
  
"No," a hand suddenly covered his fingers, stilling the attempt. "Don't make a move. Not until you're ready," Sai said.  
  
"But ..." Throwing both Sai and Torajiro a wild look, Hikaru's heartbeat stuttered, certain that one or both would soon be screaming in pain. "What about ...him?" He jerked his chin towards Amatsu Mikaboshi.  
  
As if in answer, the Lord of Night Unending merely tilted his head to the side, never taking his eyes from Hikaru's face. _ He's not going to threaten us? _ Hikaru blinked.  
  
Realization pulsed through him, growing stronger with each heartbeat._ He doesn't need to ...._ The relaxed air of casual cruelty had vanished, as had the aura of the cold cultivation, and the consistent, poison filled taunting. The katana never moved. Hikaru felt as if he was falling, plummeting top over tail into a chasm that had neither a beginning nor an end.  
  
_"It's about stars ... and he's not ...."_ A tiny voice, from a long forgotten night. Defiant. Knowing, in a way that Hikaru had not understood until that moment.  
  
And he thought he had known fear before. Fear, terror, and horror were pitifully inadequate to describe what he felt now.  
  
"The game is in play." The sword drifted upward, the thin blade caressing the vulnerable skin of Hikaru's cheek. The soft hairs near the swell of his jawline tingled. " And there is only one end now."  
  
"Each move has a price here," Sai voice burred loudly in Hikaru's ear, though Hikaru was certain that the ghost was merely whispering. The grip on his fingers strengthened to the point of pain. "No matter what he does, don't make a move until you know what you're doing."  
  
_Sai ... _The hovering blade followed the movement of Hikaru's throat as he swallowed thickly._ When have I ever known what I'm doing?!_  
  
"Not until you know." Sai's crushing grip tightened even further.  
  
Hikaru's eyes never left the dark blade before him. He could barely nod his head to Sai; nearly every muscle in his body had bunched tight. _ What does he mean, not until I know? Know what? That I am a hopelessly outmatched idiot for challenging a god? _  
  
"Do you pass?" The sword point edged closer, millimeter by millimeter. The absolute control behind the grip was just as terrifying as if the Demon Lord had swung wildly at his head. "You know now what you face. What you lack."  
  
_I'm going to die, aren't I?_  
  
Strange, how he had spent nearly two years with a ghost, and never once thought of his own death ... or what came after. A bitter taste filled his mouth and the beat of his heart rose a deafening crescendo. The dark blade drew back.  
  
"No," he whispered. "I don't pass. I'll play."  
  
The Lord of Evil's smile was a cold, cutting thing. The blade dropped forward. Again, there was no time to think. No time to duck. No time to flee.  
  
But there was no firelike flash of pain either. No arcing trail of blood, laying bare his throat. Instead, Amatsu Mikaboshi swept his sword to his own forehead, in a mocking half-salute.  
  
Hikaru could only swallow dryly. His right hand clutched at his useless blade.  
  
"I am waiting," with another half bow, the Lord of the Dark Everlasting vanished.  
  
Hikaru's knees buckled, sending him to kneel in the ash. He stayed there for a moment, his hands sifting aimlessly through the gritty grey powder, his mind blank. Faintly, he heard the metallic scrape of another sword being sheathed.  
  
"Hikaru?" Hands pulled at his arms, trying to tug him upright. He merely allowing gravity to take a further hold of him, sagging away. In response, the hands changed position, trying to supporting his slumping weight. "He's gone and he cannot return, not until you truly engage him in battle. It's safe."  
  
"Shindo-kun? Are you all right?"  
  
The hands shook him, first gently, then roughly, until finally they jarred loose the shocked words that had been building silently within him. "Hikaru! SAY something!"  
  
"I have to fight him with a sword?!" Some distant part of him noted that his tone had taken a rather hysterical edge. "I thought we were going to play GO!"  
  
"Hikaru ...."  
  
"You have GOT to be KIDDING me! SWORDS?!" Hikaru pounded the ground. It actually felt good, so he did it again, sending a plume of dust swirling around him. "H-heart of the Game my ASS! It's more like I'm stuck in some stupid game anime! Actually, this whole NIGHT is straight out of a bad anime plot! There's the random scene switching and let's not talk about the freaky costume changes that make no sense or the cheesy names for things! This ... this is NOT GO! It's NOT supposed to be all ...."  
  
Hikaru's hand fell to his sword hilt. "Battle-ish! What am I supposed to do now? Collect a pack of magic cards?! Throw something and say Incredible Go-mon, I choose YOU?! I'm n-not a h-hero. I c-can't f-fight with swords. I'm just S-shindo Hikaru."  
  
He stopped short at the stammer that suddenly appeared in his voice. Hikaru's voice faded his hands fidgeted over the unfamiliar surfaces of the armor, unable to keep still. For the first time, he felt the heavy, inflexible weight on his shoulders, felt the unwieldy edges and curves. "I'm just Shindo Hikaru. All I know is how to play Go. And this, this isn't Go."  
  
Sai's movements were slow and careful as he came to kneel in front of Hikaru again. "Calm down. I understand. I--I, myself, feel a little overwhelmed." The ghost straightened A mixed look of fear and wonder twisted across the normally serene face. "But can't you feel it? Do you remember what it was like when we played together? In your mind, we used swords then. It's still Go. You just have to look beyond the surface."  
  
"What surface?! There's not a goban, or lines, or anything! It's just a bunch of dust and ashes!" Hikaru grabbed a handful of the grey powder and threw it, watching it scatter in the still air.  
  
"Ashes?" Sai abruptly drew both of his hands to his chest level, as if forming a makeshift shield with his fingers. "You see ... just ashes?"  
  
Unconsciously, Hikaru mimicked the action, spreading his hands over his own heart. "Well, wh-what do you see?"  
  
Sai's face became blank. Torajiro's eyes widened.  
  
"What do you see?" Hikaru repeated. He shouldered out of Sai's grasp. "What is it? You both see something, don't you? Something I can't."  
  
He paused, cupping his face with both his nerveless hands. "I STILL can't see the game?! I have to play that ... that ... Lord of .. that .. THING, and it's still screwed up? _ I'm_ still screwed up! And I have to play a screwed up GOD! Oh shit! I'm so screwed!"  
  
"No," Sai's tone sounded low and firm. "No, you aren't. In this place, the level of play -- the world itself -- is based on the potential and the talent of the players involved ... you shouldn't be having a problem here, no matter _what _ Osusuki did to you. He can't take that away from you."  
  
"My talent..." Hikaru stared at his hands. "Oh."  
  
Sai knelt next to him. "Wait, it's not what you think--"  
  
"Okay, so what AM I supposed to think?"_ My talent. My potential. Without the memories of our games ..._ "All I see is ashes."  
  
Nothing but ashes, and the memory of that smile, cold and cutting. "He knew. That's what he meant, isn't it? That's why no one takes my game seriously."  
  
"Hikaru," Sai reached out, flinching as Hikaru pushed him away again.  
  
Hikaru might have smiled. He might not have. He just knew that he couldn't cry, no matter how much the tears threatened. "I've doomed us all, haven't I? Ever since I stepped into this forest. Since I saw that stupid goban in my grandfather's attic. I can't play a g-god. I can barely play real people!"  
  
"That's not true! Hikaru ... you can play. And we aren't condemned yet. What has happened is not a curse. It's a blessing."  
  
"For who? From who? Blood and tears, Sai. If it was something good, wouldn't it have been, I don't know, daisies or something? It's a CURSE!"  
  
Sai stilled completely. The ghost's hands lowered.  
  
"Hikaru, you can't mean that," he rasped.  
  
Hikaru looked away. "I ..." _The games aren't there anymore. And when I saw that blade, when it nearly took my head off, I knew that -- _ "I-I always wanted to know if I'd be anything without your games. And I found out, didn't I? Dust and ashes. "  
  
Lowering his gaze, Hikaru took a hitching breath, then plowed on. "Look. It's not really your fault. You didn't get to play the way you wanted either, in the end. I can't remember the games we had together, but for some weird reason, I do remember one of the first times you ever played ... well, it's not really me remembering ... but back when you were a kid, I saw you play. But I think .... the you back then ... why do you play now, Sai? Tell me, when you teach me, is it to help me really learn Go or is it because there is no other way for you to play?"  
  
Sai said nothing.  
  
"You lost the reason why you played in the first place, and maybe -- maybe I never had a good reason. Without you, maybe I'm not supposed to play." Exhausted, Hikaru bent forward, closing his eyes. This time, no hands came forward to try to support him. "If that's not a curse, I don't know what is. I'm tired. Tired of the game hurting so much, not just you, not just me ... not even just tonight."  
  
"I'm so tired. An' my sword's stuck. Couldn't even defend myself," he added as an afterthought. "I don't know anything about swords! No one ever taught me about swords ..."  
  
The whisper of cloth swishing met his ears, as well as what might have been a raspy, shaking sigh. Footsteps, muffled against the dust, faded away.  
  
"Shindo-kun ..."  
  
"Go away." Hikaru curled into himself as tight as his armor would allow him to. It wasn't tight enough.  
  
He knew that a part of him utterly hated what he had just said, that a part of him wanted to rip himself apart for how much he had just hurt his best friend.  
  
And part of him acknowledged the bits of truth inherent as well.  
  
Lost deep within his misery and self pity, it took Hikaru a little while to notice the sound. It started softly, like the slow swinging creak of a rusty gate, before growing louder and louder, until its harsh screeching echoed ceaselessly in the empty air.  
  
Laughter.  
  
Hikaru didn't have enough emotion left in him for surprise or alarm. The best he could manage was a numb sort of acceptance as Sugawara no Akitada slowly appeared, rolling around in the dust, nearly convulsing in his glee. Shreds of his tattered kimono unraveled around the Imperial tutor, and pale, sagging flesh could be seen in the great rents of cloth.  
  
"Clever boy! Clever, clever, CLEVER boy!" Sugawara howled. He was missing most of his teeth, Hikaru noted faintly, and there was a strange, wet sucking sound to his words. His mouth was a little more than a ragged, empty hole. "Don't need that loser, don't need him, don't need Fujiwara!"  
  
The ghost levered to his feet, his head at an odd angle, his motions stilted and marionette like... yet still ... still somehow radiating a strangely compelling power.  
  
"Stay away from me!" Hikaru tried to get up, but failed. His legs felt frozen.  
  
The ancient Go tutor tottered forward, step by step, a wide leer slashing across his ravaged face. "I'm a sensei, too! The best in the court, I alone! I can show you how to play the Devil's game. Fujiwara never taught you that, did he? Sugawara can."  
  
Hikaru threw up both of his hands in a desperate warding gesture. "You cheated! And you went to Hell for that! Why would I want learn from you?"  
  
"Cheated? Went to Hell?" Sugawara no Akitada stopped, his arms swinging loosely at his sides as if their connecting strings had been cut. "Yes. I did. Been there. Done that. Quite fun too. Not the Hell part, but the winning part. I didn't mind the cheating part either, oh no, oh no, but the other part, the Hell part ... Listen to me Listen."  
  
For a moment, the mad, spiraling eyes cleared, and Hikaru found himself pinned by a sharp, amber gaze. "Listen. Cheating wasn't the problem. _ Isn't _ the problem. Don't you want to win? You can't, you know. Not Fujiwara no Sai no deishi. You _ can't._ Not against a God. You are a deishi of a loser, a loser of a deshi you are! But I can change that. Be Sugawara no Akitada no deishi. Be my deishi."   
  
The long moment seemed frozen, captured under glass. Hikaru stared at those eyes, unable to break away. The ancient Go tutor took one last step forward. The edge of his rotting kimono brushed Hikaru's knees, and a dry, musty scent of mold and decay followed in his wake. Hikaru panted in soundless terror the slavering mouth yawned open above him. "I play to win. I know, I _ know_ Go. It iswaswillbe of swordsdeathblood. And I _ always_ win. "  
  
Somewhere in those long, rambling moments as Sugawara circled but did not quite touch lucidity, Hikaru knew that, once upon a time, this was a man capable of killing with the game. Could still, if he chose, do more than enough damage, especially when the game itself took the form of swords and bloodshed.  
  
Most of all, he knew that this man could teach him to do the same.   
  
Hikaru's decision came without hesitation. "No."  
  
The ghost of Sugawara no Akitada straightened. Eyes wide, sagging arms akimbo, he lurched toward Hikaru. A whining shriek emerged from the frothing lips. The sound may have encompassed words, but Hikaru had no chance to even guess at a possible meaning as the former imperial tutor lunged at him. Despite his frail appearance, Sugawara no Akitada still had all the strength of an enraged beast as he hammered Hikaru into the dust. Bony fingers clawed toward Hikaru's scabbard.   
  
His arms straining, his entire body twisting, Hikaru fought to keep those scrabbling hands away from his face, away from his sword, away from _ him_. A long, sinewy hand escaped Hikaru's grasp and enclosed around the sword hilt at his waist.  
  
With a throat scraping yell, Hikaru dug his nails into the soft, rotting flesh, trying to rip away Sugwara's grip. A stream of light erupted forth from Sugawara's hand, racing down the length of the sword. Despite Hikaru's efforts, the blade began to slide free. If the sword left the scabbard . . .  
  
NO! Without thinking, Hikaru's right hand moved to seize the exposed blade, stopping its progress, even as his left rammed outward, smashing into slavering face above him. He had a moment's respite, then the spindly weight slammed into him again, forcing all the air out of his lungs. His vision began to dim and curve at the edges.  
  
"Leave him ALONE!" The body above him was abruptly jerked away, leaving him gasping and heaving. Rolling to his knees, Hikaru gagged, his eyes streaming as he coughed. His left hand closed around his right, and he felt a warm, sticky wetness coat both hands. Swallowing back bile, he forced his left hand to release his right and reached awkwardly toward his scabbard. He shoved the exposed blade back in. To his relief, his sword had not truly left the casing. But the metal felt different now, crackling slightly against his skin as if electrified. _ What did he do to it?! Sai! HELP ME!_  
  
"Shindo-kun! Are you all right?"  
  
_That's not Sai's voice._ He looked up. _Torajiro?_  
  
Unarmed, unadorned save for a white tunic similar to what a battlefield healer might wear, Torajiro now crouched beside him. Hikaru was relieved to note that Sugwara no Akitada had retreated somewhat, though he was still too close for comfort. Though not exactly fearful, Sugwara seemed to want to keep a healthy distance from the snapping blue aura that now flared around the Go saint. Hikaru, too, slid a few inches backwards. He remembered all too well what he had faced when Torajiro first became angry. Judging by looks alone, Torajiro was well beyond enraged. "What did you do to him, Sugwara-san?"  
  
Sugawara no Akitada stuck out his slimy tongue and waggled it. "You don't scare me, oh no, oh no. Not you, Go saint, the non-player. Wimp! Tell me, tell us, how did you go down? Tell us, pleasies. On a cross? By stones? In a river of bones? Not that kind of saint? No. How did you lose? Tell us. It's important, it is."  
  
"I don't deny I couldn't win," inexplicably, Torajiro's aura died down to a normal flicker, "but for one game, winning has never been important to me."  
  
"Then what is, Go-oey Saint? You didn't save Fujiwara. And you think you can keep _me_ from _him_? " the snaking tongue darted forward again, lapping at Sugawara's top lip in a horridly obscene gesture. "I always get my way in the end. Ask Fujiwara, if you don't believe. I alone, at the court, I alone was the best. Ask Fujiwara! Ask him! But where is he, my lovely, my only, my scaredy-cat foe? Ran away again, Fujiwara did? Once to a river, once to a goban, and now to Hell. I won, you know, and he couldn't take that. I won! I alone! I always win, in the end."  
  
"And look where that led you."  
  
"And where did your path of goody-goody-ness lead you? Same. Stalemate, Go saint. You played for the people, I played for myself, and it's still the same." Sugawara no Akitada chortled wildly, small brown eyes slitting in mirth.  
  
"You cannot help him. Fujiwara cannot help him. He needs to win. For that, he needs _me_ . Hehe, too bad I'm not all here. I can lose myself sometimes. But I don't ever _lose_. Little boy, clever little boy, you can't deny it, no you can't. You feel something between us, you're connected to me, yes. You understand that sacrifices have to be made. You never would've run away to a river, all alonely, no. You would have fought me, yes. You want to be the best, yes. Prove yourself, yes. I can _ feel_ it in you. Like hunger."  
  
Clutching his bleeding right hand tight against his chest, Hikaru gritted his teeth, refusing to reply.  
  
"Fight or die, die or fight. The only way out is to play. You know this, you feel this, like me. Fight or die. Fight and die," humming the words, Sugawara rocked back and forth, scrubbing a hand through his lank hair repeatedly.  
  
"Die or fight. Die and fight. I know this, I've always known this. He never understood, Fujiwara, no. My only hope is trained by a fool who didn't fight back, who lost himself in a river! Maybe this is another vision of Hell, here to taunt me? My only hope, taught by a loooooser ... but I can still do it, teach him to win. He's a fighter, like me! And you _ know_ what I can do."  
  
"Enough. Please be quiet, Sugawara-san," Torajiro's said softly. Politely. But something in the Go saint demeanor made Hikaru take notice.  
  
"Neener poopies, why should I listen to you? You and runaway Fujiwara. Nope."  
  
"Sai is not here because I asked him to stay away. I thought it might not be wise, since he also has a sword, if he came near you now." Hikaru blinked at the revelation.  
  
"Hiding behind his skirts again? Oooo." Sugawara giggled.  
  
"Nor did I want to upset him if I had to ---" pausing, Torajiro seemed to be searching for the right word. Hikaru backed away as the light enveloping the ghost flickered. "I have been to Hell, and Sai doesn't like thinking about that. But yes, I know what you can do. Do you know what I can do?"  
  
Torajiro tilted his head. His aura turned a pale, silver blue. Sugawara froze.  
  
"So please be quiet, Sugawara-san. No more."  
  
"He still has to fight, Santy Go Saint. Fight or die. Die and fight. And for that, he needs me, needs the cheaty beater. Otherwise, there is only one endsies for him," Hikaru tensed Sugawara turned to face him again. Deep within the craggy face, amber eyes sharpened once more. Torajiro drew himself upward, taking one, measured step toward the former Imperial tutor.  
  
"Only one end. Well, we're all mad here," Sugawara no Akitada shrugged jerkily, one shoulder at a time. "But I think I'm going to be mad over there. Good day."  
  
With a suprisingly graceful bow, the tutor rapidly slinked off to the side. He stopped about twenty meters away from them, waved cheerfully, then plopped to the ground and stuck his pinkie in his ear.  
  
"I ... I think my brain just broke," Hikaru mumbled to himself. "Yup. Really think some screws have fallen out. If I shake my head, I think I hear a rattle."  
  
At his side, Torajiro slowly relaxed, letting out a long sigh, even if he didn't technically breathe. "Shindo-kun, are you all right? Sai would be here too, but like I said, I don't think it'd be wise. Sugawara might have become even more agitated, and while Sai is normally a peaceful soul ... at any rate, bloodshed should be avoided here if possible."  
  
Hikaru stared at his hand. "Too late."  
  
Torajiro dropped to his knees in front of Hikaru. "Shindo-kun! I didn't know -- let me look. I should have stopped Sugawara soo--"  
  
"I did it myself to myself," Hikaru heard himself babbling, as if from a great distance. Everything had assumed a rather fuzzy quality. He wasn't quite sure he liked it. "It's kinda stupid. I grabbed the sharp end. That was _real_ stupid. I don't know much 'bout swords, but even I know you shouldn't grab the pointy ends."  
  
Torajiro didn't reply as he hastily ripped off a part of his under tunic. "Let me see."  
  
In reflex, Hikaru clutched his hand closer to his chest, hissing as the cut burned even more.  
  
"Please, Shindo-kun. I can help. I want to help."  
  
"It's okay, it's fine, I can fix it." Hikaru shook his head numbly. "It's okay. Really."  
  
"Let me help. Please." Torajiro offered his hand. "Whatever it is I have said or done ... put it aside. We are in the same predicament and we are more alike, perhaps, than you know. Please."  
  
The wound burned, sharp and fierce. Torajiro's gaze seemed to hold the same fire. Slowly, Hikaru extended his damaged hand. The Go saint took it gently, as if handling something that could break apart with a breath.  
  
"You're gonna get blood all over your pretty tunic," some disjointed part of him apologized.  
  
"It will not be the first time," Torajiro replied. Hikaru winced as the ghost dabbed at the wound with the cloth, then squeezed it tightly.  
  
"OW!" The pain helped clear the fuzziness.  
  
"I know it hurts, but I need to stop the -- there we go now. This is pretty deep; it may require stitches, though I think a quick dressing should suffice temporarily. It's a clean cut, and it'll heal, given time," the Go saint's touch was skillfully light, though his fingers froze, ever so slightly, as he reached the end of his sentence.  
  
"But I don't have a lot of that, huh?" Hikaru curled his free hand into a ball. "I'm kinda surprised Lord Kickmeintheballs has left us alone for so long."  
  
"Outside time has little meaning in here," Torajiro said as he wrapped the wound. "And he has no choice. The rules of engagement are clear. And Sai and I will make sure that he abides by them." He tugged the cloth tight, then deftly tied it off.  
  
"Owww!" Hikaru hissed again.  
  
"Sorry," Torajiro's fingers moving soothingly over the bandaged area. "I'm sorry ... I don't want to hurt you."  
  
"I know," Hikaru said, touching the bandage himself. "Really. I know. It's not you. It just ... happens, sometimes. Hurting people, I mean. 'Round me and my mouth, 'specially. I really didn't want to ... and I kinda feel bad about ... Kinda. Really bad."  
  
He glanced in the direction Sai had taken, but there was no sign of the ghost. "I didn't want to..."  
  
"Sai knows, Shindo-kun, even if he is a little upset at the moment," Torajiro said, seeming to successfully piece together the broken fragments what Hikaru had said (and hadn't said). "And I must apologize as well for leaving you alone with Sugawara. I won't let it happen again."  
  
"But why?" Hikaru took a deep breath. "Why is he here? And no offense, but why are _you _ here? How are you here? Sai, I kinda understand. But you an' ol' Screwloose?"  
  
"I don't know," Torajiro said. "Like Sugawara no Akitada mentioned, there is a connection. I feel it too. Of what, by what, I can only guess. Something about you, perhaps, calls to us. Something that not even Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi can stop."  
  
"Me? I don't think so," Hikaru snorted. He gestured around at the grey plains that stretched before him. Not the exact settings he would ever choose to have a heart to heart with his fellow deishi, with their mentor still absent and a madman watching. But the night had more than just changed his perception of what was "strange". "I still don't know what you see. Maybe, if you can tell me I could see ... something. Or at least understand."  
  
"I don't know if that'd would help," Torajiro said, his voice soft. "I couldn't win." He pulled his knees up to his chest, and rested his chin on his folded arms. "But ... I didn't lose either."  
  
Hikaru raised his own head. "WHAT?!"  
  
"Seki. A seki formed, at the very end of the game," the Go saint's shoulders slumped. "I couldn't break it, not without destroying myself totally in the process."  
  
"But a seki means ... you TIED with the LORD of EVIL!?" Stunned, Hikaru rocked backwards. "You tied with a GOD! You ... you CAN play!"  
  
"I never said I couldn't _play_. I _ chose _ not to play, Shindo-kun. There's a difference. But the one time I did choose ... I did not win. Could not win." Torajiro laced his fingers together, and closed his eyes. "You have to win over evil, to make it count. Just merely forcing a draw is not enough. And that's my Hell. Forced, eternally, to play a game I cannot lose, cannot win ... really, where I cannot make any play. Given how I've lived my life before . . . I think you can understand the irony. To be alone, unable to move forward, unable to go back ... that's the Devil's Game, and I don't know how to help you avoid it. Perhaps you're blessed by not seeing it the way I do. Or perhaps ... you may need Sugawara no Akitada after all."   
  
Hikaru sucked in a breath through his teeth, trying to imagine an eternal game, without rest, without pause. _ What would happen if I never make a play? Never drew my sword?_  
  
"It won't help," Torajiro replied as if he had heard Hikaru's thought's aloud. "If you are thinking that you can avoid playing. That would be a Hell in and of itself to you, I wager, given your nature. To be trapped here, knowing that there is something you can't see, that you can't understand, thinking your abilities have failed you --"  
  
"Thanks for reminding me," Hikaru scowled.  
  
"No. I didn't mean it that way." Torajiro shook his head. "To be honest, I understand, somewhat. I wanted to play at first, you know. "  
  
Curious at the non sequitor, Hikaru blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "Huh?! You just said ..."  
  
"My mother taught me the game. We would play together, just she and I, in our house by the sea in Onomichi. It was a simple life. My father was a merchant, you see, and just successful enough so that I saw little of him. In my earliest memories, it was just my mother and me."  
  
Hikaru wriggled nervously._ Crud, we_ are_ more alike than you know. _  
  
Torajiro paused, studying him, then nodded slightly.  
  
"It was a simple life, but to me, it was my whole world. The games were merely a part of that. An accent, perhaps. Reminiscent of the touch of salt that enhances the presence of other flavors. But I began to grow stronger in the game," Torajiro's voice never changed its inflection. He gave Hikaru a small smile that was neither sad nor bitter, but at most, was wistful.  
  
"She was so delighted when I could beat her. It made her so happy. So I kept attempting to progress higher. Kept playing. Kept winning. When I was six, my mother invited the local damiyo, Lord Asano, to visit. It was an exceedingly rare opportunity. I won the game I had against him, though he gave me a five stone handicap. I won, and he offered me a place as a member of his household. My mother accepted the proposal. She made me promise to always play my best. I only saw her twice after that, though we both still lived in the same town."  
  
Pausing, Torajiro spent a moment adjusting his robes, then folded his arms again. "When I met Sai, I remember being amazed that there was actually could be someone even more sad than I was about the game. Only he was sad because he wanted to play, while I ..."  
  
The ghost shrugged. "I have a talent for the game, Shindo-kun. I am not being immodest when I say it is a great talent. But what is talent without a heart behind it? I never wanted anything more than to be able to play in a small house by the sea," Torajiro closed his eyes. "Sai gave me a heart, and a purpose, after I had given up. He seemed understand how I felt about having to leave home, and he helped me understand why my mother ... did what she did. In return, I let him play. It was the only time he found peace, in the beginning. And in his path, in his happiness, I found mine, as well."  
  
Torajiro shifted forward onto his knees. Hikaru found himself doing the same. "I couldn't play for myself. But I could play for him, as I did once for my mother. And through him, I could keep my promise. It made sense, in a way. Why else was I given this talent, after all, but not the drive to play? I was destined to meet him, to help him on his way."  
  
Unable to find the right words, Hikaru traced the edges of the bandage around his hand. He tried to imagine what it would have been like, to have talent but not to have urge to use it. He still couldn't quite grasp the idea though.  
  
Torajiro looked up, and Hikaru felt his breath catch. "I was also very arrogant. I thought I had the power to_ save_ him. But tonight ... after meeting you, I think ... I know I was wrong."_  
  
I don't get it. What does he mean?! Why is he telling me his life story? _  
  
The complexity of it all made his head spin. "Look, you're a super good guy for what you did, okay? This mess we're in now proves you were right. Without Sai's games, we're all screwed. I can't see the game! You were right from the start. I should've let him play all my games."  
  
"No, Shindo-kun, that's not what I'm saying." The Go Saint bowed contritely. "I am sorry for burdening you with this, especially now, when you face a crisis of your own. But -- don't you understand? I can see the Heart of the Game, yes, for I have the talent. But playing and winning requires something else. And you have that. I believe you can see the game. What's more, you can play." Each word was spoken with a quiet conviction.  
  
"Run that by me again?" Hikaru spluttered.  
  
"If even I can see it, you _must_ be able to. We both have great talent, otherwise Sai would have never appeared to us. Where we differ is that you truly have played on your own. That should give you an advantage that I never had. I could see the game, I could play it, but I couldn't win. I didn't realize until I met you, why that might be. I was so used to trying to save people. Or having them save me. But it doesn't work that way."  
  
"But it doesn't work my way either! I can't remember a single strategy." Hikaru insisted. "All of his games are gone!"  
  
"But something of the game _must_ still exist between you two; otherwise I doubt we'd be able to follow you into the Heart of the Game itself. Even if it's like ... this," The wavering quality to Torajiro phrasing gave Hikaru pause.  
  
"You're not talking about the ashes and the dust, are you?"  
  
"No. Please forgive me for putting this so bluntly, but do you really, truly want to see the game?"  
  
"What?!" Hikaru stared at the Go Saint. "What do you think I've been trying to do since I got here?!"  
  
The ghost paused, his expression hesitant. "Forgive me once more, but trying and wanting are not the same. I ... I of all people should know. I think that, well, your memories may have nothing to do with inability to see the game. You must _ want_ to see it first."  
  
Torajiro grew quiet. He folded his hands in front of him. "I'm sorry. I wish I could have ... but that's neither here nor there. If you truly want to see the game, perhaps ... well, I have spent my life watching Sai's games. A lifetime teaching his games to my students. Strange, isn't it? Over the years, I've never wanted to play, but I loved teaching about the brilliance in aftermath of his games. The game before you now was his at first. Perhaps I can help you see what I spent my life observing and teaching. Will you let me try?"  
  
His throat dry too dry for words, Hikaru nodded mutely.  
  
"For now, don't think of the game before you. Don't think about what you've lost. Don't think about any game at all. Let everything settle, become still. Take a deep breath. Good. Close your eyes."  
  
"I want you to picture where you would play Sai, night after night. Shh, no, I'm not asking you to think of a specific game. I know it hurts you when you do, " the touch to Hikaru's shoulder was gentle, and it stilled the last of his nervous shifting.  
  
"Just think about the events surrounding a game. It's safe. You can remember the events around a game, right? Picture how you would sit, with the goban before you. Do you remember how you felt, anticipating the game? How your mouth would go dry? How your heart would pound, knowing that whatever move he directed towards you, you would have to answer with all your strength? Now remember that this isn't shidogo. How many stones would he allow you to place? Find that number. Don't worry about the placement. Now picture him about to make his next move. He is drawing back, reaching forward and --"  
  
In his mind, Hikaru could see the a white fan, dipping and pointing, and his own hand preparing to follow it with a stone. The sound of a piece being placed on the board, the polished slickness of the wood as his nails glided over the --  
  
**CRACK!** Without warning Torajiro smacked his hands together a hairsbreadth away from Hikaru's nose, causing Hikaru's eyes to pop open. He scrambled backwards as the image of the Go saint, of the very ground beneath his feet, wavered. Shapes begin to coalesce, malformed objects that twitched and lurched into existence. The air was hot, and held a tang of copper. Of blood. Of decay. Terrified, he bolted to his feet. Arms enveloped him, holding him firmly in place. "Shindo-kun, NO!"  
  
And as abruptly as the image had appeared, it was gone. Only grey ash remained. Hikaru collapsed backward, causing Torajiro to stumble with him.  
  
"What was that?!" he breathed.  
  
"You saw it, didn't you?" Torajiro gently eased him back down to his knees. "Do you still see it?"  
  
"No! What the Hell was THAT?!"  
  
"The Heart of the Game, as controlled by Amatsu Mikaboshi," Torajiro said quietly. "It's all right to be afraid. I was. I am."  
  
"I'm n-no-not afraid! It's j-just ... eh ....THAT'S even LESS like Go than before!" Hikaru felt his breathing speed up. "Oh shit."  
  
"It's the game as Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi sees it," Torajiro's hands patted Hikaru's back awkwardly. "Shindo-kun! Don't breathe so fast. It's still Go ... it's just in one of its most ancient forms. In China, where Go first started, the game was seen a way to teach battlefield strategy. Army commanders learned the game to improve their skills on the field; it may be one of the reasons why we still refer to the moves as "fighting" and as "engagements" and as ko "battles". Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi sees the game as a war, so therefore the game manifests itself as--"  
  
Every last muscle in Hikaru's shoulders tensed. _ Blood. Bodies. The scent of decay ..._  
  
"Shindo-kun!"  
  
"I can't. I can't. It's just me, Shindo Hikaru. I can't play like that. I can't play here. I can't. It's just me. And I can't."  
  
The way Sai and Torajiro had talked about the Heart of the Game, he had been expecting ... well, nothing remotely like the brief flash he had just seen before him. _ Bodies. Blood.Oh God, Oh God ... _  
  
"Shindo-kun!" Torajiro shook him. But even after the Go saint let him go, Hikaru couldn't stop shaking.  
  
"Little boy about to wet his pantsies!" the irritating singsong whine made him dig his nails into his palms.  
  
"Sugawara-san, I won't ask you again. Please be silent."  
  
"MAKE me, Go-oey saint! Make --"  
  
Abruptly the shrieking cut off. Hikaru winced, certain that he did not want to know what had occurred. If Hell could force the clearly gentle hearted Torajiro to resort to such lengths then ... he shuddered.  
  
"Shindo-kun, please, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-- I'm ... I'm going to get ..."  
  
"Hikaru?" Sai's voice reached out to him. "Hikaru? It's okay. It's all right."  
  
_I can't, I can't, I can't, I'm so outmatched, I have nothing to play with ... __I can't play!_  
  
Hikaru couldn't find the strength to voice the thought aloud, so for once, he kept silent. That seemed to make Sai even more voluble. "Hikaru! What did Sugawara -- "  
  
"N-no. Wasn't him. The Heart," his words did not seem to want to cooperate in coming coherently out of his mouth. Hikaru twisted his hands together. "Why didn't you tell me? That's it's like ... did you really think I can play here?"  
  
"Hikaru ..." Sai paused, then came to kneel in front of him. "Yes. You can play here. You may not like it, but you can."  
  
"No! I can't! I don't want to!" Hikaru blinked. _Okay, so Torajiro was right._ "I don't want to. Cause I'm scared. Of what I might find out about ... you know. How I really play."  
  
Sai stilled. He bent his head slightly, but when he looked up again, his gaze as well as his voice was uncompromising.  
  
"You asked me why I played the game, followed it over a thousand years, didn't you? You were right, I guess. At first, I would have answered you that I wanted to reach the Hand of God. It would be useful now, especially fighting a god. But seeing how it's affected you, Torajiro, even seeing Sugawara here ... I ... don't know anymore. Maybe it it is a curse. But I do know one thing. Look at me. Please?"  
  
Hikaru turned his head slightly towards the ghost.  
  
"I won't lie to you. I did ... and perhaps still do, see you and Torajiro as a means to the Hand of God. And I still love the game, painful as it may be. But that's only a small part of the blessing from Kami-sama. Even if in the end, the game isn't worth the pain, even if it's led us here, to a game you don't want to see ...to a game I don't want to see, if I am to be honest ... even given all that, there's still a blessing in the curse."  
  
Sai waited again until Hikaru met his eyes once more.  
  
"There's a blessing, Hikaru. A gift. I know what mine is. You just have to find yours," the violet eyes seemed to shimmer, but with what emotion, Hikaru could not guess. "I know you're scared, and you have every right to be. No one wants to play this type of Go. But you can't run away. You've never ran away. It's what makes you ... _you." _  
  
Hikaru ducked down, as if his chest had become his center of gravity. "But I ... I just can't. Not on my own. I always thought I could, but no. I can't. Not without your games. They're still gone, Sai."  
  
Each word fell from his mouth like a leaden weight, "you know the funny thing? I always though that I had to prove to everyone I was better than their memory of your games, that I could erase their expectations of you and make them see me ... make them chase _me_. Can you even guess how stupid that makes me feel right now?! My _own_ memories of your games got erased, and _this_ is what happens! So I know. I absolutely _know _ now I have no chance on my own. I can't play without your games."  
  
"Hikaru ..._ my_ games?" Sai's voice deepened as he reached a hand out and gently tilted Hikaru's chin upwards. Hikaru was surprised to find that Sai's fingers felt ... warm. Or perhaps he was the one who was cold. "But ... don't you know? They're your games too."  
  
Warmth. He felt warmth. "They're your games too, Hikaru. All of them."  
  
Each word came slowly and reluctantly, as if Sai admitting something the ghost, himself, had just barely acknowledged. "Your independence ... your drive, your fight to be yourself no matter what, no matter who stands in your way -- it's the strongest thing about you. One of the best things about you. And ... it's why you are there, in each one of "my" games, in each stone we place together, in each step we take. As you began to understand the game more, you started to see it through my eyes, to know the intent and the meaning behind my hands. You know all my games, inside and out, because you are right there with me as I play. Without you, my Go couldn't exist."  
  
Sai closed his eyes, and his voice dropped to the barest whisper. It did nothing to dampen the impact or the intensity. "In truth, I'm the one who hasn't had a real game of his own ... not for a very long time now. I may have directed the moves, but you were behind me the entire time. You were the one who had to live with the consequences of each game -- the very thing that I've always run from. You were the one who learned the most, who came the farthest. That makes my games yours, to an extent which can only exist between the two of us, to an extent which no one else can take from you. Not Osusuki. Not any wanderer. No one."  
  
"But no one believes that I can play!" _ No one in the Wandering. No one in the Waking. _ "Just look at Touya ... How can your games be mine, when I can't even get him to..."  
  
"Enough!" This time, Sai shook him hard enough to make Hikaru's teeth click together. "Enough. The one Touya chases is you, Hikaru. It's YOU. He may be confused about it, but don't ever be confused yourself. Even though he started chasing me, he will reach you, in the end," Sai paused. A shadow passed over his face, briefly, but his determination never faltered.  
  
"You ... you were right. I didn't live my life to its fullest. But you ... I wish you could see it, because I can. If I am to be honest, it makes me jealous, yes, but I can see your future, shining so bright before you. It doesn't matter that you started on this path through me. What is important is that you are walking it, as best you can. And there will come a time, when you make your own moves outside of my teaching. A time when you will make the game your own, and start bringing me with you, instead of the other way around. But no matter when or how, we will always share the ones which I played through you, the ones which we play with each other, every night, and the ones which Kami-sama will bring to us in the future. The reason you couldn't see the games, the reason you can't see this game ... stop separating them in your head, Hikaru. Stop fighting against me, stop comparing, stop being afraid. Stop trying to erase that which is your legacy. It's not the other people's expectations or perceptions that have been driving you. It's not mine. It's not Touya Akira's."  
  
Sai tilted his head, his eyes as piercing as Hikaru had ever seen them. "It's your own. The talent is yours. The games are yours. You don't have to accept or understand it right now. Just believe."  
  
Hikaru shuddered, shaking his head numbly. It couldn't be that simple. It just couldn't be that stupidly simple.  
  
_But ... Touya ... the others ...think it's a fluke ..._  
  
"I'm telling you the truth! I wouldn't lie to you, not on this." _ Truth? But ..._  
  
"Hikaru," Sai's hands came together. And when they opened ... "Here. You dropped this earlier."  
  
A fan. Sai held out a fan.  
  
Drawing his sleeve back politely, Sai delicately offered it to him, handle first. When Hikaru hesitantly opened his left hand and accepted the fan, the ghost wrapped his own fingers around Hikaru's grip. "Our games are one. It doesn't matter what others think. Believe, even if you don't fully accept it yet. Believe, even if you don't understand. Believe, because I do. With all that I am, with all of my existence, I know you can play!"  
  
In a single, breath jarring moment, Hikaru finally grasped why Sai had treasured Torajiro so much. At the very lowest point of his existence, to find such faith where his own had faltered ... Hikaru held onto the fan for a few, panting moments. He closed his eyes._ Believe._  
  
Then, taking a breath, he opened them again.   
  
Some part of him had been expecting some sort of fanfare to mark the moment, perhaps a halo of light opening up above him, with a choir in the background, or flash of lightening, with thunder as the final drum roll. Perhaps it would have been better, to have been given some sort of dramatic warning, but there was none for Hikaru. The space around him merely rippled like a backdrop in the wind, before slowly changing texture and shape. The dust beneath his feet remained, but directly in front of him, the ground now sloped gently down until it flattened into shaped valley. And upon it ...  
  
He stuffed his knuckles in his mouth in a vain attempt stop his building horror from becoming audible. Hikaru thought he had a pretty good handle on the whole ghost situation, but when hordes of transparent, white clad bodies began materializing, he staggered, then dropped to a kneeling position. The bodies did not stay insubstantial for long. Within a few moments, they were solid against the grey dust. Hikaru closed his eyes against the countless bleeding torsos, the gaping wounds, the splashes of red and brown intermixed -- the brutal evidence of violence and its results. The fact that the figures were faceless did not help soothe his rapidly unraveling nerves ... it was somehow worse, to see the eggshell smooth anonymity where some trace of individuality should have been.  
  
Hikaru clamped both hands over his nose and mouth, but the scent and taste of something coppery, like newly minted coins, sieved through to his senses anyway. It took him a moment to realize it was the tang of blood he was breathing from the air. He wheezed desperately, fighting the urge to retch. He had seen all sorts of horrors throughout the night, from creatures who ate mortal flesh to creatures who ate mortal souls. But this again, was something different, too real somehow. At least with the monsters, he could pretend he could banish them with the day.  
  
Some soldiers had managed to remain whole, their hands ready to draw their swords. Others held their weapons aloft. At sporadic intervals, fortresses of white marble seemed to rise out of the ground, glimmering bright against the grey sky. Mixed inbetween the white figures were black ones, all similarly clad in armor and all in the somewhat the same pose as the white troops. Where the two colors met, the soldiers had their weapons drawn. Large black fortresses stretched across the distance.  
  
The Heart of the Game.  
  
"I can see it now," Hikaru shuddered violently, turning away from the sight. "Oh God, I can see it."  
  
"I know," Sai said. "I'm sorry."  
  
"T-the soldiers in white are my pieces, right? And the fortresses are the established territories," Hikaru murmured. Even with his eyes closed, his stomach twisted at the memory of the actual state of his "troops". Those that weren't disemboweled or bleeding had looked rather pitiful. "And the umm ... dead ones are the ... dead pieces that can't been cleared yet. There's a lot of them." Hikaru shuddered again as he tried to concentrate. Opening his eyes, he looked upon the endless rows of shattered bodies before him. It was too much, the blood, the stench ...  
  
"Don't be distracted." Torajiro joined them. "Look beyond, look deep. Sai's game is in there. Look for the beauty. And remember those quiet times you shared. Remember the peace, and hold tight to that."  
  
Taking a deep breath, Hikaru obeyed. For a moment, instead of an ash grey field, instead of a slew of badly wounded bodies, he saw the welcoming gold brown of a goban, and the perfect roundness of black and white stones. He could hear the quiet swish of the traffic from outside his room and the click of the Go stones as he followed the direction of the pointing fan. Like a knot unraveling, the sequence of the game emerged whole and unbroken.  
  
"They're really still there, aren't they? Under it all. The memories ..." he whispered. _But do I dare trust them?_  
  
"You will know, Hikaru." Sai answered his unspoken thought. "You'll know. The trick is not to trick yourself. That's the key to all kitsune charms. The games cannot be taken from you, because they are truly a part of you. And your ability to read deeply ... it'll never play you false. Not if you believe. Read deeply. Trust yourself. You can play the devil's game, even if it hurts, even if you don't want to. You _ can _play."  
  
_Believe._  
  
The moves had just entered the stages following fuseki. Sai's four and four handicap had been devastating, but after a few moments spent on the razor sharp edge of hyperventilation, Hikaru felt his nerves calm somewhat. Devastating, yes, but not so much as it may have first appeared. He breathed a short sigh of relief. Due entirely to the distraction of Hikaru's faulty memories, Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi had not only made one huge error, he had made several, small ones as well. Yet, the real game losing mistake had come about eight moves before, when he had fallen into Sai's major trap. Remnants of the maneuver could still be seen.  
  
_Man, that one is even worse than the time when I screwed up against Kaga! Jeez, I guess I should be glad that I'm stupid enough to ruin even a god's game._  
  
But now that the Demon Lord's the four stones had been placed and taken, the flow of the board swung heavily in favor of the black stones. After squinting for a few more minutes, Hikaru deduced that Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi used all of his advantage to attack around the tengen, which Sai must have previously controlled. The Go genius would have never been so messy in his territory acquisition.  
  
The handicap had effectively cut both Sai's actual and potential territory in half. Now, the white that still remained around the tengen seemed all but dead. He would almost certainly lose that group, as well as the chance to make a larger connection between Sai's remaining holdings. Still, Sai had managed to retain most of the northwest territories, and he even had a tenuous entry on the black moyo in the northeast quadrant. Black would not allow the areas to stay undisputed for long, though.  
  
The tengen. The tengen was the key ... if he could somehow retake that space ...  
  
"Can you see the path now?" Torajiro's voice broke Hikaru's quiet, almost trancelike state. Hikaru blinked, and the imaginary goban before him disappeared, leaving the bodies and bloodshed in its place. Hikaru licked his lips, hating what he saw, but his previous nausea did not return. The memories held firm, and the game was there, masked as it was.  
  
"You were right. Thanks," he said, meeting the Go Saint's eyes again. Torajiro's smile was something quick and darting, like a sparrow springing to flight, but it lit his face in its brevity. Hikaru found himself giving a tentative smile in reply. In the corner of his eye, Hikaru could see Sai staring at them, a mixed expression of pride and apprehension in his gaze.  
  
"Okay. How about the other stuff? Like how to place a piece? Or how to take prisoners," Hikaru bit his lip. _ How to win. _  
  
"It'll come to you." Sai said firmly. "Now that you have the game fixed in your head, the rest will come as well. You know how to play, Hikaru, no matter what form the game takes. Therefore, you **will** know what to do. Draw your sword. But be ready. Once your sword leaves its sheath, there is no turning back until the game is over."  
  
Hikaru dropped his eyes down to his sword, studying it closely for the first time. From what he could see of it, the hilt was iron, and the grip wound in a tight layer of braided cloth. A real sword. He had a _ real_ sword. At least it looked real. It certainly had felt real; the sharp stinging in his right hand was proof enough of that. Hesitantly, he traced the metal then grasped the hilt. The bandage around his right hand had just enough give for him to close his hand securely around the hilt, though it was still rather painful.  
  
The metal also felt cold, but it wasn't the same kind of cold that Amatsu Mikaboshi's blade had emanated. Instead, it had the natural coolness of metal left untouched by sun or flesh. Hikaru slowly eased the blade half out of its covering, revealing the etched tiger near the hilt. Lean and lithe, the creature had its mouth opened in a fierce snarl. Its grooves had been outlined in blood. _My blood_, Hikaru realized. _Ewwwww._  
  
"A tiger ...?" Sai murmured, his voice half surprised, half awed. "In blood?"  
  
Similarly entranced, Hikaru reached to touch it with his left hand, but he immediately drew it back. "No, not doing _that_ again. That _hurt_."   
  
"You have to be careful," Torajiro warned. "I don't think that the Heart of the Game has ever been reached by someone still alive. I don't know what playing here might do to you, or what would happen if you were to di-- ..." the ghost blanched. "Shindo-kun, what happens in the game isn't isolated on the board anymore... it's hard to explain. It's like a gateway. "  
  
"Sai ... you said something like that. Didn't you?" Hikaru rubbed his face wearily. "That a talented enough player could even ..."  
  
"Part the gates of time and see into the very universe itself," Sai finished. "Yes. But that's only _one _of the gates that can open ... and Hell is not the only possibility that waits on the other side. Like I said, the moves here have a price beyond just merely losing stones. And the damage to you will be real."  
  
"Don't worry about that, Shindo-kun." Torajiro waved his hands placatingly, "You will just have to be very careful."  
  
"He can't be," Sai's voice shook slightly. He had his face averted. "He can't be careful and win. He's going to have to play a fierce Go to catch up, sacrifice pieces and charge fiercely for each moku. And ... there will be a lot of damage before it's all done."  
  
"Oh," Hikaru couldn't think of anything better to say that wouldn't cause the building pressure in his gut to explode. "Um. Why a tiger?"  
  
"Yes, yes, tiger, tiger, burnt in metal bright," seemingly summoned by the word, Sugawara no Akitada tottered up to them, grinning toothlessly. He winked at Torajiro and blew a raspberry at Sai. When neither showed any reaction, he shrugged. "Well it's my turn! My turn! I wanna talk!"  
  
Hikaru gritted his teeth. "You did something to the sword, didn't you? I couldn't get it out before. What did you do?!"  
  
"Nothing, nothing, and everything. I marked you, cause I know what you truly are. Some are tigers. Some are dragons. I know, I know what you are! But the question is, do you know? Huh? Do you? Do you?"  
  
Sai stepped forward abruptly. His hands had bunched into fists. Torajiro shot him an alarmed look.  
  
"Be quiet, Sugawara-san. You've done enough."  
  
"Awww, don't be a meanie. Or I won't tell him what I did to his little pointy swordy thingie. Don't ya' wanna know what I did? Hmmm? Or better yet, how to win with the pointy thingie?"  
  
"Hikaru, don't. Not his way. Not his Go. You can't win his way." Sai said, ignoring Torajiro as the Go saint tugged at his sleeve.  
  
"And should he win your way? Oopsie, but you didn't win, Fujiwara. Did you?" Sugawara no Akitada taunted. "Who are you to tell him what to do?"  
  
Hikaru felt his heart skip a beat. Torajiro locked a hand firmly around Sai's swordarm, but to Hikaru's surprise, his mentor made no move towards the blade. Sugawara no Akitada cackled gleefully in response.  
  
"Hey! Do you ever feel bad for what you did?" Hikaru interrupted. "Ever?"  
  
"Feel bad? Why? I didn't kill him. He did that to himself. All I did was win," the Go tutor's head swung back and forth with each of his words, like a metronome striking a steady cadence to his unsteady sanity. "No, I _laughed_ when I heard. He was such an idiot. It made the win complete for me. Perhaps it's not as _ fun_ as if I killed him outright, or not as fun as if he_ tried_ to kill me back, but dead's still dead. I alone was the best in Heiankyo after he died. I alone. No one ever challenged me again, no, no."  
  
"But what's the fun in that? Didn't you ever feel sorry for yourself? You won but did you really ever play? You were the best in court, yeah, but you _alone_ were the best. It must've been boring. It must've been lonely." Hikaru willed himself to stillness. His voice dropped. "I know I would've felt that way."  
  
For a moment, Sugawara no Akitada stopped his frantic jabbering, becoming still. He was even more eerie without the repetitive motions. Both Sai and Torajiro moved, placing themselves slightly in front of Hikaru. Sugawara's eyes, however, never left Hikaru's face.  
  
"No, no, boy. No. Wrong-o! Sorry, no cookie for you! I won, didn't I? Yes. In the end, it comes down to that. It just proved I loved the game more than he did. It's easy to kill yourself. But to kill for the game? Not so easy. Stupid boy. Winning requires sacrifice, in blood or in sin. Everytime I've paid, yes I have. There's such power, if you know the price. Hell is in the _knowing_, you know." Sugawara laughed.  
  
"What will _you_ pay to win? Do you know? I do, I do. I'm the one who unlocked your blade, and more besides that! And I was naughty, you see. So very naughty. Cause you're gonna be the one who pays, not me." Sugawara no Akitada snickered. "I _could_ teach you, though, yes I could. If you were my deishi."  
  
"You must be having a big serving of stupid on TOP of your portion of crazy." Hikaru gripped the sword tight, preparing for another attack from Sugwara. Beside him, Torajiro and Sai tensed as well. "I'd be a deishi of a baboon before I'd declare YOU my sensei!"  
  
Instead of the expected attack, Sugawara merely crossed his arms and huffed. "Oh poo. Fine. Be a baboon boy. See if I care! You can move the sword now, but d'ya know how to use it? And the other stuff? Heh! But if you will not be my deishi, then don't be like your sensei, oh pleasies, no. Don't be like him. You could've been. You could've been him or me. Or we could've been you. What you can have, what you could have had ... what _do_ you have, Hikaru no Hikari? Dare you frame that fearful symmetry? Cause if his games are yours -- well, do you remember the last one he really played? Against me? A loser of a deishi, you are. If you play like your sensei, you'll die."  
  
"Be quiet," Sai finally seemed to recover his voice. "He will not --"  
  
"He will, Fujiwara. He will die, if he's walking your path. You never understood, did you? You ... you ran away, all alonely, to a river. You ran away for a thousand years, behind your deishi. You play, but you don't _pay_ the consequences. So you don't know, no, no. If he was my deishi, he'd win." Sugwara sighed. "Don't be like your sensei, little boy. Don't complete that symmetry. You'll just become a ghost, bound and chained. Yes. And into the river, drowning deep and dark."  
  
Hikaru stared at him, completely unnerved yet again. His grip never left his sword. "Just SHUT up, will you?! Enough crazy! I'm not gonna die."  
  
Sugawara laughter became full, body shaking guffaws.  
  
"Hikaru ... let it go. What he says ... what he is -- it doesn't matter. He's wrong. You won't end up like us. You won't," Sai's touch on his shoulder was light, but Hikaru could feel the tension flowing from the ghost as Sai glared at the former imperial tutor.  
  
Hikaru rubbed his head, then turned away from Sugawara no Akitada. The quiet, slithering voice remained though.  
  
"I still know, little boy. I know your limits. I know what you _are._ I know the price. But you don't. Thus we are all bound, we are trapped we are chained, we are stained by guilt, grief ... sin ... just as surely as with blood and tears we are contained -- in Hell or a goban, it matters not. Even your Fujiwara no Sai. Kuwara no Torajiro. Even them, by this. We could've been you, but you don't know what you are."  
  
_What does he mean?!_  
  
"Hikaru?" Sai spoke again. "Let it go. Find the depth of the game. And you'll know the answer."  
  
_Sai's right. Stop thinking about it. The game is what's important now. Sai wouldn't have given Amatsu Mikaboshi those stones to if he didn't have some plan of escape. He wouldn't have brought me here. And if his games and mine are.... _  
  
Hikaru's grip tightened around his fan. _ I should be able to find the path he would have taken. Even if it leads to..._  
  
He slid the fan into his belt next to his sheath. He cleared his mind of all doubts, all insecurities, anything else but the game. When even the sounds of Sai, Torajiro, and Sugawara no Akitada had faded into the background, he opened his eyes and looked for his troops.  
  
His soldiers were in desperate trouble. The southwest group looked like it was going to fall soon; the territory there was vital if he was to hold the star point fortress. He scanned the other troops. If he moved in to protect that group, he would loose the momentum he had gained in the southeast. However, that point did not hold as much worth as his southwest territories. For now, he would have to accept the loss. He would move to protect the southwest group  
  
Steeling himself, praying fervently to any deity who would listen, Hikaru drew his sword.  
  
"Onegaishimasu."  
  
_continued in Part 10c ..._  
  



	15. 10c: HNG

In the Forests of the Night  
  
Part 10c: Hikaru's Go  
  
The violence came easily to him. That was what chilled him the most.  
  
The moment the blade slid free, there was no time. No time to think about the strangeness. No time for questions. Something hot and heavy surged through him, flushing his skin and singing his senses electric. Armor, which had seemed so awkward before, moved as fluidly with him as if he had been wearing nothing at all. The sword glided quicksilver swift in his hand.  
  
Before him waited his troops. He could feel them in the offhand way that he could feel his fingers or toes; with a thought, they would move. With a thought, they would kill. But he gave them as much thought as he normally gave the process that translated into the movement of his body. They would move where he directed him. That was enough.  
  
Instincts and reactions he never knew he had crashed to the fore. Places within himself he never acknowledged, places where something fought, clawed, and hunted without mercy. Perhaps it was also why he could journey so easily in the mind of a kitsune -- he already knew the feeling of shifting forms, even if his outside skin remained the same. Those that truly seen Shindo Hikaru from the midst of an intense game would have recognized the look in his eyes.  
  
And his eyes now saw the world through two distinct, diverging levels. That in itself wasn't strange. Even a normal game required him to split his attention between individual territory battles on the goban and the game as a whole. But in the Heart of the Game, the experience had deepened and expanded. It was rather like peering a stained glass window and seeing each individual piece of glowing color, as well as the fractal tableau those pieces formed --- and something beyond that, something which was almost holy and breathtaking in its presence. The pieces, the picture, and the meaning shining behind it -- he saw it **all** at the same time. It would have been overwhelming once. It should have been overwhelming.  
  
It was not now. Without question, without confusion, he led the charge into each pocket of personalized violence while observing and directing the overall carnage as a whole. He simply _knew_ without thinking, knew how to control the troops, knew where to strike, knew where to kill, knew it as he had instinctively known how to pick up a stone and place it with starfire, when he had first faced Touya Kouyo.  
  
It didn't mean, however, that he enjoyed it.  
  
He had seen wars in movies and on television before. When he had bothered to study, he had read about them in books. He gone to battle in video games.  
  
But nothing he had ever watched, read, or played had ever mentioned to overwhelming noise. The pure, spine wrenching shock of hearing human-like voices screaming past the point of inhumanity. The resonant, meaty thump of flesh meeting ground, never to rise again. The stamping, arrhythmic drumbeat of hundreds of feet upon feet, the metallic, shrilling of weapon against weapon, the croaking roar of voice after voice, indistinctly loud like the wash of the sea.  
  
Not only sound, but sight, hearing, touch, taste -- it all merged in a cacophony of sensory information. The harsh light flashing off millions of blades rising and falling, the coppery warm splatter of blood and offal, and the fecal, stinking stench of it all -- it was like plunging headfirst through chaos. He didn't think of these things, however. There was only the strategies, only planning the next move ... and the next ...and those countless others after.  
  
Perhaps later, he would have the time to think. To mourn. But not in the midst of battle. Not in the game.  
  
**"5-6**."  
  
His sword flashed outwards, carving a bright streak of light through something black and thick. The figure exploded, drenching him in a warm spray. Another came at him, and he blocked, defending.  
  
**"8-5."**  
  
A quick swipe, a misting of scarlet drops, and it was over. He pulled back, satisfied. Territory secured, for now.  
  
**"8-18."**  
  
He thought he might have been covered in blood. Some of it may have even been his own. The acidic taste of ash clogged his mouth, gritty and smooth at the same time. His muscles sang with the hot throb of his heart and the rocking beat of his sweeping blade. His hearing faded and sharpened between each harsh breath. He could see for miles and miles, hone in on a single point, or spread his attention outward like the unfurling of a sail.  
  
In the midst of death, his senses had never been more alive. It was useful. The northwest territories needed troops.  
  
**"7-19"**  
  
Inside of him, there was no heat. There was no motion.  
  
**"2-13."**  
  
None of the trembling intensity of a clean fight with Sai. None of the warm camaraderie when he played with the Go club. None of the breathless thrill of a well played game between insei.  
  
There was no joy.  
  
**"10-7."**  
  
Move after move.  
  
**"8-6."**  
  
Nothing.  
  
**"2-12."**  
  
Armies surged apart and swelled together to the singing rhythm of his sweeping blade. He lost a few soldiers, here and there, necessary casualties. A blade came too close, drawing a line of agony down his side. He ignored it. Necessary casualty.  
  
**"2-11."**  
  
Move after move.  
  
Swing, parry, block. Attack, counterattack. Spin, duck, tuck, roll. Slash, rip, tear, stab.  
  
Kill.  
  
**"7-7."**  
  
And searching, always searching. It was there, he knew, the path out.  
  
**"3-14." **  
  
The path away from the bloodshed  
  
**"8-3." **  
  
The path to freedom.  
  
He would fight to get there. He would slash, tear, and kill. For somewhere, in the desperate melee of sweat and tears and endless violence, there had to be beauty.  
  
**"17-10." **  
  
Somewhere, there had to be peace. Someone told him that once. He couldn't remember just who, but names weren't important. He just had to read deeper. Just a little deeper.  
  
**"17-11." **  
  
And always, always, no matter where he played, no matter where he fought, in the center of his thoughts was the center of the board. Tengen. _I have to regain the tengen._ Had he said that? Or was it a thought? _  
  
Is there even a difference anymore? _  
  
No.  
  
Tengen.  
  
Nothing else mattered. The path existed. He would find it.  
  
**"5-13." **  
  
On the fringe, scything through his troops, he caught sight of a figure with a dark cloud for an aura. His enemy, across a sea of ash and dust, bodies and blood. Closer and closer they came, churning crimson froth in their wake. Bodies piled higher, a bleeding wall of flesh.  
  
**"15-12."**  
  
Closer. And closer. They attacked and withdrew, circled and defended. But as endgame neared, fewer and fewer soldiers appeared before him.  
  
And he knew then that his final moments would not be spent amidst the anonymous bodies in a last breathless gasp for freedom.  
  
Endgame would be met face to face with that heavy dark sword, trading blow for blow.  
  
And in the back of his mind, something stirred, awakening.  
  
"**16-13."**  
  
He felt the air pass across his face as a blade nearly struck him. The blow shook his armor, and he had to twist to avoid falling. Too close. _I can't last much longer. _  
  
_Please._ He would have kneeled, if he could. But the game was still in play, and he dared not. Moves had consequences, ones he could feel in the draining of blood and the ache of his muscles. It had to end soon.  
  
_If his games and mine are one and the same, then let me see the way. Please._  
  
"**9-13"**  
  
Another swordstroke whistled past him, a hairsbreadth from his heart. The figure in black move ever closer.  
  
_'Cause I can't lose. I can't. I have to win. But winning ... winning ...  
  
"Winning requires sacrifice, in blood or in sin ... "  
  
_"**14-19."  
  
**"_Don't be like your sensei, boy. No. Don't be like him." _**  
**  
_But his games are mine!  
  
_Sai was the start of his games, the one who had taken him this far. If he wasn't to be like his sensei, who else could he be? _His games and mine are one. I know that. I believe. But there has to be something more. Something that makes the difference ... Cause ..._  
  
"**14-13."**  
  
For a brief, halting moment, he thought he saw a fan, pointing. But it must have only been his imagination.  
  
Must have been. The path couldn't be through ...  
  
_"You'll know, Hikaru ... Your ability to read deeply, it'll never play you false." _  
  
"**4-13.**"  
  
A true path? Or one more lie in a night full of deceptions?  
  
"**15-14."**  
  
"_Read deeply. Trust yourself."_  
  
But what he read ... _It's impossible. That won't work. _  
  
_I can't force yose in there. He'll attack and I'll lose the game._  
  
_I'll die._  
  
With the tengen rent apart and the connections broken, the game was done and dead.  
  
"**2-15."**  
  
Another flash of quickening instinct drew his attention across the field. Another path, perhaps, and one which spurred his heartbeat to faster rhythm than its already thundering beat, like the taunting of a toreador to the bull. A fighter's path. He had always been a fighter ...  
  
_"Play or die! Play AND die!"_  
  
"**14-12.**"  
  
Which path? Which route? His mind tugged one way, his strategies tore him towards another. And his heart ... his heart remained uncertain.  
  
**"6-11."**  
  
But there was no time left --- he needed a decision, now. Once the game headed into yose, the diverging possibilities would become one. The course would be fixed.  
  
**"5-5."**  
  
Ahead of him, the dark figure paused. The dark blade glittered wetly as it raised, pointing straight at him. The battlefield grew transparent, settling back into the endless ash blown plain again.  
  
Yose.  
  
His own sword point dropped until its tip rested in the dirt. Eyes tracking the motion, he noticed that the bandage around his hand had soaked through. It must be his blood, he thought, because beads of it were still gathering at the edge of the cloth and spilling towards the hilt before running down the blade and falling into a dark stain against the dry, thirsty earth.  
  
Blood had also pooled and filled the shallow outline of the tiger.  
  
_What's the use of knowing what I am when I don't know the way out? _  
  
A memory flickered, something someone had once said, about tigers.  
  
_Which one? The path to which the fan points? Or the one where I fight my way out, through more pain, more death? Or the path through ..._  
  
"Amatsu Mikaboshi," he rasped. The blood seeped further from his hand.  
  
_I tried. I tried reading through to the true game, but this is an empty form of Go ... it's like playing a void without depth, where I put my soul out and nothing returns._  
  
It would be so easy to release his grip and let the sword fall forever. He was tired.  
  
And alone. So alone  
  
He let his hands loosen on the grip of his sword, let it slip centimeter by centimeter toward the stained earth. His shoulders slumped. Vaguely, he heard a chilling laughter, and something began to swirl around him, snaking thick, dark bands around his body and squeezing. Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi's face loomed above him, in all its terrible splendor.  
_  
Sai, you taught me how to play, but what can I do when the Heart's cut out, when the connection are so scattered? What would you do? Should I take the path you left for me?  
  
"Dare you frame that fearful symmetry? Because if his games are yours ... _

_"Into the river, drowning deep and dark."_  
  
He shut his eyes against the vision of a fan, pointing.  
  
"It is over, the voice cut into him as the black blade hovered above his throat. "There is only one end in yose. You have reached your limit."  
  
_"I still know, little boy. I know your limits. I know what you **are**."  
  
_The dark katana arced back. Bright droplets red blood followed its wake. Hikaru watched as the blade drew high above him. This time, he knew there would be no intercepting blade. This time, he would be the one to sustain the blow.  
  
"Who I am. What I am," he said, as the multiple paths diverged in his mind's eye. "I am Shindo Hikaru, Fujiwara no Sai no deishi."  
  
He raised his sword, and opened his eyes. "I am Shindo Hikaru. And I can play the Devil's game."  
  
He brought his own blade up, above his head ... _please let this be the correct path ..._  
  
... only to let it fall heavily into the dust, leaving him unprotected.  
  
The demon blade dropped down.  
  
And was met, with a sharp clack, as Hikaru brought his last weapon forward in with a lightening quick flip, capturing the blade between the slats and twisting it away.  
_  
_"I can play the Devil's game. But I won't."_  
  
_Wood and paper snapped as the Demon Lord bore down. Splinter by splinter, the fan cracked; holding the edges was like grasping a piece of broken glass. Hikaru was amazed it had held so long.  
  
_Even if I'm going lose. Even if I'm going to die. Even if I've lost all our souls, I accept this route. I know this can't hold, that what we were doing couldn't hold. _

_Sai ... I can play the Devil's game, thanks to your teaching. But ... I won't. Because that's where we went wrong. That's what binds you to the goban. And ..._  
  
Shard by shard, the wood bit into his palms.  
  
_I know now. I know why the tears and blood trapped you. About the price of a thousand years and the search which has caused you so much pain.  
  
We were wrong, Sai.  
  
For it's not the game itself. That's not the best part. I know that now, I _really know_. And it's because of you that I have this most precious thing. For it's not the game, it's not about playing or not playing, gaining positions or losing them. It's not about winning or losing._  
  
"Shindo-kun!"  
  
"HIKARU!"  
  
_I think I know my answer. Because if I'm a tiger, then ...  
__  
Yes, I know my part of the blessing._  
  
With a last, splintering crack, the fan sheared apart, and Hikaru gasped as agony seared through him. Was he literally being cut in half? Or was it just the game? Or ... both?  
  
_And my part of the curse._  
  
"HIKARU!"  
  
_I am Shindo Hikaru, Fujiwara no Sai no deishi. And this is **my** game. _

_Onegaishimasu._  
  
At least this time, the pain was brief, and he fell ...  
_  
Into darkness. Utter and complete darkness surrounds him, yet it scares him not. It is a good kind of darkness, a cleansing one, the kind of darkness that comes with healing rest, or the darkness that precedes the moment of birth and the moment after life. It is hard to think here, but it is not hard to feel. And he feels relief.  
  
And he waits. He knows that something will be coming soon, and that something will be following. He waits. He hopes.  
  
"You should be dead," a voice growls. He bows low in acknowledgment.  
  
Thinking is hard here, but with a little effort, he finds he can think pretty well ... in fact, whole new levels of his mind are open to him here. Such a discovery should be disturbing, but it is not. The fact that he cannot remember his full name should bother him as well. But it does not.  
  
"I think I am ... or at least on my way there, because this is where I went the last time you attacked me," he admits. "The first time I was on my way ... somewhere. Yes. I think I am dying."  
  
This doesn't bother him either.  
  
He does, however, try to hold onto what little he has left of his name, for it is important this time. A small part of him, still connected to the Hikaru-of-before wonders just _who_ he is now. It isn't wholly _**him**_instead, it's something beyond his current time, something old and young paradoxically. For the gates, once open, can swing more than one way at one time. But it doesn't matter.  
  
It's not the point.  
  
"You are foolish to take me to the one place I could not go. I can destroy you completely now."  
  
"Maybe. But ... there is one thing."  
  
"And what's that?"  
  
"It's my move."  
  
A glimmering starts, a pinpoint of light barely the size of a baby's fist.  
  
And for the first time that night, Amatsu Mikaboshi, August star of the Heavens, Lord of Evil and Hell, looks truly disturbed. The ball of light expands outward, arching to form the familiar lines and crosslines of a goban. One by one, his stones appear, flaring as bright as newborn suns __in the whirling eternity below them__. By comparison, the Demon Lord's pieces lie dull and lifeless.  
  
"You see, I tried so very hard to read the original game to its depth, like Fujiwara no Sai taught me. I tried to see the patterns, as Kuwahara Torajiro showed me. And I saw beauty, in the moves Sai left for me, in the patterns Torajiro delighted in. But ... not in the game itself. It was as if it was endless, without a depth that could be reached. But that's also its secret, isn't it? I was once told that gods are like the truest of mirrors, reflecting back to us our first face."  
  
He closes his eyes briefly, and he is not surprised when a comforting warmth wavers into existence within the palm of his hand. It pulses softly, rhythmically, like a heartbeat. Gently, his fingers open one by one, letting the warmth loose. The starfall lights up the board, sending its thrumming strength through to the other stones, which respond by gleaming brighter. Even the tengen, where his previous dead pieces rest, begins to shine faintly.  
  
"That's the secret. Reflections have no depth. That's why I couldn't see a route, why I couldn't read any farther. There's nothing there to read. For if this is but a reflection, what beauty I find I've placed there myself. As with whatever ugliness. And I can't win by trying to defeat myself, can I? It's a loss both ways."_  
___  
Without warning, Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi draws his sword, running at him with a deadly force. He barely has the chance to twist away. Again and again, the Demon Lord's katana flashes, and the hum of metal through air echoes loudly in the infinite space. Months of sparring with Sai on this particular battlefield has leant strength to his moves and a surety in his own power. Perhaps he does not have a sword, no ... but there are other ways to attack, other ways to defend, and for this he gives thanks to the one who has taught him both.  
  
The starlight under him flares and fades as pieces switch in and out of play. The lines and crosslines blaze brilliantly as connections form and strengthen, but he has no time to look down, no time to think. Again, there is only instinct and intuition, move and countermove, in this space where physical and mental meet simultaneously, where moves on the board are as real as the swinging sword and the flash of answering starlight as he feints and blocks, attacks and defends. His only weapons are the stones he holds. But somehow it works. It doesn't matter how ... it's not the point.  
  
Something within him chuckles, with real, warming Hikaru-of-before laughter, that he has never made much sense to many people anyway ... he does not have to make sense to himself. And at least there is joy here. At least there is passion. At least there is** something** , worth all the things in the world.  
  
Perhaps to an outside observer, their game can be described as a violent dance and clash between two heaving bodies, with each fluid movement honed to a heartbeat sharp balance, or perhaps like the swirling of binary stars, with one armed, sharp and fierce, the other just far enough away to escape the pull towards destruction. But to him, it is neither - neither physical or metaphysical in its shifting nature nor anything that a metaphor can encompass. It is beyond that. It is the eternal battle, the eternal war, that which has marked him and his kind since the beginning, the kind of fight which his soul recognizes the purpose for which it is born. A seki takes shape, with neither side gaining or giving.  
  
Amatsu Mikaboshi brings his blade to bear again. The dark blade catches the last of the starlight deep within the board as it falls, the answering starlit stroke of his own move coming up to meet it and reflect it back, as if he now held a shield. The demon lord presses down, pushing, and inch by inch, he slowly loses ground until he is kneeling, with Demon Lord's blade merely a breath from descending. "Reflection am I? I think not! I can hold forever. You cannot. And when you fall, you will die!"  
  
He knows this as truth... he knows his strength will soon fade, the blade will soon fall, and it will be over. He is only mortal, after all. As it was in the place he has just left, he knows he cannot win, not here, not ... alone. Sympathy fills the part of him that is the Hikaru-of-before; is this how Torajiro felt? Reciprocating move after move, til his soul finally faltered?  
  
Darkness, bone deep and breaking, twists through him, ensnaring him in its grasp. Yes, Torajiro must have felt like this. And Sai ... the moonlit waters must have been much like this, akin to drowning in darkness ...  
  
Yet ... yet ...  
  
He is not like Torajiro. He is not like Fujiwara no Sai ... and that is what makes the difference.  
  
"You are nothing without your mentor. You are nothing without those who have helped you. You are NOTHING, Shindo Hikaru."  
  
His grip slips, and the Demon Lord's howl of victory rings loud across the darkness. His head bends down, as if in prayer. "Yes, you are right."  
  
And quietly, like a puddle smoothing out after a storm, the part of him, the Hikaru-of-before, finally understands.  
  
"But I accept that. I accept that my games are not totally my own."  
  
The dark miasma tightens, and a part of him cannot help but whimper, just a little, in pain. But he waits._ And hopes. And ...  
  
**I ...I believe ... And I accept ...**_  
  
He lets his hands fall.  
  
The dark sword sweeps back once again. But beyond it, just beyond, he can see the light glinting off of --  
  
_**...that I am not alone, that I cannot play alone, that I will never play alone ... **  
  
_-- a second sword. It flashes out, whipping the demon's blade away. Someone now stands by his side, someone infinitely familiar, someone who fills both him and Hikaru-of-before with faith. And relief. But most of all with--  
  
_**... that my path and his are one ...**_  
  
-- belief. It is about creating stars. About creating bonds that last through even the darkest of nights.  
  
"FUJIWA--" Amatsu Mikaboshi draws away as the figure fully coalesces before him. It is not Fujiwara no Sai. It isn't even Torajiro. "Who are you? How DARE you interfere!"  
  
_**... and the same.**  
  
_Below them, connections blaze to life, exploding halo-like around the tengen.  
_  
**For it's not the game. **_  
  
The demon blade plunges forth again. "WHO ARE YOU?  
  
_**It's who you are. And who comes with you. And what you all will become.  
  
My part of the blessing. My part of the curse. **_  
  
And the shadowy figure steps in front of him, intercepting, shielding. Deep, azure eyes flicker towards him, and in that moment, he finds the strength to rise to his feet once more.  
  
_**My framing symmetry.**_  
  
_**I believe. I accept.**_  
  
"Touya ..." his voice is barely a breath, as if the name is the final key unlocking the answer within him. The figure says nothing, does not acknowledge him, but nonetheless, he knows.  
  
"He is Touya Akira. Or ... his games, at least, the ones we've played together. The real Touya hasn't really accepted me, not yet ... but it doesn't matter. I **know.** I **accept.** For if I am a tiger, then there must exist dragons for me to play. And with him, I have something which Sugawara no Akitada cheated himself of, which Sai was denied and Torajiro never took the chance to grasp. That which creates the opposing symmetry to my games. A connection. A reason. My eternal rival."  
  
The simple raw power inherent in those three words rings through him, and he can feel his nerves vibrating in response. "You are right. I can't win, at least, not on my own. __And I can't play alone. No one can play alone -- Go is a game of souls, of connections, of past and future coming together. That's its strength, that's the ultimate paradox, that's the price. It's the only true seki in life. The only true symmetry. You are trying to win on your own, in fact you **must** play on your own, but your moves cannot exist without your rival's moves ... and your strategies cannot be formed without the ones who have played you before. The ones who teach you, the ones who lose to you, the ones you lose to -- all of them are equally important. In the end, Go is a battle of soul against soul ... but it is also the joining of soul with soul to create something more."  
  
_**Fujisaki, Tsutsui, Kaga, Mitani, Kaneko**_ ... name after name reverberates through Hikaru-of-before's thoughts, familiar ones as well as those he does not know yet, but with whom he carries or will carry a connection nonetheless.  
  
"Step by step, we are all linked."  
_  
**Waya, Isumi, Ochi, Nase, Honda ...**_  
  
"Step by step, we will move beyond you."  
_  
**Touya, Ogata, Kurata, Kuwabara, Moreshita...**_  
  
"It's not who plays. It's not who wins, who loses, who's more powerful, who's weak --not even the game itself ... it's the progress we all make. As long as we all play, as long as we **live** our lives ... as long as we continue to create heavens as well as hell. As long as we make stars."  
  
_**Yashiro, Ko, Hon, An ...**_  
  
Those who have gone before, those who have come after, those who will come. All those who have ever touched or will touch his life, whether in Go or not. He can almost see the lines stringing from them to him, gold threads banishing the strangling net of darkness and weaving a mesh not unlike the grid of a goban, with the strongest, anchoring lines belonging to two helping hold him to this place, the ones to whom he is a bridge. The past and the future. Fujiwara no Sai and Touya Akira.  
  
The Demon Lord's smile, however, still holds most of its strength. "No matter how many there are of you, all of you still are mortal. You live, you die. You come to Hell. That is the way your world works: the weak fall first. Little boys do not win over all powerful gods."  
  
"But you challenged me to Go ... and Go is a mortal's game. It is a mortal's game because while each game must end, the next one will build on it, and the next, and the next --- endlessly."  
  
At his side, Touya waits, ever steady, as does the faint mental echo of his mentor, tugging and calling him back to the place he might call home. He ignores that pull, unable to answer it just yet. "Someone once told me that we mortals possess a unique fragility -- yet, it is a weakness that somehow endures, even given the presence of gods, wanderers, and others more powerful than us. We humans are still here, and we are the ones who change the word. For only those who can die, who can sacrifice, who can fall away ... only those who lose can know what it truly means to win. Thus, I am not the one who has no right to play."  
  
Unique fragility, yes ... but as a whole, the seasons will always come again, always renew, the gift and burden of mortality in the promise of tomorrow.  
  
"It is you who should not play me. For when I play, I am not alone. __I will always carry Sai's shadow and his passion and his strategies in my Go. I will always carry Touya's rivalry to help get me through my toughest times. __The both of them, Sai and Touya, as well as all of those who I play ... that's the Heart of the Game for me, that's what makes **my** Go," he smiles, feeling the _rightness_ of his words tight against his skin as the power gains momentum within him, engulfing him in its star bright intensity. The gold net behind him sings with it surging power, and he holds firm to the sensation. "I cannot beat you, for I cannot beat myself. That would be an empty game. But Touya ... Sai ... they are more than enough to beat me. To beat you. For with Sai behind me, and Touya before... with all of us together ..."  
  
"The Hand of God can be ...." the Lord of Hell backs away. Fear flashes through his face, rising to encompass his expression.  
  
Memory stirs from Hikaru-of-before, a memory of the first time everything came together, a memory of stars.  
_  
**And on this board, I can become...**  
  
_"It's your move."  
  
For the longest time, the Lord of the Autumn Star stares at both him and his eternal rival, as the stars burn their paths across the galaxy below. "Very well ..."  
  
When the attack comes, he does not know whether he is surprised or resigned as the Demon Lord rushes not at him, but at the figure of Touya, at their connection, at the power which binds them all. And in this place, where physical met mental, to cut that bond means that he, as Hikaru-of-before, would never again be able to ...  
  
But pieces, sometimes, have to be sacrificed. It is the endgame that counts. The power builds, the seki breaks ...and he weeps, for that which could have been, which was, and the perfect unity that he knows he will never see again.  
  
And he makes his move.  
__  
The last series of events comes like a collapsing kaleidoscope of disjointed images. A flash of molten silver as Amatsu Mikaboshi switches direction suddenly, slicing his blade through him instead of Touya. The answering sweep of surging sapphire light as Touya's sword arcs through Demon Lord in retaliation. The perfection in that move. Perhaps even the Hand of God. Perhaps not.  
  
What really matters, what really stops his breath, is the look on his eternal rival's face, the sadness there, and the recognition. God, it is enough, the recognition, if only for that one moment ....  
  
And that one, final glimpse of that cold beauty, as the Lord of the Autumn Star realizes Hell could come to Gods of Evil as well as it does to mortals ...  
  
as it comes for he, himself ...  
  
_**Aw shit, this hurts ... this really REALLY hurts ...**_  
  
And then a totally new kind of darkness consumes him whole.  
  
To be concluded .._


	16. 11a: Beating Hearts new!

In the Forests of the Night  
A Hikaru no Go Ghost Story  
  
This, as always, is for Imbrium. Thank you seems to be such an inadequate thing to say. But you always seem to know what I mean, even when I make a mess of it. I guess that's why you're so good at what you do, ne? ;)  
  
And special hello and thanks goes to Eryne-chan, who read this and gave feedback, thus helping make it more readable. Hee, you rock!  
  
Part 11a: Beating Hearts  
  
_There is no water, but it feels like drowning anyway.  
  
The darkness engulfs him, thick and cloying. He chokes, clawing upwards, hands grasping and desperate. Above him, something glimmers faintly, like the moon seen through branches thick with leaves. But the light is very, very far away and dwindling with each moment. __The pressure wraps around him like a shroud. _  
_  
And it is cold, so very cold, a bone snapping frigidity. It is a coldness that digs into his leaden limbs, a coldness soaking down past the marrow. A coldness which burns, sharper than any fire.  
  
__The current is dark and deep; there is no shore in sight. __  
  
He is drowning, though there is no water, and each moment marks an agonized eternity.  
_  
"**Hikaru!"**_  
  
A voice? His struggles fade, and he sinks to stillness, listening.  
_  
"**Hikaru! Can you hear me?!"**_  
  
Pain!  
  
He had forgotten pain ... how it can resonate like a heated wire, embed itself like sand into an open wound. It grinds away at him, bit and by cutting bit ...  
_  
**"Hikaru!"**_  
  
Pain! Pain beyond thought, pain beyond memory, pain searing him through. What is in that word that hurts so very much? Something that was important once, he thinks. Something he should know.  
  
Something broken apart, leaving edged pieces all around.  
  
The darkness is smooth and still, without sound nor form nor pain. Maybe if he does not move, if he lets the cold seep in, maybe there will be__ a solitary peace in drowning, after all.  
  
_**"NO! I won't let ... Even if I have to . . . even if I have to ... again . . . Kami-sama, it's like w-water ... why is it like water?!"**_  
  
Fear. There is fear in the voice ... in the shaking pauses and in the keening edge of each word, there is a soul deep terror so absolute that he finds himself responding, finds that he still can still tremble, too, though his own soul has long frozen through. Perhaps they both will drown in this river of endless dark . . .  
  
Perhaps this is both their fate, scripted out from the very beginning.  
_  
"**N-no! Not this time."**_  
  
The darkness is like water, but something moves now... something is coming, something also caught in the deep current but fighting towards him.  
_  
**"Hikaru, I'm here! Just reach out..."**_  
  
But that way holds its own heartbreak, a different sort of drowning. There is pain there, he knows. There is hardship. And there is ...  
_  
**"Hikaru! I **know.** I know how it feels, to drown in darkness. But you ... ****you heard me once, when I was the one lost. Hear me again. Just reach out! I can't ... we can't hold this much longer ... Can you hear me?"**  
___  
There is something else, the most important of all things ...  
  
And in the midst of the fragmented chaos there comes an awkward familiarity, separate of the pain, separate of the cold.  
_  
**"Can you hear my voice?"**___  
  
He has done this once before. Heard it once before -- a voice bright like a beacon in the darkness. ____But it seems a little off somehow, as if he is viewing it from the wrong end up. Shouldn't he be the one watching someone else surface back to the light? _  
  
**"Hikaru! Just reach!"**___  
  
Something flashes in front of him -- a fluttering of white against the black tide. A ... hand?  
  
For a brief moment, there is something like a touch of fingers, of a grip enclosing his own.  
  
And something much like light surrounds him ... or at least, if not of light, then something not of the darkness. Something warm against the cold, something shining and tremulous, uncrinkling into the corners of his mind and settling down, worn and smooth, as if it had been there all along.  
_  
**"Can you hear my voice? Can you hear me?"  
**___  
He _has___ done this before. So he knows what to do now.**  
**  
_"I ... I hear you." ___  
_  
**"Hikaru?! Hikaru! ... Kami-sama . . ."**___  
  
The darkness no longer feels like water but like black veils falling away to reveal the sun.  
_  
**"I give thanks ... "**___  
  
And he surfaces into the light. _**  
  
**to be continued in part 11b 


	17. 11b: Beating Hearts new!

In the Forests of the Night  
A Hikaru no Go ghost story  
  
Part 11b: Beating Hearts

* * *

_Cold ... so cold. Not good. SO not good. Ouch. Something hurts! Sore._  
  
"Hikaru?"  
  
_Ears work. That's good. Maybe._  
  
"Hikaru, wake up."  
  
_Wake up? Huh? I'm not ... wait. No. Guess I'm not. _He cracked his eyes open just the slightest bit. A soft, grey light met his gaze, and above him, a white mist curled ... his breath?  
  
It occurred to him suddenly that he liked breathing. A lot. One couldn't do it enough in a lifetime.  
  
He tried to sit up, biting his lip as a new jolt of pain sizzled through him. After a few moments, the pain subsided, although the worried voice beside him had not. Hikaru ignored the voice for the moment, focusing on his more immediate, internal problems. _Owww. _  
  
"Take it slowly, you've been sleeping for quite a while now ..."  
  
But had he been merely asleep? For some reason, he thought that it was more than that.  
  
Hikaru reached behind his back, fingers hesitating slightly at the cool, gritty soil that met his touch. Gingerly, he pushed upwards, groaning as all sorts of twinges and aches protested to the motion. Above him, the glowing, eggshell tint of the horizon indicated that either dawn was breaking or night had come again. Hikaru thought it was the former, since the light slitting through the grave markers seemed to be growing stronger.  
  
_Wait. Grave markers?!_  
  
"S-sai?" It wasn't as much of a word as it was a hiss of air. His mouth felt dry and gritty, and a strange, acidic aftertaste lingered, making his stomach roil. _Yuck! It's like I've been licking litterboxes or something._ "Ugh. What happened?"  
  
"Hikaru!"  
  
"What happened?" he insisted.  
  
"You ... you ...." Sai's voice wavered, then stopped. Turning his head, Hikaru finally noticed that Sai was kneeling next to him, though the ghost remained semi-transparent. It was almost as if Sai was afraid to appear fully.  
  
"Sai? You okay!?"  
  
"M-me?! Yes. I'm fine. You're the one who a-almost d-di-- " Sai spluttered to a stop, and to Hikaru's surprise, he began to fade further, until only the faintest outline remained.  
  
"I a-almost d-di' _what_?!" Hikaru rubbed his head. "Sai! Get back here! What is _with_ you?!"  
  
"You d-d-di... it ... I ... gomen ne," Sai's image solidified slowly. "I mean, I'm fine, if you're all right."  
  
"Uh ...okaaaaay. Nevermind." Hikaru clenched his teeth as his voice sent another spear of pain through his thoughts. "Where are we?"  
  
"Cemetery. Exactly at the point where we started, actually."  
  
"Where we started?! But what happened to the stars ... and ..." Hikaru paused, wincing. Trying to think past the muddled blur of his thoughts was like tearing into a newly scabbed wound. He had a hazy half-memory of stars. And something else. And being cut in half. He blanched. He definitely remembered being cut in half. But after that . . . he clutched his head, confused at the tumbling images. It was as if someone had taken a video camera and shaken it up and down and side to side, leaving a swirl of motion where there should have been solid memories. "S-shit! I thought it was supposed to be all back!"  
  
"Hikaru?! What are you talking about?!"  
  
"Oh no, don't tell me ... this better not be like some LAME movie ending where everything was some wonky dream. Cause if that's true, I'm gonna go apeshit on SOMETHING. I don't know exactly on _what_, but something is going to get whomped." Hikaru pounded a fist onto the ground, then immediately regretted the action.  
  
_Owwwww! Okay, so it's not only my brain ... why does everything feel like I've sent it through a meat grinder? Twice?!_  
  
"I don't understand. Why do you want to eh ... _whomp_ something?!" Sai leaned forward, his eyes wide and worried. Hikaru reached out to swat him away, then jerked back abruptly as his hands passed completely through Sai's arm.  
  
"It couldn't have been a dream. After all that ..." Hikaru stopped, staring at his hands. He had curled them into fists, unconsciously. Taking a deep breath, he relaxed them, then tried to do the same thing in his mind. But shifting through his remaining memories was like trying to hold bubbles between his fingers; they had a glinting, fragile quality to them. "It happened, didn't it?"  
  
"Well, I see _someone_ is up to his normal processing speed."  
  
"WAAAAAAGH!" If he hadn't already been on his rear, Hikaru knew he would have fallen again for the umpteenth time.  
  
_This has not been a good night for my butt_, he thought offhandedly, and felt something like giggles erupt from deep within him. _Not to mention my sanity. _  
  
The urge to giggle hysterically mushroomed even more as a gigantic black fox ambled into his field of vision. From nose tip to tails (of which there were nine, he noted), it was much longer than Hikaru was tall. If he were standing, the fox's muzzle would still easily reach Hikaru's chest. From his sitting position, however, the creature towered over him. Every instinct within Hikaru urged him to run, but his body was less than enthusiastic about cooperating.  
  
"Tch, trying to get away _again_, my little onigiri? Didn't I tell you from the beginning that you aren't exactly on my menu? I have more taste than that, I would think." The kitsune sat back onto its haunches. One of the tails swatted him across the chest.  
  
_Wait ... fox ... nine tails ..._  
  
"Osusuki! Ugh. I take that part about the dream back." Contrary to his words, however, Hikaru relished the relief that washed over him, cool and comforting, at the visual confirmation.  
  
_It wasn't a dream._ However, even on the heels of that relief, his skin prickled and his muscles tensed. _And if it wasn't a dream, that means I actually played a ..._ "ACCCK!"  
  
"Kiyiii! Well, good morning to you too," Osusuki yawned, showing a long row of sharp, white teeth. "I see your manners are as impeccable as ever."  
  
Blatantly ignoring the fox, as well as his gleaming teeth, Hikaru reached out towards Sai again. The ghost smiled sadly as his hand passed through once more. "So last night ..."  
  
"The night was real but it is over. As is the magic that bound the place."  
  
"Oh." Hikaru blinked. "OH!" suddenly a hand shot up to touch his head. "My hair ..."  
  
"--is back to that disgusting style you like so much. When I said the magic was over, I meant it," the kitsune gave a barking laugh as Hikaru patted the bleached blonde strands with something close to sheer adoration.  
  
"Good! But ..." Hikaru bit his lip. If he skirted around that one point in his memory then perhaps ... "If you're real, then that means ..." _I'm forgetting something. No. SomeONE. _"Wait! What about Torajiro..."  
  
"Oh him?" Osusuki straightened, and Hikaru heard a soft growling, the sounds rising and falling almost like words. As the sound faded, a slight misting of white began to coalesce before them, slowly gaining substance. Within heartbeats, Hikaru was able to pick out the now familiar shape of his fellow deishi.  
  
"I thank you, Osusuki-sama." Torajiro knelt by him. "Shindo-kun, I'm glad you are finally awake. We were all very worried."  
  
The ghost's image was very faint, to the point where Hikaru could clearly read the name on the gravestone behind him. "Oy, you okay? You're kinda doing the see-right-through you thing."  
  
"I'm fine, if but a little tired ... in my current form, it is hard to remain here, in this place, in this time," Torajiro said. "However, it is definitely an improvement over my last accommodation."  
  
"You don't have to go back, do you?"  
  
"No. I am free," the ghost tilted his back, and the smile the crossed his face was like a second sunrise. "And I thank you for that, Shindo-kun."  
  
"You're ... welcome?" Hikaru rubbed his eyes. Having Torajiro in front of him sparked the remaining bits of his memory into working. All the other events of the night gained a sharper clarity, like a lens twisting into focus. All events, that is, save one. "Ugh."  
  
"Shindo-kun ... are you ..."  
  
"There's something ... kinda weird, still," he muttered. He didn't have to look up to feel the others tensing around him. "With what I remember."  
  
"Osusuki," said Sai, with a voice as brittle as an obsidian edge. "I warned you . . ."  
  
The kitsune tossed his snout back, his ruff bristling. "Whatever I took from him, it has been restored. And whatever is lost within him, no one else can give back. We healed what we could. Some wounds go deeper than the flesh. Of any one of us, you should know that, Fujiwara-sensei."  
  
Hikaru clutched at the ground, fingers scrabbling into the cold, cold loam. It didn't help steady the spinning sensation, however, nor did it fill the blank space in his mind. "B-but ..."  
  
"What exactly do you remember, Hikaru?" Sai asked. The ghost folded his hands in his lap, but Hikaru could still see them shaking.  
  
"I ..." _**Swords, stars, and darkness overwhelming**_ ... He flinched, clutching his head.  
  
"HIkaru?!" Something brushed by him, like the touch of the wind. "Osusuki! Do something ..."  
  
_**Nothing but darkness**_ ...He clamped his teeth on his bottom lip. The pain helped him focus. _Don't think about it. Don't ..._  
  
"Hikaru!"  
  
Cracking open an eye, he saw Sai peering anxiously at him. Oddly enough, the ghost appeared to be sideways ... after a moment, Hikaru realized that he was the one who had slumped over.  
  
"I--" Hikaru pushed himself upward, trying to ignore the fact that he had to do it twice before he could sit straight. "I can't." His fingers clenched spasmodically in the cold dirt as another shiver rippled through him. "I don't think I'm ... I ..." He brought his hands up, covering his face.  
  
"It's all right, Shindo-kun," Torajiro's words came quietly, but they held a subtle power and rhythm that made them stronger than if he had shouted them. "It'll come back."  
  
"But --"  
  
"It'll come back. It still hurts, I know, but you're stronger than what happened ... stronger than anyone of us here, in that aspect. You won't let this set you back because that's not the kind of person you are -- of this much I am certain! Do what you can for now, remember what you can, and it will be enough."  
  
Torajiro's voice never wavered, his eyes never turned away, never showed any doubt. And for a brief, bright moment Hikaru understood why Sai had missed the young man so very much. And why his students would build shrines to him. "Just try, all right? What is the last thing you recall?"  
  
"Um. Well, I remember challenging. ol' Fart--"  
  
Hikaru paused, glancing up, eyes wide. "Eh ... he isn't ..."  
  
"No. You won, Shindo Hikaru," Osusuki said. For the first time, Hikaru noticed that the fox had laid down so that his nose and tails curled into a complete, furry circle around Hikaru's body. "The question remains is _how_ you won."  
  
Hikaru gritted his teeth, but his memories remained stubbornly blank. "I don't really know. That's the problem! I remember seeing the battlefield, and drawing my sword. And then I was fighting." He could still feel the fear creeping mouselike and furtive through him, eating him hollow inside. He shuddered. "Amatsu Mikaboshi lifted his sword and he ... he ..."  
  
Hikaru spluttered to a stop. Suddenly, it became too painful to look any of the others in the face. When he spoke again, his voice was very, very small. "I think he killed me."  
  
Sai made a strangled sound. Torajiro's image flickered wildly, like an incandescent bulb about to burn out. He could even feel the tension thrumming through the kitsune encircling him, as if Osusuki was preparing to run or pounce.  
  
"I don't really remember anything after that," he said, twisting awkwardly as the silence continued. "Everything just ... stops. I was ... I was hoping you guys could tell me what happened."  
  
Hikaru clenched his teeth as no one spoke. "You said I won, right? You saw that ... right?"  
  
"Actually, at that point, we thought you had lost," Osusuki said. "You did look quite deceased -- rather messily so."  
  
"Whaaaa?!" Hikaru tried to shoot to his feet, but didn't quite succeed in making it there. Both Sai and Torajiro started forward, but it was Osusuki who grabbed a mouthful of his jacket, keeping him from bumping painfully to the ground again. The kitsune slowly lowered his head, forcing Hikaru to sit once again.  
  
"Sit. Stay. Be still," he ordered primly.  
  
"I am not a puppy." Hikaru scowled, but he made no further movement. "This just sucks! It makes no sense. I mean, I won. I'm here, and not in Hell or d-dead ... wait. Is _that_ what you're all trying to tell me? That I'm dead?! Oh shit. Oh SHIT! It's like that stupid movie! I'm gonna kill Waya for making me watch ... wait, since I'm dead, I can't ... ohmygodwhatamIgonnado ... OWW!"  
  
Osusuki quickly opened his jaws, releasing Hikaru's arm. The fox hadn't broken the skin, but Hikaru could see the indention from each and every tooth that had clamped down on his flesh. "Did I mention I hate you?"  
  
"But did you feel that?"  
  
"YES! Just like the rest of the excruciating pain exploding all over my body!"  
  
"Then you're not dead, are you, little pup?" Osusuki blew a long breath through his whiskers, making them twitch. Hikaru couldn't really tell, but it seemed as if the kitsune was laughing. "As much as we would love to enlighten you as to what happened after your ... how _would_ you put it? Ah, shish-kebabbing, the fact is, we do not know. I, for one, did not see anything beyond the point when Amatsu Mikaboshi-sama drew you into the Heart of the Game. I only know what I heard from Fujiwara-sensei and Honinbo Shuusaku."  
  
"You didn't see it?" Hikaru closed his eyes. "What about you, Sai? You were there. After he ... y'know."  
  
The ghost dropped his head, letting his long hair obscure his face.  
  
"Sai?"  
  
"Shindo-kun, we were ..." Torajiro finally answered, when it became apparent that Sai wouldn't. "Well, up until the point Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi err ... c-cut you, we were with you. But then we were back in the forest with your ... ah... b-body... and there was so much blood."  
  
Hikaru rubbed his stomach uneasily. _Blood? I don't remember that part_. "Sai?"  
  
Sai turned away. His fingers opened and closed as if clutching for something, but his fan did not appear. Without it, his hands looked empty, helpless.  
  
"You were ... umm... " Torajiro fumbled, "there was so much blood, and you were..." He blanched, shuddering. "You... really did .... die ...I think. Or something ... worse than that."  
  
"Something ... worse?" _  
**  
The darkness engulfs him, thick and cloying**._  
  
Hikaru swallowed, feeling the bile creep up the back of his throat. Desperate for a distraction, he picked at the bandage around his hand. Its presence prompted him to hastily pull up his jacket and shirt to check his stomach. To his relief, the skin there remained remarkably bandage free, without a single trace of a wound or a scar. Yet, if he thought about it, he could still feel a odd prickling along where the injury _should_ have been, like a faint ripple marking the impact of a stone long thrown.  
  
He quickly resolved not to think about it.  
  
"It ... it wouldn't stop," Torajiro's voice was very faint. "There was just so much. Everywhere."  
  
Sai abruptly stood, still not saying a word, and walked away. He stayed within eyesight, but Hikaru guessed the ghost had purposely put himself just out of earshot.  
  
"Ah ..." Torajiro paused, his expression torn between following his mentor and staying and finishing his narrative.  
  
"Okay, look ... you don't have to tell me every gory detail." Hikaru grimaced. _It's not like I want to hear about being sliced like a ham!_  
  
"I didn't know what was happening, or what to do. I thought we would all end up in Hell." Torajiro scrubbed the bridge of his nose wearily. "And you just .... laid there. But Sai ... he wouldn't let the rest of us give up. Kept trying to reach you. So I ... I tried to stop the bleeding ... and then I had help."  
  
The fur Hikaru was leaning against bunched and rippled as Osusuki shifted position.  
  
"You?!" He turned to face the fox.  
  
"What, you think I have no compassion?" Osusuki smirked. Hikaru crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes.  
  
"I see you know me too well. But you underestimate just how _annoying_ your sensei can be when he has his mind on something. Then there is the fact that Inari-sama decreed that we kitsune owed a debt you. And, strangely enough, you also seemed to inspire something in other wanderers ... " Osusuki shrugged. "You had everything from kitsune to river gods ... I wouldn't say _concerned_ ... but definitely curious as to your fate."  
  
The kitsune's whiskers twitched, and the smirk grew larger. "When you have a whole pantheon of deities behind you, fixing mortal bodies is relatively easy. But as for souls ah, that's where things got complicated. Not even the gods can do much about that. I'm still quite amazed. We all thought ... well ... we _hoped_ you wouldn't mind being fed tofu through a straw for the rest of your little existence."  
  
Osusuki paused, and the smirk disappeared. His tone lowered, rumbling with such force that Hikaru's own skin vibrated from the contact. "You ... you were very lucky. You came very close to receiving another perspective on being in this cemetery. I don't know what happened to bring you back, or what you did while you were gone. But I do know that even I, a lord of the wandering, cannot explain all the mysteries that shadow our worlds. Especially when it involves those with star souls."  
  
The kitsune's head tilted slightly towards Sai's direction, and for a moment, Hikaru thought he saw a real smile flicker across the pointed muzzle. But it could have just been a trick of the light.  
  
Feeling horribly awkward, Hikaru fingered the bandage wrapped around his palm. "Um. Ah. Well, thanks for fixing the being sawed in half thing anyway. Both of you."  
  
"I'm just relieved that it worked. But I am sorry that we couldn't help or heal ...." Torajiro gestured at the bandage around Hikaru's hand. "You gave that one to yourself. Those are the ones that stay and scar ... those are the ones that you have to carry around the longest."  
  
The Go saint, however, was also looking toward Sai when he said that.  
  
Hikaru sighed. The familiar roiling in his stomach had been growing steadily for the past few minutes, and the force of the nausea was enough to make him sway. If _he_ felt this way, then Sai ...  
  
"Oy!" he cupped his hands around his mouth. "Sai, quit that! And get back over here. Look, it's not like anything was your fault." Hikaru clutched his midsection as the cramping increased even more. "Geez! I'm glad I didn't have breakfast yet, cause I'm about to lose yesterday's lunch. Stop feeling so bad. If not for you, then for me and my stomach."  
  
For a moment, it seemed as if Sai was ready to bolt. Muscles visibly tense, arms held tightly against his side, the ghost seemed torn. Hikaru braced both hands against the ground, readying himself to loose what little he had left in his stomach. _Sai ... please ... _  
  
With a visible droop to his shoulders, Sai shuffled back towards them. Hikaru took a long, trembling breath as the tightness gripping his guts eased slightly. But what remained still made him wish he had never even _thought_ about eating within the past week.  
  
"Look, bean brain! It's not your fault," he said.  
  
"I let you go, Hikaru. I let you go there, knowing the price that you would have to pay to bring yourself to that point--"  
  
"Whoa! Hang on. You _let_ me go?! Like, you think you could've stopped me? Man, when have _you_ been able to stop _me_ from doing what I want?! Huh?!" Hikaru snorted. "Okay, so I wasn't too thrilled about being cut in half. Twice." Hikaru grimaced. _Twice?!_ "But it got me where I needed to go. I don't know how or why, but it worked, didn't it?"  
  
"Perhaps it worked because, paradoxically, the edge of death is when mortal souls are at their strongest," Osusuki put in. "It's when you have the chance to move between worlds, or even find the ones you hold within yourself."  
  
Sai shuddered again.  
  
"ANYWAY, I'm not dead, you idiot. So stop acting as if I was. We're still stuck together, and I'm NOT about to drag around your sorry ass if you're gonna be like this, you know."  
  
The rolling feeling increased slightly, then slackened. Hikaru blew out a breath of relief when the ghost moved and sat down next to him. "It's not a big deal. Okay? I'm fine. Really."  
  
"But Hikaru ... I wasn't there for you. In the last part of your game . . ." Sai stopped and his chin dropped slightly, causing his hair to fall across his face and eyes once more. "You were alone. And I couldn't help."  
  
"Ugggh. I think I liked it better when you angsted only about Go." Hikaru closed his eyes, mentally gathering his courage. "Okay, I'm only gonna say this once, so you better listen. I can't really remember, all right? It's kinda all fuzzy and really weird and it sounds stupid, but it's like it wasn't ..._me_ there. I can't explain it. But I do know one thing. I wasn't alone, in what went on there. " He swallowed, the words thick against his throat. "And what happened afterward."  
  
"H-hikaru ..."  
  
"You came after me. I can't remember everything about that part. I c-can't." Hikaru tamped down on the shivering sensation inside him, fighting not to give into it. "But some part of me remembers this much. You came after me through the darkness. I _felt_ that. You came after me through the darkness, even though it was like water, even though it felt like we were ... d-drowning. So I wasn't alone, I wasn't _ever_ alone. Even from the very start, it was your game on which I built mine. Your game ... was in mine. You were there. Just like always."  
  
He didn't know how long the silence lasted this time. It was long enough, though, for his hitching breaths to even out, and his hands to stop shaking.  
  
When he was certain the last tremor had faded, he looked up.  
  
And caught the sudden flash of white as Sai brought his hands together. The ghost had his fan back.  
  
_It's gonna be all right now. _"Look! Enough with the cheesy bits! We're missing the most important point."  
  
"H-hikaru?!"  
  
"I won, didn't I?" Hikaru grinned, hoping that if he did so, Sai would as well. "Ha! Wish Waya and Touya could've seen it. That'll teach THEM to doubt me! I won against a Demon God! GO ME!!" He pumped a fist into the air, then winced. "Ow. Okay, no victory dance. I just wish I knew _how_ I won."  
  
Again the wisping memory of stars flickered in his mind, but the solid images escaped him. Hikaru ran a hand through his hair. "This sucks."  
  
"Hikaru ... however you won, I'm just glad you did. You have every right to be proud of yourself. It must have been some move you made. The board was very scattered when I last saw it. I doubt even I could've saved the situation ..." Sai said.  
  
The ghost seemed to have regained some of his normal cheerful attitude, but Sai's voice still held a strange, discordant note -- something not quite like jealousy but similar to it lurked beneath the words. The sense of overwhelming sadness had not quite gone away either, though it was tempered with something different now. "We've got to recreate the game when we get home, maybe we can figure out ..."  
  
"No!" Hikaru blinked, half surprised at the vehemence behind his voice. Osusuki, Sai, and Torajiro gaped at him. "No ... not that game. I'm not going back there again. Ever. It'd be nice if I remembered the game and how I won it, yeah, but I don't want to _replay_ it. It'd be too much like ...no. Just. No."  
  
"But Hikaru--"  
  
"Kiyii! It's getting into true morning now. As you humans say, the day doth show, the channering worm doth chide, the cock doth crow. If I don't eat him first, that is. It's time for all good little kitsune to go back to their courts." Hikaru nearly toppled backwards as Osusuki surged to his feet. "And it's also drawing close to time when little ghosts have to go as well. Say your goodbyes, Honinbo Shuusaku, for the wandering night has past."  
  
Torajiro glanced at Sai. "Osusuki-sama, please ..." he trailed off, his eyes downcast.  
  
"Oh very well. Five minutes. I might as well rip my own belly out while I'm at it. It's bound to slop out at any moment anyway, given how everything else has gone soft and mushy."  
  
The fox sighed, and Hikaru felt something tug at the base of his coat. "Come on, up on your paws, my little onigiri. Let's test out how well you legs work since you nearly became separated from them." Osusuki let Hikaru lean against him as he struggled to his feet.  
  
"Um. I'll be over there, if you need me," he said to Sai and Torajiro, who barely nodded in response.  
  
He let Osusuki lead them a small distance from the two ghosts. Though sore, his legs worked fairly well. Hikaru put both hands above his head and made a full body stretch, moaning as things popped and pulled into place.  
  
"Well, you are a little worse for the wear, my little cutlet, but you fared far better than most mortals, when they brush up against those who walk the night." Osusuki sat back on his haunches and curled his nine tails around him. "I believe you have questions?"  
  
Hikaru raised an eyebrow. "Yeah. How does your butt stay up with all those tails?! Isn't your ass really heavy?"  
  
Osusuki's snapped his jaws shut, narrowing his eyes. "Of all the things you could have asked me ..." he suddenly grinned. "I see that there was no need to worry about your metal state. You are still as thick as ever."  
  
"Look, I'm sick of the mushy crap." Hikaru crossed his arms stubbornly. "And I don't wanna talk about more deep stuff, okay? My brain hurts enough already, thank you very much."  
  
"I see. But just to make sure ... though you have lost that one memory, you have the others back now, correct? All the games are back in the proper places?"  
  
Hikaru paused, then nodded. "Yeah. I think so. They're in there, even the ones when I ... uh ... you ... had fleas. I just can't remember how I won that game."  
  
"But ... do you really want to remember?"  
  
Hikaru blinked. "Are you kidding me? Ever heard of bragging rights?"  
  
"You played a god, Shindo Hikaru. And won. What sort of fun would you have with playing mere mortals after that?" Osusuki tilted his head. Despite the growing light, his eyes seemed to glow with their own inner spark. "I've always wondered this about Sai ... what _would_ he do if he ever caught that silly thing he chases ... what was it? Hand of God? Something about a perfect move that wins every game?"  
  
"I ... don't think that's what it is ..." Hikaru stopped. _Why did I say that?_ He scratched his head.  
  
Osusuki tilted his head in the other direction. "Ah. Is that so? It seems you remember more than you acknowledge."  
  
Hikaru swallowed.  
  
"Or at least, you remember all you can, at the point where you are now. Trust me, some things are better left to chase after, little mortal, than to catch. But take heart. Those who stray into the wandering night rarely come back out unchanged, Shindo Hikaru, if they come out at all. You may not remember the specifics now, but I think you have won a far more important battle than you know. There is power within you, though it merely sleeps at the present. "  
  
Osusuki stretched, his long snout pointing towards the sun. He rose to all four paws, shook himself thoroughly, then yawned in a wide, teeth flashing, tongue lolling manner.  
  
"One more thing, little starbringer. Nothing mortal nor that which once was mortal can last forever. That's the price. It is a wise being indeed who knows the power of what he has before it becomes a memory of what he has not. Even wanderers need to find rest, some day."  
  
"What's with the fortune cookie stuff? I'm just glad it's all over and that Sai's still with me. He's not going to Hell, I'm not going to Hell, so everything's fine. Though this is the LAST time I take a shortcut through a haunted cemetery; actually, last time I'm gonna be going through ANY cemetery. I'm gonna be cremated and dumped somewhere when I go, yup!"  
  
The kitsune shook his head.  
  
"What?" Hikaru stared at the fox, who gazed back, green eyes unfathomable in the hazy twilight.  
  
"Unfortunately, I think that when you finally do understand the import of what I've said, it will not be without pain."  
  
"Look, I'm REALLY tired of the "Hikaru is a idiot" jokes! I'm not that dumb! I beat the Lord o' Badass, didn't I? I saved Sai ... not to mention your sorry tails. Even if I don't remember how! Sure, me an Sai'll still fight and do dumb stuff, but as long as we're together, things'll be okay."  
  
Taking a deep breath, he straightened his shoulders, forcing every last shred of confidence into his next words. "It'll be okay. If ol' Torajiro can live with him for twenty something years, I can too! NO way that Go saint's gonna beat ME in this department. We'll figure it out ...we have my entire lifetime to get it right."  
  
Osusuki sighed, and to Hikaru's surprise, the fox pressed his nosed gently to Hikaru's chest. "You mortals never _listen_. You'll learn, but I guess it'll have to be the hard way. For what it's worth, given time and _lots_ of patience, you will indeed be a starsouled mortal to be reckoned with. I promise you that."  
  
"Uh ..." feeling strangely off balance by the kitsune's praise, Hikaru itched the back of his neck. Then, almost in afterthought, he brought a hesitant hand to touch the fox behind the left ear, scratching gently as he had once felt Sai do to him, when he was in Osusuki's mind. The fox let out a slow hum.  
  
"And I thank you for this as well," he said. Then he sneezed, forcing Hikaru back on his rump one last time.  
  
"Oh YUCK! Fox boogers!" Hikaru wiped at his jacket. "Did you have to do that?"  
  
Osusuki flicked his nine tails, an enigmatic grin curling up around his muzzle.  
  
"S-shindo-kun?" Torajiro came towards him. Sai remained in the background, his hands folded. He appeared to be deep in thought. Hikaru glanced at the Go saint curiously as Torajiro fiddled with the hem of his sleeve. "Er ... Shindo-kun, I ...."  
  
"Hey, just call me Hikaru. All my best buds who are ghosts do," he said, and was rewarded with a shy smile.  
  
"Ah, I just want you to know that I think you have a very bright future ahead of you. I wish we could have met in life. I would have enjoyed the chance to play you. I would have given you quite a challenge."  
  
"Yeah, I bet," said Hikaru, managing a small smile. "Where you going now? I mean ... if you don't have anywhere to stay, you could hang in my brain for awhile. I'm kinda used to it by now, since ..." he jerked a thumb toward Sai. "Hey! I bet you can help me in calligraphy class!"  
  
"Hikaru!" Sai broke in, shocked.  
  
"Shindo-k ... Hikaru ... I would like, more than anything, to spend time with you and Sai. Perhaps it would have been my destiny, in another place or another time. Unfortunately, fate had other plans ... it has been a long, dark road. I am tired. But now at least ... now, I can seek rest." Hikaru's mouth dropped open as the Go saint bowed deeply to him. "My purpose here has been fulfilled. I no longer worry about Sai. And I thank you for that."  
  
"Shuu-- eh." Hikaru paused as Torajiro shook his head. "Oh. T-torajiro ..." Hikaru fidgeted, feeling a little abashed about calling the older man by his first name. "You don't have to ... look, I owe you thanks too. Cause without you ... me an' Sai, we couldn't be the way we are."  
  
"Then let's just say we're both blessed," Torajiro gave him a brilliant smile. "I am better for having known you. Both of you." He turned to Sai, and bowed low once more. "Til' we meet again, sensei."  
  
As the Go Saint shimmered out of view, Hikaru felt a familiar twisting in his stomach. He said nothing, perhaps because he felt the same way.  
  
"I must take my leave as well," said Osusuki. He glanced at Sai. "This will be the last time I see the both of you together, or should I say, you will see me. The terms were set forth in the beginning, and I cannot break those."  
  
Still, the fox paused, his deep emerald eyes never leaving Sai.  
  
"Fujiwara no Sai ..."  
  
"You gave me a chance to see magic and to use my own, Lord of the Foxes. However, what I said back then still holds true today. Even if it was a thousand times harder, I would still choose the path I did. Especially if it leads me to where I am now."  
  
"I can see why."  
  
"Hey, why are the both of you staring at ME again?" Hikaru demanded. _Am I missing something?_ "What?! Is it my hair again? It better be okay, or I am gonna find you, Rabbit Breath, and make you sorry! Where's a mirror?! I swear you make me crazy ..." He froze, memory crackling to life as the words left his mouth.  
  
Wait. _Crazy?_  
  
_Crap! I did forget one more thing!_  
  
"Crazy ... crazy ... oh great! What happened to ol' screwloose?!"  
  
"Ah. You mean Sugawara-san." Osusuki stopped mid-stride.  
  
"Yeah, _him_. I still don't know why I took him out of Hell. If anyone deserves ..."  
  
"No, Hikaru. What you did was right," Sai's voice was very, very quiet. "He's been there for a very long time. And it's not a part of your nature to just leave someone behind like that."  
  
"Or in other words, you're also soft on top of being stupid. As for Sugawara no Akitada, well, he may be free of Hell, but ..." Osusuki grinned, but it was a smile that showed quite a bit of fang. "He is a part of the wandering night now. Since he likes to ... play ... so much, I was thinking I could show him some other games, besides Go ...." the kitsune's expression reminded Hikaru of lean shadows rushing through the long grass. "Gotta do something with the free time that just opened up next Setsubon, anyways."  
  
"Uhh... " Hikaru suddenly found himself very happy that he wasn't a certain Go sensei.  
  
"Well, I have other matters, in other realms, that call for my attention. Seems some idiot nine-tailed cousin of mine has managed to be sealed in a child's bellybutton, of all things. A bellybutton ... kiyii! I swear, you humans will be the end of me yet. But for all your annoying tendencies ...you have friends in the night now, Shindo Hikaru, Fujiwara no Sai. Even if you can't see us, we'll be watching."  
  
"That's not very comforting!" Hikaru grumbled but even as the first syllable left his mouth, the fox had faded away, leaving Hikaru and Sai alone.  
  
By now, morning had managed to crest over the entire graveyard. In the bright, newborn light, Hikaru suddenly found he had a very hard time looking directly at his friend. So much had happened. _  
  
Where do we stand now? I know so much more about him, stuff that he probably doesn't want me to know. But the weirdest part ...  
  
I now know enough about him to feel like I REALLY don't know him at all ...how stupid is THAT?!  
_  
"Well," said Hikaru, as he shifted nervously from foot to foot. "Uh ..."  
  
Sai looked rather uncomfortable as well. One hand toyed with his fan. "Hikaru ..."  
  
"Mom's gonna freak! They probably have the police looking for us!" he babbled in panic. "Ugh, I'm gonna get it when I get home."  
  
"Hikaru ..."  
  
"And Waya is NEVER gonna let me hear the end of it. He's gonna say I told you so!' five billion times I bet!"  
  
"HIKARU!" Sai demanded. "I have something important to say."  
  
_Oh great. Here comes the mushy lecturing part.  
  
_"You still owe me two games!!"  
  
_Or not._  
  
"What do you mean I owe you two games?! I said if we got home EARLY we'd play two games! And this is not early!"  
  
"But it's late enough to be early now!"  
  
"I'm tired! ONE GAME!"  
  
"HIKARU! YOU'RE SO MEAN!"  
  
"Shut up! You're hurting my ears! Is Go all you ever think about?!"  
  
"SO CRUEL! WAAAAAA."  
  
"Umm ... Sai?"  
  
It must have been his voice that did it. Or the way he said the words.  
  
"WHAAAA--- ehhh, huh? Yes?"  
  
Because it was like the throwing of a switch, really. The ghost immediately stopped caterwauling, becoming still and attentive. Hikaru found himself wishing he hadn't spoken. The look that Sai's eyes now held ... of both strength and sorrow ... _has that always been there?_ he wondered.  
  
_Or are we both different now?  
_  
Hikaru shuddered, feeling as if something unseen had brushed briefly against his skin -- an echo of a premonition perhaps.  
  
"Hikaru?"  
_  
Things _are_ changing, shifting.  
  
But as long as we're together . . ._  
  
"Hikaru ... what is it?"  
  
_As long as we're together, it'll work out. Right?  
  
_"Nothing. Just thinking ... let's rent and pick apart some monster movies tonight! It'll be like comedy now!"  
  
"Hikaru! How could you ... after ... but I wanna plaaaay!" _Cause some things will never change ..._  
  
_It'll work out. It has to._  
  
"C'mon, you wimp," Shindo Hikaru gave his best friend in all the world, wandering or otherwise, the brightest grin he could manage, "let's go home."  
  
Owari (?)

* * *

A/N: Well, almost. There is an epilogue to this, but it involves spoilers for the Hokuto cup, so you can stop here if you don't want to be spoiled. This _is_ an ending of sorts, much like the next part is sort of a beginning. I tend to get things backwards, you know. 


	18. 12: Framing Symmetry new!

In the Forests of the Night  
A Hikaru no Go Ghost story  
  
**Quick Spoiler Warning:** I wrote this part long after I had written the original ending. Halfway through posting the monster, the official ending to the manga appeared. I was basically hit over the head by my muse, and suddenly, I found myself with another story. It really can't stand alone as an independent one shot, so I was at a loss as to what to do with it. Initially, I wasn't going to post this but Imbrium insisted. So if you liked it, it's her fault. She can be really _really_ persuasive. At any rate, she's the one who made the thing readable.  
  
Oh boy. Watch your step! Spoilers for Hokuto Cup Arc! Plus, CHANGE IN POV! Gasp!

* * *

Epilogue: Framing Symmetry  
  
Something was wrong.  
  
Touya Akira knew it as soon as Shindo Hikaru left the Igo salon ... without stomping away from their game. There was no yelling. No waving of arms. Even Ichikawa-san was unprepared when he went up to the counter and politely took back his book bag.  
  
"Well, that was different," she said as they both watched Shindo walk away, his steps slow and measured. "Is he all right?"  
  
Akira shrugged in reply, still finding himself a little nonplused. It had been such a normal game -- not spectacular in any way, shape, or form ... but still adequately challenging. And of course, Shindo had played with his usual zeal, neither giving ground nor quarter. The after-game discussion, however . . .  
  
"He didn't try to argue with me. Not even once."  
  
If he hadn't known better, Akira would've accused Shindo of not listening. Yet, his rival had countered each of his statements, albeit in a dry, toneless voice. And abruptly, just when Akira was about to get into what he thought was Shindo's most damning mistake, Shindo had stood up and announced he had to leave.  
  
And then had proceeded to do so without even the slightest hint of drama.  
  
That clinched it, at least in Akira's eyes. Something was _definitely_ wrong. But what to_ do_ about it, however ... the uncertainty buzzed within him, a discordant sort of feeling that left him rubbing his arms absently.  
  
"He didn't even call me an idiot," he murmured, "or tell me how he's going to kick my ass the next time.'"  
  
"Oh boy. It _must_ be serious." Ichikawa-san's lips quirked, the edges pulling upward slightly. "You're not going to let him get away with that, are you?"  
  
"I ..." He remembered that dull, emotionless voice, remarking on each move as if the outcome hadn't mattered, as if who he played hadn't matt-- Akira clenched his teeth. _I can't believe I'm obsessing about this! Why do I care? He's finally decided to be civil for once. I should be celebrating, not worrying._ "It's not my business."  
  
"Touya-kun," Ichikawa-san hesitated, then brought her chin up. "You still haven't told him about being away next week, have you?" She inclined her head toward the door.  
  
"Well ..." Akira stared at the closed door. "I do have to tell him, don't I? Thank you, Ichikawa-san."  
  
He was moving before he had finished his statement. He found he had to restrain himself from breaking out into a run. Luckily, Shindo had moved slowly, his steps unhurried among the blur of businessmen pushing home from work and the uniformed tide of students being released from cram school.  
  
In the midst of the evening crowd, Shindo's slow meandering stood out like a rock against the whirl of a cascading river.  
  
"Shindo! Wait!"  
  
"Touya?" A puzzled look flashed across Shindo's face as he halted. "What are you doing here?"  
  
Akira shifted his weight backward, suddenly feeling awkward. He hated the feeling, though it was one that his rival inspired with an alarming regularity. "I needed to tell you I can't play you until next week."  
  
Shindo tilted his head. His brows drew together. "Huh?!"  
  
"My family's going to Kyoto tomorrow, and we'll be there for the week. You know, for ..."  
  
"Obon," Shindo finished. Akira could not read the expression on the other's face, but for a moment, he thought he saw sadness. "My family's going to Kasukabe. So I won't see you for a week either." He lifted a hand, waving it dismissively. "Okay. Later."  
  
That really should have been the end of it. But something in Shindo's stance, though ... the way he had hunched over and crossed his arms low on his chest, perhaps, or the way he dragged his feet -- something just didn't _feel_ right, and it stood out every bit as garishly as Shindo's obnoxious blonde bangs did against his otherwise black hair.  
  
_So I really shouldn't care but ... since I'm already here, _he shrugged mentally. "Are you going home now?"  
  
"No." Shindo started walking again. He raised an eyebrow as Akira jogged beside him. "Uh, Touya? Is there something else?"  
  
"Where are you going?"  
  
Shindo's pace faltered, then resumed its even length.  
  
"You know, even if you put on an apron, you'd still wouldn't be able to pass for my mom," he snorted. "So why do you care? I'll be back, I'll play you again ... that's what matters, right?"  
  
The comment should have stung, but Akira never lost a step. "Is it about our game?" he asked. "I thought it went well. You only lost by half a moku this time."  
  
Shindo shook his head. "Just get off it, Touya. It's not about you. And I don't want to talk about our last game, okay? I _know_ I lost to you by half a moku, by a stupid mistake even. Jeez. History sure loves to repeat itself, doesn't it?"  
  
_What does he mean by that?_ Akira wished he had a chance to stop and think, but Shindo increased his pace and he had to push to keep up. _Half a moku ... why would that ..._  
  
_Oh. _Akira's memory stirred with an image of Shindo, half bowed over a goban. "Hokuto."  
  
He didn't know he had said the word aloud until the other boy flinched. "Shindo ..."  
  
Shindo swung his hand up, cutting off the sentence. "It's not about that."  
  
"But . . ."  
  
"This has nothing to do with you or that. And I promise you it's not about any of our games, okay? So just drop it." Shindo was really moving now, arms swinging as he barreled through the crowd.  
  
Akira tried to ignore the dirty looks from the other pedestrians as he matched his rival, step for step. "Even if it's not about our games, that still doesn't mean I don't want to know."  
  
"Yeah, _right._"  
  
"You honestly think I don't think about anything besides Go, do you?"  
  
"Well, duh!" Shindo rolled his eyes. "Isn't that what it's always about? Specially between me and you? It's not like we talk about anything else. Whenever you open your mouth at me, it's _always_ to tell me that I need to improve so that I'm not such a big embarrassment to the nation and the game, or to rag on about how reckless I'm playing, or something Go-related like that. Hell, I'm used it it by now."  
  
"I ...." the statements took him aback, and he nearly lost Shindo in the bustling melee._ Is that really all I ever do? Is that all it adds up to ... talking about Go and yelling at him? _

_Maybe that's why today felt so odd, with him leaving as he did._  
  
For a moment, he stood frozen, watching his opponent's retreating back, unable to give chase. _This seems hopelessly familiar,_ he thought as he forced himself to move. _Crap! I'll never catch him now._  
  
_I should get out more. Exercise._ He sighed. _At this rate, I'll need an act of GOD to ..._  
  
But perhaps the heavens were listening. Or perhaps they routinely sent salvation in the form of a rather rotund housewife. Whatever the case, Akira gave a mental thank you to the powers that be as Shindo smacked into the woman at the turn of the corner and bounced flat onto his rear. As it was, Shindo had just finished spluttering his apologies when Akira finally caught up.  
  
"Touya! Go away!" Shindo spat as Akira grabbed his arm.  
  
"I'm not here to play tag with you! Just stand still and be quiet! When I said that you'd embarrass the whole nation if you didn't win at Hokuto, I --"  
  
"Uggh! I can't believe you!" The other boy balled his hands into fists, and he lowered his head and closed his eyes, muttering something under his breath. When he finally looked up, his eyes had narrowed into that familiar, arrogant glare. "I don't _care_ about what you said at Hokuto! That wasn't the problem! You were _right_ to say what you did. I needed to win. And you were right that it wasn't an end. That there is no end. "  
  
"Still, every time we talk Go, you know I don't mean to --" Akira stopped, unable to quite voice the thoughts spinning in his mind. "You know, don't you?"  
  
Jerking his arm out of Akira's grip, Shindo threw both hands in the air. "What is with you today? You're always ragging on me, yah, but jeez. ... it's fine. You don't have to get all weird about it. You're my rival. The way I see it, being jerks to each other is a part of our job description."  
  
With one last, angry huff, Shindo broke away.  
  
"What do you mean by that?" Akira didn't have enough voice left to yell, but luckily, his words seemed enough to reach his opponent anyway.  
  
Sighing loudly, Shindo spun around on one foot. "I don't have time for this. Just ... I know, okay? I know you were only trying to make me do my best, back during the cup. So don't you _dare_ apologize. Especially not for trying to make me win. Not for ... believing I could ... for yelling at me until I do, reminding me that I have to ... for giving me a reason to fight. All right? I needed that. I still need that. Especially when I need to win. Especially when I'm defending his honor ..."  
  
"What? Who's honor?"  
  
Shindo started walking again, but to Akira's relief, it was at a normal speed.  
  
"_Who's_ honor?" he insisted as he kept pace.  
  
"The honor of Japan of course," Shindo amended. They had reached the train station now. Shindo took out his wallet and bought a ticket. After noting the amount, Akira did the same.  
  
Shindo's mouth narrowed into an increasingly tense line. "Touya. For the last time, what I'm doing ... where I'm going ... it really has nothing to do with games or tournaments or cups ... or anything like that. It might be even a little ..." he paused, rubbing the back of his neck. "It's something I just gotta do. Alone."  
  
"Fine. I'll leave you alone when you tell me where you're going. And why."  
  
"It's none of your business! Why do you ... Why are you ..." Shindo clenched his teeth, as if physically biting back the rest of his questions.  
  
It was just as well. Akira didn't actually have any answers.  
  
Shindo turned away slightly, his posture tense. "This has nothing to do with you."  
  
"But ..." Akira took a deep breath. _Why _can't_ I let this go? _"It does."  
  
"Okay, _what_?!" Shindo crossed his arms. "What do you mean it does'?! You don't even know about --" he bit his lip forcefully, then subsided.  
  
"Look, I'll play you next week. Same time. Same place." He flicked his hand in a dismissive gesture. "We'll do the whole 'being jerks to each other' thingie again, okay?"  
  
Gritting his teeth, Akira leveled his best glare at his opponent. "No. You can't get rid of me that easily, Shindo. Even if this is NOT about our games ... it doesn't always have to be, does it?"  
  
Shindo stared at him, fists half raised and defiant. "What do you think?"  
  
"I ..." He found he couldn't meet Shindo's eyes any longer.He stared at a point just beyond his rival's shoulder, jaw set, stance defiant.  
  
"Ugggh!" Shindo grunted. "You're just sooo ... arrrrgh! FINE!"  
  
It wasn't quite the affirmation Akira was looking for, but Shindo made no other protest when he followed him through the turnstiles and up the stairs. The train pulled in just as they reached the platform.  
  
Though the car was only mildly crowded, both of them chose seats across from each other. The distance eased the need for conversation. Akira took the chance to study his rival further, noting the tired slump in Shindo's shoulders and the way that his head bent forward, causing his hair to hide his face. But most of all, he noted the absolute stillness that had descended over the other boy. _How long has Shindo been like this? Since Hokuto? Or before ...  
  
He's learned silence, somewhere, somehow_. Akira rubbed his arms, wondering at the sudden chill. He didn't think it was because of the air conditioning on the train, though.  
  
The only time Shindo was ever this quiet was in the midst of a Go game. Even then, there was an intensity in the young Go pro that spoke of the surging energy just below the calm surface, a force that could erupt any moment with the most powerful of moves.  
  
Not even the barest flicker of that energy remained now. Shindo looked exhausted, as if he had lost every game he had ever played. He had one hand shoved in his right jacket pocket. The edge of a purple tassel tumbled out from between his fingers.  
  
_His fan,_ Akira guessed. During the Hokuto cup, Yashiro had asked about Shindo about its constant presence, and Shindo had replied that it was a good luck charm. Akira, though, thought it might be more than that. _Yet another mystery._  
  
Six stops later, Shindo rose abruptly. Akira followed suit, though the weaving crowd of passengers made tracking his rival rather a challenge. He did lose sight of Shindo for a moment, as a mother with three children, two of whom were wrestling for the same piece of candy, crossed his path.  
  
However, he found the other boy quietly waiting for him at the outside the ticket turnstiles. Akira raised an eyebrow._ Maybe Shindo wants company, despite what he says._  
  
"Shit! It's getting really, really dark," Shindo grumbled as he walked out of the station and into the lengthening shadows. "I didn't mean to let the last game drag on so long. Or get into a fight with YOU."  
  
One by one, the street lights snapped on with an audible hiss. Akira did not like their harsh, blue-white glow. The lamps leeched the colors out of their surroundings and sharpened the edges and corners of each shape, making everything seem overly angular and cutting. As if following his train of thought, Shindo crossed the street, heading for a dimmer sidewalk on the other side. A few minutes later, he stopped in front of a large torimon gate.  
  
Akira carefully schooled the expression on his face, trying not to gawk. _A cemetery?! And here I thought the ramen fetish was strange . . . I really don't know anything about him, do I?_  
  
Sometimes, just hanging around the other boy made Akira feel as if he was swimming across some vast sea with no known depth. Though now and then, Shindo did throw him a float or two, a sudden insight into his complicated personality. _Maybe this will be one of those times?_  
  
"See? It does connect, so I WAS right." Shindo muttered.  
  
_Or perhaps ... not._  
  
Akira folded his arms. "What are you talking about?"  
  
"I ..." Shindo threw a glance back over his shoulder, then shrugged. "Nothing.  
  
"Are you here to pay respect to someone? For Obon?"  
  
"In a way," Shindo swept a hand through his hair. In the heat, the strands had become matted, and they stayed flattened as his fingers passed through them. In fact, all of Shindo's bearing seemed even more subdued than before. In response, Akira felt himself growing more quiet and still.  
  
"I know it's a day early, but I won't be back until Obon's over. But I wanted to be here. Because maybe . . ."  
  
"Maybe what?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
Akira blew a breath out, squashing the uncharacteristic urge to wrap his hands around his rival's neck and squeeze._  
  
It certainly would be satisfying, but I don't think they'll let me play Go anymore if I'm in jail. Drat . . . _  
  
Shindo halted for a moment, just barely a step from crossing the torimon gate into the cemetery. "Wait. Do you watch any horror movies? The Ring? Blair Witch? Poltergeist? Aliens?"  
  
"What?! Aliens?!" _Just what are we going to do here?_  
  
"It's nearly Obon, you know, and sometimes ... sometimes things do come back." Shindo's eyes were very, very intense, but his gaze seemed to look _through_ Akira, instead of at him. It was rather unnerving. "And you really don't look like the type to go wandering around in cemeteries on the eve of one of the most holiest of days."  
  
"Are you _trying_ to scare me, Shindo?!" Akira narrowed his eyes. _It's almost working, actually._  
  
"Nevermind. I think you'll be okay." Shindo nodded decisively. "Your mind really isn't all that open, and you don't watch the horror stuff, so you probably don't believe enough. Yeah."  
  
"WHAT?!"_ Aliens,_ Akira thought. _Aliens would definitely make a lot of sense where Shindo Hikaru is involved._ "Did you just insult me? Again?!"  
  
"Oh! Er. Not really. Hey, trust me, it's better to be narrow-minded here. Less stuff can get in."  
  
"Calling me narrow-minded _is_ an insult!"  
  
"Uhh ... I gotta go now." Shrugging his shoulders, Shindo proceeded through the gate of the cemetery and onto the path. His gait remained steady despite the uneven heights between each stone. It was as if he had crossed this particular trail many times before.  
  
Taking a deep breath, Akira followed, glancing at the well kept grounds. Cemeteries held no mysticism over his imagination, but he really did not have all that much experience with them. He and his family paid their respects to Akira's grandfather, who had passed when he was three, but other than that, he was far too young and ... far too lucky in that he had not needed to come all that often to such a place.  
  
Shindo, on the other hand ...  
  
It was almost like an almost tangible aura around him. It was in the way Shindo muttered to himself sometimes, or looked back over his shoulder for something not there. The way his face would fall, and how his hand would steal into his pocket, squeezing the fan slightly.  
  
Shindo Hikaru was not a stranger to loss, on that Akira was willing to bet his current Dan ranking.  
  
They had made it almost all the way through the graveyard when, without warning, Shindo stopped. Bending over, he knelt along the long grass to the side of the path. "I think ... It should be here somewhere."  
  
"What are you looking for?"  
  
Shindo peered up at him. "A shrine, a small one, but with a kami-statue of a kitsune. Should have a tea setting on it. But don't knock it over if you see it, okay? I don't want the trouble."  
  
As per usual with Shindo, this instruction made no sense whatsoever. _It's like being in a play, _Akira thought, _only he's on act sixteen while I'm stuck on line one._  
  
"Why do you want to ..." Akira paused when it became apparent that Shindo was ignoring him. The other boy had dropped to his hands and knees, pushing aside the long grass and peering around the stone markers. The sun had almost fully set now, and the darkness deepened among the graves. "What can I do?"  
  
"Just stand over there. I don't want you getting in the way."  
  
Akira gritted his teeth at the challenge in Shindo's voice. _Why does he always get to me?!_ he wondered as he knelt down as well, searching among the brittle grass. The drought had made the stems unusually dry, and the blades crackled as he swept them apart. The heat of the earth bled through Akira's pants, and the chirr of the cicadas rose and fell in hypnotic waves. Both boys did not speak as they searched. Besides the cicadas and the occasional crunch of his and Shindo's footsteps against the gravel, there was no other sound in the cemetery.  
  
He had always liked silence, so the almost-silence in the cemetery didn't bother him. It was oddly comforting, in fact, reminding him of the space between Go moves, where anything was possible.  
  
Later, he could have sworn the thing had sprung up from the ground, overly fast like mushrooms after a night's rain. He hadn't gone ten paces into his search when there it was, straight in front of his face ... a kitsune shrine to Inari, with a setting of tea on its altar. For Obon, the priests had tied a bright red apron around the small statue and the stone had been washed and polished until it gleamed, even in the waning light. The effect was such that, if Akira hadn't know better, it would've seemed like the statue was ... _winking_ ... at him.  
  
_Why_ Shindo wanted to find such a strange shrine was something that puzzled him greatly. "Shindo? Is this what you're looking for?"  
  
"Where?!" Moving so fast that he nearly tripped over his own feet, Shindo hurried over. "_You_ found it?!"  
  
"And what do you mean by that!?"  
  
"Just ... it's you and you're so uh...." Shindo itched the back of his neck .  
  
"Just so narrow-minded, you mean?" he stated blandly.  
  
"I .." Shindo grimaced. "It's just with stuff like this ... it's just _weird_ okay?! I really don't have the time and this is _really_ not the place."  
  
Akira paused, feeling the first pricklings of guilt filter through him. _It is rather disrespectful ..._ he winced. The statue now seemed to be smirking at him. Akira backed away a step, and the effect faded. _Just a trick of the shadows,_ he thought.  
  
"Shindo ... really ... what _is_ this all about?" he took a deep breath, and met Shindo's expression squarely. "Can you tell me that much at least?"  
  
"I ... can't."  
  
"Why not?!"  
  
"Uh ... w-well ..." Shindo stammered. His eyes flitted back and forth from the shrine to Akira. "UGH! You should've just stayed at the Go salon."  
  
"Why!? You're the only one I want to play there, you idiot!"  
  
Shindo blinked. "Oh."  
  
_Why did I say that? _Akira groaned. The grin spreading across Shindo's face was insufferable.  
  
"Watch it, Touya. You almost gave me a compliment."  
  
Feeling acutely embarrassed, Akira turned away. The silence didn't feel the slightest bit comforting anymore.  
  
After a few smirking moments, Shindo reached into his backpack and withdrew a ...  
  
_Onigiri?! It's a rather ... lopsided ... onigiri ..._  
  
Shindo glared at him, almost daring him to comment, but Akira merely glared back.  
  
"I don't have any answers for you," Shindo finally said. The timbre of his voice changed, sliding into something resonant and somber. "Not right now, at least. Maybe not even some day.' Maybe not ever."  
  
To his own surprise, Akira shrugged. "That's okay. I can still be here anyway, right?"  
  
After few _more_ moments of strained silence, Shindo nodded once. He shuffled towards the shrine, then knelt. His hands trembled, as if he was balancing something overly heavy. The fan had also made an appearance again, clutched in Shindo's right hand.  
  
"Please," Shindo said, his voice soft and indistinct. Akira knew then that his rival was not addressing him anymore. He felt his skin prickle and wondered if it was the wind.  
  
With a careful bow, Shindo placed the onigiri in front of the kitsune statue. His voice dropped into inaudible murmur. The purple tassel of his fan swayed, pendulum like, as he put it down parallel on his knees. Then he clapped his hands together, palm to palm.  
  
It was like watching a prayer, but not understanding the faith. Something in Shindo's movements held the weight of reverence, and Akira felt as if he was the worst sort of voyeur -- one who watched pain without understanding, unable to look away.  
  
He did not know how long he knelt beside his eternal rival. He did not even know why. But strangely, he found the question no longer mattered. _Because I can still be here. Even if I don't understand._  
  
It was like being shaken awake when Shindo finally took back his fan and placed it carefully into a pocket. He then rose from his kneeling position and clapped three times. The sound broke loud and sharp in the ponderous silence of the dark gravestones. Shindo's eyes were bright underneath the artificial light of the lamps -- too bright perhaps. And larger than Akira could ever remember seeing them.  
  
Despite the heat, he shivered. For a moment, they stared at each other, without blinking, without moving, and in the space of their silence, Akira heard a whispering susurration, not unlike the rush of a river over stones. He caught the flicker of something silver, and for a moment it was like being in the liquid drift of a dream, of rivers and rain, with something like starlight surrounding him.  
  
"It's not always about Go, is it? It really isn't." he whispered, then wondered why he did so.  
  
"No," Shindo said. "It isn't ... and it is. Between us, it's both."  
  
"I ..." Akira paused. _Rivers and rain, and starlight everlasting. _  
  
"I ... I don't get it!" he growled in frustration. "What are you TALKING about, Shindo?!"  
  
"I don't know. You're the one that said it!"  
  
"Can't you ever just make _sense?!_"  
  
"No!" With that, Shindo turned toward the gates of the cemetery again. "Let's get back. I think I still have time to beat your scrawny butt. Hey, let say loser buys dinner! I've been wanting some miso ramen ..."  
  
"Excuse me? We are NOT eating ramen. Not again!" With an uncharacteristic grunt, Akira threw his head backwards, staring at the star-filled sky. "Kami-sama help me." he muttered.  
  
And he could have sworn the heavens answered with a laugh.  
  
_Owari ... for real this time! :)_

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Authors Notes:  
  
AKA: Holy crap. And I thought the story was long!  
AKA: She hasn't betaed this. Run. Ruuuuuuun!  
  
First off, I really really didn't mean for it to take so long. Six months?! Oy. That's just really inexcusable, even if I plead that life really took a chunk out of my hide. I hope some of you came back at least. hopes really really hard I hope even more that you're not bringing sharp sticks with you this time, even though I deserve it (or worse!)  
  
Because, yup, it's done. For real this time! Over a year and a half, countless rewrites, and much poking with sharp sticks, it's finally done!! And I didn't even have to make mincemeat out of Hikaru. ;)  
  
Though I do have mixed feelings about this. As in flying airplanes, the hardest part is the takeoff and the landing. Screwing up on either part means you've totally wrecked the story. As much as I hate muddling a beginning, mishandling an ending terrifies me even more, mainly because I do have an obligation to you, the reader, to have the ending make some sort of sense.  
  
I mean, if the beginning stinks, people generally click the back button on the browser and leave. However, having lead you on a merry chase through 100,000 plus words (Nope, not kidding you), bungling the ending means I've not only wasted my time, I've wasted yours as well. Which really does suck sour grapes. sigh  
  
Still, I wouldn't have made it this far though, without these kind and lovely (if not slightly insane) people who gave me encouragement along the way: **  
  
Aishuu, Funkegirl, Kaitou Magician, Yukiko, Inverso, Lavondyss, Nadia-kun, ladyastralis, Sakurastar-63, Jenglory, Imbrium, Flame-spectre, Dark Cyradis, Illusioness, linda, always together, Kira Seldon, Wanderer, Sosiqui, Boko the Guitar-Playing Chocobo (aka Kou Kagerou of the Willow and Star Knights), tarigwaemir, Knightess Silver, Cheska, reichan, Lita of Jupiter, Coca-Cola, Kailun, chris, Halcyon Clouds, Darak, Yuri, winter light, E2k, Erin Ellis, Xiaoyue, Shingo the Pest, Moonphantom, Jessie-chan, Bea4231, firedraygon97, CM Aeris Queen of Insanity, Kamitra, Ookla the Mok (hehe, spelled right this time, I hope!), sawdust, Dephanie, Universe, Kionala, Shitsumon, Sakura117us, Kalena/Sydnee(?), liz, Jaid Skywalker, summercloud, Prismatic, anon, Dragon Lady 9, ying87, ShiniJekka, fireash, Akira, and GoldenRat.**

* * *

Individual shoutouts go to (and this will be long, so you guys might as well take a chair and grab your favorite beverage of choice and/or skip this part. I know I should've replied by e-mail. I'm such a lazy sod!):  
  
**Lavondyss** -- Hola again! ;) Hehe, you're back! Yay! You've always been with me since the beginning (more than a year and a half ago! Wow!) so I'm always grateful to see you in the reviews! Thank you so much for sticking with me until the end. It means a heckuva whole lot! Unfortunately, the answer to your questions is "none of the above" ... I'm not really good at anything but muddling my way around a plot. I had the beginning planned out from when I started, but the story took a sorts of detours along the way. o. For one thing, I hadn't planned to spend THAT much time on the whole kitsune thing. And the Touya Akira part? Well. That was rather unexpected ...  
  
**Jenglory --** Ohayo again! I hope the weirdness of Chapter ten didn't bother you too much. ;( Everything did get kinda muddled there, didn't it? blushes but I hope that the final result didn't disappoint. Hehehe, since you followed me over from the Promises story, I've felt a little bad ... mainly because I've dragged out TWO stories you were kind enough to review me on, without an end in sight. I hope this makes up for some of the pain. If not, hands out the pointy stick feel free to poke away! And always, I appreciate the review! ;)  
  
**liz** -- guten tag! Thanks for reviewing me! I'm really sorry about the cliffhanger -- and for leaving it up for so long. It was a bit evil. I hope you liked the ending though! Yah, Go as a bloody battlefield still makes me wince a little. It's like taking Hikaru no Go and making it all Dragon Ball Z. Ouch! I just have something for swords, I guess. But I'm glad the starfield part worked for you! Yay! And that Sai wasn't too OOC in your opinion. That's what I've been worrying about the entire time I've been writing this hippo of a ficcie. Meh. But reading a review like yours helps. ;)  
  
**Kamitra** -- Konnichi wa once more, my journal-buddy-who-is-also-a-translating-genius. Yay! G Well, ummm ... Hikaru doesn't stay dead. snerk He does kinda win the day, but with help. shrugs I couldn't help it. He looked all ... sad and ... bloody lying there. And I'm a coward ... I was worried people were going to really spork me to death if I left him that way. G TTYL, same place, kay?  
  
**E2K** -- 'Allo again! Well. I sorta killed him. But he got better! ;) Actually, I think your English isn't bad at all. I tend to muddle up my own English as well, so it's probably my fault that things were a bit hard to understand. The mark of a good story, after all, is that it's easily accessible to the readers. blush I'll have to work on that. Look at it this way; I can't write in any language but English (and that's debatable), so the fact that you can write in two (or more) languages really impresses me. Anyway, thank you for writing to me again. And yup, Hikaru is alive and kicking at the end of the story. I don't know if this is a good thing, but he seems happy about it ... G  
  
**Universe** -- Salutations again! Hehe, this is the real ending! I swear! Sorry about the confusion before. I deserve to be poked with a pointy stick for that. I have to agree ... Part 10c can be rather confusing; I apologize for that. To be honest, I'm not good with the metaphysical stuff, so I'm not surprised that it came out a bit weird. Luckily, it's over now. I'll try to look and maybe rewrite it later, so maybe it won't be so muddled. blushes I hope the real ending makes sense though! Thanks for reviewing me again!  
  
**Shimizu Hitomi** -- Hilo again! Hehehe, you are one of the very few resident Go geniuses in the HNG fandom ;) (Kamitra is another one! Hee!). I really should give you a consulting fee. nods I think you're absolutely right about the seki ... I don't think it would work in a real life game. I was trying to be all symbolic, but I think I ended up being stupid. o. Oh well, I'm used to that by now. blush. The game I used was actually Honinbo Shusaku vs. (Honinbo) Ito Shuwa, 1851. Incidentally, I believe I re-used the first game that Hikaru plays with Akira when they first met (erm. I think I have this right, but I'm not 100 sure). I know, I know, it's a bit weird that I reuse the game, but again, I was going for the symbolism and failing miserably. Anyway, the moves are pretty much from 50-100, and you can see the map here:  
  
I really have too much time on my hands. sigh Thank you for reviewing though!  
  
**Jaid Skywalker** -- G'day to ya! Thanks for the review! I'm glad you're liking the story so far ... in fact, hehehe, I'm relieved you made it to nearly the end. Phew. The Perfect Characters Guide is a manga guide that came out a while ago in Japan. I believe Toriyama World (The Great and All Powerful) still has the Sai 1000 Year Wanderer comic in question up here (sans spaces): http : www .brainfart. org / hikago / extras / extras. htm Hehehe, it's well worth the download. ;)  
  
**summercloud** -- Buenos Dias! And um ... gomen nasai. :( sniffle I feel kinda bad. I couldn't leave it without a happy ending! I just couldn't. Well, um ... maybe this might help? I think, in a way, I'm meaner to Hikaru in this ending than I am in cutting him in half. Hikaru basically goes on never knowing that yah, he doesn't have a lifetime to figure out how to live with Sai ... and doesn't really treasure what he has with his friend until it's too late. In a way, that's kinda as bad as being cut in half. Sorta. Um. looks up contritely thanks for the review anyway. G If ya want, you can poke me with a sharp stick or something. I just can't do angst! sighs  
  
**Kaitou Magician** -- Ni hau ma again! Um. blush I don't know what to say. Hehehe. Your review was really really nice. Um. I hope the ending lived up to your expectations as well! And I'm very happy to see that you returned ... you were one of my first reviewers. ;) Wow. Thanks for sticking with me!  
  
**Prismatic** -- Greetings! Um. I didn't mean to make your cry. Um. I hope this makes up for it, huh? Er. He is better! Yay! BTW: I know what you mean ... I've found reading fanfic in the prescence of roomates to be a bit of a daunting experience myself. Especially the funny ones ... there's nothing like having someone ask "Why are you oinking?!" "I'm laughing!" "Why?!" "Because ... umm ... nevermind!" sort of thing. Hehe. Yay for privacy! And thanks for your review! ;)  
  
**Ookla the Mok** -- O-ha again, o stupendous one. Um. Sorry for the name misspelling. I'm the mook sigh. Heh. Sincerely, I'm really embarassed. You may blast me now, a la Space Ghost. cringes Well, no matter how I mangle your name, I still think you rock muchly, giving your time to TW and all. And yup, I actually do have vol. 1 of FMA ... been thinking about picking up another sooner or later. Thanks for coming round to review again. ;)  
  
**anon** -- Hallo! Thanks for reviewing me! Um, I hope you liked the epilogue and it's inclusion of Touya Akira. Originally, there were supposed to be other cameos by the Go-tachi at the Nine Stars, but it really didn't work out. Hikaru just likes to hog the viewpoint, for some reason or other. Bad Hikaru! But otherwise, what did you think?  
  
**Dragon Lady 9** -- Aloha! Um. Wow, thank you for your review! Both of them! bgblush Unfortunately, I think they made my ego swell to the size of a small planet. winces Ow. There's no room for my brains anymore. Sincerely, thank you though. I hope to write stories someday professionally. I'm certainly getting a lot of practice, and encouragement like yours helps a lot. Hey, you keep writing too. We fan-ficcers gotta stick together, y'know. :)  
  
**Sydnee** -- Annyong Hashimnikka (again?)! Thank you for reading and reviewing! ;) And yup, I put Hikaru back in one piece. He was kinda really pathetic all sliced up like that, huh? I'm not sure if this was what Hotta-sensei had in mind in regards to the Hand of God, but I've always loved how deftly she handled the games and the character development, so I had to try to capture some of that in what I was doing too. I'm not certain I managed that at all, to be honest, but thanks for saying that I came somewhat close. blush It means a lot. ;)  
  
**Ying87** -- Bonjour! Thanks for the review! Hehe, no worries on reviewing each and every chapter ... that's like ten chapters! It's much too long! o. Hehe, I hope you do like the real ending though. nods And thanks for the compliment on Osusuki. I always worry about what you guys think, since he's sorta an original character. I'm not sure what I think about him myself. (Though yup, you're right ... he'd probably eat you if you tried to pet him. sigh But he'd eat ME first for putting him in the story in the first place, so if you can run really really fast, you're probably safe. G).  
  
**Kionala** -- Selamat again! Thank you for reading the story again (I hope!), even if I killed Hikaru temporarily. (He got better!) I still feel really guilty about slicing him up like that. I'm so bad. . I don't blame you if you don't come back to read, but I thank you all the same. ;) Yay!  
  
**Shingo the Pest** -- Tena koe again! G I knew I had smart readers. ;) YAY! Hehehe, I'm glad you like the fact you-know-who showed up. He was a bit hard to keep in the background, but I was hoping that it wouldn't be TOO out of the blue for him to pop up and save ol' Hikky's rear end. And hehee, I hope you liked the epilogue too ... cause there's more of him in there. ;) Ah well. I think I do have a soft spot for our Haku-lookalike, even if he has the most horrid taste in clothes. Thanks for the reply. I thought it was quite coherent, myself. G  
  
**Firedraygon97** -- Salaam again! Heee, thanks for the comments! The battle scene was a pain in the situpon to write, so I'm glad it came off somewhat well. ;) I was really worried about it being boring. (I mean, Go isn't something that really works with swords, no matter how much I fudge about it.) As for the mysterious hero figure, yup, he does kick much dark lord bottom! G I mean, considering who he is, I'm not surprised. (TA can kick much arse when he wants too!)  
  
**CM Aeris Queen of Insanity -- **Shalom again! Thanks for coming back! Hehe, I really love the anime too. It's great to see everyone given voices and color, isn't it? And to watch some of the intensity between all the characters animated .... yeah, it's awesome. I kinda really like the manga better, but that's only by a narrow margin. But no, hehehe, I don't think is anywhere near the quality of the manga or the anime. Hotta Sensei rocks muchly. It's so easy getting inspiration when you have the best source material around. Well ... look at it this way. Naruto is useful for some things, isn't he? While your other boys are away. nods He can leap up tall trees with a single bound! (after much practice, that is. snerk).  
  
**ShiniJekka** -- Salve! Thank you for reviewing me! And so nicely too. G Man, the ego, it is inflating at an alarming rate. o It's like y'all have been feeding it happy meals or something. Good grief. Seriously though, wow, I'm glad that the last chapters were so well received by you. To be honest, there's a lot of fun for me too, when I write. And it especially helps when I get reviews like yours, so the thank you is really mutual.  
  
**always together** -- Yay! Another journal friend! ;) Lo-ha to you many times over. You liked Torrie-poo? ;) Wow! He was kinda hard to write for awhile, because I didn't want to make him into a Gary-stu. Poor Torajiro. I really didn't know what to do with him. Hehe, I really did like Swinging a Sword at the Waves, though I think I wrote the whole battle scene long before I read that. But it's a great piece, and a powerful one, so yay! DEFINITELY worth reading. Hikaru does become quite the fan-boy, doesn't he?! g I've said it a lot of times to you, but still ... thanks for all the support you give me. ;)  
  
**fireash** -- Salut! Wow, you reviewed three times. Thank you! I'm sorry FFNET gave you such a hard time ... it doesn't really like me either, so I sympathize. It tends to eat at least one of the chapters every time I load something. Meh. But that aside, hehehe, yeah, it's one of the longest nights EVER. I think the actual timeframe of the story takes place within a nine hours ... Hikaru leaves Waya's house at around eight thirty or so and he doesn't end up out of the Wandering until around five thirty in the morning. It does feel like a WHOLE lot longer, doesn't it? winces Meh. I'm never good at keeping time. Heh. Maybe I can fudge by saying Osusuki can bend space and time? looks hopefully drat. You got me. G.  
  
**Coca-Cola** -- Howdy again! Woot! Thank you for coming back. Hehehe, sorry about the Kojoro thing. I'm afraid she got packed back to the Wandering as soon as dawn broke. Them's the rules, I guess. Though I wouldn't be surprised if Hikaru has a stalker for awhile, even if he doesn't see her. She's that creepy, I guess. The Touya Akira thing was almost yaoi?! ebil grin Really?! Well, if you wanna think about it that way, go ahead. No arguments from me, although I think it's purely accidental. G. Good point about calling Akari as Fujisaki. I just felt weird, since I was going by everyone's last names to put her first name. But you're probably right ... I don't know. shrug I'll think about changing it in the repost! ;) Anyway, I hope you liked the ending. Even if it is Kojoro-less, I put more Touya Akira in! ;p  
  
**rei-chan** -- Hoi again! Oh. blush Um, thanks for saying all those nice things in the review. Um. I didn't mean to do all that ... it was rather an accident, really. But I'm glad you enjoyed it .... ;) even if I almost made you cry. Warrgh. sigh Hope the ending made everything better! G  
  
**Kou-Kagerou** -- Durdathawhy once more! Yay! Seeing your name always makes me grin ... I remember your first long name, ya' know. It's one of the most unique out there. Hehehe, I bet you draw better than I do! (I'm insanely curious to see what you came up with ... not to mention very very flattered that anyone would draw a picture for the story. Imbrium does, but that's only after I bug her to!) If you ever finish, please please please send it along. I bet it's a lot better than you think it is. ;) I'm sorry about the long time between updates; I know it makes it hard to read when you're going from part to part. Mea culpa! :( . Hee, I know it must be the longest night ever. Rawr! Believe it or not, it's supposed to take place in nine hours, but it takes like forever. Oh well. Thank you for your review again ... I hope the epilogue didn't disappoint!  
  
**Akira** -- Buenos Noches (Dias?) to you too! Hehehe, thanks for giving my story a try! EIGHT hours!? Good grief ... I knew I was longwinded, but man, that's a bit much, huh? Sorry for keeping you up late! But I'm glad you enjoyed it ... at least this update was shorter, eh? I know, I know ... eight hours ... that's amazing. Thanks for keeping with it though! ;)  
  
**Tarigwaemir** -- Maido ookini, Journal buddy! Hehehe, thanks for the review (and for visiting the ol' LJ. ;)) Actually, reading your review really did make my day. I was really leery about the whole Heart of the Game thing, since it does sound like something straight out of some weird shonen dragon-ball-z-esque type of manga, instead of something that would be out of HNG. The biggest problem was how to write the Go thing without being too cheesy ... the message I loved the most about the manga is that in the end, there is no end. I dunno if I pulled it off in the actual story, but I'm glad you thought that I came close. Yah, it totally made my day to read that. I hope the actual epilogue didn't disappoint either! Hehehe, I'll see you around the LJs to see what you think. ;)  
  
**GoldenRat** -- Jambo sana! Hehee, you just squeaked right in before my next update. Thanks for reviewing me ;). I'm glad you decided to read the story and give me a review on it! G It's always cool to know that right before you update, at least there will be one reader returning (I've been delaying this by six months, so I worry!). At least I didn't make you wait too long, I hope. (I'm still horrid to the other reviewers. Sigh).

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**The VERY VERY LAST WRITING NOTES FROM ME EVER! YAY! :**  
  
And as always, much thanks goes to Imbrium, who has stuck with me for over a year now, listening to me whine about the story, and who read the ending so many times that I think she knows it better than I do.  
  
I also had a bit of help from Eryne-chan this time round, who read chapter 10 and was invaluable in giving me feedback about how the ending was. Words cannot encompass how much good beta readers help a story. Without the support I've gotten from all of you, whether you helped with my grammar, commented on story points, or just reviewed and gave me encouragement, I wouldn't have been able to finish this thing. In the end, the story turned out to be more than 100,000 words (105,005 -- give or take a few hundred) and eleven chapters long. It's officially novel sized, much to my dismay. If you made it this far, you deserve some sort of reward or something. I still can't believe I wrote a novel length fanfic about Hikaru No Go.  
  
I especially thank those of you who have been with me from the very beginning. You've had to wait more than a year and a half for the story to play out. I hope I didn't try your patience too much or stretched your suspension of disbelief past the breaking point. As several of you have pointed out, it's the longest. night. EVAAAAH!  
  
As always, any comments, questions, and critiques are always welcomed. If you think there's a loose end I haven't tied up, please let me know. I plan to post a clean copy (sans these author notes) in about two months time, so if there are any plot holes, I will do my best to get them covered and fixed. The next to last part reads too much like an explication chapter anyway. All I'm missing is Jimmy the Reporter boy asking " Gee golly whiskers, Superman, how DID you save the whole world and get the girl at the same time?!" I wish I was better at working that sort of stuff in. blush  
  
I'm still not so sure I should have included the Touya Akira epilogue ... the switch in POV is very strange, and I had a hard time getting a grip on Akira. I'm afraid he slides out of character a bit. sigh  
  
But it's been quite a ride, and I thank you for taking it with me. Maybe you'll join me next time round? Okay. Put down the pointy sticks. I'm going now! Really .... really ... waaaargh!  
  
til' next time,  
yours sincerely,  
muri  
  
ps: If you want more fun, the end notes have been updated a bit. Yes. I babble even more there. Wargh. 


	19. notes

Unfortunately, I don't speak Japanese. (Aye con beerely rite engrish!) I am also not a very accurate person to rely on for "Accurate Japanese Cultural Information" (tm). What I know comes from the sparse research I've done and from actually living in Japan for about seven months. I make lots of mistakes; feel free to call me on them. Also, I'll be borrowing a bit from both the Chinese and the Japanese cultures, and I do stretch a few details a bit. Again, mea culpa, gomen nasai, au choi, lo siento, pardon ....  
  
Seriously, please, let me know (even if it is to say something like "I can't believe you didn't know this, STUPID!") about any errors you may find. Thank you!  
  
I can't believe I am having to make a separate section for notes, especially since I really do not know what I am talking about. sigh

* * *

Part 1:  
  
In Japan, February third (or thereabouts) is the day of Setsubon, when demons are supposed to try and enter Japanese households. To keep the little buggers out, you're supposed to throw a handful of beans from room to room, then out of the door, calling "Demons Out! Good Luck In!" the whole time. You can also eat any spare beans, but you can only eat one bean for each birthday you've celebrated. This year, I pigged out and ate more than my age in beans, so I'm sure I'm going to regret it later. Setsubon also supposedly marks the end of winter, though it doesn't really start warming until around March (in Tokyo), and May (in the more northern territories.)  
  
GPS is short for Global Positioning System. They're pretty nifty. Hikaru should definitely invest in one.  
  
The chapter titles in the story are stol-- err "adapted" from the poem "Tyger" by William Blake. (NOTE: All links are http: ones. FFNet does not like my html link encoding, for some reason. All links are pretty much "one click" safe ... as in I vouch for the content on the page as is. If you move further than one click, though, I don't know where you might go!)  
  
www.lsi.usp.br/usp/rod/poet/tyger.html  
  
(original version, from a university I really really like!)  
  
Finally, I didn't have a one specific graveyard in mind when I wrote the cemetery scene, but you can find many around Tokyo which are mindblowingly old. This one is actually a compilation of a cemetery near where I live and one that's right next to Tokyo Tower, near Shiodome. If you're ever in the area, check out the giant temple and its complex. It's pretty neat. For extra fun, go on a rainy day, when no one is around. It's not scary, but it is very atmospheric.  
  
You can also find plenty of interesting little shrines from just wandering about; sometimes they do include offerings of food or tea. The one Hikaru inadvertently destroys is modeled after a real one that I saw, though it was not in a cemetery. Or was it? I can't remember ... oh dear.

* * *

Part 2:  
  
Sai uses the old name for Kyoto: Heiankyo. I don't know why my brain decided this is what Sai would call it, but there you go.  
  
Also, the stuff Sai says about the Go being an ancient means of fortune telling does have some basis in fact. I think "Go, Go, Igo" from the anime series also makes this point as well. However, I'm going to distort this a little, unfortunately, and dramatize it a bit in the later chapters.  
  
Yes, I know, Sai is very very very VERY OOC. Yes, he's going to get more OOC. No, I don't know what I am going to do about it. I try to explain why he's like this in later chapters, but I think I fail miserably. Yes, I miss the whiny Sai too, btw. He's a whole lot more fun to write than serious, kickass Sai.

* * *

Part 3:  
  
Kitsune literally means "fox" in Japanese. However, kitsune can also mean a "fox spirit," which is a class of mischievous beings that run rampant through many an Asian cultural tale. In Japan, most kitsune are considered to be neither "good" or "evil." Many tales show them being both. Kitsune can appear in both fox form, human form, or something in-between the two. They can also have anywhere between one to nine tails; the more tails a kitsune has, the more "powerful" s/he is said to be. Kitsune can create illusions, build worlds, and generally cause a lot of trouble for normal mortal folk.  
  
However, most kitsune are also considered to be messengers and servants of the god, Inari. Inari is the god/goddess (s/he can appear as either male or female) of rice and agriculture. Shrines to Inari often include offerings to kitsune.  
  
Osusuki is an actual kitsune from Japanese mythos. He and his mate were the first to take shelter at a shrine to Inari. In return for the shelter he, his mate, and his five cubs became his messengers and his servants. At least, that's what this website says:  
  
I gained some (but by no means all) of my kitsune information there. Go look, it's an interesting site. However, Osusuki's appearance and behavior in the story, unfortunately, are totally my fault. Also, I have taken many liberties in creating my own kitsune culture. Yup, I'm horrible.  
  
Parts 2 and 3 are HEAVILY influenced by a scene from Akira Kurasowa's "Yume" (dreams). The manner in which the kitsune appear and the fact they wear masks are almost taken straight from this movie. Basically, a small child gets lost in a mist-enshrouded forest and accidentally stumbles upon a procession of kitsune, some of which are banging a drum. Sounds very familiar, eh? I recommend the film, but I have to warn you that it's really bizarre. An additional warning: Don't watch this half asleep, like I did. You tend to wake up at the most scariest parts. For some stills of the movie, check out:  
  
Also, in many Noh dramas, actors playing kitsune wear elaborate masks. They can get quite creepy.  
  
There's not enough room to put in every tidbit of information about these critters, but if you're curious, feel free to ask! :) I don't know much, but I'm willing to share. For those truly curious and wanting to purchase a breathtakingly beautiful tale revolving around kitsune, I recommend "The Dream Hunters" by Neil Gaiman, illustrated by Yoshitaka Amano. It is part of Gaiman's Sandman series (which I highly recommend as well), but it is a stand-alone story. WARNING: Like most of the Sandman stories, it is for more mature readers.  
  
Finally, the kitsune aren't wearing "kimonos", per se, but for the sake of simplicity, I'm calling them kimonos. I think the kitsune are wearing slightly older style which has a bit of a Chinese influence to it, which dates before Sai's time. Osusuki has one of the large "aprons" tied around his waist to cover his nine tails. However, of note, it's usually only found in the female kimono. Despite how I might sound, I really have NO idea of ancient dress customs. I gained all of my knowledge from the site "reconstructing history" which, of course, FFNET will not allow me to link to.  
  
Okay, off the subject of foxes and their manner of dress, when Sai mentions he has claimed Hikaru as a deishi, that basically means disciple/student. I borrowed the terms and connotation from the martial arts. The implications, however, goes far beyond just a simple "student" who follows his teacher. (But before anyone asks, no, this story is NOT going to turn into Hikaru/Sai yaoi. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but this isn't what the story's about.)  
  
I rather like the "martial arts" definition of sensei as being "The one who comes before" or one who has "lived before."A sensei is someone who guides his or her student through the aspects of life. I think, if they had been given the time, this is the route Sai and Hikaru's bond would've developed in.  
  
And to end on a non-foxy note: an onigiri is a typical snack/meal which basically consists of some rice shaped into a ball or a triangle. It usually has a piece of seaweed wrapped around it, so you can pick it up without getting rice grains stuck everywhere. Sometimes, an onigiri can contain some sort of stuffing, like more seaweed, fish flakes, or beef. My favorite is tuna with mayo.  
  
Okay, hopefully you're not in information overload. Sorry about that.

* * *

Part 4 notes:  
  
Ikazuchi is supposedly an archaic Japanese word meaning thunder. Thus, the kitsune present in the clearing are thunder kitsune.  
  
A tanuki is a critter that looks a lot like a raccoon (though calling it a raccoon is a bit misleading. They are an entirely different species than the North American version.) Like the word "kitsune," "tanuki" means both the creature and the mischievous spirit form of the creature that can possess many magical powers. (They are also the subject of one of the Studio Ghibli films.)  
  
Tanuki have one feature that is rather ... startling, but to find out what Hikaru was pointing at, you're going to have to do that research for yourself. Tanuki are basically harmless, and they are far less powerful than a kitsune. Unfortunately, this also means that they are sometimes bullied by the kitsune. They transform by placing a magical leaf on their heads. (The kitsune sometimes transform this way as well.)  
  
Tengu are mountain demons. Like Sai mentions, they like to go around creating havoc and stealing children. They can be appeased by leaving offerings; woodsmen nowadays still might leave a few pieces of bread or two before they go into the forest.  
  
Jurokumo are spider women. No, really. Unlike the Marvel version, these ladies can get really down and dirty. They like to lure men into their traps/webs and suck them dry, sometimes after err .... having their way with them first. They appear in many Asian myths; check out the ever famous Journey to the West; in it, the Monkey King and Sanzou are constantly plagued by these critters.  
  
For a glimpse of Shindo-kun's new look, check out Sai's 1000 year Wanderer story in the Perfect Characters guide. You can find the translated version on the extras page in Toriyama's World. All Hail TW!!.  
  
Shindo-kun looks rather like the little boy in the story (a previous life perhaps?), except with more loops in his hair. And more ribbons. Yup. His outfit is slightly more "grown up" and bulky though, thus causing him no end of trouble.  
  
Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi is indeed the Shinto god of Evil and Hell. His other titles include August Star of the Heavens and Lord of All Sin. Writing about him makes me nervous. He doesn't have a human form, though he can appear as one, if he wishes.

* * *

Part 5 Notes:  
  
I'm too tired right now to think rationally about these. Writing these notes take JUST as much time as composing the story. If you have questions, please ask. I always forget to explain what I have to, and put in what I don't.  
  
Oh yeah, a note on Sai's family. Researching for this story has given me a whole new respect for History Majors.  
  
Anyway, Fujiwara no Sai, as a member of the Fujiwara clan, may not really "exist"(and thus makes it easier to make up crap about him), but the Fujiwara clan definitely did play a great part in Japanese history. In this story, I've placed Sai in a branch that has been forced to leave the court due to some politics.  
  
However, to find out more about the Fujiwara, there's a very simple and very fun way. Go read Catwho's story "Fujiwara" here on  
  
Oh, and FFNET won't let me interlink into its OWN site. Anyway, it's in the same section and the story id is: 1261247  
  
Wow. I mean, this is writing as it should be. Go and read it, thus redeeming your brain cells from the agony that is my writing.  
  
There are some great links on the web for reading about the Heian era too. Again, FFNET won't give me a chance to link them OR put them in text form, but just type in HEIAN and you'll get some good results.

* * *

Part 6a:  
  
This is where I show my complete and utter ignorance of Go. I just started playing the game a few weeks ago, and so far have gotten my arse kicked pretty badly. (On a 9x9 and a 13x13 no less. I have not even been able to make it all the way to a "grown up board.) It's really, really sad. Where's a Heian Go Master when you need him?  
  
Anyway, I don't know anything about the game, but I did look up some of the terms. A wonderful place to learn Go is the Sensei's Library at:  
  
?BeginnerStudySection  
  
They also have a very detailed Hikaru no Go section, including one part that tracks all the games that are shown in the manga or anime. My favorite part is this one:  
  
?SaiSSex  
  
Besides being very funny, you can find some really good information in regards to what Sai wears. In particular, check out what the user "moonprince" has to say. Okay, enough with the babbling, on with the business.  
  
Nigiri is the method that two players, who are equal in talent, use to decide who gets black and goes first. Basically, one player dips his hand into a Go bowl and takes out a handful of stones. The other player can place one or two stones on the board, depending on whether they think the amount of stones in the other player's hand is odd or even. Then the stones are counted up. If s/he guesses right, s/he gets to go first. If not, then the other player gets black.  
  
From a playing standpoint, black has a much more stronger position; all beginners start by using black (at least I have) because it gives them an advantage, ESPECIALLY if there are no komi rules. Komi rules are put in place to compensate for the black's advantage in going first. In the "old days" there were no komi rules (which is why Sai never lost when he played with black). I think the komi handicap these days is 5.4 moku or something like that.  
  
A moku, btw, is a single "point".  
  
Komoku is a special point/move on the board, which helps secures the corner. It's incidentally how Sai started the first game with Touya Akira.  
  
Fuseki is the term for the opening moves of the game. Usually, between two pro players, fuseki goes rather fast.  
  
Onegaishimasu -- for fans of the anime, you'll hear this word every time two players start a game. There are various translations, but the most common and simple one (and the one Toriayama World uses) is "please." There are other meanings as well.  
  
Okay, I think that covers the Go terms I've used in this chapter so far.  
  
I also realize that I've neglected to catalogue the Japanese terms I've used. GOMEN NASAI! (sorry). Actually, nobody has complained about those yet, though I know it's annoying. I really try not to slip Japanese terms into the fiction, even if it is an anime fanfic, but I know this one has a whole BUNCH of them. They're relatively simple though; like I said, I don't speak Japanese, so if I know them, probably the whole world does.  
  
A note on why Sai calls Hikaru "Shindo-kun." I think it's because he was trying to warn off Hikaru (who, of course, takes the hint like a brick to water) from casually using his name. Anyway, "kun" is a diminutive, usually used for younger people (mostly males).  
  
The fact that Sai and Hikaru use each other's first names denotes they are very very close. (Well, yeah, I know ... you have to be when you're stuck together pretty much 24/7). I try to be careful in my use of titles, but I think I screwed up. Some of them are "-sama" (Lord) and "san" (Mr/Mrs/Miss).  
  
Ugh, I just noticed that a lot of the Japanese seems to come out of Osusuki's mouth. Three of the ones I remember off the top of my head are onigiri, gyouza, and omeboshi. Err, Osusuki likes referring to Hikaru by using names of Japanese foods. I think he does this because he knows it unnerves Hikaru, and because the first time he and Hikaru meet, Hikaru is all balled up inside himself like an onigiri or a dumpling. Let's see:  
  
A gyouza is basically a chinese dumpling, also known as a pot sticker. An omeboshi is a small pickled plum. I think they're nasty, but it's a good description of Hikaru's brain, at times. I've explained onigiri, I think.  
  
Part 6c:  
  
As astute reader Wanderer noticed, I goofed up in chapter 3, when Osusuki calls Sai a "Haiku in Mortal Form". Err ... Haikus weren't used in the Heain Era. Oops. Instead, the poetry form is "Waka" ... wow, that's kinda really cool, isn't it? Thank you Wanderer!  
  
I am going to fudge and wiggle and say that Osusuki is cheating and using new poetry forms. But in all honesty, I didn't know. Seriously, props to Wanderer. You get the research crown!  
  
Hmm, I think the only strange term I used this time is Gama-senin. In Japanese/Chinese mythology, Gama-senin is a sage of the mountains. He is closely associated with toads and is often pictured with one of these critters on his shoulder.  
  
In some Asian cultures, toads are said to be symbols of luck and wealth as well. However, there are also legends in some parts of Asia about toads who would come in the night to suck the blood out of people or drag them down to the bottom of rivers and swamps. Heh, Sai's fears may be somewhat justified.  
  
They wouldn't let me put in my Gama-senin links! Darn FFNET. Why won't they let me cite my sources? Arrrgh. Oh well, imagine a little bald guy with a giant toad on his shoulder. That is Gama-senin, kay?. Wish I could link to a picture and show you but I'll just have to leave it to your power of imagination.

* * *

Chapter 7:  
  
Okay, a very kind reader **always together **pointed out that komi is indeed 6.5 in Japan now, 7.5 in China, though in the HNG verse, it holds steady at 5.5. I think I will stick with HNG verse rules. **always together** , however, wins the royal scepter, which can be used in bonking the daylights out of your truly.  
  
Hmm, about the shadow play scenes. I fudged a bit, since I did not have much time to coroborate my sources. However, I do know that in Sai's time, shadow plays weren't exactly all the rage in Japan. Chinese shadow plays may have existed during this period, as well in India and Thailand. Perhaps our resident needs-to-be-hit-with-a-shutup-stick kitsune gets around a bit. And as usual, the links I want to put up about the history of shadow plays are TOTALLY unacceptable to the FFNET. But I am going to try to put one up anyway.  
  
www(dot) chinavista (dot) com (slash) experience (slash) piying (slash) piying (dot) html  
  
Put a dot or a slash in the appropriate spots. THERE TAKE THAT YOU LINK EATING PROGRAMS!! (heh)  
  
I own some Chinese shadow cutouts of the "Journey to the West" which are quite cool. I definitely need to learn more about the whole thing, once I have some free time.  
  
Also, grammar note: I changed a few things in chapter 6a, chapter 3, and chapter 5, as per noted by very astute readers **Kira Seldon, always together,** and **Tarigwaemir**. However, there has been a more than just grammar changes in 6a; a small plot point has been inserted posthaste as well. Karma cookies if you can spot it. Hehehe. You are a better reader than me, if you can. It's not something terribly important, but I am embarassed that I didn't think of it before.  
  
Thank you for sticking with me this long. I didn't have much time to think up what I might need for the chapter notes ... if you notice something I have not explained, let me know, and I will add it on the next update and give you a karma cookie for it.  
  
Chapter 8 notes  
  
Somehow, in the process of going home over the summer and switching computers, I've lost my notes. Hehehe, now I feel like I'm back in grade school. Um ... my dog ate them? Err ... there were these ducks and they were mad and ... nevermind.  
  
I just plain lost them. Still, I went through both parts of the chapter combing for things that should be explained. I didn't find many, probably because the chapter is confusing enough on its own without getting any factual items mixed up in it. Facts? We don't NEED no stinkin' facts. Ahem.  
  
I did find that I've used yet another Japanese food word -- Edamame. Edamame are currently my favorite snack food here in the land of the rising sun. Edamame are soybeans which are boiled, before being given a light shaking of salt. From what I've seen, Japanese people love eating edamame as a side dish when they go out drinking, during office parties (enkais), or just when they're feeling nibbly. They're awful good for you, and nummy too, so I highly recommend you go down to your local Asian mart and pick up some, because they are easy to prepare and not fattening at all. When in their pods, they look like fuzzy beans ... yes, the fuzz is natural.  
  
Sugawara no Akitada is indeed the name of Sai's opponent back in the Heian court. The name comes from the Hikaru no Go perfect characters guidebook. However, I didn't know this on my own ... I remember reading a post from quite some time ago on some mailing list (or was it a forum?) about this. You can also choose him is a rival in the HNG Playstation(?) game. (I'm tempted to buy the game JUST so I can beat the tar out of him). I can't remember who I read this information from, but to whomever provided it, thank you. I just wish my memory was better ... I wrote down the source, but since I've lost those notes, I apologize.  
  
_Atari_ is a Go term as well as the name of a gaming system that was mass-produced in the eighties. Yes, I am a child of the eighties, and yes, I remember the Atari system. Centipede rocked my world. Atari, in Go, occurs when a stone or a group of stones has/have only one liberty remaining. If they move incorrectly, the player stands to lose the stones in atari to his or her opponent. However, by itself, atari isn't particularly a dangerous state; worse comes to worse, you can always ignore it if you can afford to lose the stone(s).  
  
?Atari  
  
The wonderful people at this site explain the concept a lot better than I can. Calling out atari, however, is considered by the pros to be highly rude.  
  
?CallingOutAtari  
  
And yes, Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi did it intentionally. I don't think he was being _rude _per se but I wouldn't put it past him to be smug. To be totally honest, I think he was trying to be symbolic. (Subtlety? What's that?! sigh)

* * *

Chapter 9 notes  
  
Honinbo Shusaku AKA Kuwahara Torajiro was one of the most famous and talented Go players in the mid 19th century aka the Edo period. Though it is rumored that he was born on 5/5/1829, there is actually quite a bit of debate about that. He learned Go pretty early on in life. By the age of six, Torajiro was noticed by the local damiyo, Lord Asano, who basically took the child in and acted as his patron. Torajiro later joined the Honninbo house, whereupon he changed his name. Some of the more famous things about him is that he won all of his Castle games as well as perfected a style of opening moves which is now named after him: The Shusaku Fuseki. However, of note, Go scholars are split between those who think Shusaku was the ultimate player of the period and those who think Shuwa (or even Jowa) was the best player.  
  
By all accounts, Honinbo Shusaku was a decent man too; as the manga states, he died taking care of his students who had become stricken from cholera. I've always felt that the show did a slight injustice to the guy in regards to attributing much of his talent to a dead ghost from the Heain era. Not that I don't love Sai to pieces (I think you can tell, eh?) and not that I don't think Sai is a kickarse player, but I think Torajiro probably has a pretty interesting back story besides being a Go puppet for a ghost. Like the relationship between Sai and Hikaru, Hotta Yumi did show that Torajiro and Sai had other interests too, including pottery and calligraphy. Also, in the context of the manga, I think the Happy-Go-Lucky Sai that appeared to Hikaru was due in part to howTorajiro changed him. Sadly enough, the Sai who appeared to Torajiro probably didn't have the same, cheerful manner that he would later have with Hikaru. At least, that's what I'm guessing. Anyway, more speculation about this in the future chapters.  
  
Y'know, I bet Hotta Yumi could do justice to a Torajiro sidestory. :) I just hope she writes MORE of something soon.  
  
To be honest, writing about Torajiro makes me as nervous as writing about Amatsu Mikaboshi -- perhaps more so. No disrespect is intended toward the "real life" Honinbo Shusaku, of course, who probably was more interesting than my made up bit about him.  
  
For the information on Honinbo Shusaku, please remove the (parenthesis) and go to:  
  
(/)wiki(/)HoninboShusaku  
senseis(.)xmp(.)net(/)?Shusaku  
  
Basically, a lot of my Shusaku information is paraphrased from these two places.  
  
Of interest, a Go saint is actually called_ kisei_ ... I was torn between using this term and using the Go saint one ... still am not sure. What do you think?  
  
Otherwise, this chapter was pretty devoid of any useful information.  
  
The one go term I did use is _tenuki_. Tenuki is a play whereupon a player chooses not to answer his or her opponent's move locally, but moves elsewhere, perhaps hoping to draw the game to another area of play. It's something you can use when your stones are in atari. However, Sai's comment is not as much about a move on the board, I don't think.  
  
Again, the people at the Sensei's Library explain it a lot better than I do.  
  
senseis(.)xmp(.)net(/)?Tenuki  
  
This site is a lifesaver. I cannot recommend it highly enough. The chapter notes in the next chapter are due almost solely to them ... and boy, are there a lot of notes for the next chapter. We're talking about a page and a half of notes. Yes, run while you can.

* * *

Chapter 10 notes: (VERY LONG! AND LONGWINDED!)  
  
Okay, at this point, everyone is probably wondering what the !!!! actually happened in the game between Hikaru and Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi. Well, it's rather hard to explain, but I'll give it a try. It's actually kinda stupid.  
  
Basically, Hikaru wins both the technical game and the spiritual battle. I'm going to leave off explaining the spiritual battle -- it's weird enough as is, and I'm not sure it'll help if I tried.  
  
And technically, Hikaru should've lost the game, given the handicap. In my version, though, Hikaru pretty much wins by the skin of his teeth. He used a "coming from behind" move and revived the previously dead pieces around the tengen. It's a signature move of Hikaru's ... he's employed it in games other than this one. The reason that the handicap didn't equal an automatic loss for Hikky is that the mistake LMA made before was a pretty bad one, worse than the one HIkaru made when Sai played Kaga. Hey, at least Hikaru's mistakes worked _for_ him this time, huh?  
  
The moves that appear during the sword battle are actual moves from a real, rather famous Go game. The sequence shown is one-sided -- basically, I've only written down white's moves. Also, they are from the latter half of the game, at the point just before yose. For those curious, I can tell you which game it's based on but I have to say that the actual game itself doesn't really fit the criteria that I've written into the plot. I couldn't find a game where someone had given eight stones to their opponent, then challenged them to a field of battle with swords, and then come from behind to win by reviving the dead stones around the tengen. sigh In other words, I fudged.  
  
But yeah, the moves are from a real game and they are plotted along an X/Y diagram. However, where traditionally you'd have (0,0) as the intersection between the X/Y coordinates, it's been replaced with (1,1).  
  
Therefore, move 1-1 would be the lower left hand corner of the goban, move 1-19 would be the upper left hand corner, move 19-1 would be the lower right hand corner, and 19-19 is the upper right hand corner. I don't think this is the traditional way to plot a go game; in Japan, moves are plotted along a numerical/kanji diagram. That is, the digit is written down as a western numeral, the second is given in kanji form. If you've ever seen the manga in its original form, Sai calls out the moves to Hikaru as (17 "no" "kanji".) I've also seen a couple of televised games here, and the X line of the graph is written in western numerals, while the y line is represented by kanji. However, kanji isn't quite an option here on ffnet! And it's REALLY weird to read.  
  
In western countries, I've seen alphabetical/numerical charting process ... that is, A-19 would be the upper left hand corner of the goban. Also, sometimes the kifu writers forgo numbers entirely, and go entirely with the alphabet. Thus a-a would be lower right hand corner of your goban.  
  
Yeah, it confused the heck out of ME! Despite the fact that I babble on, I really only have the barest grasp of what I'm doing. I used the X-Y numerical method mainly because that's how Toriyama world translated the Go moves in the manga.  
  
No, I don't know what I'm talking about. But I do have a handy diagram of the game, with the moves marked out. I don't have anywhere to put it but I can send it to you. Though I think it's kinda rather dorky of me to have done this. Yeah, I know. Dork. dork. dork. My estimation for Hotta Sensei has really gone through the roof. It's darn HARD to write these things and make in interesting. And the way she did it without resorting to alternative universes, weird magical powers ... made it into a believable GO game ... yeah. The woman's a genius.  
  
Ironically enough, white loses the game. But in my version, thing's go a liiiittle differently.  
  
**Go terms:  
  
**I got these from my ever favorite site, Sensei's library.  
  
**Fuseki **-- opening game. It's basically follows a fixed pattern; a certain Go saint has one named after him! ;)  
  
senseis(.)xmp(.)net(/)?Fuseki  
  
When Hikaru is finally able to see the game, he discovers that Sai has just moved beyond fuseki, into mid-game. Yes, the game has moved exceptionally slowly until this point. I can't quite blame Sai ... a lot is riding on his moves. However, when Hikaru enters the picture, the game is still in the earlier half of mid-game. Mid-game ends when all the killing moves stops. In the story, it's echoed by when Hikaru puts down his sword and concentrates on territory acquisition. To quote the sensei source directly:  
_  
The middle game (__chuban_ '†"' in Japanese) typically starts when one part of the board is heavily contested by both players and a fight occurs. The fight will mostly move out into the center. Play in the middle game is dominated by attack and defence . 

_When the situation calms down and territory becomes again the major factor, the endgame has started. The middle game therefore typically ends when all important groups are secured against killing attacks._

senseis(.)xmp(.)net(/)?MiddleGame  
  
**Yose** -- Endgame. originally it's a move made to approach a fairly stable territory of your opponent in order to try to make your territory a little bit bigger. As the site notes, since this usually happens near endgame, the word's a synonym for endgame as well.  
  
senseis(.)xmp(.)net(/)?Yose  
  
Of interest, sensei's library also has this to say of killing attacks:  
_  
Here are two ideas that are important to distinguish for a beginner: __taking the opponent's stones; __killing a group belonging to the opponent. _

_In the first case the stones are actually taken off the board. In the second case the group is put in a position where it has no long-term future (in particular cannot make two eyes ). It may possibly survive, in a few ways: ko , attacking the outside groups successfully, connecting unexpectedly._

senseis(.)xmp(.)net(/)?Killing  
  
Basically, yeah, Hikaru initiates a ko battle and wins back his pieces in a previously dead group. And come to think of it, with all the attacking and killing, Go is a rather violent game when taken in its natural terminology. Woot!  
  
**Seki**: state where you basically are locked head to head with your opponent and neither of you can move without killing each other's stones completely.  
  
from Sensei's Library: 

___Seki_ means **mutual life**. In its simple form, it is a sort of symbiosis where two live groups share liberties which neither of them can fill without dying. 

_Be aware that although neither side can 'win' a __seki_, a _seki_ can be a possible source of ko threats .  
  
senseis(.)xmp(.)net(/)?Seki  
  
To me, it describes Touya Akira and Shindo Hikaru's Go relationship perfectly. They need each other in order to be spurred onto greater heights in the Go world. It also becomes a metaphor for how Hikaru sees Go in general.  
  
Can a game really end in seki?I dunno. It's possible, I think ... I know I wrote that Torajiro's game ended in seki. Some people postulate that the Hand of God is an eternal seki where a human player finally can equal a god. Or a game that can go on indefinitely without ending. In a way, playing a god who's the incarnation of the worst of the human sins is playing against the worst of who you are, as well. The best and worst of all humanity can be seen in a single person, sometimes. Maybe that's why the hardest battles we face are the internal ones. Man, I do sound cheesy. blushes  
  
Hikaru has an edge in that he realizes that Lord Amatsu Mikaboshi isn't his real opponent. He's able to break the seki when he realizes this. However, breaking a seki in the Heart of the Game means that you have to pay a price too. Ouch. Poor Hikaru.  
  
Finally, the Hand of God thing. Erm. No comment on whether or not Hikaru reached that state. Hehe, I guess you can decide for yourself. But I will leave you with the sensei's Library's discussion on the HoG.  
  
senseis(.)xmp(.)net(/)?HandOfGod  
  
If you ask me, I think the series was headed into the idea that there isn't one move, or one "hand" of god, in that there is just this ONE set of stone placements that insures you the win whenever you play it. (To me, it'd rather boring if you found it ... there's no more challenge to any game. I don't think Sai really wants this kind of Hand of God ... what's the use of winning all the time?) .  
  
Instead, the evolution of the game through the top players becomes the _hand_ of God ... that is, in their plays, you can see the movement toward perfection. Hikaru embodies this ideal in that he connects both the path and the present and the potiential future; in him you can see the movement of the game towards something much better. The wonderful thing about the word hand/move is that it can have so many connotations to it, whether you speak either Japanese or English. And it's ironic that Hikaru might already have the Hand of God within him ... and not know it.  
  
Yargh, I think that's it. I can't believe I was pompous enough to try to use the hand of god in a HNG fanficcie. Or that I could write a page and a half of notes on something I know so little about. Oh well. As always, if you have any questions, or comments, or just want to say YOU IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDIOT! Or argue about Hands of Gods or such, please drop me a note!

* * *

**Chapter 11 and Epilogue  
**  
Thankfully, there aren't as many notes this time around as there were last time. The end of the game also means I can stop pretending to know what I'm talking about ;). Yay!  
  
The story ends with an epilogue set the day before Obon. Obon is an important festival in Japanese calendar, taking place around either July or August, depending on how the Lunar calendar is adding up in the year. I think the set date is August 13-15, however.  
  
It's actually a tradition with widespread Asian roots, and different variations of Obon are celebrated around Asia, especially in China. It usually takes place on the seventh month by the lunar calendar. (Thus seven is a rather unlucky number according to some Asian cultures, in opposite to the Western belief). Obon takes place over the span of several days, and unlike Setsubon, Obon is the time that Japanese people welcome ghosts into their households. It's believed that on Obon, deceased ancestors return to visit their loved ones in the places they know well. Thus, many families return home to their hometowns to celebrate this with family. Often, food is left out at the srhines to appease these beloved wanderers. And on the last day, in some towns, boats with candles are lit and sent downstream to guide the spirits back. In Kyoto, they set an entire side of a mountain on fire in the shape of the kanji for "sky" to guide the spirits. It's quite awesome, and something to see if you get the chance.  
  
I've always wanted to write an Obon story regarding Hikaru and Sai, set after Sai's disappearance. With a festival to welcome back ghosts, I think it would be very appropriate . One of these days, I might do it. Something about the image of Hikaru, lighting a lantern to send down the river really grips my mind's eye.  
  
To find out more about Obon, check out this site:  
  
http (:) () www (.) japan-guide (.) com (/) e (/) e2286 (.) html  
  
And thanks for sticking with me so long. The piece takes place on a time period from Setsubon to the Obon of the following year (thus the theme of leaving and coming back) ... roughly a year and a half of time. It's also the same amount of time it's taken me to post the story, believe it or not. So I know it's been a long ride, and I'm glad you took it with me.  
  
I hope it was worth your time. ;) I had fun writing it, at any rate! 

ps: If you've made it this far, I do have one last boobytra--- err ... well, they say that you can't have a chapter dedicated to notes alone.

Well, in case you need a story ... for anyone who was wondering what was happening to Touya Akira DURING Setsubon, while Hikaru was off on his BIG ADVENTURE ... I did write this little short piece.

It's pretty much in first draft form, and it's not been betaed, but the others said that they liked it, so if you're interested, you might want to take out the spaces and look:

www . livejournal . com /users/murinae/34576 .html

cheers!

* * *

Any questions? Ugh, I feel incredibly idiotic putting up notes, because it makes it sound like I know what I am talking about. Really, I don't. Most of the research I've done is on the net, which means I question the validity of the info. Oh well. I can't get to a English library, quite unfortunately.  
  
If you're curious, I encourage you to go and find some books about Japanese culture. But you don't have to take MY word for it! (and can anyone figure out where I got THAT quote from?)  
  
see ya next time!  
love,  
Muri  
  
NOTE:  
I try to give credit where it is due, but FFNET just won't let me!!! As an English major, not being able to document my sources drives me crazy. Though since I am already insane, it's not a very far trip. If you want the full links/research page (complete with all the links I have deleted, email me!) 


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